Found by whom? Well, people who can spend money with you, silly.

Most of our clients haven’t worked with an SEO copywriter before, and this means we go through an education phase. Today, you get to see what that looks like! I know, you’re excited (pom poms for everyone). I hope you enjoy the tour and that you see what Redhead Writing thinks it takes to deliver a successful SEO copywriting project.

Step One: Gather Up Yo Schiz (translation: bring something to the table)

Wanting to “spruce-up” your website copy isn’t enough of a reason to talk to an SEO copywriter. Here are the things we need when you come to talk to us about your project:

Site Architecture: This is either a flow chart, spreadsheet or bulletpointed list showing the Parent Pages and Subpages in your website. You can also think of this as your navigation.

Why do SEO copywriters need this? Because we need to understand how many pages we’ll be writing copy for, which pages need to be optimized (as not all do) and…uh…because we can’t really wrap our heads around a project unless we see what it’s going to look like.

Keyword Research & Keyword Matrix: Oy vey and pass the Mylanta. No, this isn’t a movie starring Keanu Reeves and unless you’re an SEO specialist, this really isn’t something you want to jack with running and building yourself.

About Keyword Research: Quite simply, the results that you and I can get from Google’s Keyword Tool are okay. But what they don’t give you is a true picture of competition and popularity for each of the keywords you may consider targeting. A little green bar in the keyword tool shows Competition. Per Google, “The Competition column gives you a sense of how many advertisers are bidding for a particular keyword. This data can help you determine how competitive the ad placement is.” If you’re not going an Adwords campaign, I hope you see how useless that information is for web copy. Let a pro give you a report so you can make better decisions. And if you think it’s not worth the couple hundred bucks, see you on page 8 of the search results.

WTF is a Keyword Matrix? It’s a map of your site made with words. (Fancy!) I’ve included a sample below. These can only be created (wait for it) after you’ve done your keyword research!

Why do SEO copywriters need a keyword matrix? Because we need to know which words to target on each page we’re writing and how the pages of your website need to talk to one another (in words). An internal linking strategy is a factor in search engine rankings for your website, so when we write, good SEO copywriters include a solid internal linking strategy for their clients.

Step One Redux: You’ve come to the table with your site architecture, keyword research and keyword matrix. An SEO copywriter can now get a complete picture of your project. For clients who come to us with only a site architecture, Redhead Writing also provides keyword research and matrix-building services. We added this in June of last year as it was more common than not that clients didn’t have this essential piece of the SEO copywriting puzzle.

Step Two: Gettin’ All Up in Yo Bidness (translation: discovery session)

Any SEO copywriter worth their salt will hold a discovery call with a new client. This is your chance to find out if the SEO copywriter you have in your sights has any bloody idea what they’re talking about.

But let’s go back for a minute: it’s my steadfast opinion that if you’re bidding out an SEO copywriting project and the company in question hasn’t asked you for the things in step one, run screaming. I simply can’t fathom how they can produce effective copy without those three things. Redhead Writing will not take SEO copywriting projects without seeing the research a keyword matrix was built on unless it comes from one of our referring SEO firms. Why? Because we don’t write for giggles. We write to produce results for our clients.

What should you expect from a discovery call? This is your opportunity to tell your SEO copywriter about your business. Your clients. Your industry vernacular. The tone you want to convey throughout your website. We’re geeks of just the right sort that, when you find the good ones in our herd, we’ll make your site visitors fall in love and stay on the page, digging deeper into your website and driving them to the desired action.

What should you be able to give your SEO copywriter on this call? Well, here’s what we ask OUR clients: for each page of your website, what are the THREE most desirable actions you’d like a site visitor to take? Those can be things from calling you, filling out a form, downloading something, making a purchase decision or clicking through to another page. But if you don’t know what you want your site visitors to do when they land, an SEO copywriter isn’t going to be able to create copy to produce the desired results.

Step Two Redux: Your discovery call is your chance to have home court advantage. Download on your SEO copywriter everything they need to have a solid grasp on the look, feel and tone of your project and company. Understand where you want site visitors to go on your site…what you want them to do. Finally, ask about time to first draft and the revisions process, what’s included in the project fee, etc.

***

These are the two most important steps to your SEO copywriting project’s success. Do your home work and help your copywriter understand your company and we’ll take it from there! We find it simple to quote a per-page rate that includes one rough and two rounds of revisions, with a change fee if the keywords change or a page is requested to be modified with more than 30% new content. And please – if you have questions, ask away. We won’t do your project for free, but we’ll help you ask better questions that will make your project, website and company an even greater online success!

