When businesses get it right

2011 was a year filled with businesses that got it wrong. AirBNB. Netflix. (Insert your own epic cluster here.) From turning on the evening news to the front page headlines of any major newspaper, we’re a culture (and a sad one) that focuses more on the foibles than those who are doing something right. This year marked the 4th year that The UPS Store sponsored Entrepreneur Magazine’s Growth Conference. Having been a customer on and off  - more out of convenience than brand loyalty – I was interested to see what the sponsorship looked like up close.

And it looked stellar. So let’s talk about how, first, the partnership makes sense, and secondly, how the UPS Store gained a new customer out of the experience.

The Partnership: Franchising is a significant part of the entrepreneurial culture. While some might scoff at what they perceive as the inherent laziness of taking someone else’s business concept and running with it, most franchisees will differ with you all the way to the bank. It takes just as much oomph to launch, build, and sustain a successful franchise as it does to launch, build, and sustain a one-off business. And that’s the main reason that having The UPS Store as the event’s title sponsor makes sense. I wish more businesses would look at this partnership and use it as a model for how to get involved with your customers – and peers – without coming across as a our-name-is-in-big-print-so-buy-our-stuff bunch of jackasses (which are the majority of convention sponsorships I see).

• Peer-to-Peer: The event tapped into the knowledge and experience of numerous SoCal area franchisees. They shared their successes and motivations with an audience of over 850 people who were hungry for that type of information. A perfect fit.
• Class: Everything about the conference was class. The main stage, the signage, the digital displays that announced each room’s session. Pure class. For an event that’s 100% free to attendees (including a catered lunch – no sammiches here), the UPS Store and Entrepreneur Magazine did one helluva job demonstrating that neither are fly-by-night operations or business-in-a-box solutions. Whatever you thought about franchise business models, The UPS Store blew conceptions out of the water.
• No Hard Sell: Everyone pretty much knows what The UPS Store does. We get it. Shipping. They began as Mailboxes Etc. back in the day, the place we all went to ship a box, buy a box to ship something in, and when it was relevant, make a few photocopies. Instead of beating everyone at the conference over the head with who they are and what they do, they reinforced the why. They did this brilliantly through their sponsorship of not only the conference, but Entrepreneur’s “Entrepreneur of the Year” awards, celebrating three incredible businesspeople carving their own way in their respective industries.

So how did they score a new customer through the event? I’m a single woman who owns a business, which means that I have a PO box and work out of my home 70% of the time. It also means that a simple records search can tell people where I live. Which is creeptastic. Weird things show up in my mail, any yahoo could land on my doorstep. And you can’t list a PO box as a valid business address with the Colorado Secretary of State – so what’s an entrepreneur to do? Well, that’s coming to an end this week, as I’m headed to The UPS Store to get a business address – and one that’s not my home. I only heard the service alluded to once, but it was enough for me to go: yeah, I need to get that shit taken care of. So I am. And unlike my PO box, I can CALL and see if there’s mail in my box before I go. Which would – and will – save me a crapload of blank trips every year.

It was a Wednesday well-spent, and a shout out to my Wednesday evening compadres who will invariably agree with me that sangria mixes with absolutely nothing.

Sidebar: I was asked – and kindly – by the Entrepreneur Magazine staff to clean-up my presentation for this conference. I don’t have a problem doing that, and I’d been great all day about avoiding the-fbomb. Well, in my second session of the day, I let one fly. And immediately, the fire alarm in the convention center sounded. I guess that will teach me.

Back to business…

Attending, much less speaking at, conferences is rough business. It’s physically and emotionally draining and it’s a huge rally to get yourself going when one (even a day-long conference) has come to a close. The rest of my week involved business as usual as well as taking care of some housekeeping and thank yous for book #2, all the while dealing with the impending launch of book #1 and SXSW Interactive looming in the not-so-distant-distance. I headed up to Studio City to stay with my friend an co-author on book #2 and even got to catch up with one of my graphic designers, Lindsay Goldner, over a meal featuring pasta made from little baby zebras in a cream sauce. Which leads me to the business of business.

There’s a question I ask in every session I’m invited to present: Why are you in business? The answers vary and sometimes there’s someone who gets it right. The answer isn’t to live, because it’s what we love or to make money. (“To make money” is the most common answer, by the way.) The answer is because our customers let us be in business. Never forget that your customers are the reason you get to do what you love – and that’s why speaking engagements and travel are my favorite part of this gig I’ve got going on. I get to meet the people who let me do what I love everyday, from those who work for me and with me to those who just stop by this site and consider my posts to be time well-spent.

Never forget to thank your customers. And never forget that not all customers spend money. Many simply spend their time – and asset we’d all do better at appreciating as even more valuable than the almighty dollar. Which brings me to the part where my co-author on book #2 and I drive all over Los Angeles and Newport Beach to hand-deliver thank yous to the people who contributed to that book.

The part where my friend pees in the backseat on the 405 freeway

For any of you who have lived in the Los Angeles area (as I did from 2002-2005), you understand how the region redefines the epic fucktardery of traffic in general. We were blazing along the 405 — I might have been exceeding the speed limit — when my friend Wendie expresses that she has to pee. Given that we’re on the 405, exiting at 4pm on a Friday is simply nonsense. We’re 1 hour from her house – I ask if she can hold it. Fast forward to a situation where she climbs over the seat into the back and finds a Nalgene bottle holding my then-hot-now-cold tea from the morning. The car gets silent. I’m terrified of potholes (I’m sure she is as well). Within minutes, she’s back in the front seat and we’re serenaded with the gentle sloshing coming from a bottle on the floor board of the backseat all the way back to Studio City.

The lesson here? There’s a lot of shit that happens along the way from where we are to where we need to go. No one started the day planning to pee in a Nalgene bottle in the backseat of a Lexus. Shit – and in this case, pee – happens. Deal with it as best you can and get on with your business. Move forward. Because moving on is bullshit. Moving on implies that we have to forget in order to progress, when in fact, we’re probably better served by bringing our experiences with us to help shape the next ones.

And finally, coming home

Saturday evening, I landed at DIA just in time for the Broncos to blow the playoffs. Truth be told, I missed my puppycats (which is what I call my collective of 2 dogs and 2 cats). I’ve lived in Alabama, Missouri, Illinois, Texas, Tennessee, Virginia, Japan, California, Nevada, and now Colorado. No matter how long I’m gone or where I travel, I get excited about coming home to my little nondescript house in East Denver. So I was excited. I spent the evening on the sofa. I made some puree for a homemade tomato curry bisque (which turned out FUCKING AWESOME – sorry to shout). And after a whirlwind week, I slept for 10 hours.

In my bed.

In my house.

