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And it’s true – this site, the one you visit, participate in, share, and have supported, is at risk.

Today is American Censorship Day. What is that, you ask? Well, here’s the skinny in a few simple steps:

Today (11/16), Congress is holding hearings on the first Internet censorship bill. Here’s what passage of this bill means (information taken directly from the AmericanCensorship.org website, a movement backed by the Electronic Frontier Foundation, Wikipedia, Creative Commons, Mozilla, and more):

• Users? Schmuzers! You’re Blocked! If a user on your website posts an link that infringes against SOPA (the bill up for vote), YOU as a website owner, can have your site BLOCKED by the government.
• Cute Facebook and YouTube videos? Fuggedaboudit. The next time your make a video of your nine-year-old singing a Katy Perry song and post it on Facebook or YouTube, that becomes a felony, punishable by up to 5 years in jail.

Here’s a great video that explains how this – unnecessary – bill works:

So – what can you – my VERY active and involved audience do to keep the gubment out of your interwebz in this overly obtrusive way?

Visit the American Censorship Day website and you’ll be greeted by a popup window (it looks like this) that will allow you in a click and a few keystrokes, to send your message to Congress TODAY. Sorry – I’d display the script on my website, but I’ve got this place locked down so tightly against hackers that I can’t get into my own source code. If the window doesn’t appear when you arrive on that website within 10 seconds, scroll down and look at the right side of the page and click on this link. That will force the window onto your screen.

But do this for me – and for you. Please. (US residents only)

And if you need more information on how SOPA – the bill in question – works, here’s an infographic (courtesy of AmericanCensorship.org)

Maybe you know the feeling. Or perhaps it’s just me.

I’m an admitted workaholic, recovering helium hand and professed potty mouth. I own all three like brilliant footwear or a slinky, strapless chartreuse cocktail dress. Your choice. And on a completely unrelated note, Ash Ambirge just sent me an email that’s forever plastered banana hammocks into my brain. THANK YOU.

Yeah – so, scatterbrained yet focused, those are my days. And so we come to a conversation on getting shit done and other things that I feel bear convershizzle. (Note: that might be my made-up word of the month, and you were here for it. Bravo.)

My first thoughts are on building your business. Diana Adams of BitRebels shared this infographic yesterday that put out some astounding numbers. 40% of “freelancers” report they have trouble getting paid. Another 48% report that the pay is lower than they expected. As someone who required a bitch slap from none other than Shelly Kramer to get my pricing model in line with my skills, experience and track record, I get this and have some rather biased thoughts on it.

• On getting paid: If you’re having trouble getting paid, it’s a client selection problem. You also probably have a shitty work agreement/contract. Fix that shit.
  • Start requiring a commencement deposit. Client won’t pay? Fuck ‘em. Move on.
  • Get a contract for all that is holy. If you missed Mike Monteiro’s Fuck You, Pay Me – watch it now.
  • Still having trouble getting paid? It’s a YOU problem. Learn to invoice, get someone to invoice for you and stop feeling bad about asking to be paid for the work you’ve performed.
• On how much you’re getting paid: If you didn’t do yourself the favor of performing due diligence prior to launching your “freelance” business, it’s quite possible you’re working for third world wages. How do you fix it?
  • If you say that your local market will only bear a certain price threshold, stop limiting yourself to your present geography. Expand. Build your footprint. Find a new fucking market.
  • If going rates in your area don’t permit you to live above poverty level as a freelancer, maybe you’re better off going back to the corporate gig with all those fancy things like health insurance, withheld taxes and retirement plans.
  • Maybe your problem is that you’re calling yourself a freelancer. I hate that word more than I hate the person standing in line in front of me in the grocery who wants to write a check with nine people stacked up behind her. Who writes checks anymore? Anywhoo, you should be running a business and treat yourself like you run a business. Mental acuity prepares you for having better business acumen. Look – two A-words and neither were naughty!
  • CHARGE MORE. If you’re worth it. If you’re not, figure out how to MAKE yourself worth more.

And with that business out of the way, we come to getting shit done. I have two book projects in progress with rapidly approaching deadlines along with multiple client projects and the need to live life away from my MacBook on occasion. SO how do we go about getting shit done? We just do it. No one’s going to do it for us and procrastination is crap. Cowboy-up and step to the plate. My means for achievement? Lists. I make a list and don’t go to bed until I’ve knocked it out. Late nights? Yes. Satisfaction? Yes. Panic-free sleep? Awwwyeah. Time to screw around on Facebook in the morning since I’m not bogged down with shit I didn’t get done the night before? W00t.