Note: NOT The Redhead, though I do fancy the outfit...

The day someone told me I should watch Eddie Izzard (as I’d “get” him – I believe that was the wording), I took the information and filed it away in “Under Advisement.” Given that someone always has something we should watch/see/read/do/hump/anoint, our daily dance cards are pretty full. Thanks for the add – hugs. Mean it.

Then a roommate gave me “Dressed to Kill” – one of Eddie’s standup shows – for Christmas. Jesus, it was like everyone I knew conspired to have me sit down and watch this dude. One bored night back in 2002, I popped the damn disc into the DVD player.

And proceeded to laugh my ass off. Cried. Tears. My abs hurt.

He describes himself as an Executive Transvestite. Smart humor and witty tangents delivered by a man in women’s getup.

I turn to humor quite a bit for my requisite dose of “smart.” George Carlin, Eddie Izzard, Bill Mahr, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Lewis Black – love them or hate them, you can’t argue with the logic behind their humor. Hey – different channels work for different folk. My poison? Humor. And the smarter, the better.

The past week or so, I’ve received a fair share of unsolicited feedback on why my readers keep coming back – from my readers themselves. They come back because of the smart side of the smack-downs. So, sitting here on my sofa-desk, suckling caffeine as life’s only fuel following a time-well-spent late night filed with smart humor, I think that I’d fancy myself a bit of an Executive Dominatrix – all credit to Eddie Izzard, of course.

I get to whip people into shape. Smartly. Direct, yet with laughter. Hell, if we can’t laugh at ourselves…well, I guess we could laugh at other people. God knows, the human animal is stranger than fiction. And people consistently ask for another. “Yes ma’am!” You ask, I’ll keep up with the whipping, you naughty little monkeys. But laughing at ourselves and using our foibles, blunders and epic fuckups to help others who might be making (or have previously made) the same mistake – smart. It’s the comedic equivalent of reduce/reuse/recycle.

Here are a few shares this week on my smart humor list – I hope you enjoy their content as much as I do:

SEO Bullshit

Justin Kownacki

The Oatmeal

27b/6

Cherry Woodburn

If you have any “smart humor” to add, leave a comment. I’m always looking to expand my reach. Now on your knees and ask for another

Whaaaaaaa?

You heard me. It’s a myth.

After you give that article a read, pop back here and check out 3 handy tools for repurposing content. I briefly covered the subject in my guest post over at Copyblogger last week, but here, I’ll add a bit more detail designed to kick start your Monday in killer content style. Awwyeah.

eZine Articles: If you’re not using eZine Articles to repurpose your existing content, you’re a dink (yeah, I called you a dink). While you may have to slightly reformat your articles to adhere to their self-serving link and keyword density limits, their page rank and command of presence within search engines is, without a doubt, unprecedented in the article distribution market. Handy idea for repurposing content using eZines: take some of your older content and snazz it up. Upload to eZines and adhere to their guidelines. BAM – fresh backlinks to your website or blog.

Tumblr and Posterous: Two powerful tools on the web for content producers and (ahem) anyone paid to get their clients noticed online. These are ideal places for repurposing content. Have a look at each and see how they can enhance your current marketing and promotion strategies. There are subtle nuances in each, yet they are both remarkably easy to use and if you’re always on the run, you can even blog from your phone or via email. N-A-S-T-Y good. Nasty, I say.

Your Blog: Helloooooo…if you’re doing article marketing and you’ve got a corporate website, your blog is ready and waiting as a repurposing tool for your content. But wait – I thought we just used OTHER tools to repurpose BLOG content? Grab a Snickers, kiddo. Look around your world – you product content every day. Brochures, presentations, leave-behinds, white papers, case studies. It’s ALL great fodder for your blog! Take your non-digital content digital and your already digital content to a new level through your blog. I’m not going to share all my nifty tools, but take 10 minutes today and think about what you’ve got and where you can use it. Hear the little voice that calls at you from across the keyboard, “I’m your blog – use me like yesterday’s newspaper.” Wait – you might actually want yesterday’s newspaper. There’s good content in there!