In Colorado.

And on Sunday, I woke up excited. Because I’d built a life that gives me the gift of doing it all again very soon. See image at top of post. Remember. Apply love liberally, in all that you do. We only have one chance to own this motherfucker of a ride called life, and well, yeah. Own it.

Probably not this. Or this (SAD FACE!). And while this would be super fun, it’s probably going to look a lot more like this.

What’s YOUR number?

My friend Rich Mackey reminded me this morning of a line from the George Clooney film Up in the Air: “What did they first pay you to give up on your dreams?”

That, my friends, is The Number.

Hop on over to Spin Sucks (hey – I’m just tickled I got to do a guest post for a blog with “sucks” right in the title) and tell me what you think about the concept of The Number. We’ve all had one at some time or another, and sometimes The Number is what leads us to a path we love because we’ve followed one we’ve hated for so long.

And if you read for no other reason, read for this thought:

“We should be using our businesses to buy our passions a playground, not to sell our souls.”

Clickity Click Click to head over to Spin Sucks

so busted...in the geekiest way (picture NOT taken at D&B)

HUGE-fucking-print disclaimer: Someone at Dave and Buster’s in probably going to be yelled at after someone else in the company reads this post this morning. The first person who’s going to be yelled at is the person who – I’ll venture to quote – who thought it was a “Bright fuckin’ idea to invite this broad.” The second person, hopefully it’s the event promoter they hired and to whom they probably shelled-out cash. I won’t even venture a guess on who the third and fourth people might be – and who knows? They might just write me off as some “lippy broad they mistakenly invited as local press.” Whatevs. I’ll never censor my thoughts because someone gave me a tour and fed me lunch – and for the FCC record, that’s what I received as “payment” for attending the two events outlined below.

Being prolific on the web has benefits on occasion, like being approached to attend local events in a “special” sort of fashion. Those emails usually offer to put me on a list, feed me some snacks, and get me to tweet/blog/Facebook about the event in return. Last year, I got to attend a sneak preview of the Xbox Kinect system. This year, someone at Dave & Buster’s thought it would be a good idea to invite me to their rebranding launch event here in Denver. Let’s get a few things on the table up-front:

• I’m a gaming geek. I fucking LOVE video games. A also love hamburgers like Paris Hilton likes Marlboros and small dogs. Them inviting me wasn’t a crapshoot and was target-audience appropriate.
• There were TWO events: a VIP press luncheon (daytime) and a VIP launch party (evening)
• I received no compensation for attending either of these events or for this post. They’re going to be especially glad on the second part of that (regarding the post).

The Wind-Up: How I Was Invited

Dave & Buster’s has been around since 1983 and the time had come to refresh its brand image. Corporate identified Denver’s location (close to University of Colorado – Denver) as what would be the flagship location for this rebranding and associated remodel. After months of construction, menu redesigning, and planning, they were finally ready to come out to the Denver public last week and were apparently looking for local “press” to attend. Maybe they thought I’d write ‘em up in my Entrepreneur Magazine column – I dunno. So, how exactly DOES one get invited to these shindigs, you might ask? Well, here’s how:

Being the gaming nerd I am, I replied with an affirmative the Monday prior to the event. So let’s get into the actual event.

Props: The VIP Press Luncheon

This was organized and handled in pro fashion, with the Regional Director of Operations personally taking the press attendees on a tour of the remodeled and re-styled facility. I’m super-shitty with names, but this gentleman was animated and ready to answer any questions our group had. Here’s the jist of the thoughts behind the remodel and highlights from the VIP press luncheon:

• Vegas, Baby: The entire look and feel of the front part of the facility (the non-gaming side) was restyled to have a Las Vegas ultralounge feel. Sleek and chic – bringing the Dave and Buster’s image up a notch or two. They also added two locations (one at the main entrance and one at the entrance to the gaming area) for their new “Mixmasters,” which are positions designed to emulate the Vegas casino host – a guide of sorts – yet at no cost to the guests.
• Sports Bar: As you might have been able to tell from the invitation, they were super excited about their sports book. Which IS swank and boasts the largest screen high-def TVs in the entire Denver metro area.
• Local, Local, Local: The spirits at the main bar and beer in the sports bar had a heavy Colorado focus. Every tap in the sports bar and a fair share of the distilled yummies were from the Front Range’s many brewers and distilleries. Huge props to D&B for this pro move.
• Menu Redesign: There are pictures in the gallery below showing both the old and new menus. The old ones remind me of Denny’s. The new ones remind me of places where I spend my money.
• The Food: Is fucking delicious, and while my primarily gluten-free self will have a helluva time indulging in most of it, I didn’t have a bad thing on the entire spread they laid out for us.
• Headcount: In an economy where jobs are hard to come by, Dave & Buster’s two Front Range locations (Denver – this location, and Westminster – between Denver and Boulder) added over 60 new jobs.

I don’t have a single complaint about how the VIP luncheon was handled. Oh, wait. Yeah – I do.

Really?

When I arrived at the luncheon, I was all amped to tweet about where I was. So I asked the two gals from the PR company (who shall remain nameless) handling the event what the @ name and hashtag were for Dave and Buster’s.

They didn’t know.

If you’ll notice in the email above, I was provided the hash tag and told explicitly what I was expected to do with it (which wasn’t necessary – I’m fully aware of what to do with hash tags. Have you seen my Twitter profile?). Kinda inexcusable that the PR firm in charge of this shindig didn’t have that information.

The other WTF moment came when we were sitting down eating lunch and one of the senior marketing executives from corporate sat down with us. He was straight-up awesome. Personable, funny – everything you’d expect from a marketing exec. So my curiosity got the better of me and I asked, “So, what are you guys doing on the social side of things to promote the relaunch?”

He launched into an explanation about how the PR firm had gotten them wraps on light rail trains (there’s a light rail station right outside D&B’s) and went on about that for a bit. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I rephrased my question, as I see how a rolling billboard could be perceived as social (not). “What are you doing with Facebook and Twitter to tap into Denver’s highly active social media community to help promote and spread the news about your relaunch?” says She-Of-The-Red-Hair.

He then went into a scrunchy-faced ponder about how the social space is so crowded and how do you really reach people? I threw out a few 36,000 foot ideas (as it costs money for me to get lower to the ground and after all – they’d brought me there as press, not a gal who runs a digital strategy consulting firm) and left it alone. I passed him and the other press folk around the table my card, went to pee, and then packed up to deal with the rest of my afternoon until the evening event.

The Crowned Fail of Dave and Buster’s Denver Relaunch: the “VIP” Party

As a frequent conference attendee and no stranger to lists and parties. Dave and Buster’s needed me to be on a list for the evening event, so I complied. I even made a shameful ask for an additional +1 for a friend’s boyfriend who was bummed that she was going and he wasn’t. So here’s where it gets super-duper WTF.