So we treat our businesses with respect. We get it done. We dream of banana hammocks (we just do – stop asking questions). Go forth and stop writing checks your ass can’t cash, especially in the grocery store when there are nine people behind you. And feel free to tell me I’m an asshole for my biased views on “freelancing” (kill me now) and straight talk about owning your business practices. If it ain’t a client problem, it’s a you problem. And if it’s not a client OR a you problem, it’s a perception of reality problem. And that STILL makes it…you guessed it…

a YOU problem.

“Laws are partly formed for the sake of good men, in order to instruct them how they may live on friendly terms with one another, and partly for the sake of those who refuse to be instructed, whose spirit cannot be subdued, or softened, or hindered from plunging into evil.” ~Plato

Damn that Plato and all his wisdom, but doesn’t his quote perfectly describe the underlying law of the blogosphere? Living on friendly terms with one another. We’re wordsmiths with the potential to maim and injure with a mere sentence. Sometimes aim is taken and other times none, our words thrust forward onto an unsuspecting audience.

Do we have any idea how naughty we’re being in the blogosphere?

On Monday of next week, I jet off to New York City for the week to speak at Blog World East. The topic? The legal implications of blogging.

Stop the snickering. Who better to give a presentation on how to give a legally correct Bitch Slap than the queen slapper herself? I’m joining forces with Janet Cullum, a leading intellectual property attorney with Cooley LLC (and thank you to Jason Mendelson for the introduction to Cooley!) and together, we’re presenting an hour chock-full of “tsk-tsks” that are going to make your head spin!

Let’s face it: we live in a world where most everything we want is a Google search away. Images, facts, opinions…and in the middle of all of those pics and words, there are people. Real people. Some of them jerks, and boy – would we like to teach ‘em a thing or two. But how do we say what we want to say and find the images and words to back up our arguments without getting into legal hot water? It’s a minefield and most of us are wandering around unaware of just how much naughtiness we’re engaging in on a daily basis.

Between you, me and the tree, it’s possible I’m going to have a slow burn in hell for some of the things I’ve done on my blog in the early days. But if my readers know anything about me, I’m constantly preaching things like:

• Permission
• Proper attribution
• Copyright
• Rights for images
• and other legal, boring shit like that.

I’ll pretty much guarantee that everyone reading this post today has something LEGALLY wrong with a post they’ve written (ahem – digs toe in sand). Our session is built to serve everyone from the personal brand to the corporate marketing go-to and designed to:

• Help you avoid the slow burn from legal missteps (unless you just like margaritas because I’ll be making those fresh each day in my condo in hell)
• Understand in NORMAL PEOPLE WERDS the key legal issues you need to understand if you’re going to run any sort of blog
• Make ridiculous fun of people who have made some pretty heinous mistakes online (did I hear Cook’s Source from someone in the audience?)

So, Janet and I hope you’ll join us for a rollicking session of She Said, She Said at Blog World Expo East next week! We’re leaving 15 minutes at the end of the session for Q&A as well – ask a blogger, ask an attorney. God knows, if you’re looking for two kinds of people with thoughts and opinions on something, what better pair than a blogger and an attorney?

Some steps to get this on your calendar (whether you’re attending Blog World or not):

• Register for Blog World. Yes, REGISTER!
• If you can’t attend in person, you van always register for the Virtual ticket, giving you access to all of the recorded presentations (ours will be recorded!).
• Our session is at 10:15 EST on Tuesday, May 24 – use a sharpie and ink that shit onto your calendar.
• Use the Interactive Schedule Planner to get this session on your agenda for Tuesday.
• You can follow the conversation on Twitter with the following hash tags: #BWENY #BWEEAST (both for the conference) and #naughtyblog (for our session)

See you, physically or virtually, in New York!

But I woke up on the other side of the bed today.

