Awesome.

But there’s something I’m eating this week that’s harder to swallow: crow.

It’s inevitable that when life shoves your head up your ass, you also end up talking out of it. Grief and anger bring about words and phrases that were never in your vocabulary prior. They make a sharp wit more of a matador’s sword. And all of which place you in the position of eating crow. You might think you didn’t order it (weren’t the plum quail, cornish game hen and crow close to one another on the menu?), but you did.

And I’m not going to say that there are people who weren’t due a little ration of fuck you. But there are a handful of people that just got the brunt of a brain not firing on all cylinders.

So I apologized. Then. There. Not later. Not in a month.

Right there.

Because ordering up a full plate of crow is easier than slow-roasting regret.

Regret is always on the menu, even though we skip over it in favor of anything wrapped in bacon. It never comes out right , always undercooked or burnt beyond recognition. Undercooked is when people think they’re not in the wrong and wait for someone else to make things right. Burnt all to hell is when we sit on it so long and bury it so deep that we’ll never do the one simple thing (like cowboy the fuck up) that will make us seem human: admit we might have been wrong. And you know, we don’t even actually have to BE wrong. Opening the door to the possibility so you can actually have a conversation tastes loads better than slow-roasted regret.

And there’s no perfect side dish for regret, either. Pain with a demi-glacé, broiled jerk and gut-wrenching emptiness (with seasonal vegetables)…none of them fit but the chef jams ‘em all together anywhoo.

So how about the small dish? A little crow…some blue cheese dip. Eat it like hot wings. And take it from a girl who knows: eating the crow now beats a shitty meal you never wanted but they’re never going to comp. If you’re going to pay, you might as well order, right?

One day in the town of Ghent
A businessman to his team sent
An email, not so long, that stated
His company’s website – man, did he hate it
Build me another, one that surpasses the rest
I know with this team, ours will be the best!

On one computer, the designer clicked “close”
And on another, the copywriter started crafting some prose.
Said the designer, “I’ll build the most beautiful 3.0 site!”
And the copywriter purred, “God, I LOVE to WRITE!”
So the designer built, adding navs and buttons
While the copywriter wondered what rhymed with “mutton.”

For days on end, they each boiled and toiled
Their respective ambition for their crafts unspoiled.
The designer crafted wireframes rivaling Frank Lloyd Wright designs
And the writer penned copy inarguably divine.
Alas, the day soon came where their assignments were due
Their client would be delighted, this truth they both knew!

Two emails were opened and to each were attached
And their respective masterpieces to the boss were dispatched.
With the click of a mouse, they each let out a sigh
Their mastery of their craft, neither could deny.
“I love what I do!” they independently exclaimed
And then reached for the phone, braced for their moment of fame.

“Are you there, Mister Copywriter? It’s me, the client.
I’m getting Mr. Designer on the line – will you hold just a moment?”
The copywriter held till the designer chimed in
Then with a cough and a swallow, they heard the reaming begin.
“Did either of you speak? Did you plan? Did you get in cahoots?
Because nothing that you gave me is of any damn use!”

“You, Mister Writer – your words – hey, they’re great.
But with the design from Mr. Designer, not a lick of sense they make.
And you, Mister Designer – what are my site visitors to do?
None of the copy I have fits – do I have to review?
I told you both once that this site must be supreme
And by your lack of collaboration, you’ve ruined my dream.”

“How do you write, Mr. Copywriter, if you don’t know where your words go?
And Mr. Designer, how do you design if you don’t know the word flow?
They both work together, the visual and the text
So my site visitors don’t get confused and know what to do next.
What I have from you two are two separate things
When they should truly be one – a marketing choir that sings!”

Speechless they were as the client bid them farewell.
Is there a moral to this story? Ah, yes – here’s the sell:

A website is a choir, not a series of one-acts
If it’s anything but, it looks put together by hacks.
No matter your role: SEO, writer or designer
No one’s more important, no single role finer.
If you think you’re the schiz and you don’t need another soul,
I’ll tell ya – you’re wrong and have a long way to go!

Words must fit boxes and boxes the words
Your SEO must guide you, else none of its heard.
If code is crap, the words won’t ever matter
‘Cause the search engines won’t find you among the cruddy code clatter.
And no SEO strategy? Well, just give up the ghost.
Words with no purpose? Yeah, your website is toast.