I used to live in Las Vegas. 3+ years worth of Vegas, this girl has. What I don’t need is to relive that experience in Denver, and above all, sober. There are so many WTFs about the evening’s VIP party that I’ll just run them down in bulletpoints with a clear enumeration of my gripes with each:

• What VIP list? Dave & Buster’s PR firm had, apparently, hired a party promoter to get all of these people in the door. I did hear from some friends that they were previous D&B customers and had received an invitation, but they didn’t attend.
  • Gripe: Who WERE these people and why the hell were they there?
  • Gripe: Ummm…you really needed a party promoter to get people in the door of a nationally-known entertainment chain? Isn’t University of Denver just down the street? Do you not keep customer databases? Could you not have reached out to the surrounding corporate community in the Tech Center to have those companies – ones rich with people who have disposable income and love them some happy hour – to fill up the place?
  • Gripe: There was no ID process and no confirmation for my guests. Which resulted in the gals manning the oh-so-coveted List just asking my name and waving me through, and doing the same for MY guests – which weren’t on the list at all. Which is probably why the joint looked the way it did from a demographic standpoint.
  • Gripe: During the press luncheon, I asked the marketing guy poobah talking to us if they had a system in place for tracking whether that evening’s guests returned at a later date. He said something about a bounce-back coupon. Ooookay. Bottom line: he could not explain to me in a definitive fashion how, from a marketing standpoint, they would determine whether their party promoter had fucked them Pulp Fiction-style and just filled up the place with anyone and everyone or if they had paid to have a finely-targeted audience attend and earned the business of their target demographic. I’m thinking it’s the Pulp Fiction iteration, especially since Marketing Guy told me something to the effect of, “Oh, they have lists for stuff like that,” when I asked where the party promoter got the names for the invitees.
• Who the fuck hired the stilt walker? Fire that guy. Seriously. I didn’t come to an event on a Thursday evening to have to dodge some guy on stilts on my way to get in line to play Pac Man. This was a consistent theme throughout the party – they had girls dressed-up like Geishas doing some odd iterations of vogue dancing on a stage down by the pool tables, scantily-clad girls in blonde afro wigs rolling around on razor scooters outside…holy shit. It was like I’d swallowed something I shouldn’t have from the new menu, was tripping balls, and Alice was nowhere to be found so I couldn’t even ask her, “How the hell do I get out of Wonderland and WHERE IS THAT FUCKING RABBIT THAT FED ME THE ‘SHROOMS?”
  • Gripe: Well, I kinda covered that already, but for all that’s holy – you folks are in marketing and PR. If you say three things, as my friend Merredith says, you say nothing. You said 84 things that night and I walked away completely confused.
• Games? Are these things on? Lots were out of order. Super bummed, and not ideal for a huge party night.
  • Gripe: Ummm…lots of games didn’t work. Which sucks for a place that’s about entertainment and that brags about having games custom-designed and being the first to get new games.

But The Biggest Fail of All…

I live in a digital world. If it’s not online, I probably don’t hear about it. Denver – and the Front Range in general – has a highly involved social media community. And the kicker of it? We spend money. A shitload of it. So much of it, in fact, that we never have a problem finding a location to host an event. We just walk in to the manager or owner and say, “Hey – would there be a day of the week where it would be cool to bring in…oh, say…300 random people to drink beer in your joint?” Strangely enough, we never get turned down.

Dave and Buster’s relaunch was a huge fail in the most relevant form of media possible in today’s marketing landscape: social.

First Fail: the price for digital entry

Per the email I was sent, I went to the Dave & Buster’s special microsite to claim my $10 in free gaming credit. I will never turn down free video games. Ever. Unless you make it so goddamned hard for me to get it that I close my web browser out of frustration. T0 get the $10 coupon, I had to go through a double-gated process. Here are the steps:

and…gate #2:

Please – don’t make it hard for me to get on your email list. This double-gating just annoyed me. And while others might feel differently and got he extra mile, I had to CLICK from your main website, CLICK on the Denver website, and THEN complete a form. Super. Duper. Annoying. An all-in-one landing page would have been a better show of respect for your audience’s time and you could have skipped me talking about it entirely.

Second fail: you totally shunned my community

You hired a party promoter to get people in the door of an establishment offering something that is so inherently social – gaming – and in the process, entirely shunned this rather vocal geek girl’s community. Denver and Boulder are areas that are ripe with technology professionals. Which means geeks. Which means people who like to play games. Which means coinage in your games’ slottage. Which means revenue.

You didn’t reach out to the tech community – nor the professional community – both of which love to play games, go to happy hour, and have disposable income (I’m thinking this is your target demographic?). Instead, you let some random party promoter who had no clue as to how to leverage your existing Facebook presence (which is decent, albeit, super-spammy and you leave a majority of inquiries from your fans largely unanswered) fill your floor with people who were likely there for the free booze and food (all of which, I’ll say again, were delicious) and not because they cared about anything other than those perks and the Broncos game in your sports bar.

When you assign a hash tag to a Denver or Boulder event, you can expect some Twitter trending. Like #igniteboulder. Like #defrag (a recent tech industry conference). Here’s what the #DBDenver hash tag looked like:

The bummer of it all is that I really AM their target demographic and they did a fantastic job with the remodel and rebranding, upping the real estate value of the brand all around. Gone are the TGI Friday’s-esque Tiffany lamps and picture-laden menus in favor of an environment I’d actually feel comfortable wearing a pair of kickass boots in on a date. But it takes more than just a cool new logo and a decor change to make sure your new brand promise (which at this point, I’m unclear as to exactly what it is for D&B’s) delivers on every level.

So Here’s the Redux, Dave and Buste(r/ed)

You invited me out to cover your relaunch. The press luncheon was everything I could have hoped for and a great use of my time. I left a renewed fan of your brand. Where the rubber never hit the road, however, was at the VIP launch party. The experience I had as a guest was confusing from the moment I step foot in the door, your Mixmasters – while supposedly my guide – were places used as makeshift tables and bars (and the location at the front door was abandoned). No one greeted me. No one told me where to go, what to do or expect. It was no different than walking into the old Dave & Buster’s on a regular Thursday night, except for (of course) the geishas and stilt walkers.

And above all, you ignored the key communities who could bring regular recurring revenue to your new, upscale and much more adult-oriented establishment: geeks and professionals. Geeks are digitally social, and you left a huge piece on the table when you ignored the Denver social scene. Professionals have money to spend (along with holiday parties…hullo?) and they were conspicuously absent from the evening’s festivities as well.

