• Interviews
• Job offers
• Performance gigs
• Family members trying to reconnect
• Prizes (legit) won and claims expired
• Deaths
• Serious illnesses

And the bitch of it all? Those with Facebook brand pages were finding that their messages had been summarily dismissed into the Other Messages purgatory (a chasm filled with fire-breathing penguins and an inherently high population of Russian call girls). Across all of the outlets cited above (including this blog), there was a question that remains unanswered:

How the $%^*&((# do I rescue messages from certain people/brands from the circle of hell that Dante didn’t even know existed: the Others folder?

Today, we’re going to make it happen.

As a pre-emptive note to any writers and bloggers who feel that they want to “paraphrase” this post on their website without due credit, check this out, yo. I really wish I didn’t have to put this message in here.

How to Choose Which Facebook Messages Go Into Messages and Other

First, I wish it were as easy as checking a box or Facebook actually having a useable UI that allowed you to easily make this choice. Alas, it’s Facebook. We choose to use it, we are its bitch. We must accept the fact that we are Users and Data Sources, and not really the intended audience. Thus we must MacGyver together a solution. Let’s roll.

Here’s a snapshot of my Facebook Other Messages inbox.

And here I am thinking – DANG! I sure would have liked to get that message from The Subdudes (do not judge my musical tastes) into my actual Messages folder so that I had an ice cube’s chance in hell of seeing it.

Step #1: Click on the Message you want to rescue. There is no screenshot for this. Use The Force, Luke.

Step #2: Access the Actions tab

Step #3: Select “Move to Messages” (collective GASP)

And ka-POW! Messages from that person or brand page will now land in your Messages folder instead of the chasm filled with hookers and fire-breathing penguins.

But Erika – is there an easier way to do this when I fan a brand page? Surely…

Yeah, well, surely there isn’t. If anyone has a hack, I’m happy to hear it. You would think that with all of the snazzy changes Facebook keeps making, they’d add some basic functionality to their “social inbox” that lets us, the users (and the reason their actual customers pay them a metric ton of money), use the site on a deeper level. But it’s Facebook. We take the evil with the eviler and find hacks like these that are as unintuitive as a set of furniture instructions from IKEA. But they’re hacks. And they work. So we deal.

And as a bonus, I recently had to deal with the whoospie that I’d let a boatload of people become my Facebook friends that didn’t really need to be in my inner sanctum. One of my Twitter folk, Brent Terrazas turned me on to a browser extension called Grease Monkey FacebookDeletes that allows you to bulk select friends to delete. It works like a charm (zapped 204 people into oblivion) and if you’re due for a Facebook friend purge, it’s a one-click installation and should take you 10 minutes max to tighten your circles down to a manageable level. The extension works on Chrome, Firefox, and I believe IE. Note: Be sure to read the instructions for the script, as you’re supposed to check the friends you want to KEEP. Getting it reversed could be bad ju ju.

A special note for those who run Brand pages: Since your messages are summarily dismissed to the “Other Messages” file for new fans, wouldn’t it be cool to let new fans know about this “glitch?” Create a blog post that you can post on your wall every now and again that addresses this issue so that your fans can get the messages they want in their inboxes? It’s traffic to both your website AND the things your fans on Facebook need to know most. Link them to this post, create a how-to of your own. Your audience will love you for the help.

Here’s a slow motion replay of my reactions:

1. WTF?!
2. WHO is this?
3. HOW is this guy a Facebook friend since I don’t know who he is?
4. WHAT on earth is this dude talking about?
5. Thanks for insulting me and determining of what I am worthy. Saves me the time and effort. Cause apparently, I’m a BITCH. A bitch who has NO idea what you’re talking about.

So, owning the fact that I’m a complete, disrespectful Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages – especially ones from people I don’t know who are apparently (and unbeknownst to me) interested in me in some sort of social/romantic manner – I decided to dig into the issue.

As The Facebook Turns – No More Message Notifications

Since Facebook went through its gazillionth change in the past year, I found myself not receiving any notifications of messages and few relating to comments. I was actually pretty delighted for the decreased email volume. So, to see what Mr. Disgruntled was talking about, I took my Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages self over to Facebook.

Here’s what I see, probably like you when I click on my Messages icon:

I don’t know about you, but I see FIVE messages. If they appear to be unread, I click through and read the unread messages from this window. Given that I can receive up to 20 Facebook messages a day on occasion, if you’re not showing up in this “fast five,” I ain’t gonna see ya.

I scrolled up Mr. Disguntled’s message feed to me and, indeed, he had asked me on November 28 if I’d like to go grab coffee sometime. Prior to that, we’d even shared a 4 or 5 line Facebook chat conversation in early November regarding…the weather. Given that I am ice cube-chance-in-hell visible on Chat, it’s not surprising that I’d forgotten about this exchange. So yeah – he’d asked me to coffee. Sent me a few links. None of which I’d seen. He happened to be friends with a few of my close friends here in Denver, which could explain why he got through my Firewall of Friendship.

But more importantly – how many other messages was Facebook hiding from me with their new notification system?!