Now that we know there’s no duplicate content penalty (and hey – I even learned something from the SiteProNews article…goes to show ya), start thinking multi-purpose instead of single use. Think in breadcrumbs instead of loaves. Go forth and repurpose. Watch your backlinks multiply. And all was good on a Monday morning.

Enjoy!

I met Brian Clark (finally) back at Blog World in 2009. He knew I was a SEO copywriting geek and he pinged me early this year with a question: he had a cool new WordPress SEO copywriting plugin and would I mind giving it a beta test?

Does a monkey fling poo?

Not a moment later, I found a nifty zip file in my inbox. Enter Scribe.

If you’re using a WordPress-powered content management system or blog, it’s essential. If you’re a copywriter producing article marketing content for distribution around the web, it’s like mother’s milk. Here’s why:

• It Thinks Like a Search Engine: It’s all very well and good to think you’re TELLING the search engines what you want them to see through coding meta data like page title, description and keywords, but what do search engines really see? Scribe tells you and helps you pull your head out of your backside before your content goes live.
• It Acts Like a Coach: When you run the Analysis tool, it not only tells you what it sees, but it tells you how to fix it. Hells yeah.
• No Blog Needed: Maybe you’re a copywriter who churns out article marketing content and you have to be careful about keyword density (I’m talkin’ eZines here, folks…). Scribe had a web-based standalone version accessible from anywhere (one you sign up) that catches any boo boos before the big bad submission engines get ahold of you. I lurvs. A lot. (Not alot.)
• It Ain’t Free (and nor should it be): If you want cool free tools, check out HubSpot’s awesome arsenal. The Scribe tool ranges from $27/month to $97/month. Don’t believe it’s worth the cash – try it 30 days for free and see for yourself. I did.

Here’s a screenshot of the analysis tool once it’s run (these are the results for the post you’re reading right now):

Here are a few things you need to know about WHY I’m pimping this plugin:

• I work in the SEO space and have sent referrals for this tool over to SEO firms with whom I work.
• I’m all about anything that’s going to make my job easier.
• Brian’s group is all about feedback and he PERSONALLY responded to a list of improvement/expansion suggestions I sent over.
• They’ll be releasing versions for additional blogging platforms in coming months.
• It takes writers out of the position of thinking like writers and makes you look at your content in a different way – a way that better serves clients.

Will it make you a SEO copywriting pro overnight? Hell no. But it WILL make your path to understanding how search engines read content less bumpy. Read more about the Scribe SEO Copywriting tool and see why I’m jazzed. Have a delightful Monday.

SEO copywriting for the web is an art. It’s not about slapping any old words on a web page and waiting for the traffic to magically appear. As an SEO copywriter, I work with a team of other professionals to help make a client’s website successful: SEO firms, sponsored search specialists, web designers. The most challenging conversation I ever have with a new client is “words do not traffic make.” But they’re a damn good place to start.

While search engines are pretty doggone smart, they’re also pretty dang dumb. You have to tell them what’s important. You might have the most awesome doggie supply business on the planet Earth but if the search engines (and hence, all your prospective customers) don’t know that, you’re screwed. So what’s the key to breaking it down Barney-style and spoon feeding the search engines?

Keywords, keywords, keywords.

Today’s blog is a few simple steps you can take and tools you can use to start thinking like your customers and spoon feed the search engines exactly what they should know about your website, your business and who they should be sending your way.

• Pretend you’re a customer. Stop being the business owner for a minute and put yourself in your customer’s shoes. When they go to the web, what are they typing into that Google Search box when searching for what you’ve got in spades? Here are some simple steps you can take to find out!
  • The Google Test. Play around in Google and act like a customer. If you sell doggie supplies, key in search terms like dog bowls, online pet supplies, online dog supplies, etc. See what comes up.
  • Snoop Around Your Competitors’ Yards. You know who they are, so why not pay their websites a visit? When you land on their home page, use a right click of your mouse to get a pop-up box that says view page source (Chrome/Firefox) or view source (IE). Click that. It will open up a new window that will show you all of that web site’s meta data (information that the site is giving to search engines). This includes keywords, page description and page title. Sneaky – make notes!
• Dig Deeper: Keyword Research Tools. Using free online resources like Google’s Keyword Tool, you can type in multiple keywords and keyword phrases (a single keyword would be dog, a keyword phrase would be online dog supplies). You can then let Google (master of all that is Search), tell you how popular those keyword combinations are! Why is this useful?
  • Because Google is smart and you are dumb. Google knows data and spends more time that you and I have combined compiling data. It knows who is searching for what and how often. But their hard work can help you choose the best search terms to focus on for your web content.
  • Same but Different. Google will show you synonyms and other related phrases (proof that Google is smarter than you and me). You might type in dog supplies online, but it will also give you the following:

• Be specific. I don’t know about you, but when I look for things online, I’m rarely looking for “dog supplies.” I’m looking for a medium Furminator brush. Being generic in Search Engineville is the kiss of death. The more specific you can be, the better for your web copy and behind-the scenes meta data. Here’s a hierarchy as to what your keyword selection should look like from your home page on down:
  • Home Page: general keywords (online pet supplies).
  • Internal Pages: more specific keywords (online cat supplies/online dog supplies)
  • Sub Pages: even more specific keywords (cat litter boxes/online cat food/cat scratching posts)
  • Category-Specific Pages: very specific (Furminator brushes)
  • Product Specific Pages: freakin’ specific (Furminator dog brush/Furminator cat brush/Furminator Medium)
  • The goal is to drive traffic with your web copy and meta data to the point where a site visitor doesn’t have to dig through your site to get what they want. If you’ve ever left Target because you couldn’t find what you were looking for, Target failed in its marketing. More websites than not do this very (bad) thing.

So, you’re doing keyword research. Awesome. Start a spreadsheet with what you’ve found or just make a list in a document that you can keep handy. This information helps a copywriter (an SEO-savvy copywriter, not one that’s used to working with print medium or is a wiz at editorial work) understand your products and business. Your SEO copywriter (if any good) will then take that list and do a little digging of their own and then be better able to craft web copy that works for both the search engines and your business instead of just giving you what anyone is capable of: word on a web page.

SEO copywriting takeways for today regarding keyword research and selection:

• Think like your customers and figure out what they’re typing into Google.
• Check out your competitors – there’s nothing wrong with finding out what already works (and doesn’t)
• Test your results with free online resources like Google’s Keyword Tool (because it’s smarter than we are)
• Understand where to use general keywords and where to get more specific
• Make a list of your research to help the other key professionals in your web campaign understand your business, your products and you target audience.

Next Monday, tune in for the reason your web copy needs a pool boy and a plumber. It’s called specialization of labor, and SEO copywriting will get your web content tuned-in like a well-staffed corporation!

Did you miss installment one in this series? Read Why Your Web Content Isn’t Working.

Are you subscribed? Don’t miss out on the next installment of the SEO copywriting blog series on RedheadWriting. We publish every Monday/Wednesday/Friday! Get a dose of The Redhead straight to your reader of choice or via email – just go to the top right hand side of this screen and clickity-click!

Website content is the undisputed king – search engines rank you by it, people rate you by it, and most of all, it’s the number one tool (in conjunction with a solid website design) that tells your visitors who you are, what you do and what you can do for them.

But your web copy isn’t working. WTF, over?

Today’s post is the first in a series of five posts that will cover website content. As a reminder, installment two in my WordPress Series will be published this Wednesday (catch installment one Three Reasons Your Website Sucks and One Simple Way to Fix It here), so if you haven’t subscribed, have a lookie-loo at the right hand side of this page and subscribe via RSS feed or email. Let’s face it – you get a lot of crap in your inbox every day…why not get some crap you actually want to read?

Most people think that the mere act of having a website is their ticket to instant traffic and an exponential increase in sales. Yeah – you’re wrong. There are two key components that go into a solid website: content (king) and design/coding (a piss-and-vinegar queen that’s bucking for the throne at all times). A pretty website alone, while nice to look at, isn’t going to result in higher traffic or sales. It needs the compliment of coherent, purpose-driven content. Now, before I get the commenters who think I’m being sexist by putting forth that a website is a patriarchal entity and the matriarchal figure is subservient (blah-blah-blah)…it’s a metaphor. The king and queen compliment one another and work together to create a web-based kingdom that:

• Is sticky (keeps visitors on your site)
• Lets visitors know what you want them to do (click here, buy this, subscribe, submit a form)
• Converts visitors to customers (creates revenue or another desired result)

In the words of Mel Brooks: It’s good to be the king.