My advice moving forward, while you didn’t ask for it, is to get people on your team who understand how to integrate social into the more traditional marketing practices with which your legacy brand has been comfortable. Entertainment is social, and if you’re trying to figure out how to make the shift from being a “family” business to one that has a classier, more grown-up persona, you’re going to have to find a way to reach those people where they dwell. You’ll have to understand where it is they live and how they can communicate. I can make a list of 20 to 30 places in Denver and Boulder that your PR team never even thought to look for influencers, and that’s a bummer for you guys.

I dig what you did with the menu.

I still love to play video games.

Your Regional Director of Operations who coducted our press tour was, hands-down, the highlight of my entire experience due to his expertise, honesty, and poise.

And if I were Oak Hill Capital Partners (primary investors in D&B – venture capital firm), I’d be asking you for an accounting of what was spent, how, and how you’re going to track what comes of it. Because when you’re playing with Other People’s Money, especially VC and PE money (which I happen to know just a little bit about), it’s probably not in your best interests to blow it on geishas and party promoters. It’s probably a good time to do some research, dig in, and find the people who will love you when they have to start paying for food band booze.

Because THAT’S your real target demographic.

Here’s a slideshow of the pics I took during the VIP Press Luncheon so you can see how they’ve aesthetically upped their game - view the slideshow on Flickr here.

Image via CreativeCommons - Xurble's Photostream

And it’s true – this site, the one you visit, participate in, share, and have supported, is at risk.

Today is American Censorship Day. What is that, you ask? Well, here’s the skinny in a few simple steps:

Today (11/16), Congress is holding hearings on the first Internet censorship bill. Here’s what passage of this bill means (information taken directly from the AmericanCensorship.org website, a movement backed by the Electronic Frontier Foundation, Wikipedia, Creative Commons, Mozilla, and more):

• Users? Schmuzers! You’re Blocked! If a user on your website posts an link that infringes against SOPA (the bill up for vote), YOU as a website owner, can have your site BLOCKED by the government.
• Cute Facebook and YouTube videos? Fuggedaboudit. The next time your make a video of your nine-year-old singing a Katy Perry song and post it on Facebook or YouTube, that becomes a felony, punishable by up to 5 years in jail.

Here’s a great video that explains how this – unnecessary – bill works:

So – what can you – my VERY active and involved audience do to keep the gubment out of your interwebz in this overly obtrusive way?

Visit the American Censorship Day website and you’ll be greeted by a popup window (it looks like this) that will allow you in a click and a few keystrokes, to send your message to Congress TODAY. Sorry – I’d display the script on my website, but I’ve got this place locked down so tightly against hackers that I can’t get into my own source code. If the window doesn’t appear when you arrive on that website within 10 seconds, scroll down and look at the right side of the page and click on this link. That will force the window onto your screen.

But do this for me – and for you. Please. (US residents only)

And if you need more information on how SOPA – the bill in question – works, here’s an infographic (courtesy of AmericanCensorship.org)

Never forget, dear lady, that the nation that allows you the privilege of protest is the one represented by the flag you're dragging on the ground. People die for this flag - Pick it. The fuck. Up.

You’re all such jokesters. I adore you.

But seriously.

Yesterday’s rant stemmed from an article on Bloomberg about Target employees protesting hours for the impending Black Friday consume-a-thon. I won’t rehash the article here, but I’ve kept my mouth relatively shut about my views on Occupy Wall Street and the voices of economic dissent  long enough. And I have a few things to say, as there are a few pervasive arguments with which I have a fundamental problem. I’m sure you have a problem with some of these things, too, and nor do I expect (by a longshot) that all of you will agree with me on the following statements. But grab a latte or a Snickers. I’m going in.

Sweeping Generalizations are Bullshit

It’s really easy to use words like all and every and them. What’s hard is crafting concise arguments that specifically identify (1) a party to be accused, and (2) a defending party who has arguable grievances. That’s why it makes me sick to my stomach to see signs of protest in the Occupy Wall Street movement that want to “taxidermy the rich” and point a finger in the general direction of anyone who has done well for themselves financially in the U.S. economy. While signs like this might have an inkling of truth to them from a mathematical standpoint, it all speaks to a bigger issue.

The System is Broken

I can yell until I’m blue in the face about GE paying less in taxes than I did in 2010. We can scream about corporate bonuses. Healthcare remains an unattainable goal for many. But those things have nothing to do with “the rich.” They have to do with the systems that allowed them to accumulate their wealth from out-of-control corporate machines.

When you point the finger at the wealthy as a whole (and it doesn’t matter how you define wealthy – as the guy who makes $100,000 next door to someone who is unemployed could potentially be perceived no differently than the guy who owns a $1 million home next to a $4 million one), you’re missing the point. The people in my life are the most precious assets I have and y’know, some of them happen to have done quite well for themselves. They’re business owners who made good – and sometime lucky – decisions over time and profited from those decisions. That doesn’t make them the enemy – it makes them an asset to our communities. As by and large, these are people who spend and give freely in the community. They give (as do many of you, regardless of financial status) to charity. They spend at local restaurants. They pay taxes – city, state, county AND federal. So again, the “rich” aren’t the problem. Capitalism isn’t the enemy.

The system and the unethical leaders that have poisoned our country’s financial system – they are the problem. And perhaps our anger would be better directed, and more influential, if we directed it at the systems which allowed all of this pervasive jackassery to happen. We need to look at the systems, as therein lies the source of our discontent.

Did I Mention the System is Broken?

Medicare is broken. Social Security is broken. Healthcare is broken. The tax code is broken. We’re deluding ourselves if we believe that these things are “fixable.” Solutions aren’t going to come with an election or (for fuck sake) more legislation to layer on top of the already broken machine. It’s like trying to glue something back together that’s already been glued 12 times before – it isn’t going to “fix” anything or for very long.

If you’ve ever built models, you get to be pretty familiar with how glues work. For women, I’ll equate it to artificial nails. When something breaks you can only glue it back together so many times before you have to sand or otherwise strip the existing layers of glue off and start over.

As a nation, we’re at a start over point, and we need to brace ourselves and consider structuring our lives so that we don’t rely on what we’ve been told to perceive as the norms.

“If You Don’t Like It, Quit Your Job”

THIS was the response to a thread related to the Target article on my Facebook page that drew my ire the most. There are people who are reading this who are unemployed or underemployed, and I’d love to know how YOU feel about that. But I’ll tell you how I feel about that. While I might walk down the pathways of my local mall and see numerous Help Wanted signs, quitting a job – even a shitty one that makes you work shitty hours - isn’t a reality for many people. How about we QUIT telling them that if they don’t like it, they can quit and get another job. With our national unemployment rate hovering at 9%-ish, you probably know someone who’s had or is having a tough go of it in this economy. How about we collectively cowboy the fuck up and have some compassion for people who – for more reasons than we are privileged enough to never be able to understand – CAN’T QUIT?