Digging Deeper – The “Others”

So, I posted something on my PERSONAL Facebook wall about not getting message and comment notifications and my dear friend Colleen chimed in with – ummm…do you know about “Other” messages?

I’m like – what OTHER messages?

And she showed me. Just like I’m going to show you.

Go to your Home Page on Facebook. Click on Messages in the left hand sidebar. When you do that, something mysterious happens…you’re introduced to The Others.

When I clicked on that Monday morning, I had 58 messages swimming around in there. People I’ve shown this trick over the past two days have had numbers ranging from the 20s to over 100, and some dating back to the beginning of the year.

Now, if you’re running a brand page and trying to figure out why responses to your Events are down, this is why. Most brand page events go into The Others folder, just like the shitty movie starring Nicole Kidman goes into the bargain bin of DVDs at the grocery store. (Who buys DVDs at the grocery store anyways?)

In those Other messages were notes from readers of my blog and invitations to events that I would have really liked to have attended. (There was also the unread/unseen invitation to join the gentleman above for coffee.)

How could I stop these messages from going into Facebook’s sneaky, inconvenient Information Purgatory in the future?

The Answer: Reclaim Your Facebook Notifications

If I’m going to have passive-agressive missives flung in my direction, I want to be fully in control and conscious of the behavior that’s inspiring said missives. I also want to be participating, dammit. So I went into the Facebook Account Settings and I’m going to guide YOU through how to get those Message and other notifications back that Facebook mysteriously took away.

Step #1: Top Right Hand Side of Your Facebook Page

Step #2: Top Left Hand Side of the Next Page

Step #3: UNCHECK THIS DAMN BOX!

Step #4: Set Your Notifications

Scroll down the page until you see the Notifications section. You can click on each of the headings (Facebook – where you’ll find your Message notifications – is shown here) and set up the type of emails you want to receive.

No More Hide-And-Seek With Facebook Messages!

So, it would appear that I’m not necessarily the Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages after all. Facebook’s bogarted all of our notification settings and it’s up to us to reclaim them. And The Others? Hells bells. Go ahead and tell me how many messages you have in your Others folder. I have a nifty, wintery prize for the person with the most! Caveat: you have to upload a screen shot showing your profile name AND the message bubble to the right side of the Others line.

Now, this weekend, I’ll be doing that (apparently) much-needed Facebook Friends purge, as one of my true friends would have rattled my cage in other ways if I’d been ignoring them, as they’d know it was completely inadvertent. And for the record, the gentleman in question appears to have blocked me on Facebook, so I couldn’t even send him a message explaining the scenario.

The next time you assume someone is ignoring you, one of two things is most certainly true:

Option 1: They are ignoring your messages.

or

Option 2: They’re victim to Facebook’s definition of “important” and really have no fucking clue that you dropped them a line.

In my case? Option 2 prevailed.

Happy Facebook Notifications Reclamation Day!

Hi…yeah – is Bullshit in? No, It’s okay. I’ll hold.

Bullshit always keeps you on hold, doesn’t it?

The lines of communication propriety have become inarguably blurred by technology. I addressed this awhile back in a diatribe/personal memoir on online stalking, but think it bears repeating in a slappier tone. So let me rack my Bitch Slapping hand like a shotgun and say this:

Our audacity is blinding.

The social web is a brilliant tool. If used wisely, it offers greater insight into those people who matter to us most. Friends, family, colleagues, customers and clients all now have the opportunity to share their lives to any degree they see fit – from conspicuous absence to annoying overshare and every iteration in between. But here’s the rub: just because you can see someone online doesn’t mean you know them. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have access to them.

I don’t know about you, but the level of faux-social intimacy bullshit I deal with every day is astronomical. There’s nothing I adore more than a personal note from a reader or having the opportunity to answer a question for anyone who asks, but my social networks are becoming overrun with people who think they know me. Well, ya don’t. Here’s what you know about Erika: the persona. There are a select group of people in the Inner Sanctum, the ‘hood. But the rest? You’re standing outside singing “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?” and looking at an Irish Setter.

I know I’m not the only one who deals with this, so before I go from Erika to see-you-next-Tuesday in five paragraphs flat, let’s get to some common sense rules for the social web. These are my rules and perhaps not yours, but I think much of it is common sense. Let’s take a spin on the Train to Communication Propriety and stop this epically fucked devolutionary process back to knuckle dragging Neanderthals that club Jane on the head and drag her back into the cave so we can sneak a look at her Facebook profile when no one’s looking.

Text Messaging

If you get someone’s phone number, that’s a pretty coveted thing these days. Don’t blow up their phone with multi-part text messages. If it takes more than two texts to get your point across, pick up the goddamn phone and have a 30-second conversation. For fuck sake, if your fingers work to text, they work to dial. And yes, I am occasionally just as guilty of this as anyone else. Texts are great for where are you, what time, which brand of ketchup do you want? queries, but they suck ass for dialogue. Dial. The. Phone.