Any old words slapped up on a web page simply won’t do. There’s a tried and true method for developing coherent and conversion-oriented web copy that works. The next four parts of this series will cover the following topics:

• Do Your Homework: Audience Identification and Keyword Selection (WTF is a keyword?!?!)
  • Who do you want to visit your site and why? This post will delve into how to think like your target audience and how to do the research for your entire site that will result in web copy that speaks to your audience and more importantly, speaks to the search engines. Search engines are smart, but you’ve gotta tell them what they want to hear.
• Specialization of Labor: Why Each Page of Your Website Should Have a Job
  • Ever worked in a company where everyone was the sales/marketing/administrative staff/lead developer and CEO? Too many cooks in the kitchen! We’ll look into why each page of your website should have a clearly defined purpose and talk about how that helps the search engines and your business simultaneously. Copy rules here, and it takes a polished pen/keyboard to write purpose-driven text that gets you where you need to go.
• Who Loves You, Baby? The Importance of Links and Anchor Text
  • Expanding on the idea of specialization of labor, we’ll discuss why the specialization you committed to will help your website from both the inside AND the outside. There’s a heavy importance that search engines place on links (both internal and inbound from other sites) as well as the way you create those links – anchor text. Stop pasting URLs and hyperlinking the words “click here.” Do it right, reap the rewards.
• It’s Not Over Until It’s Over: Revisiting Your Site, Making Revisions
  • When you’ve finally achieved a site that works and one that’s got a design and the complimentary copy to do what you expected it to do—you can’t just let it be. We’ll go over the importance of analytics, competitive analysis and how to stay one step ahead of your competition through some smart “tweaks” to your web copy and site meta data to ensure that as the months and years roll by, your site isn’t left in the dust with the dinosaurs.

There’s a lot of crap lurking out there on the interwebz, but your website doesn’t have to belong to the Crap Club. Follow this series of blog posts and take your website from crap to content-rich in a few easy weeks of reading. We’ll see you next Monday with Do Your Homework: Audience Identification and Keyword Selection, and don’t forget to catch this Wednesday’s installment in my WordPress series and how it can be used as a tool to help you build a solid website.

Go organic in search results!

Just like your body, your website is a reflection of what you put into it: crap in, crap out.

And then there’s the other side of the coin: fill yourself up with too much of the good stuff and you still get fat, not fit.

So Erika – where’s the happy medium?

As I discussed awhile ago (I Have a Website, I Have No Traffic – WTF?) there are fundamental components of website design that can completely screw you if you’re not savvy. Today, we’re going to talk about the grunt work of getting those coveted organic search engine rankings. I’ve been getting this question a lot from my followers on Twitter as well as my clients this week, and it’s an issue I deal with daily as InvestorLoft’s Director of Communications & Content.

How do I get my website to that first page…even first POSITION in Google?

Straight-up: if I KNEW the answer to that question, I’d be rich beyond belief and living on some tropical isle with a herd of cabana boys fanning me and keeping me in mojitos  or Twisted Pine Billy’s Chilies 24/7. I’m not a search engine specialist, nor will I ever claim to be. I do, however, write the copy for a shitload of websites and find myself explaining a whole lot about keywords, meta data, backlinks….and…..(snore)….

What I can tell you is that there are several things you can do in order to increase your traffic and your page rank. Both of these factors contribute highly to your position on any search engine and when you pair them with linkbuilding, increasing all puts you well on your way to better rankings built over time.

We’re heading to Whole Website Market(ing), so grab your reuseable cgi-bin and let’s get going.