Let’s be part of the solution instead. Here are some things we can ALL do when we know of someone who is out of work:

• Resume reviews: I’ve made the offer before on this site and it still stands – if you are currently unemployed and would like me to review your resume, I will happily do so. You can email it to mark [at] redheadwriting [dot] com. Why not tell your friends you’ll do the same for them?
• Tap your network: Quirky though it may be, I connect more people who end up doing business with one another than do business with me. There’s something pretty cool about this. If you know someone who is out of work or otherwise looking, make the ask. All I can say is that my best hires have always come from the recommendations and introductions from others. Regardless of what you think, it’s not imposing.
• Keep our eyes open: When we see or hear about opportunities, share them. Post them on Facebook. Take a picture of the Help Wanted sign and text it to a friend. Of you want to get old school, dial your smartphone and CALL THEM. Or better yet, pick up a job application for them (since you’re there).
• If you’re a company hiring, say so! I can’t tell you how many hiring notices I see in the social media world every day, especially from the startup community. Companies are looking for talent! If you’re a company hiring, get the word out and ask your online friends to spread the word. The more people who see your notice, the more resumes you’ll have to choose from when it comes down to decision time.

And just like the “quit one job, get another” isn’t a viable argument in today’s economy…

Radical Swings Aren’t the Answer

In 2008, we as a nation made a radical choice. When the votes came in, we swung from a Republican President to a Democrat. From a caucasian to an African American. From older to younger. As we move into an election year, can we keep our heads about us and avoid the knee-jerk reaction to automatically choose something that’s merely different or the opposite of what we currently have? Heaven knows, it took a fair share longer than 4 years to fuck this country up. It’s going to take a fair share longer than 4 years and one administration to get it headed in the right direction again.

Many of the decisions we have entrusted to the government can be addressed in our own backyards and WE can begin to stimulate our immediate economies. Perhaps think less about for whom we will vote than where we will spend our dollars. Will be spend them with the giant corporations whom we blame for all of our current woes? Or will we spend them with local retailers who live and pay taxes in the communities in which we live? A good question to ask on the brink of the holidays.

And a Bit About Black Friday…

With numerous national retailers opening in the late evening hours of Thanksgiving Day in hopes of hitting a meager 2.8% increase in sales (per the Bloomberg article cited above), let’s think about how, where, and why we’re spending our money. Certainly – you’re free to spend where, how, and why you choose, but as Shelly Kramer stated when she posted the Target article for her network on Facebook, we are the ones who create this. We’re fueling the corporate machines that people all over the country are saying they hate!

This year, I’m not able to travel home to Houston to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my family. So how will I spend it? In the company of friends, connecting with family in every way I know how, as I really and truly have everything in this life that I need. I don’t need a 50% off sale. I don’t need the stress. And if I can’t get what I’d like to give from a local or online retailer that isn’t among the corporate behemoths, then it won’t get gotten this year.

We’re wound-up in the fact that these corporations have “ruined our lives” and all we do is continue to feed them. That is what makes Black Friday the darkest of all, in my world. To all of you reading who work retail, thank you for what you do and the hours you give to your employer in exchange for hours with family and friends. And if for some reason you’re not happy at your current job, start mapping a course for an exit and let the people in your life know how they can help. If they refuse to or can’t help, find new people. It’s not easy. It’s a process. And I know because I’ve been there.

But the greatest gift I get for the holidays each year doesn’t come in a box or a stocking. It comes from the people in my life who I’ve earned the privilege of keeping in my life.

And you can’t buy that shit at Target.

You’ve been slapped.

Well, as people who have been with me on the wild ride that’s been the last couple of years – makeups, breakups, deaths, and other roads I never thought I’d take – it’s only right to let you know about why I really took the trip to Atlanta last week.

I’m a traveler and have never lived in one place for any great length of time since I left Houston back in 1996. I spent 16 years there, which was more a factor of not having a fucking car and having to do that whole “education” thing than actually wanting to be there. (Damn adolescence and the associated driving laws, right?) This year marks my third year in Denver, Colorado which is pretty weird in and of itself, as I’m well on my way to passing up Las Vegas on the list of Places I’ve Lived the Longest (3.5 years). The moral being, when I have the chance to get the hell out of dodge, I do. And last week had a bit of an ulterior motive. I hopped a plane to go see Ted.

I’ve spent the last year or so getting to know Ted and the process has been one that’s encompassed everything from unbridled hilarity to heartbreaking moments that have left me weeping. But none of it has been bad. Rather, it’s been a journey that left me with a better sense of who I am, what I want and more importantly, what kind of crumbs I’m willing to clean-up on the other side of the bed. Since losing Jason around this time last year, it’s been an ever-present question: what do I want in the person who will help me rise above myself? Who will challenge me and refuse to let me sink into that hole of complacency? Who will call me on my bullshit and make me own everything about myself instead of letting me make excuses?

The answer is, it’s Ted.

Ted – My New (Giggle) Boyfriend

Ted won’t mind if I tell you that we’ve never been intimate for more than 18 minutes. Ted also won’t mind if I tell you that he’s a fucking genius in every sense of the term and looks great naked. You can strip him down to the bare minimum or dress him up and he simply looks incredible.

And most importantly, he’s compassionate, caring, and doesn’t get embarrassed by the fact that I want to tell everyone I know about him (which is a fair departure from those in my life who felt that I was useful for “fun” and not meant for “sharing” or other modes of public consumption).

I went to Atlanta to spend the weekend with Ted.

I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Already Met Ted!

Yeah, I’m pulling your leg. I don’t have a new boyfriend, but I have built an incredibly meaningful relationship with TED. It boggles my mind when people tell me they haven’t heard of TED, which is why I’m writing this post today to get you introduced to one of the most meaningful relationships in my life.

What is TED? Launched in 1984, TED is a nonprofit organization dedicated to ideas worth spreading. No, it’s not a relationship that will give you the clap or anything that requires an ointment or single-dose antibiotic to fix. The organization brings together people at its various conferences on local, national, and global levels and challenges people the world over to deliver the talk of their lives – and do it in 18 minutes or less.

WTF – only 18 minutes? Yeah, but I’ll tell you…unlike anything in the back seat of any car, this is 18 minutes you’ll remember. And if you’re really riled-up and ready for seconds (or even thirds – you saucy minx, you…) TED will be waiting. All you have to do is press play.