So Designer, Copywriter, Tech Professional – hear this!
Do you want a client like the one above? (pissed)
All it takes is the willingness to work as a team
To conjure-up a plan and build a collaborative scheme.
If this, you can do, you’re miles above all the rest
As they simply don’t get it…So why not work like the best?

Step one: start with wireframes. Where do words go?
How will visitors click though? How will they spend dough?
Step two: SEO research. What traffic do you want?
What words help them get here? Don’t be nonchalant!
Step three: craft the copy, SEO and design in mind.
It all comes together, your separate ideas now refined.

That’s a site to be proud of, no ifs ands or buts
A well-executed strategy with minimal fuss.
Your team? Essential. They make you look better.
So pick up the phone, drop an email – WHATEVER!
But hey – collaboration…it’s not for everyone, I know.
You can lead a horse to a team, but to collaborate? Perhaps no.

Social media’s given me the gift of connecting with friends from many years ago, and in this instance – over 20 years ago. I met Rachel Skelton…well, it must have been in junior high school. We were thick as thieves through high school and there are plenty of photos to the effect.

Her sister RaLynn was brutally murdered by her boyfriend in 1992, a year after Rachel and I graduated from high school. It was surreal to hear from my friend – one of my best friends – that her sister had been murdered and her body placed in the trunk of her car and set to burn in the middle of a field…all of this in our hometown of Houston, Texas.

If you find her story touches you in ANY way, find a moment in your day to send a letter to the Texas Department of Corrections to ensure that this man stays behind bars. He’s up for parole.

I find it pathetic that she and her family will have to endure this process every two years. If you believe that a man who murdered his girlfriend and then burned her remains and car in the middle of a field should be kept behind bars (where he belongs) – please let your voice be heard.

I write for a living. But there are some things that my words cannot express. Therefore, below you’ll find Rachel’s words (follow her on Twitter @RachelSMD). While the bold emphasis in some sections is my own, the content is purely hers.

Erika

Hello friends and family,

I am sending you this urgent request.

Please help me keep a murderer in jail. I have attached a very long an extremely personal and emotion letter that I wrote 2 years ago in my efforts to keep my sister’s murderer in jail. She was murdered by her boyfriend in 1992. Many of you probably remember the situation. We were successful that time but we received word this week that he is being reviewed again for parole. It is normal for convicted criminals in our system to obtain the right for parole after serving only ¼ of their sentence and then they get reviewed every 2 years thereafter for another chance to get out and walk free. The address, fax number and email is listed below if you would like to send a letter on our behalf requesting he not be released. Once again this information is very personal and it is a long story. You may not even want to read it. I cry when I have to think about this and I have not written my new letter yet since I received my notification last week. If you do decide to mail, fax or email a note in protest of his release, I would like to thank you in advance for your time and efforts. Be sure to include the convict’s name, state ID and TDCJ ID in your letter. It does not have to be long protest, a few short sentences will do. Thanks for reading this.

Send letters of protest to:

Victim Services Division
Angela McCown
8712 Shoal Creek Blvd.
Suite 265
Austin, Texas 78757-6899

Re: Rex Andrew Alexander
State ID # 04433725
TDCJ ID # 00648577
Victim.svc@tdcj.state.tx.us

Fax 512-452-0825

Below is Rachel’s letter to the Victim Services Division from two years ago:

Dear Sir/Madam:

I knew that these parole hearings would soon be forthcoming, but when we received the letter last week and it became real, I was overcome with grief and then anger. I was also scared. We were provided this information 3 months into the parole process. What if we were never informed of these proceedings? Even worse, what if he gets out? Rex Andrew Alexander, the murderer who took my sister from me, is being considered for release. I am sick. The thought of his possibly being released causes me a great deal of pain. It has taken me over a week to write this because it is too emotional and difficult to see through the tears that begin to fall immediately from my eyes.

We knew him as Andy, and I will refer to him as such in this letter.