Facebook Profiles

I’ve been pretty lax with this but that’s about to change. My personal Facebook profile is for my family and friends. If I haven’t met you IRL (In Real Life), do you really need to see the pics of me and my girlfriends having dinner? No. Because that’s personal and requires a certain level of intimacy. I love connecting with my readers and hearing their stories and truly respect anyone who sends me a friend request with a clarification on how I know them. Just ask one of my besties, Merredith – I’d met her at a conference and was knee deep in shit, couldn’t remember and even denied HER friend request on Facebook. Alas, I’ve also now spent last Thanksgiving and Christmas at her family’s house. I also know quite a few people who use their personal Facebook profiles for their business colleagues and communications as well. That’s fine. That’s your decision.

But the moral is this: understand what you’re doing. Think about what you’re asking when you click “Add to Friends” on Facebook. It’s a pretty big level of ask. It’s not just a button. I built a Facebook Fan Page so people could reach Erika without seeing the things that really aren’t quite their business. And the same goes for you – you probably don’t think I need to see the pictures of your daughter’s birthday party or your brand of political rants. If someone you see online offers a link to their Fan Page on their blog, but not a link to their personal profile (ahem…coughs…points), maybe there’s a reason. It’s pretty audacious to ask to be let into someone’s personal life. Just think of who you’d let inside the front door of your house – any yahoo selling magazines or the person you share three yoga classes and carpools with each week? Methinks yoga person wins out.

Relationships Are Earned

This digital access we enjoy – it makes things way too easy. With a Google search, we can find most anyone and the only way to avoid being found is to stop putting it out there. But we should never forget that relationships are earned. Just as flinging a business card at someone doesn’t mean you’ll get them as a client, seeing someone online doesn’t mean you know them. Relationships built over the social web take time and nurturing, just as with any in-person relationship. Why should anyone “be your friend” after exchanging a few blog comments or tweets? After shaking your hand at a conference? I think a good rule of thumb is this: if you’d invite the person to a dinner party where you could only have 20 guests, would you invite them? Granted, the parties are different for both business and your personal life – you have to be the one who decides the boundaries – but we only have so much bandwidth.

Use your bandwidth wisely. Take the time to bask in deeper relationships instead of skipping rock after rock across the surface of human interaction. Stop collecting people in your personal life. In my eyes, I need a select group of incredible relationships, not a plethora of mediocre ones that detract from the time I can spend on the ones I truly want to nurture.

The Desire to Connect – Go Forth and Don’t Be a Douche

We want to feel connected and now we have all of these buttons (Like, Digg, Stumble, Reddit, Add to Friends, Follow, Buy) that give the illusion of connection – but how are we truly connected? When the shit goes down (as it has on this blog), who’s going to be there and have your back? Who’s going to notice if you’re gone?

More importantly – who will YOU notice when they’re gone and reach out to help when needs must?

My readers – you – you’re the reason I get to do what I love. You make me laugh, you’ve been there when all hell’s broken loose. And many of you have come to be my friends and I hope I get to meet each of you one day. I never expected to be invited to your weddings and I don’t know your parents. I only know the persona – what you choose to share with me. And I respect that. How can we change the culture of People Collecting into one where we keep building relationships, but on different levels? I treasure that I’ve earned each of you coming back, post after post. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But no offense – I don’t really need you to listen in while I chat with my mom, y’know?

So, you’ve been slapped. And I have, too. Enough with the over-asking and false senses of familiarity because a button says we can have it with a click. It’s time for me to rethink just clicking a button and consider what those clicks mean. I tell my clients all the time: it’s not how many fans you have on the boat – it’s how many who would jump in to save you when the shit goes down. Even the Titanic had a max capacity, y’know?

Today’s guest post is by Michelle Mangen, possibly one of the best Virtual Assistants in the universe. She’s savvy in everything from social media to bookkeeping and can be found online at Your Virtual Assistant as well as on Twitter.

As is typical with Facebook there have been a lot of changes taking place recently. Some time ago we were given the option to “upgrade” to the new personal profile layout. (Note: it may now be required)  Among the many differences in the new layout there are two things you may want to change as soon as possible.

1. Linking Your Fan Page to Your Personal Profile
2. Editing Your News Feed Items to Show All Friends and Fan Page Updates

By default Facebook apparently “set up” a new fan page if you previously had a company name listed in your profile as “employer”.  If you don’t change this potential “fans” will be going to the wrong destination.  Do your potential clients and fans a favor and set that link to go to your true page.

In this photo anyone who clicks on “Your Virtual Assistant” will be directed to my actual fan page and not the non-existent page that Facebook created.

You may be one of the lucky ones who can easily add your page by tagging it with @Your Fan Page Name. I was one of the lucky ones. All of my clients haven’t been so lucky….if you are one of those who can’t get your Fan Page to connect by simply tagging it these instructions are for you.

These instructions will only work with the Web Developer Add-On for FireFox or Chrome. Before completing the steps below download this tool for your browser from the appropriate link above and install as necessary.