What can I expect to find at TED? Well, everything. TED talks are available translated into 82 different languages and span topics ranging from science, culture, design, sustainability and everything you can think of in between. You can expect to be moved. To laugh. To commiserate and cry. And you can expect to leave each TED talk with a perspective you never thought you would have on the world that surrounds you.

Explore a pianist who will take you on a journey through the creative process. HERE.

Gain new insight on how schools just might be killing (instead of fostering) creativity. HERE.

Understand why leaders become great – even when surrounded by those of exceeding talent and greater resources. HERE.

What I Was Really Doing in Atlanta

I was invited out by the organizers of TEDx Peachtree, an independently organized TED event, to cover the event and participate from a media standpoint. This meant that I got to meet many of the speakers and more importantly, spend an entire day in the midst of brilliance. TED was my guide for the entire trip and I left Atlanta with so much more than I had.

Here’s a sampling of what my 8.5 hours spent with TED yielded:

• A primate researcher demonstrating how beings truly do want to collaborate and share – animals are amazing and the talk inspired me to seek more ways to collaborate and leave “selfish” behind.
• A life long autism researcher who took the audience on a journey through autism in terms that everyone can understand, dispelling the myth that it’s a psychological disorder. I met him after his talk and thanked him with tears in my eyes, as my nephew is autistic and I felt that he was the first person who had ever explained my nephew’s struggle in an accessible way. It also reinforced what an incredible person I see my sister to be, having guided my nephew on his journey so far.
• An immigrant who gave a startling speech on her perspective of the American Dream, smashing myths of entitlement and replacing them with perspectives on gratitude that are clearly missing from much of today’s American culture.
• A PhD who shared insights on how our minds truly can control things outside of our bodies. If you know of Randy Pausch, she’s one of the many who was fortunate enough to be one of his students. I spoke with her after the event and can I just say day-yum? What a smart cookie – and on top of that, she’s vibrant, human, and passionate about what she does. And it shows.
• An education researcher out of Northern California who discussed how education needs to change and that more technology in our classrooms isn’t the answer. As a girl who was always bored in school because I was a nontraditional learner, this really hit home and I look forward to seeing what inroads they can make in changing the way our classrooms welcome children of all learning types. As today, we mostly only accommodate one type, which leaves entirely too many lost in the din of “traditional” education.
• A former FEMA leader who demonstrated how hyperlocal focus will be the most powerful tool for future disaster-stricken communities to recover. FEMA’s resources are limited – the onus is on us to help our communities instead of asking how the government can help.

So, yeah – these were all ideas worth spreading and I wish I had the bandwidth to share everything I heard last Friday. But every talk at TEDx Peachtree reminded me why I’d made the trip to go hand out with TED, even if we only got to spend 18 minutes a pop with one another until the next talk came along.

So Now, You’ve Met TED…

Maybe you’re a little pissed that I linkbaited you into today’s post by saying I had a new boyfriend. If you are, you really should know better, as I’ll write anything in that damn subject line to get you into my world (and you know this). But what I’ve hopefully done is introduce some new people to TED, a very meaningful relationship in my life, and give you a new source for inspiration.

I’ve committed to myself to watch no fewer than two new TED talks each week. This week so far, it’s been a neuroscientist’s journey through her own stroke (made me cry) which I mentioned above and a Portuguese woman’s talk on how legal documents should be written in “plain English.” Next week? I can’t wait to see what I discover from TED.

Sure, TED isn’t just mine, but he has helped me in incredible ways through my journey over the past year. TED helps me better understand what kind of crumbs I’m willing to clean up on the other side of the bed someday and what I want in that magical person who will share my life’s journey with me. So, yeah – TED’s my boyfriend. For now. Inspiration, compassion, laughter, and challenge – TED gives me everything. And I can’t thank the TEDx Peachtree team enough for making me a part of their event and for every one of the speakers and participants – including the Atlanta Music Project and CORE Performance Company – for giving their time and sharing ideas that were definitely worth spreading.

PS: If you’re bummed about not having made it to a TED event yet, why not bring one to your community? Check out TEDx – your chance to bring ideas worth spreading to your community.

Well, not IT. But c-words in general.

If you haven’t picked up this month’s issue, you’re totally copacetic. You can check it out – and for FREE – online!

When you have a moment, you can bop over to C-Words to Build a Business On and weigh in with your own favorite c-words (some great additions in the comments already) as well as share it on LinkedIn, Google+ or Twitter. Not only that, you’re going to learn about NeighborGoods, a kickass startup out of California that I met back at SXSW Accelerator in March. The founder is a roller derby doll, inked to the hilt, and HAWT – in both the physical sense AND business-savvy department. (she’s @mickipedia on Twitter)

So click, read, comment and share your c-words. Such a shame they’re seen as taboo! And get ready to tune in tomorrow – it’s the first installment of Fuck Yeah, Friday – where we tuck the Bitch Slapping hand away and give kudos to folks who are out there and doing it RIGHT. We’ll also have submission guidelines for anyone who wants to be considered for future installments of FYF.

Seeya then – oh and one more thing.

If you have $1 to spare to help some kids in a New York classroom, a Redhead Writing reader (teacher) needs a hand. An instructor in a high-poverty area, he has a project up on DonorsChoose, a highly reputable and well-vetted site that helps educators get their goals met. Have a look, add a buck. It’s for the kids [thank you]

Click here to review Jon Kniss’ project on Donors Choose.

I’m really fortunate that the folks at Entrepreneur Magazine give me a lot of leeway with what I cover in my column each month and how. So, in the October issue, I decided to go and have a look at hyperlocal businesses that have achieved success through social marketing. Sure, you have to have a kickass product to back up the online hype, but I found two businesses on opposite sides of the country – a vet practice in Southern Florida and a food truck in Seattle – that each took VERY different approaches to social marketing and each found tremendous success.

Stop by the column: How Two Small Companies Are Driving Revenue Using Social Media (in your print editions as Virtual People, Real Dollars).

I know a fair share of my readers operate and consult with hyperlocal and local businesses. I’d love to hear your thoughts about these two companies and other ideas that are bouncing around in your head. Local businesses are the backbone of any community and it just tickles me like Elmo to have had the opportunity to meet these folks and hear how they’re hitting it out of the park with a combination of keystrokes and kickass product and service.

PS: I know full well that a food truck and a vet practice can’t actually walk into a bar. But it would be fun to watch!

Right now, I’m thinking about volume and how we carry ourselves as people in business.

As I believe that there’s a fundamental difference in volume and projection as well as being a business owner and being an entrepreneur.