Aside from my bed being a ghetto, full-sized futon decked out with a four-inch memory foam topper that, had I the inclination to donate it to charity, both Goodwill and the Salvation Army would respectfully decline, I’m a “still sleeper.” I wake up in the same place I fell asleep. If I slip into the left side of the bed, the covers on the right are hotel maid-perfect the next morning. And last night, I slipped into the right side of the bed, abandoning the left size due to a divot of unknown origin. So what that meant for my morning was this:

• When the alarm went off, it was significantly out of “smack” range.
• In reaching for the alarm in a semi-awake state, I rolled over on top of two cats, eliciting a hiss and something that sounded like a moose that cross-bred with a cow telling me to stick it.
• I was completely disoriented when I flipped on the lamp, wondering why the hell I had to travel through wildlife-laden territories to turn off the godforsaken alarm.

Things looked different.

And it was nice. Super duper. And even more so when I had the first cup of coffee in me.

When you wake up on the other side of the bed, you begin your day out of your comfort zone. Funny – we were comfy all night while sleeping, but the minute we’re put back into consciousness, the other side of the bed puts us in a state of discovery. Where am I? What happened? What do I need to do? What’s next?

I could apply metaphor after exhausting metaphor to finding a new way to see things, but this morning, I lived one. And as a result of something so simple. And between you and me? I’m still on the right side of the bed. Space heater kickin’, laptop clickin’ — uncomfortable never felt so comfy. So I’m curious – what was your PHYSICAL hallelujah moment? We get the emotional and metaphysical ones dumped on us to no end…weigh in. What got you out of the comfy place?

The winner? Dennis Higgins. Hit me up via one of the usual methods and that signed copy of Jay Baer and Amber Naslund’s The NOW Revolution is in the mail to ya! Why Dennis? He brought a pretty obscure brand to the table and offered a clear and concise line of reasoning why he’s been a fan (and a long-time one, at that). I was even convinced to bop over and have a gander. Close seconds were Jonathan Vaudreuil (even though I despise *bucks) and everyone who mentioned Ash over at The Middle Finger Project (who will be appearing on Redhead Writing as a guest blogger, thanks to you guys, very soon).

Secondly, I’ve submitted to speak at Blog World Expo in New York at the end of May. My topic? “Building the Unpopular Brand: Five Reasons to Turn Your Branding Thought Process Inside Out.” Having spoken mostly here on the West Coast for the last year, it’d be super cool to get East, meet some new faces and get to The Big Apple once again. I’m also pretty stoked to finally meet my literary agent and a publisher or two on the trip (awwyeah – HUGS!). If you’re on Twitter of Facebook, why don’t you help lobby to get me on the roster? Already, the conference is graced with the likes of Danny Brown, Amber Naslund, Jay Baer, Jason Falls and CC Chapman…maybe I’ll be lucky enough to join their ranks!

Here’s how you can help:

Facebook: Become a fan of the Blog World Expo page (not for nothing, they have a great news feed and post all of the conference updates). Please don’t bomb their wall with any lobbying moves to get me on deck as a speaker. Supporting the conference in and of itself is GREAT.

Twitter: Why don’t you ask @BlogWorld if they’ll add @RedheadWriting to the slate? Tag your tweets with #BWENY. After all, if I’m going to be talking about brand building, best to show that my audience knows how to walk the walk and not just talk the same old talk, right?

If you haven’t registered for BWENY yet, Early Bird registration ends on April 14. Hop on that shit, would ya? And if you’re already attending, holla in the comments!

And the last thing we’ll deal with today: some sound business advice.

Dickheads are everywhere. They lurk in line in front of you in the express checkout line, standing there with 23 items in the fewer than 15 items line. In your inbox, they’re conspicuously absent because they haven’t replied to the email you sent (ahem) a week ago. They’ll take all of your time and for little money. They ask for “favors” (and not the kind you get at a birthday party). Dickheads will keep you up at night and in your personal life, they’ll make you angry, sad, cry and potentially punch walls and shun your dog when he comes over to give you soggy kisses.

Fuck those guys.

If you let them run your business instead of — oh, I dunno — putting on your big kid britches and running it yourself, the only person you have to blame is yourself.

There are two kinds of dickheads: those who will never change and those who got up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe you’ve been a dickhead lately (I was last month – the “wrong side of the bed” variety). Do yourself a solid: take a dickhead inventory for your business…and your life, while you’re at it.

Who could you do without?

The wrong-side-of-the-bed variety dickhead can be talked to and brought back to the light from The Dark Side. The other? They’re not worth your time, energy, worries, anger or anything you can pick up in the $0.99 store clearance bin. It’s time to jettison the dickheads.