I cannot believe that a person who has the capacity to commit such horrific crimes can be rehabilitated. There is no such thing for those that murder. Andy killed my sister. Andy disposed of her body by hiding it in the trunk of her own car then left her in that trunk and dumped the car in a field. Andy returned later to set her body, and then the car on fire. This is the calculated actions of a very sick man that feels nothing. He obviously does not know right from wrong. Andy never once showed an ounce of remorse during the entire ordeal 13 years ago. Rex Andrew Alexander does not deserve a second chance. RaLynn does not get a second chance at life. I will never get to see my sister again. I will never get to talk to her again. She will never have a family of her own. My children will never know her. I miss her terribly. I cannot stop crying as I write this. It would simply be unjust to allow Andy the things he denied to my sister RaLynn. He took her away from us and it is so unfair. Andy’s family can visit him, write to him, hear his voice. I will never, get those opportunities with my sister. Never again!!

The last time I saw my sister she was on her way to work. She told us she was going to stop by Andy’s house. He had called and wanted some things that she had. We never got to see her again. She did not make it to work. We reported her missing and everyone was worried for the next few days. That worry turned to terror when we were awakened by the police one morning around 3:30 a.m. RaLynn’s car was found ablaze in a field with a charred body in the trunk. The police officer held out his hand. When he opened it, he held my sister’s jewelry in his palm. I crumbled into the arms of my husband, who immediately extended his leave from active Naval duties. I was 19 years old. My mother was out of town. I had to deal with this. It turns out that RaLynn was so badly burned that even the dental records I had to drop off at the coroner’s office were insufficient in the identification process. It was the jewelry that was taken from her body that provided the positive identification – that, and the confession that was later taken from Andy.

After the police left, I drove to Cleveland to get my grandparents to help me since my Mom was out of town on a previously scheduled business trip. They came to my house along with many other family members. Later that day, Andy joined us in our home. He walked around yelling angry words in the air, swearing he would find out who did this. He sat at the kitchen table. He put his arms around my Granny and Paw Paw acting as though he could console them. He ate at our table and then less than 24 hours later confessed to the murder of my sister while being questioned at the police station. How dare he come into our home, accept our hospitality, talk to me and my family, eat at my table. He was probably laughing at us the whole time. I am sickened that he entertained himself at my home in that way. He is a monster. I feel nauseous just writing this and still cry when I have to talk about it.

My parents are divorced. My father went into a deep depression due to this situation. He was an alcoholic and then became a sick alcoholic, unable to work or function. Because he lived alone, he had a very difficult time coping with the loss of his daughter. He became more reclusive and withdrawn and is still that way.

Additionally, we were forced to worry about the stress on my younger sister Roxann, who was due to deliver her baby within days of this news. Luckily she delivered a healthy baby boy. His name is Justin Tyler Alexander. This child is related by blood to the man who murdered my sister RaLynn. I have two sisters, RaLynn and Roxann. They were dating brothers – twins. This forever ties us to Andy’s family. It is very difficult to see Justin’s family and not think of Andy and what he did. We will never be able to have a normal relationship with Justin’s father’s family. An additional thing Andy has stolen from us, and an innocent, then unborn, child. This entire situation is totally unfair to Justin. We were sickened by the fact that Justin’s father would take him to the jail to see his uncle. Because of Andy there has been stress in the relationship between Justin’s mom and dad. I do not even want to imagine the strain that would occur if Andy is set free. The trauma Justin could be subjected to will be totally unfair. He is a child and does not have the ability to avoid this murderer, especially if he is visiting with his father. I wonder if Andy will see the resemblance that Justin shares with his Aunt RaLynn. Would Andy mistreat his nephew if he reminds him of RaLynn? Will he hurt him too? Will he come after one of us? I will fear for myself, my family, and my own children.

RaLynn had recently acquired a night job, so that she could care for Roxann’s newborn. She planned to take care of the new baby during the day while Roxann finished high school. RaLynn and Roxann were inseparable. RaLynn was so excited about being an Aunt. We had just had a baby shower for Roxann. RaLynn totally planned it and couldn’t wait for delivery day. RaLynn was murdered 9 days prior to the birth of her nephew. She never even got to see him. Roxann had a difficult time the following semester having to acquire a job to pay for daycare so that she could finish school and provide for him. She did not get the help she deserved from her baby’s father since we were caught up in legal proceedings concerning this murder. It hurt her too deeply to see the father of her baby, to fight in front of her child, because her child’s uncle killed our sister. Andy also burned our car. We did not have money to replace that car. This left Roxann with no transportation.