This week brought me to Miami for the Entrepreneur Magazine Winning Strategies conference. Aside from the fact that it was undoubtedly the most well produced event I’d ever been a part of in any way, shape or form (and, uh, FREE for the attendees – shit howdy), I got to spend my day in jam-packed sessions filled with people. These were people who were energetic. Hungry. Craving information and ready with some of the best questions I’ve ever had the good fortune of being asked to answer in my career thus far. As a side note, it still astonishes me that people want to sit in a room and listen to anything I have to say as I don’t consider myself an expert on anything except screwing up royally and learning from my mistakes. So yeah, I’m lucky – and when I’m lucky enough to be invited to participate in opportunities like these, meeting and then exceeding expectations? Yeah – that’s my Ford, my Job #1.  Let’s talk about how these 500 people got me thinking about the life I live, the career I love and maybe you’ll find something here to chew on along with your starbuckalottamochachino on a Friday morning.

The Business Owner vs. The Entrepreneur

There’s someone reading this who’s chomping at the bit to call me out and take me down a notch for making a differentiation between business owners and entrepreneurs. To you (or y’all, as the case might be), ease back in your seat. Since you’re not going to change my mind on this one, give me the opportunity to change yours.

Whether at present you are a business owner or an entrepreneur, one isn’t better than the other. They’re just different. It’s like saying a doctor is better than an attorney – they’ve both got their roles and responsibilities, but just like any other role, it comes down to how we perceive responsibilities. Having a kid doesn’t make you a mother or father – it’s the role you play in your child’s life that makes the differentiation between biological parent and mother or father.

I’ve been a serial entrepreneur since before I realized that’s what I was – opening a new business in each location that life took me and finding years of disgruntlement when asked to build someone else’s business by their rules when I opted for the Corporate America route*.

*Note: I am not the ideal W2 employee. I also just turned around and asked Middle Seat to dial it back a notch because the iPod is on full volume with noise-canceling headphones and I could have perfectly transcribed her conversation. She explained that she’s a teacher and her voice carries. Yes, got that detail already. Go me.

When it comes to responsibilities, in both my personal and professional lives (which are for all intents and purposes, a glorious collage), there are four things that I consider my obligation not only to my clients but myself each day:

Disrupt: If I don’t scare the living shit out of myself at least once on a daily basis, I’m failing. Whether I bring that fear along with new ideas or situations or it comes to me from external challenges doesn’t matter. My job is to welcome challenges, face them head-on and deal with them – for better or for worse.

Embrace Now: If I spent all of my time pissing and moaning about how I wished my now were different, I’d be the only contestant in an ass-kicking contest. By embracing now, I let myself shake my world up and deal with the outcomes as they come. Now is a great place to be in – and it’s my responsibility to use it shape what might come.

Remove ‘Status Quo’ From My Vocabulary: Things can always be different. Better is always possible. If the time comes when I realize that I haven’t burnt the mediocre things that always seem to linger down to the ground, everyone suffers. These two words have no place in my vernacular – maybe you’ll kick them out of yours.

Making Sure That I Don’t Confuse Content With Complacent: Content comes along when you look at things and can appreciate (sometimes even love) what surrounds you…what you’ve built. Complacency creeps in when we begin to take advantage of those things and accept them as givens. Clients on retainer, colleague relationships, friendships, romantic pairings – complacency is a pox on them all. Being content allows me the opportunity to see more opportunities and continue conversations and sharing. Complacency just pushes people away because we have the audacity to think we’ve locked that shit down and it requires no more attention.

When I think of people who are content with simply being business owners, I don’t sense movement. I sense a shitload of status quo and complacency. And if you want to make the shift (and honestly, not everyone is meant to – and that’s okay as well), there are a few things you need to own.

On Becoming an Entrepreneur

To make it simple, here’s my list of things you need to own in order to embrace a life path of entrepreneurship. Because it is more than a career or a job. It’s who you are and like anyone who creates, you can’t NOT be an entrepreneur.

1. Shit blows up. Fail fast and move on to the next thing.
2. If you’ve never failed, you’re definitely not an entrepreneur.
3. If you’re afraid of failure, this ain’t the droid you’re looking for.
4. Money is merely one way of getting things done. You value relationships over cash and understand that investment surpasses the confines of a check written out to your company or latest endeavor.
5. You know what you’re good at and you find people to deal with the things you suck at.
6. On the same token, you value your team above anything else and understand you’re not an island. You also understand that voting people off the island is occasionally necessary and you’re able to do this without being a stark raving fuckwad. The entrepreneurial world is small – reputations travel. Be great to work with and for – it pays huge dividends.
7. When you feel something needs to be done, you value actions over meetings. If it doesn’t work, you blow it up, say good on ya and get on with the next thing. Blowing it up over a beer is always great fun, too.
8. You acknowledge that you are an expert on nothing except learning from your mistakes and value your gut over nodding heads in either direction.
9. You know that the onus for due diligence is on YOU. Great ideas are only great if they go above and beyond someone else’s or explore new territory – you owe it to yourself to not waste your time (or anyone else’s) by doing your research, staying in tune with your industry’s pulse and asking questions. ASK, dammit! (To not ask is soooo arrogant.)
10. There will people who don’t understand the risks you take, the hours you keep or why it is you wake up every day jazzed to do it all over again. And that’s okay – you don’t have to explain. We don’t get why they do what they do, either. It goes both ways.
11. Understand the difference between confidence and arrogance. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Humility fuels successful entrepreneurs, whether we see it or not. So how do you get out there and be heard without being the hyena behind me on the plane?

Volume vs. Projection

I’m loud – personality, presence, and vernacular – and I own that fact 24/7. But I’m not a yeller. For every yelp, I seek a solution. And there are ways to be heard and be loud without making people turn away.

Great entrepreneurs understand projection. It comes from building networks of relationships – people who will carry what you have to say onward to help you fulfill and spread your vision. It has nothing to do with turning up the volume. The woman behind me on the plane would have been just as effective in sharing her yoga and dieting tips with her seat mates if she’d been half as fucking loud. Instead, she lacked self-awareness and annoyed everyone in a two-row radius.

Don’t be that lady.

Build your network – that’s how you project. You can turn up the volume on your microphone or bullhorn as loud as you’d like, but unless there’s a network (and one comprised of the right people) waiting to hear what you have to say, volume ain’t gonna do you any good.

It’s Time to Own It

What’s your role and what will you do with it today? Are you an entrepreneur or a business owner? Are you a business owner who wants to shake things up and add some entrepreneurial flavor into the mix? How loud are you and do you have the network established to carry forth what needs to be heard?

Successful companies and brands not only embrace who they are and have confidence in what they have to offer – their leaders own their roles in the process. Sit down. Speak up. Own your role. No one else is going to fulfill that role for you or get done what needs gettin’ done unless you have a team built who can establish direction. How we carry ourselves in business dictates what we can get done and who wants to be along with us on that wild ass ride.