1. Go to your Fan Page and copy the Page ID (a long set of numbers at the very end of your Fan Page URL)
2. Open a separate window with your personal Facebook profile>Edit Profile>Education and Work
3. Type your fan page name into the employer box ~ don’t be alarmed that it brings up the wrong page
4. From the Web Developer extension that you installed open the option that reads “Forms” and then “Display Form Details”
5. Enter the Page ID that you copied from Step 1 into the “employer ID boxes” (NOTE: your page will look different than mine because my Facebook profile attached by simply tagging my fan page name but the picture below will give you a general idea …just be sure to add your page ID to the fields that indicate “employer ID”.
6. When finished adding in your Page ID into the employer ID fields click save changes at the bottom of the page.
7. You can now turn off the Web Developer “Display Forms Detail” option and you should see your fan page connected to your personal profile complete with your fan page photo.
8. Go back to your personal profile and test the link to assure it’s correct.

Congrats on linking up your Facebook fan page to your personal profile!

You may also want to change Item #2 mentioned above. With the massive changes that took place the week of Feb. 6, 2011 your news feed has changed to only show updates from recent interactions you have had with fan pages and friends. If you’d like to show all updates and not limit yourself to only those you’ve interacted recently there is one simple step you have to take.

1. Select “News Feed” from your home page
2. Scroll to the very bottom of your news feed page and select “Edit Options”
3. By default the recent changes are set at “Friends and Pages you Interact with Most” — change this to the other option “All of Your Friends and Pages”
4. Save

So last night, I WON A HAT! I won a motherfucking HAT, yo. I’m sorry to disappoint all of you who had dibs on time-sharing the pony, but it’s not just a hat – it’s got a pom pom on top. I said goddamn.

What did I win the hat for? Oh – right. Whoops. I won Best Facebook Fan Page for Promotion of a Personal Brand. So thank you, monkays. For you readership, your nominations, and most importantly, for being my community. And thanks to Westword for confirming that the f-bomb is an effective tool for communication. Yippee-fuckin’-skip. And a huge shout out to Unseen Denver, run by the illustrious Rick Ramos and Dave Pennington – they took home the award for the Best Neighborhood Blog (and rightly so!). Follow ‘em on Twitter, subscribe to their blog, check out their fan page and all that jazz. Another w00t shout to TweetyGotBack, voted Best Startup (awesomeness, Heather!).

And speaking of community…I owe the whole lot of you a super-loving smack, square on the ass. Over the past few weeks, which have inarguably been the most difficult in my life, you’ve been here. It instilled feelings of more than melancholy last night at the Westword event when I couldn’t turn left or right and see Jason smiling back at me. I miss him terribly and can only describe the void left behind as a hole I can never dream of filling. Your words, messages, emails, wall posts, tweets, DMs and phone calls are unbelievable in volume and I find comfort in knowing that you’re not just here for the free ponies. Whatever I’ve done in this life to deserve YOU…it brings me to tears. Fucking soppy, heaving, unpretty tears. So thanks for making me cry. And crying isn’t all that bad. I won’t argue that the Universe screwed up big time when it decided to take Jason out of its physical mix, but he was – and still is – one of the people I’ve come to trust on this doubt-ridden path to becoming vastly unpopular with exactly the right people. Like all the folks NOT reading this. And he’s worth every tear.

So, umm…yeah. Thanks. Is that Elvis?

And you might notice some changes in The Redhead today. My Twitter avatar, Facebook Fan Page and About Page have gotten facelifts. An enormous thanks to Darren Mahuron at Summit Studios in Fort Collins, CO for my new shots. These were taken the day I had my first real “date” with Jason. I’d texted him during the shoot to say I’d gone from Executive Dominatrix to Marian the Librarian to Bratty Schoolgirl so far that day, the reply was, “You have no idea how wide my eyes just got.” So, these are for Jason, who never had the opportunity to see the finished product. And for you. And most importantly, for me. They’re more “me” than I’ve ever been and on a day where I’m announcing that others have chosen to celebrate me, fuckin’ A – I’m going to put on my Big Girl Britches and do the same.

My thanks, monkays…

Such is the way with asshats and defending your honor. I run into the same situation repeatedly, and this week, I’m taking aim.

I spend an inordinate amount of time hanging out and chatting with folks just like me – consultants. Small business owners. The fact that we’re not of epic proportion doesn’t mean we don’t bring value – it just means we foot the bill for our own health insurance. But there are people in my own backyard that ooze their smarm and I’m sick of it.

Check out this dude. According to his LinkedIn profile, he’s been an “expert” on LinkedIn, YouTube and Twitter since 1990.

Ummm…Yeah. Here’s the thing: YouTube was launched in 2005, LinkedIn launched in 2003 and Twitter in 2006.

He’s keyword stuffing, obviously, but it reeks of douche-tastic overtones.

This guy is in my own backyard here in Denver, Colorado. Ew, ew, ew. If you’re going to put yourself out there as a LinkedIn and social media expert, Mike – can I give you a few tips?

• Do your research and don’t establish yourself as an expert in a field before the field or platform…even existed.
• Don’t have a Twitter stream that filled with 90% broadcast-only messaging. Twitter and social media are places for conversations. Or do you charge people for that tasty nugget of knowledge?
• It’s awesome you’ve “figured out” LinkedIn and self-published a book on the subject. After reading your profile, I”m tempted to self-publish a book on the top 10 worst LinkedIn profiles with yours at the top as an example of self-indulgent keyword stuffing in bogus job fields. Fail, my good man. Fail.
• Really – you charge between $1,500 and $10,000 to show folks how to set up social media profiles, a basic WordPress blog (kinda like yours here, hosted ON WordPress.com?), and create Twitter & Facebook pages? Holy hell. Remind me to raise my prices, m’kay?