The coolest part of being YOU is the fact that YOU are the only one who determines the people with whom you do business. No one else. If your employer is a dickhead, go find a new one. If your client is a dickhead, fire them. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is a dickhead, dump ‘em.

Build your business — and your life — so that no one makes you feel shitty or as if you’re wasting your time. Life’s entirely too short (a fact I’m reminded of daily) to fill yourself up with people who don’t give you anything but headaches. Dickheads will come along every day (and I don’t know about you, but they’re usually in front of me at a stoplight…texting…putting on mascara…) but you have one simple choice to make:

Let yourself be stuck or find a way to go around ‘em. Beatrice the Mini Cooper and I? We go around.

This guy is HOT and he is happy for me.

So, a few weeks ago, I woke up to an email in my inbox that prompted a bit of a shriek. No, it wasn’t another one of these. And for all that’s holy, it wasn’t another one like this one.

It was one that made me do something I’ve loved doing for 38 years: call my mom.

The last time I called her, this column got a mention in the New York Times. Although a blurb, there were plenty of years where the only mention she’d ever figure me for in that paper was an FBI wanted notice. So it was sweet.

And my last call to her (and forgive the shit out of me for calling her before all y’all) was to tell her that I’m Entrepreneur Magazine’s newest columnist.

I’m a bit of a fan girl right now, because beginning with the June issue, you’ll see me alongside the likes of Richard Branson, Chris Brogan, Gary Vaynerchuck and like…OMFGBBQhamstersonastickSAUCE. I’ll be in both the print and online editions, which means you can line your catbox with my column or draw sexy moustaches on my byline pic when you’re done reading it. And what’s it all about? Well, Amy Cosper (Editor in Chief, Entrepreneur Magazine) has graced this redhead with an uncensored column called “All Up In Your Business” on successes, grievous failures and all that is the rolling, messy tide of digital marketing.

In short: I’m going to be getting paid to drop the f-bomb. Suuuuuuuckit!

And here’s where I say: you are the reason I got this opportunity. You. You come by, you read, share and comment. You dish it out on my Facebook page and are the reason I get my best ideas. You subscribe to this blog and let me violate your inbox like a parking meter multiple times each week. If it weren’t for you, I’d just be a crazy lady with a keyboard.

So thank you. Every goddamned one of you who’s ever taken the time to stop by read, share love, empathy, sympathy, tell me I’m a bad example, a bitch or just too damn lippy. You’re the reason I get to wake up each morning and do what I love. And maybe it’s a little stupid, but yes — I’m crying a little bit. Fuck off. It feels good to call my mom.

PS: It’d be solid if you followed Entrepreneur Magazine on Twitter and hit ‘em up style on Facebook.

Could I buy you coffee?

Would you guest post for me?

May I guest post for you?

We’d like to get your opinion on…

What do you use for…

Would you teach me how to… ?

The past several days, I’ve been reminded of an important question we all face each day in our business lives: what do we give away and what costs money? Chris Brogan covered it last year in The Audacity of Free and Gabriella Sannino broached it again in a post today about social media ROI. Today, I’m going to try to break down this pervasive question into one simple thought: strategy.

Why Do We Give Things Away For Free?

I’ll dispell the myth now: 90% of the time, it isn’t out of the goodness in our hearts filled with unicorns and rainbows. It’s because we’re looking to add people to The Funnel. Now, The Funnel varies depending on your business. Perhaps you want email addresses for a mailing list. More RSS subscribers. More Twitter followers or Facebook Fans. But the bottom line of it is we are all selling something and it’s pretty shitty to hate us for it.

Giving things away gets people’s attention and it might get them in your circle, but you’d better have a strategy behind what you’re going to do with them once you get them there. And I’m exhausted with the begging and bitching. Stop asking people who work for a living (just like you) to give you something for nothing. We’re all giving something away. Me? I give away copies of books. iPod Touches. VISA gift cards. Seats to PAID webinars I’m teaching. Why do I do this? As a thank you. To get some new eyes on my site. But I know WHY I’m doing it. If you’re giving something away for free, here four hard truths you better own – we’re all hookers and hookers don’t rent fishnet stockings.