The night my sister was murdered, before she left to go work, we were discussing my upcoming wedding ceremony. RaLynn had formerly been in choir and I wanted her to sing in my wedding. We were discussing what songs she might like to sing and during what part of the ceremony she could do it. We never got to finish that conversation. Six months later, as I stood at the altar reciting my wedding vows, looking over at my friends and family, I could not help but notice the empty spot where she should have been standing. Friends of my husband sang during our ceremony. I was thinking, I wish my sister was singing right now. When I look at the pictures of my family she is not there. She is supposed to be there. RaLynn did not get to see me get married. She did not get to stand with me. She did not get to see her nephew be born. She did not get the chance to get married herself or have the babies she wanted to have. She did not get to do so many things we had planned for our futures. Andy took all that away from us.

As I sit here writing this, crying, my daughter who is 7 asks me, “Mom, why are you crying?” I have to explain to her again that I am upset and miss her Aunt RaLynn. The aunt she will never know. She asks me again, “Why did Andy kill our Aunt RaLynn?” I tell her that there are just some very bad people in this world and that we are safe from him, he is locked up in jail. She says, “Don’t be sad Mom.” Now I am crying more. I wish my daughters could meet her. I hope to never have to explain to her why he is not in jail.

If Andy is released I will feel sick and disappointed in our system. He is a danger to our family and to society as a whole. Please do not release him from jail. Andy deserves no less than to serve his full punishment, which is much shorter than the punishment everyone who knows RaLynn will be subjected to. The short time in jail in no way compares to the lifetime we will be forced to live without our sister, friend, etc…

Sincerely,

Rachel Ramirez

Online dating: spending money to find love online?

It’s by design.

See, my clients are after a target customer or demographic. Just like me when it comes to dating. After having been a paying customer or lurker on several online dating sites (’cause “it’s OK to look”), a conversation this week brought me to the realizations below about how I’ve handled my online presence in the world of romance. I was practicing my own best advice to my clients when it comes to branding, SEO and SEM practices — and I didn’t even know it.

For those out there reading this who aren’t savvy in the fields of marketing-speak throughout, have faith. I’ll give you fancy pop-ups and definitions to go with my online dating advice. And I guarantee, none of the links will lead to porn sites.

Shall we? Let’s put on our cybersuits and delve into the online dating pool.

Online Dating and Branding

You’re unique. Yeah, you’re real unique.

Everyone is “unique.” So why the hell are you so special?

A company that puts out a product or service that doesn’t differentiate itself from the competition is poised to fail from the get-go. Once in a blue moon, you find the rare instance of a wanna-be that ekes out an existence, but is that why you went into business in the first place? To eke?

Successful companies have a clear identity. A clearly-defined brand. Customers know what to expect, what they’re buying and the terms and conditions under which they’re acquiring that good or service. It’s no different in online dating.

Ladies:

• Every one of us is “just as comfortable in a cocktail dress” as we are in jeans
• We’re all looking for someone to laugh with
• We all “work hard and play hard”
• And everyone (well, I think most everyone) is looking for a man who will love them and, on occasion, make them feel like a princess.

Gents:

• Most of you like sports, cars and beer
• You’re all looking for an “honest, loyal” woman (i.e.: one that ain’t gonna cheat on you, and if she is, at least not with your best friend)
• You want a girl you can “just hang-out with”
• The majority of you don’t spend hours at the mall and would prefer that’s what a chick just went and did without you, leaving you to a day with guys doing whatever you feel (or DON’T feel) like doing.

Those are givens.

Since women aren’t looking for an overweight ogre who will use them merely as an automatic beer dispenser every time they head for the kitchen and men aren’t looking for clingy, psycho Glenn Close/Bunny Nemesis type, it’s time to do some research.

There are a multitude of online dating sites that let you scope-out the competition, so why not start running your personal life and search for Happily Ever After more like a business? Successful businesses understand their competition, so get online and do exactly what Match.com says is perfectly acceptable:

It’s OK to Look!

Get in there and take a tour of your “competitors” – the other people in your age, physical stature and life demographic. See what those folks are saying about themselves. I think you’ll be surprised how similar most of the profiles appear.