The reality is this: these people exist. How do you defend your honor against the asshats? Here are a few tips:

• References. If you’re like me and the identity of your clients is often confidential, let your prospective clients know that and offer to connect them with your clients confidentially.
• Best Practices. Follow them. Don’t be an expert – be a continual and willing student. Social media is a slippery slope and the best you can do is develop a solid knowledge base that’s going to morph (and delightfully so) with every footstep.
• Know Who You Are. You’re not going to be everything to everyone. Align yourself with those who cook what you can’t.
• Know Your Shit. In the end, only you can win a client. Clients will buy what they’re willing to be sold. I get clients day in, day out who were sold a bill of goods and then realize things aren’t working. I understand. It’s then we get to work setting them in the right direction.

There is no business that’s purely a number game. Twitter followers, Facebook fans, LinkedIn connections…they’re numbers, pure and simple. What you choose to DO with your network is one thing. How you choose to BUILD it is another. And here’s a hint – if you don’t do one of them properly, then the time you spent on the other is worth…well, jack.

PS: Check out an excellent read about competitors by @ShellyKramer – because really, Mike – I don’t want you to change a thing.

Have an outrageous Monday!

I love my Redhead Writing Facebook Fan Page. My fans do, too. My fans and readers can always get ahold of me: Twitter, contact form on my website, Facebook message, carrier pigeon…But what I simply can’t fathom is how you have 400 million users to-date and lack a CONTACT US tab on your site. How is it that you’ve grown into the social networking behemoth you have without one iota of consideration for those who actively use your site and need help doing so?

Your customer service is apathetic if not entirely absent, yet you profess to know what your users want every goddamn time you change your UI. But I understand – you’re BIG. B-I-G. Being BIG apparently grants you a level of untouchability accompanied by a lack of accountability to your users. If we don’t like it, we can go to MySpace, right? Or Google Buzz. Let’s sit down and dish in this pretend letter of mine that I doubt anyone from your business team will ever read. After all, you’re too busy to respond to user-generated questions on:

How to transfer ownership of a Facebook Fan Page (because businesses NEVER change ownership in Facebookland)

How to remove a permanent “admin” on a Facebook Fan Page (another 8 pages of unanswered user questions)

Changing the name of your Facebook Fan Page (whoa – 163 unanswered posts)

I’m going to give you a lesson in Customer Service, Redhead-Style. Sit down, stop changing your UI for a minute and listen to what we have to say (since you don’t even do that on your own site in the forums).

Your User Interface Sucks, the Concept of Service and Budgets

Frankly, as someone who deals with UIs as a large component of her day-to-day, you suck. Suck, suck, suck. If you sucked any more, you’d be on the street corner in the shady part of town, doling out hummers for $10. In the past year, I’ve logged in no fewer than three times and found all my schizzle in a hizzle. There is not other successful business that keeps dicking with its UI to the extent that you do and no one’s amused. We have no choice but to accept what you lay down (especially since you don’t listen to any of your users or have a Customer Service department to take complaints or help resolve important issues. Here’s a quote I find amusing:

“Thanks again for making Facebook a part of your life. Happy sixth birthday to Facebook and our whole community. We look forward to building more things and continuing to serve you for many more years to come.” – Mark Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook to the UK Telegraph

Really, Mark? How is it possible for you to “continue to serve” when you haven’t even begun? Your users speak on your very own Facebook Forums and you don’t reply. There’s no Contact Us page (like any other website on the planet…even plumbers have a Contact Us page with a phone number…so do Adult Novelty Stores – OMG they have a PHONE NUMBER, TOO…so does Twitter). And here’s the mind-boggling spaghetti that is your “Help Center.” It’s like one of those outsourced-to India automated phone systems where I’m always told “0″ is an invalid entry.

Speaking to a human, being serviced by a human…it would be a novel concept on this site designed to connect human beings. How you’re above it all is beyond me. I’m wondering if somewhere you’ve teamed up with AT&T on masterminding the Shitty Customer Service Model – I own an iPhone and would throw it out the window if I weren’t so in love with the damned thing. AT&T’s customer service is maddening and I’ve never paid so dearly for such a high level of frustration. While I get the frustration for free with Facebook, I’d think that you could find $1.25 million in your estimated $550 million in revenue to hire 50 customer service reps at a whopping $25k per year to handle some customer service emails and calls. Customer service has been called an unaffordable budget cut in today’s economy, yet somehow Facebook lacks it entirely. Kudos for being ahead of the curve on saving money, but you’re saving it in the wrong place.

Maybe stop fucking around with your UI and save the money on design and coding. Just an idea. Reallocate those funds to serving those who promote you, use you and need help in maximizing their use of the services you provide.