• People will complain that what you’re giving away isn’t enough.
  • Appropriate Response: Shut up. It’s free.
• If you run a contest, people will complain about not winning.
  • Appropriate Response: Ummm…call Publisher’s Clearing House. If they give in, I’ll give in.
• If you’re looking for something for free, you’re going to get a lot of 36,000 foot view information mixed with some 5,000 foot view gems. If you want ground level insight, that shit costs money.
• If you give something away for free, you need to compel people to return to your site/you/your business. It’s not a hit and run technique. It’s relationship building. Free was just what got them in the door.

Sometimes Free Costs You

I occasionally guest post on outlets like Copyblogger. Why? Aside from having been a long-time reader, they have kickass site traffic. I can get new readers and reach thousands of people who aren’t on Redhead Writing’s radar in a single post. And I do it for free. That’s my trade off. It costs me time an intellectual property.It’s an opportunity cost I’m willing to bear. And I’ll keep doing it as long as they’ll have me because not only are Brian and Sonia pretty kickass human beings, I can justify the expense.

But free can cost you.

There are those coffee meetings. The “pick your brain” sessions. The new client courting processes. I have new rules for anyone who wants to buy me a cup of coffee that I don’t already know. I’ll find the time to met with anyone if you tell me in advance (1) what your agenda is for our meeting and (2) why I’m the one you want to discuss it with. I think that’s common courtesy. And I have a certain approach I take with new clients as well.

We’ve all walked away from coffee meetings thinking, “Holy balls – that’s an hour of my life I can’t get back.” We’ve all been three months into a prospect only to realize we’ve just spent about $2,500 on earning business we haven’t closed yet. Both are bullshit.

It’s up to you to put the hammer down on free things that cost you. Just like there’s no crying in baseball (except opening day always leaves me a little weepy). People who want to pick your brain are asking for something for free. You have to be in control of what you’re willing to give as well as have the cajones to explain to people:

• It’s awesome that you see me as a credible resource. That’s why I offer consulting services. This is my business and if we’re going to proceed, it’s probably smart for us to get a scope of the project put in place so we can hold one another accountable.
• While you think you’re buying me coffee, a $5 chai isn’t proper (repeated) compensation for my time.

Your clients aren’t in business for free. Neither are you.

Strategy: It’s What’s For Breakfast

It should actually be every meal of your business day. Sit down today and consider what you’re giving away for free, why and what it’s REALLY costing you. If you’re on the hunt for free, understand that it’s going to be a lot of general mixed with few specifics and in order to get more, you have to pay. There’s nothing wrong with running a business and earning a living and the people who want you to give away more are much more concerned about their bottom line than yours.

Yes, I am an entrepreneur.

It’s something I deluded myself into thinking wasn’t true for seventeen years. Working jobs (not careers) and collecting W-2s each year like they were tiny little porcelain dolls, wondering when I’d get up in the morning and really love what I was doing. The problem was: I was good at everything. I could give great interview like a hooker can suck the chrome off a bumper. It was a rare day I didn’t land a job I was after.

And that was it: they were just jobs.

So when the startup I was Director of Communications for told me they couldn’t afford to keep me on (or dole out the money they still owed me in back pay) in August of 2009, I found myself “jobless” six days later. The following Monday morning, the view from my sofa was a lot different than the view from my desk chair. And I had a decision to make: do what I love and make it work or go back to work for someone else.

Given that I was in a financial hole unlike any other since I’d been working for (ahem) free for 2 months, the choice was an easy one: never again would I allow someone else to be in control of my financial future. RedheadWriting LLC was made official. While that had been my freelance name for over two years, it was now my company. And it was sink or swim. Rather – it was the merry-go-round or the roller coaster ride. Guess what I signed up for?

Just over a year later, I’m sitting here writing a blog post about being an entrepreneur on Valentine’s Day. The cats are downstairs, the dogs are…somewhere…and I have a whiteboard of tasks beaming down on me from the wall over my desk. Last year was a six-figure year and I have a team of wonderful contractors who help me make it happend for our clients every day. And today, I’m not in love with my job.

I’m in love with my life. Redhead Writing is a huge part of that.

I want to buy Redhead Writing (now an S-Corp) some overpriced roses (that will be $12.99 tomorrow), a wicked expensive dinner (on the company card) and take it home, shower with it and make raunchy love to it until the wee hours of tomorrow morning.

I love my life.

But Why Am I An Entrepreneur?