1. Examine your keyword strategy. When’s the last time you looked at your on-page keywords and meta data (page descriptions, page titles and meta keywords in your code)? Have a look and make sure that they’re still consistent with your target audience. I have many clients tell me, ” I don’t show up in Google for Arizona Real Estate Investing.” Many times it’s because that phrase is nowhere to be found on their pages at all (crazy, I know). What you THINK you should be ranking for and what your website is TELLING the search engines you should be ranking for are sometimes two entirely different things. Get your stories straight and then move on.
2. Start a blog. Not a self-serving gratuitous bullshit blog, folks. A solid informational source about topics of interest to your potential clients and customers. This blog should be hosted on your website and if you missed why, read this before your become a WordPress whore. Blogs are excellent linkbait and another tool that search engines can index in oder to help you build rankings, traffic and interest from your audience.
3. Catalog Your Website & Blog. Directories with decent page rank (and I consider a Google Page Rank of 4+ decent for directories) that link bck to your blog can only help you in search engine rankings. Many are free and many are paid – start with the free ones or even use a directory submission service to minimize your energy expenditure. Here is a starter list of blog directories. If you use a directory submission service, make sure they provide you with a report of sites submitted. You’re never guaranteed acceptance and many have reciprocal link requirements. Understand the terms before you submit.
4. Article Marketing – It’s Not a One-Shot Deal. One of the keys to highly successful websites is the consistent generation of new content. Your blog will contribute to this as will new articles both on your website and externally that link back to you. Article Marketing through such sites a eZineArticles, GoArticles, iSnare and others not only generate backlinks to your site (most often through your author bio/footer), but also position you as an authority on your chosen subject matter. However (a BIG however), you need to establish a schedule for regular submission of articles.  Most article marketing sites will also require that they have exclusivity on the content you submit (this means one article can’t go to 3 sites). Instead of “spinning” content, contemplate how to address your subject matter from a complimentary angle. For example, the article “Self-Directed IRAs: 10 Reasons to Start One Today” can lend itself to “How Do I Set Up a Self-Directed IRA?” and “Self-Directed IRAs: Pros and Cons.” (ya catch my drift?)
5. Maintain a Blog Comment Campaign. First of all, if you spam my blog – I WILL remember you and blacklist you. I have no mercy. Don’t pump someone’s thoughtful blog full of your bullshit, marketing-only comments that are just poor excuses for backlinks. Engage in conversations. Find blogs in a related industry that your target demographic is likely to read and leave thoughtful comments (not that you just “liked the post and will check back often”). Real conversations develop on blogs, and I’ve earned clients from them.

This is just one short list of five ideas to get you started. I’ll encourage readers to leave their thoughts on additional strategies below and enlighten everyone in the process. It’s definitely possible to feed your website with good vittles like these and boost your organic search results in the process. As a conversation I just had with someone extolling the virtues of a frozen box of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies – they taste good as hell but ultimately do nothing for yor bottom line.

Hey pretty blogger…what’s your name?

Yeah? You’re a writer? That’s hot.

Why don’t you, uh…come on over here and chat with me for while. We can talk about…umm…about…

Gee, I dunno…we could talk about how pretty you look sitting in front of that little MacBook, the silver case reflecting the auburn in your hair.

Or…we could talk about why you’re a little whore.

There – I said it. A whore.

Last week I admitted that I’m Google’s bitch and this week, I’m going to give my speech to all you inner-city disadvantaged bloggers out there about being a Wordpress whore. Ari Herzog even called me out on it in the comments of last week’s blog. It was a shameful day for me as I was faced with what I already knew as both a writer and an SEO professional:

I am a whore for Wordpress.

By hosting my blog here at a Wordpress.com domain, I’m giving away all my take. My tricks – these posts – are giving Wordpress all of the SEO juice when you, my cherished and slightly skewed readers, visit my site each week when I post. At the end of the day, it’s like I’m walking the streets for Wordpress, turning tricks and acting like a freelance writer from India who will pound-out 500 word articles for $3 each.

I

am

a

whore.

I am pleased to announce that effective February 1, SEOCopywritingRedhead will be found at its very own domain. This has been in the works for awhile, but Ari lit the fire under my ass necessary to get me out of Wordpress’ stable and into the groove of being my own madam.

Now, for those of you out there using free blogging platforms (i.e.: http://blog.freebloggingthingie.com), I’m going to do a little “scared straight” on your ass and tell you what’s what.

• If you blog for fun and don’t care about the SEO juice, go ahead and whore it up on a free blogging platform.
• If you’re attempting to establish a personal brand or a subscriber base – you need to stop being a dirty little blogging whore and get your own domain.

But Erika (you ask…) HOW do I stop being Wordpress’ dirty little blogging whore?

C’mere little blogger…sit down. I’m going to have the same conversation with you that a wise man once had with me.

You’ve got your entire blogging career ahead of you. You’re young (kinda), you’re smart (after all, you’re reading my blog) and you write some damn good looking words. Seriously – if your words were legs, they could kick for the Rockettes. So with gams like that, sweetheart, were gonna get you walkin’ in the right neighborhoods.

If you’re on Wordpress.com, there are several hosting services out there with one-click install of Wordpress when you purchase a domain and hosting. I’ve heard wonderful things about both Bluehost and Dreamhost, and while I’m currently embroiled in GoDaddy’s rat bastard practices, I encourage you to check them out.