Stop Acting Like Frat Boys

We get it – you started Facebook as a roommate thing and are oh-so-proud of where it’s gone and excited about where it can go. We are, too. But you need to stop acting like frat boys looking to nail the Google sorority girl. Your users and their content are what make you so attractive for partnerships. If you keep pissing us off, we’re going to gradually go away. We left MySpace, we shirked Plurk. We’ll do an about-face on Facebook as well. Start remembering who brought the beer and hot wings to your kegger and quit looking at Google’s tits long enough to communicate with those who got you where you are. We’re telling you what we need and what we want. All you have to do it engage. It IS “social” networking, right?

Enough With the Ad Whoring

It’s great that your ad network is a cost-effective means for businesses and individuals to promote services, causes and brand awareness. But I don’t want to see Jennifer Aniston’s unauthorized picture whoring some weight loss program or scam ads for “debt relief” services. I’m in Facebook to connect with people. People do business with people. How about some QA for these crap ads we’ve seen as of late and screw the user rating feature for ads. YOU are the network. Start taking control of your content. I could always hook you up with Focus on the Family and Tim Tebow if you want to learn more about bait-and-switch marketing tactics, y’know.

…and that’s all I’ve got for now, dear Facebook, but I’m sure my readers have more. We’ll see what they have to say about your shenanigans as I know the problems and views expressed above aren’t exclusively mine. I may be an outspoken redhead ranting out of Denver, Colorado, but I have clients who rely on me for answers about Facebook and you…make it difficult to say anything other than, “Well, that’s just the way it is. Facebook said so.”

And THAT is a crappy answer to have to give with the obligatory shrug.

You wanna hug this word jumble?

(As a primer, have a gander at HubSpot’s When Two Worlds Collide: Social Media Marketing & SEO post – great recap of the Search and Twitter news of the past 24 hours and some excellent graphics as well)

Let’s talk search. I’m most always sporting my SEO hat when generating online content. Except on Twitter. I have a feeling that’s going to change in short order as we witness the interwebz becoming the interweb. HubSpot touched on the potential affects the Social Media/Search “Group Hug” will have on how content is handled on a move forward basis. Great post and worth 15 minutes of your time to read in-depth (link is above). For the sake of time and attentions spans, I’m opting for bullet points to lodge my concerns:

• CRAP OVERLOAD: There’s a lot of crap on Twitter as it is: spam, affiliates pumping links. Get your shovels now because the term “crapload” is about to be redefined.
• SPONSORED TWEETS? FUGGHEDABOUDIT: With Google and Bing jumping into the real-time search pool, every Tweet is now “sponsored.” Linkjuice be damned, the Sponsored Tweet pool has been peed in. Will it matter WHO sends the tweet now if it’s all about links and keywords?
• ALGORITHMS: If Google expands its ranking algorithms to include Tweets, holy shit: lock up the women and children. How will they weight Retweets against original posts? Are Retweets the goal? Will gamers set up bogus accounts on an even larger scale to pump up their link juice?
• URL SHORTENING SERVICES: bye-bye unless you redirect. Ow.ly – go ahead fix yer shit or get in the breadline now.
• VANITY URL SHORTENING: get yours today. Better yet, hope you got it yesterday.
• SETweet? Keyword stuffing in 140 characters or less. Colloquial conversation just got a stick shoved up its backside.
• VOLUME: With SEO firms, affiliates, PR peeps and businesses themselves all interested in rankings, will we be inundated with link blasts to drive rankings? How will the algorithms compensate?
• THE BLACK HAT IS BACK: Prepare yourselves. With SEO black hat practices having been re-engineered by affiliate marketers who put up 10 fake blogs to pump links back to a single site, I dare say that we’re on the verge of a whole new “think tank” determining the newest ways to game the system.

Some thoughts for the folks over at Google and Bing from a lippy blogger who wears her SEO hat with a rakish tilt:

• New Algorithm Bling: I know your coders are already pissing their pants when it comes to adding social to search. Think long and hard about how initial postings of Tweets will be weighted against Retweets, please. Each will have its ramifications.
• The Double-Edged Sword that is Volume: Twitter users with large communities enjoy the viral spread of good posts through their network. The power of the Retweet. Will your algorithms penalize, reward or find the delicate balance in popular posts being shared in high volume VERSUS gamers who artificially generate high sharing volumes?
• Keyword Emphasis: How will you weight Tweets that are keyword optimized? A core component of search, will the new algorithms encourage keyword loading in social posts or find a way to value the colloquial texture of social media as we currently know it?

Answers will emerge in time, but Google and Bing aren’t in the social game. They just acquired access to it. I’m curious to hear your thoughts on other considerations for the Big Boys of Search to take into account as they grab real-time search by the balls and tell it what’s what. Leave me a comment below.

I see you…yes, you. You’ve followed me on Twitter, tried to friend me on Facebook, tripped across my StumbleUpon profile and pleaded us “colleagues” on LinkedIn. You’ve emailed me through both of my blogs and – to your credit – tracked down my company’s website and sent me an email at that address as well.

With an inbox full of your disjointed prose professing admiration for my wordsmithing and laced, without fail, with your enchantment by my fiery mane, you’ve poured out your heart and said that you want nothing more than to learn from me … communicate with me … emulate me … and you want to make one thing clear:

you’re not a stalker.