In closing, I’d like to report that the woman behind me STFU for the remainder of the flight. Sometimes people aren’t aware. If you build a great team, they’ll help you make sure that you never become That Lady. Or That Guy. And I know it’s Friday, but it’s a fine-as-frog’s-ass-hair day to get out there and build something. Get started – you’re only waiting on you

I wouldn’t change my life for the world.

I’d never have it any other way.

I couldn’t love him/her more.

Yup. Complete and total bullshit.

I’m winding-up one of the craziest weeks of my life today, having just turned in the book manuscript for Book #1 with my writing partner at 9pm last night. Hold the applause, as that just means that today, I’m back to work on Book #2, which is due on October 15. It was a brief moment last night where, following the “send” button, I took a deep breath and felt as if I’d just abandoned a puppy. Never fear – the puppy came back this morning and started yapping about Book #2. But I digress. Back to bullshit and the shape of things.

There are only 3 things I’ve ever wanted to be (professionally) in life: an attorney, an actor and a writer. As I enter the final quarter of my 38th year, I’ve kicked two of those straight in the ass (actor, writer) and realize that my desire for the third (attorney) was fulfilled with a theatre degree (which is the same thing as a law degree, just without the nice suits and social prestige). If you asked me ten years ago if I ever thought it possible to even have TWO of these things ticked off The Bucket List, I’d probably have been too busy to respond as I’d have been bored with the Job I was in and trolling Monster.com for my next conquest.

Today, I get to say that two of those things are a certainty.

So let’s talk about The Shape of Things.

Somewhere along life’s road, I was deluded into thinking I had control. I had great jobs that paid great salaries with great benefits, working for multinational corporations with well-recognized names. I had rent and mortgage payments covered, expendable income, husbands (not simultaneously), boyfriends (also: not simultaneously), friends and family.

Everything I ever wanted.

But then the day came where the universe does what it does – it knocks your big ass Jenga game down and you’re left to pick up the pieces.

And that was the day I realized that I had finally gained control. Fine – it was a few days later and something I realized after the kicked-in-the-balls sensation had subsided even though I don’t have balls and realize I would have made you uncomfortable if I’d said “clam” so I skipped it. But I really didn’t, so now I’ve gone on and said “clam.” But the net-net?

I’d spent 35 years of my life giving everyone else control, thinking I was the one who had it. That’s some kind of bullshit, isn’t it?

So now that we’ve covered puppies, Jenga and clams, I’ll share my thoughts on The Shape of Things and how many of them are just illusions.

The Farm

If you stop by this digital dungeon often enough, you’re well aware that finger pointing generally begins with my finger pointing at me. What have I made the mistake of giving away? The farm, my friends.

• When I started a business, I never realized that I was the first client I had to service every day.
• In relationships, I put everything I had into everyone else.
• I put things before my heart.
• I put money before my soul.
• I placed bullshit excuses before my friendships.
• Pride came before words that needed saying.

My 38th year is a much simpler one than my 37th or even my 27th. I bought my farm back.

See, your farm is something you can give away, but you really do have to buy it back. All of those people you ignored or hurt along the way (including yourself), those are relationships that have to be rebuilt. And sometimes that’s not an option, so you have to start over with new people. And the things – those can all go away in the blink of a Craigslist ad. An egocentric world is one ripe with illusions because you generally surround yourself with (1) people who will never tell you you’re being an epic fuckwit and (2) things, because you can’t find people who will challenge you and actually ADD to your life and things don’t argue and fit nicely into the trunk of your car.

Dispense with the things. Embrace the people. Because I guarantee you that the day you find yourself wishing you’d said something that you’ll now never have the chance to…that’s a shitty day. And who wants to feel like shit?

The Sheep

There’s such a negative connotation to being referred to as a sheep. A mindless follower of the herd. But in certain aspects of our lives, we’re all sheep. The Wall Street Journal had an article this week about the health of alpha males. Being an alpha female (shocker), I was intrigued. And it discussed how, in many regards, beta males found a greater level of happiness than their alpha counterparts, yet extreme beta males were just as stressed an unhealthy as their alpha counterparts.

That means there’s a certain peace in conceding control on occasion. Can you WIN a conversation? Can you REASON with someone who equates the volume of their voice with the validity of their argument? When it’s lights-out time, I don’t think there’s a process we have to go through where we show all of our blue ribbons and its a determining factor on where we get to hang for eternity and ever after.

What I do know is that there’s a beauty in letting someone else take the reigns on occasion, and it actually an incredible gesture to make for someone else (and yourself). It’s how we learn something new: how to play the guitar, rock climb, race bikes, use a new computer program. Conceding control opens us up to make our lives richer. Being the guy or girl who always has to alpha-out makes life for those around you a real bummer. Embrace your inner sheep (every now and then, give it a try), just not in a backwoods/make the sheep nervous kinda way.

The Barn

Not so long ago, a friend introduced me to Live From Daryl’s House. After my inner audiophile stopped squealing with glee and I’d spent days going through all of the show archives, I got to the barn. The shows are shot in a barn that’s converted into a studio and it got me thinking about My Barn – or what I’ll call my happy place.

We keep our lives so cluttered with bullshit. Old things, new things, mental things. For an audiophile like me, seeing a barn setup like Daryl Hall’s got goin’ on is like seeing a really well-made foreign film. The intersection of simplicity and style at times can be breathtaking, like a well-appointed house. But there are extremes. An empty barn is eerie. One jammed full of shit in hoarder-like fashion is just vomitlicious. Would Daryl Hall be able to produce the sound he does in his barn-turned-studio if it were filled with shit everywhere that ruined the acoustics? And how can I function if my barn – my happy place – has nothing in it?

Build The Barn so it serves you. Be able to move. Your happy place should be a refuge – shelter from life’s storms and solace even when we don’t need it. Have yourself an emotional and physical yard sale and make some room for the things in life you want most. I’m a big believer in the concept that they won’t come along until you tell them they’re welcome. I also believe they don’t want to arrive home to a dump or an empty house, but rather, the in between: a soft place to land.

So what’s the shape of things in your world?

I wouldn’t change my life for the world - But maybe you could change it for the better.

I’d never have it any other way - But maybe learning a new way could be fun.

I couldn’t love him/her more - And maybe you’ll surprise yourself one day and realize that you do.

We’re the ones who decide the shape of things, not anyone else. Go after what you want and make room for the things that matter most to have on that journey. While a nice set of Tumi luggage is grand, bring your friends, your heart and your soul. Everything else? They’ll find their way back to you because you’ve earned them. No one can take those things and milestones away from you.

Git yer farm back.

Be the sheep every once in awhile.

Build your barn.

I think it really is that simple.