It’s more than being the boss and running the show. And I’ll tell you that it’s certainly not for the headaches, late payments and projects that drag on incessantly. It’s because I can never dream of doing anything else other than what I’m doing right now – and that’s waking up each morning and being in love with everything my day holds. Client meetings, copywriting, consulting projects, social web interactions…and taking my dogs to the dog park at noon on a Tuesday. It’s knowing I need a nap at 2:32pm and taking one so I can wake up and kick the rest of the day square in the groin. And while it sounds glamorous to be in control of everything that happens in your day to day and to have wrangled your own destiny…it’s not.

And being an entrepreneur isn’t for everyone.

I was recently sent an advance copy of Carol Roth’s The Entrepreneur Equation. Aside from the fact that she looks delectable on the cover and has an inner snark to rival mine, she’s in complete agreement with the fact that not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur. I can’t stand the bullshit-laden “everyone can do it” attitude pushed by the horde of books on the shelves today and was completely ecstatic to find Carol’s laid it out in black and white. She’ll help you figure out on multiple levels if you’re built to be an entrepreneur.

Why I Like “The Entrepreneur Equation”

Short, sweet and to the point, I’ll give you three reasons: Personality, Opportunity, Risk. Carol covers these in spades.

Personality: Are YOU cut out on the most basic of levels to handle entrepreneurship? It’s not glamorous and it sure as hell isn’t easy. Maybe you should figure out if you’re made to be an entrepreneur before you get all in a tizzy about being a business owner. In short – are you a Santa or an elf?

Opportunity: Chapter 24. My god, I want to cut out chapter 24 and wallpaper my office with it. Just because you have money and/or opportunity doesn’t mean you were designed to use it or take it. Do you really want to do this?

Risk: Holy balls, yes – there is risk in being an entrepreneur. Financial, emotional, market – the list is endless! Carol gives readers tangible tools to help evaluate risk verus reward (with a cool game show metaphor) and talks intelligently about what you give up when you leave your “day job” for Entrepreneurville.

I wish I’d had this book ten years ago, as it would have told me that I needed to leave my “jobby” for entrepreneurship. So today, on Valentine’s Day, I’m giving you the chance to fall in love with what you’re destined to do with your career.

I’m giving away two copies of The Entrepreneur Equation. No, these aren’t free copies. I’m buying them and giving them to you. Authors don’t make money by giving books away, so I’m paying for these books with entrepreneurial dollars made from our labors at Redhead Writing.

In the comments section below, just tell me why you want a copy of this book and how you think it might help you. You can be someone who’s always wanted to start their own business but curious about the next steps or a business owner well on their way looking for a bit of perspective. And of course, you’re always welcome to leave comments on other thoughts as well. But on Friday of this week, I’ll announce the winners on my Facebook Fan Page and the blog.

If you can’t wait and just want to buy a copy of The Entrepreneur Equation, use that link (not an affiliate). For each copy of the book that Carol sells this week, she’ll be donating a copy to SCORE.org (an online mentoring resource for business owners – check it out!).

It’s pretty cool that I get to love what I do each and every day. I’m hoping that you will find that for your life as well.

The content is NSFW, so if you’re listening at work, EARBUDS for all that’s holy. It’s a great hour and a half of uncensored, unedited conversation and if you’re into online audio, you may want to add this to your regular listening list. The show regularly features kickass folks like Tamar Weinberg of Techipedia (one of the first ladies I followed on StumbleUpon who led me to learn about the tech space), Jason Falls of Social Media Explorer (another long-time StumbleUpon follow and owner of a fine platypus shirt) and a hateful list of people who are by far way more important than I’ll ever be – so yeah. Bookmark this and have a listen.

And serious props to the gents at Social Blend for the cool graphic mashup. That comic cracks my shit up EVERY TIME (and was initially shared with me by the late, incomparable Jason Schippers).

Tomorrow is Friday…and you know what that means. We slap!

Today’s guest post is by the ever-entertaining Marian Schembari. I found one of her posts last year via the Twitterz and have been stalking her ever since.

Back in April I uprooted my life in New York to move temporarily to London, and then New Zealand where my Kiwi boyfriend and I could live in visa-drama-free harmony.

Whenever I explain to friends and family how this is possible I say something along the lines of, “My job is online, I can work from anywhere!” Strangers assume this is mildly glamorous. Blog readers have expressed jealousy in my ability to “live carefree.”