Of course you’re not a stalker. Why on earth would I think so? It’s merely your way of showing me how much you admire my work is all. I get that. You’ve just sought me out in every single virtual presence I maintain and attached yourself like a barnacle to my social media underside, clinging to me with an affection that’s generally reserved for small children and ponies at petting zoos and a teenager with their first set of car keys.

It’s perfectly natural for one to spew paragraphs of prose upon initiation of a virtual connection, one whose words you’ve most likely read out of context or even worse, one whose words you’ve poured through in their entirety and thus you think you “know” the writer, this object of your virtual and literary affection. I understand the strength it takes for one to sit down and craft that heartfelt masterpiece and am puzzled why I don’t quite rate a Beethovenish signature on the scale of Immortal Beloved. It seems only natural, considering you have me cornered … figured out … pegged.

You see my every word, every bookmark, and if I’ve erred, each picture posted for friends, families and the familiar to share. A single haphazard slip of the mouse and I’ve brought you into my inner sanctum, bestowing upon you the power to comment, peruse, rifle, and ultimately demand my engagement in your professed zealotry for my life and that which is “me.”

Each morning, I’m afraid to check my various electronic outlets as I know they’ll be filled by your comments, DMs, @ replies, messages and emails through my blog comment forms. You’ve scared me, fan, and I’ve no recourse except to put my foot down, reclaim my independence and push your social media stalker ass into the vat alongside Glenn Close’s bunny.

While I accept that having an online persona opens me up to people like you trying to gain access to my life, it doesn’t mean I have to allow it. Let me give you a rundown on why you are, indeed, a stalker (though you vehemently profess you’re just a fan/admirer):

Dictionary.com
stalker
(1) to go through an area(s) in search of prey or quarry
(2) to pursue obsessively and to the point of harassment

Social media has a beautiful safeguard built into it: permission. While you may follow, me I needn’t follow you. You may ask to be my friend, yet I need not reciprocate.  When someone such as yourself takes the liberties of imagined familiarity and grants yourself permission to contact me any ‘ol fucking way you please, at any hour and by any means…

you’re a stalker.

This also applies to your cousin, The Perv.

While my language is foul and ridiculous hash tags are of questionable taste to many, they are not implications of permission for you to speak to me in any way that’s less than respectful. You don’t know me, you’ve never met me, and I will block your ass and report you for abuse to any network I can faster than the epic fucktards who profess to help me make money on Twitter.

You are *not* my friend, my colleague nor even a mere acquaintance.

You are an unknown. Just as I am to you. And you freak my shit out.

Yet by your exhaustive process of “latching on,” you feel like you know me. My friends. My inner circle.

And you don’t.

You’ve gone straight from “fan” to dumbass by assuming that I appreciate your fanaticism and by thinking that, since I didn’t reply to your first 3 Facebook messages, it must be something wrong with Facebook.

But there’s not.

There’s something wrong with you.

Me? I’m a chick residing somewhere in the Rocky Mountain Region with a few thousand followers on Twitter, a couple hundred friends on Facebook and two blogs that beg debate on a variety of topics. I’m by no means all that and a bag of Boulder Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar potato chips. If you were remotely in the same fucking time zone as me, I’d slap a restraining order on you. But you assume that, based on the anonymity of the Internet, you’re entitled to horn your way into my life and force your desire to communicate on me.

Well, that’s horsehit.

As this blog is being written, I am parsing my Facebook friends and unfriending anyone whom does not “fit the bill.” I’m sure there will be more purging to come. I used to connect indiscriminately and I’ve learned my lesson. Those who ask me to connect now must indicate how they know me and I don’t give  a shit if they get pissed by my asking. It’s my life circus and if I want you to jump through hoops and sing Yankee-fucking-Doodle-Dandy, you’ll sing it.

It’s a challenge, I tell you — the process of trying to decide what to make public and what to keep private. Each day, I get better at the process and I have the pushy stalkers like yourself to thank. In an Internet age where newborns seem shat from the womb with a pre-programmed knowledge of the iPhone, it’s easy to find anyone through the wonders of technology.

Anywhere.

Anytime.

But I don’t have to communicate with you when you *do* find me.

Social media is permission-based interaction. I don’t give you permission to communicate with me.

When you take sex without permission, it’s called rape.

When you take belongings without permission, it’s called theft.

When you force yourself and/or your ideas onto an unwilling party, it’s called harassment.

If I were a celebrity (and thank all that’s chocolate I’m not), I’d have a publicist to deal with the jackassery that is you. Until I make my millions and I’m the flavor of the week on a Perez Hilton rant, I’ll continue to block you, delete your messages and keep you away from all that’s dear to me.

Why?

Because my life is my circus. I don’t need three-headed midgets like you running around and ass-raping the clowns.

They’re my goddamn clowns. Stay the fuck away from them, stalker (see part 2 of the definition above).

Sincerely,

The Redhead

Most of my blogs stem from personal experience. Yesterday, it was an unprovoked, out-of-context lashing-out from a follower.

It pissed me off. For a moment, at least. Then it inspired this blog.

I’m exhausted with the blind pretension and (wrongly) implied panoptic permission that stems from the perceived anonymity that accompanies social media and other forms of electronic communications these days. We have the glorious conveniences of texts, DMs (direct messages), Facebook messages and emails and somewhere along the line, there’s a herd that’s emerged who’s forgotten there are people on the other end of their words and responses.