Now for the tough question: what makes YOU different?

Are you an irreverent smart-ass?
Do you collect 19th century coins?
Have you climbed Mt. Everest?
Are you a stark-raving Led Zepplin fan with a portrait of the entire band tattooed across your chest?

Your online dating profile should reflect both your core qualities and your quirks (ever read a bottle of Smart Water?) This is your love life, folks. If you’re going to actually go to the trouble of paying a membership fee (or not…lots of free sites out there…ew) and actively search for someone to share your valuable personal hours with, why not actually get something that resembles what you’re looking for?

A fair and honest representation of your personal brand – your personality – is the beginning of a more rewarding online dating endeavor. When someone checks out your profile, let them know what they’re getting, what your personal brand represents, and what they can expect if they actually earn the opportunity to meet you. And don’t get me started on photos. Post current photos that look like you, because when I go to the car dealership to buy a 2008 Honda Accord, I’m looking for the Accord I saw in the Saturday paper … not an ‘86 Ford F-150 with the left side made entirely of bondo.

Truth in advertising. A key element of any successful brand.

Online Dating in SEO Terms

Truth in Advertising: photo by Natalie Dee

So, you log into your dating site du jour and it gives you a gazillion search options. Age, marital status, kids, eye color, hobbies … the list is endless. Guess what: those are keywords. Just as if you were on Google and shopping for the latest Star Trek boxed set of DVDs or the best deal on that indispensible Fendi purse, online dating  sites are nothing but glorified search engines for sex. (there, I said it)

In addition to those nifty “long tail URLs” (threw that one in there for the SEO geeks like me), your entire profile is a collection of keywords. When you sit down to write that “In Your Own Words” section or whatever the heck the dating sites are calling it these days, think of the words that describe the core of your person:

Irreverent Smart Asses: who are your favorite comics and TV shows?

19th Century Coin Collectors: uh, say you collect 19th century coins or list a favorite coin or something

Mt. Everest Climbers: words like alpinist, mountaineering, climbing, snow and hiking could be key

Tattooed Led Zepplin Fans: maybe mention the band by name and the fact that you have tattoos

Why is this important? Because several sites allow you to search by keyword.

If you think of the run-of-the-mill profiles you came across in your Research Phase (see Branding section above), who goes into an online dating site and searches for nice, cool, funny, or cars? Just as if you were in a regular search engine searching for something specific, make the words in your profile ring specific.

For example, when I would do keyword searches, I’d use terms like “rock climbing,” “mountaineering,” “alpine” and “climbing.” Found several nifty men with whom I had quite a bit in common, a few of with which I’ve enjoyed multiple dates and enduring friendships. A hell of a lot EASIER and MORE PRODUCTIVE than just putting in age and other general demographics and then having to trudge through the search results with a fine-toothed comb.

Optimize your dating profile for the same reasons businesses optimize their websites:

to attract a better-qualified lead.

Online Dating in SEM Terms

The majority of online dating sites have a membership fee. Personally, I like the minimum level of commitment that it takes a person to fork over whatever-ninety-nine a month to engage in the whole process. Kind of a low water mark, if you will.

So if you’re going to spend the money, why ya gonna screw around?

You’re online, you’re web-savvy. Perhaps you found the online dating site from a search engine query in the first place. You know those 3 listings in yellow at the top of the Google search results and all those little listings down the right-hand side of the page? Well, companies pay for those ads. Those are called pay-per-click (PPC) ads.

When someone clicks on one of those ads, the company who posted the ad pays a “per-click” fee to the search engine. In other words, those companies are paying to be seen at the top of the search results by consumers like YOU who are searching for what THEY sell. Companies also budget for these PPC campaigns in their monthly or annual marketing budget.

Just like online dating.

Your monthly membership fee is your PPC ad spend, or monthly advertising budget.

There’s a reason that Campmor, North Face and Patagonia come up in the paid search results when you search for “outdoor gear” – because these companies feel people searching for the term “outdoor gear” are a good spend of their advertising dollars. They’re consumers searching for something specific, something they have to sell, and it’s possible you could be a qualified lead and convert to a customer.

It’s time you started thinking of your online dating site membership as your monthly Pay-Per-Click advertising budget.