I may be now living in one of the most beautiful countries on earth, but location independence is harder than it looks. I am not on permanent vacation. I spent six months in London not actually experiencing because my eyes were too adjusted to my computer screen to be able to focus on real, live humans.

And the two months I’ve been in New Zealand? I’ve taken one trip beyond my new neighborhood. And that’s because it was Christmas.

So before you go traipsing off to Thailand like every other lifestyle designer on the interwebs, let me share a few truths I’ve learned from my year as a “location independent freelancer.”

Truth #1: Normal People Don’t Understand “Working for Yourself”

The UK apparently didn’t like my “self-employed” line as they thought it meant “gonna lock down a job in the UK and steal all the monies from hard working Brits.”

After reading my journal, locking me up in a detention facility overnight and stalking me on Google, I was to be officially deported to my last port of entry. They eventually let me go without deportation – *wipes brow* – but not sans the help of a phone call from mommy, a $1,200 return flight purchase and forcing immigration to actually sit down and read my blog.

You see, not only was it very clear on my site that I run my own business, but I also wrote a post about my eventual departure form London to New Zealand.

TIP: The blog post apparently worked as it was written months before my departure, but I wouldn’t recommend this tactic. Before entering any country you plan to be in long-term, bring proof you work for yourself. As most freelancers know, folks with “real jobs” tend to get nauseous just thinking about us.

Truth #2: You Can’t Actually Work from Anywhere

After moving to New Zealand I found out about broadband limits. Apparently there’s no such thing as unlimited internet on this side of the equator and when you go over the measly 20-40GB? Oh. Right. They switch you to dial-up speed.

So those videos I make for my clients that require a massive upload to my website? I’ve had to cut those down big time.

The books clients send me so I can see samples of their work? Scratch that.

So no. I can’t actually work anywhere. You can’t actually work anywhere.

TIP: If your business is mostly run online, check the internet regulations and specifics of your country of choice. Also make sure there’s at least one cafe that doesn’t charge for wifi (I’m looking at you, New Zealand Starbucks).

Truth #3: You’ll Want to Travel. But You Won’t.

Being a freelancer is like being in school: There is always some assignment hanging over your head. So when you imagine yourself cruising across the Adriatic in that jet boat, remember when that smoldering Italian fisherman asks you to come to his villa for some gelato and pasta he’ll feed you with his fingers, you may have to bail early to finish that project that needed to be turned in yesterday.

TIP: Cut back your workload. Listen, I got nothing better for you on this one. Know you will regret not taking that road trip across the South Island because you had to finish that copy for client x. So either reduce the stuff that needs doing or stay at home where you won’t feel like you’re missing out.

Truth #4: Getting Paid is a Royal Pain in the Ass

Regardless of where you are, your clients will most likely be back home. And unless you’re big into taking large sums of money via PayPal and parting with 3% every time someone pays you, you need some way to get moolah.

Luckily, my family is still in the States and, because they’re nice, my parents deposit client checks on my behalf.

Because I’ll be in New Zealand for the foreseeable future, not having Kiwi clients hasn’t stopped me from opening up a bank account. Right now I pay around $10 for each withdrawal from my US bank and it’s a gain head ache. Never mind a waste of money.

TIP: Find a credit card that won’t charge ridiculous fees for taking out cash (Bank of America had a deal with Barclays while I was living in England) and have someone nice at home who can collect payments and deal with them. Sure, they need to really like you and live near your bank of choice, but I gotta say – not having to accept thousands of dollars through PayPal makes this totally worth it.

Lesson? Do it.

This isn’t to say location independence isn’t great. Looking back, I really should have been more prepared, but I was sort of fooled by the ease these online-lifestyle-design-douches seem to be running their businesses from really obscure countries.

At the end of the day though, after this year abroad I never want to HAVE to be somewhere. I feel ill just thinking about it. But just because I’m traveling doesn’t mean I’m not working. And just because I’m IN these countries doesn’t mean I experience them in the same way a traveler would.

That all said, I’ve only been doing this for a year. I may get better at it, I may decide to settle down. I also think plenty of folks do it significantly better than I.

Have you tried it? Are you considering it? Do you now want to hit me upside the head for not making it seem sparkly and magical? Better you know the truth…