Just because I can’t see you doesn’t mean that I don’t understand you’re a person with a story.

Think about that for a moment: everyone you chit-chat with in the electronic medium is a living, breathing soul. Alongside that comes hopes, dreams, thoughts, feelings and experiences unparalleled by others.

And sometimes there are douchebags.

Yesterday I told a poop joke on Twitter. (collective gasp – no, Erika…not YOU!)

Yeah, me. A friend sent me a stupid joke via email and I read it and laughed. I mean, poop jokes never really get old. Everybody poops. I posted the joke on Twitter, generating the anticipated groans,  snorts and follow-up jokes in the same vein.

Here’s the joke: Why don’t blind people sky dive? Because it scares the poop out of their dogs.

And then I got bitch-slapped from behind.

A follower wrote: “yeah hysterical.. now let’s tell jokes about African Americans and watermelons.”

(blink-blink)

You’re kidding me, right? I made a poop joke and now this person’s entitled to align me with a racist stereotype?

After much reiteration that it was a joke (JOKE – check it out) and the same user’s insistence that I take a class on people with disabilities (for realz), I blocked the user. No ifs, ands or buts. I cared not to expend any more of my bandwidth on the meaningless exchange.

Action regretted? No. My prerogative? Hell yes.

Here’s the skinny: it comes down to context.

All too often in written conversations, there’s the ability for things to be taken out of context. We don’t have the benefit of personal knowledge for many/most that comprise our network in the online space, and if a phrase is absent one of a myriad of “emoticons” to denote intended inflection and tone, we’re screwed.

What did they mean?

Sit down, shut up and ASK. Get the context. When you jump into the middle of someone else’s conversation that’s not directed at you (and didn’t even originate with you), you’re not entitled to horn-in on the offensive just because you can SEE certain words. Doing shit like that at a bar would have your ass kicked right and proper. At the office, it would have you labeled a “nosey neighbor” and ostracized from the watercooler gossip games. The anonymity that accompanies online communications doesn’t grant anyone the right to say whatever the hell it is they want.

It grants the privilege to engage in conversations, meet others and share ideas.

Yesterday, I wasn’t even granted the courtesy of an inquiry into my intention behind the joke (intention being – I laughed at a poop joke). I was lambasted with a comment aligning my puerile joke with a racial slur and caught completely off guard by someone who has previously NEVER interacted with me and I never them (and if I ever had, it’s long since been forgotten). Now, I don’t know this person’s story either – perhaps jokes about dogs pooping mid-air when jumping out of airplanes resonate and hit a nerve. Maybe they also give high marks to bank tellers and airline counter agents. However, had they made an inquiry into MY story instead of launching their racially-laden tweet bomb, here’s what they might have discovered:

I, @RedheadWriting, the Foul-Mouthed Lass, F-Bomb Aficionado, and She Sans Filter – am the last person who needs to take a class with regards to persons with disabilities and those differently-abled. While acerbic in wit, I am essentially soft at heart. I give because it hurts more to not give and I feel it’s my obligation while I walk six feet up (OK – 5′4″) to help others in whatever way I can.

• I live each day with an autistic nephew and my heart fills with admiration when I look at my sister and her family on how they cope, grow and revel in victories as they travel through his development. Having experienced the days where I couldn’t even touch him to those now when he comes up and gives me a willing hug…it’s a testament to the fact that I believe those labeled as “disabled” are merely “differently abled.”
• Last week, I dedicated a day of my Twitter existence to raising money to support autism research. (special thanks goes to @iamthechad, @m1nd7r1p, @poolboydeluxe, @bradwerntz, @canoelover and others who kindly made donations to the autism-focused charity of their choice)
• In 2008, I dedicated a year of my life to founding and operating my own 501(c)(3) organization called “Woman on Top: because there’s more to climb than the corporate ladder.” My year was dedicated to assembling a group of climbers to raise money throughout the year to support the Foundation for Positively Kids, a Nevada nonprofit organization dedicated to building the first inpatient skilled pediatric nursing facility in the state. We climbed Kilimanjaro for the cause – 4 women and one very brave, estrogen-suffocated man. We summited on September 26, 2009. It was exhausting – both running/financing the non-profit and making the journey – but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thank you @unlaced (Meghan), Amy, Cindiman and Brandon for making the journey with me.

So before you attack – ASK. Become familiar before you point the finger. There are always going to be the folk who act like asses regardless of the environment – online or otherwise. They’re also likely the ones who place more value in contention than in collaboration. Screw ‘em – but try to not be one of them. The recipients of your literary javelins that you hurl into cyberspace – they’ve got stories of their own. You’re not always going to please everyone and there’s nothing wrong with requesting clarification and then taking a calculated stand – but there’s no reason to be a douchebag.

Some parting thoughts from The Redhead:

• Retaliatory and rash actions aren’t accepted in business. Ever. Why would you use them online?
• A keyboard and screen don’t make you anonymous. They merely obscure – and temporarily at that.
• Words are telling – how you choose to use them, even more so.