You can also redirect your current Wordpress.com blog to your own domain for a mere $15/year. Under your Dashboard, go to Settings/Domains and then tell it the url you want it to point to. Then it’ll ask you to buy 10 Wordpress credits and BAM! You’re on your way. (and yes, your page still gets the SEO juice this way)

So, the bottom line it that it’s simple to get off the streets and end your acceptance of sub-par take for all of your hard work. Writing is very (very) sexy stuff, and there’s no reason to be giving away the milk without making the search engines buy your cow first.

Get your own blog domain. Open your own brothel. Be your own pimp. Keep your link juice.

And you can keep Wordpress, too, if you like.

Please note: no bloggers were bitch-slapped in the crafting of this post.

Yes, Google! May I have another!?

Here’s the truth folks: Google beats me and I like it. I also occasionally take some fair swatting  from Yahoo! and MSN, less often from Alta Vista (but their spankings feel super niiiiiiice). Frankly, now that I think of it, I make a living out of spending my 8-to-5 bent over on some desk or another. And it’s all for my clients’ benefit.

Much akin to being in an abusive relationship, I’ve engaged with the hot quarterback from high school in a small rural town. His dad owns a farm, his cousins are known for their cow-tipping antics. Did I mention his dad owns a farm? Well, it’s not just a farm. It’s the biggest farm in the county. He also owns the land where the co-op grain silo stands. And the trucking company that hauls the grain from each of the farms to the silo each harvest. I think dad also owns the police department. Huh. Quite frankly, his dad owns everything. (I’m not even going to mention how creepy it is that Hot Quarterback calls him “Daddy.”)

So, I decided to make a life with Mr. Hot Quarterback and become Mrs. Hot Quarterback. I love him, see. He makes me swoon whenever he plants one of those burly kisses on my cheek and smacks me playfully on the ass while I’m cookin’ up somethin’ in the kitchen. I went to work for his daddy’s (ugh) company as a little computer gal so I could help out the family-n-all.

(read: Erika opted for a career as an SEO copywriter because she loves the challenge and constant problem solving involved with her day-to-day routine.)

Google smacks me on the ass a lot.

If you’re an SEO professional out there, it’s pretty likely that you’re getting smacked just as frequently as I am. Only difference is that I might look better bent over a desk than you do.

For the sake of my clients, I’m constantly embroiled in the ongoing discussion of the “Google algorithms” and how search engines determine your page ranking. Why does some piece of shit website with an ungodly amount of content beyond distillation rank a bloody 6 and an easy-to-navigate, user-friendly, well-traveled site earn a paltry 3? For fuck sake, Google. Help me out.

You told me to build backlinks. I complied.

You told me content was king. I wrote.

You told me you like keyword-rich anchor text. I stapled that shit down with some bomber keywords.

You told me blogs were good. I am a serious blogging mo-fo.

Like the wife of Mr. Hot Quarterback who’s daddy owns everything in town, I feel some days that I get smacked too much.  Google told me what my chores were – and I did them! Google keeps me on a short leash, issuing the almighty smack-down for black-hat practices and serious search engine nastiness. For the love of all that’s clickable, there are only so many blessed directories that you can list a site on.

But you keep changing the game, Google.

Your algorithms are like Mr. Hot Quarterback’s daddy – you own everything in town so I can’t go to the po-lice.

If I cross the county line into Yahoo!ville or MSNville, I’m going to get less traffic than your behemoth community can send me.

So I spend my days explaining to my friends at the beauty parlor why we had that argument at the Cracker Barrel on Sunday. *sigh*

But y’know? I love him. That hot quarterback of mine who’s put on 50 lbs. since we got married (he says it’s muscle)…he’s the love of my life. He’s introduced me to everyone wonderful in this little/big town we live in and I meet someone new every day. When he smacks me on the ass in the kitchen, I can’t help it but to giggle and blush a little bit.

Google – you can smack me anytime. I’m completely your bitch. All I ask is that, if I play by the rules and I play well, allow me a victory every now and then. And admittedly – you have. But as an SEO professional, I can’t really take my clients anywhere else (and you know that). I want them to be safe in your hands. So instead of giving me a smack-down when you change your algorithms, why don’t you put on that unassuming little polo rig like the guy in the picture above? I’ll put on some fishnets. Some pearls. We’ll have a party –  big, wicked search engine party and I’ll get excited when you double-click my mouse. Go ahead – put “naughty” in the search box. We’ll see what pops up in the results.