If you’re going to spend the dough on putting yourself out there for others to see in the online dating marketplace, wouldn’t it behoove you to have your marketing dollars attract qualified leads?

Wrapping it Up

Here are some tips that can help you make your online dating experience a well-crafted one from a Branding, SEO, and Search Engine Marketing (SEM) perspective. These all go back to the previous points I’ve mentioned and bring it all together in one convenient, vertitas-laden package of personal experience:

• Build an accurate profile. Who are you? What drives you? Represent your personal brand well. There’s no one that brings to this world what YOU do, so put it out there and be proud. Post current photos, keep your profile updated if it’s taking longer to find Mr. or Ms. “Right Now.” Understand your competition and set out to represent yourself as the dynamic individual you are. Hell, even if you’re a twin – I guarantee you bring a floatie to the dating pool that your biological cohort doesn’t! Fair and accurate representation of your You Product ensures that, once your customer (i.e. date candidate) arrives, they’re entering into a fair business situation and not the “bondo dog” pictured above. Deception is NOT a great way to begin ANY relationship.

• Don’t be afraid to be specific. Specific is GOOD! Successful companies and their associated brands understand that not every human who walks the face of the earth is the most qualified customer for their service/product. Be clear about what you’re looking for, keeping in mind what’s worked and hasn’t in your previous relationships (just like when making business decisions). Understand as well that if you’re looking for a 6′6″ Pacific Islander millionaire with three children from a previous marriage who collects lint from Arab princes, cooks like a five-star chef and watches 60 Minutes every night without fail – that’s going to limit your results. Being specific isn’t synonymous with being so narrow-minded that you’re setting yourself up to fail. Successful SEM and SEO tactics take into account the specificity of the market they’re approaching, and while Ford might be looking for truck buyers in general, they ain’t lookin’ for (and nor are they going to pay for) people who are looking for planes just because it’s “all transportation, right?”
  

• Indulge in some good ‘ol A/B testing! Ever heard the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Not only should you review your profile on a regular basis, but if you’re not getting the results or traffic from people who fit what you’re looking for – change things up. Go in and edit that pain in the ass “about me” section. Add a new movie you’ve seen. Post a new profile. CHANGE YOUR PROFILE IMAGE! This is the oldest trick in the book, but it’ll often get you a second glance by someone who’d looked at you before (and maybe some new glances, too). Successful PPC campaigns undergo a certain level of A/B testing to fine-tune tactics so that dollars are spent in the most profitable areas and halted in those that aren’t performing.

• Pay attention to keywords. Many online dating sites allow users to search member profiles by keyword. Me? I’m looking for a dude who is into the outdoors, alpine sports, rock climbing … all sorts of nutty activity. You bet your sweet ass those words are in any profile I write – because those folks are probably looking for me as well and they’re VERY important things in my life. If you think of your online dating profile as the business plan for your PPC campaign, abide by one rule of thumb: a PPC campaign is only as successful as the keywords associated with them. By using targeted and specific keywords, you’ll likely attract a more qualified contact and one that’s got a better chance of surviving your scrutiny. Wouldn’t it be great to have a date for that whatever-ninety-five a month instead of an inbox full of people who are 180 degrees from your target customer with no chance of converting?

I’m sure there are a ton of other parallels I could have drawn here relating the online dating game to these various marketing concepts and practices, and I’d love to hear what you have to say. Bottom line is, when you start treating online dating more like a business than a scratch-off lottery ticket from a 7-11, I think you’re going to be a lot more satisfied with the results.

Who the heck am I to talk? Well, as a subscriber to various online dating sites since my divorce in 2002, my endeavors with

The Head Redhead - your blog author

profiles where I did exactly what I’ve enumerated above have netted me:

• Two long-term relationships totaling well over 4 years
• A handful of wonderful men who have remained friends though not romantic interests
  
• A clearer understanding of what’s important to me from a relationship standpoint
• Money spent in the online dating arena wisely with better-than-average (I feel) results
  
• Endless fodder for drinks with the girls

And apparently, the desire to write this blog and encourage feedback from the other folks wandering around out there in the online dating/social media world. Lay it on me, folks. I’m listening (in my best Frasier Crane voice).