My points of contention? Let’s see:

• Random population of anyone’s “title” into the email. Total fail. Kinda like a Twitter auto DM.
• The assumption that anyone requesting a connection with me would have an answer for any question of mine.
• The assumption that their answers would be “high-quality.”
• The fact that I’m going to show you your erroneous thinking in one image.

Sometimes fields that are auto-populated are not such a good idea. After all – if Old Spice can make it personal, so can LinkedIn.

Special thanks to @jodiontheweb for her quick hand at Photoshop today.

So I tweeted @sprint and @sprintcare asking how to get in touch with someone from their marketing department.

Apparently @sprintcare is a bit of a misnomer. No response, even 12 hours later. Their Twitter stream is filled with @ replies to account holders.

What about a potential new one?

My ponder this morning is this: are there ANY good cell service providers out there? We all know that the only reason AT&T has ANY client retention is the iPhone and our propensity for suckling Apple’s technological teat. I want to hear who MY readers have as a cell provider:

• Who you have or had
• What you love/hate
• Why  you’d build a statue in your front lawn to memorialize them or throw them in a room of Sarah Palin fans and a tank of piranhas.

Lay it on me. And maybe @sprintcare really does care and they’re working on getting back to a tech-savvy redhead who’s curious about engaging in a cell provider/client relationship that doesn’t land me in a Utah compound begging for divorce.

I’m headed to a meeting, but hey – I’ll dig into your comments when I’m back. Lay it on me.

Hearing crickets in your social media plan?

Trying out, using and accepting social media is not that easy- particularly when you are a bit old-school.  As more of a newcomer, I thought it would be helpful to give my take on the 9 stages you may encounter on your way to Social Media acceptance.

Stage 1: Denial

This is the stage where you have no idea why you need social media.  You ask yourself WTF a “tweet” is or why you would want to be friends with your classmates from first grade?  You tell yourself that you don’t have time to wipe your ass most days, so how would you possibly have time to take on another task?

Stage 2: Crickets

Through something resembling curiosity or good old peer pressure, you decide to venture into the social media landscape to see what the fuss is all about.  You set up your profile, read the FAQs files and then…nothing.  Not a damn thing happens.  You tweet and no one tweets back.  You can hear virtual crickets chirping.  Now you really wonder WTF all the fuss is about.

Stage 3: Dribbles

One day, you tweet and you find that have been retweeted!  You pick up a few “friends”.  Someone remembers working with you in the mailroom of some big corporation and accepts your Linked In invite.  You are elated and think maybe that there is something to this…

Stage 4: Momentum

Your consistency of action starts to pay off.  Your strong message starts to garner an audience.  You post a blog and get some comments from a real person, not just a spammer who thinks you need a penis enlargement (whether or not you have a penis).  This is where things really get fun- you are getting recognition, a boost to your ego and you finally begin to see the fruits of your labor.  You are making new best friends with people from all over the world faster than Charlie Sheen drives cars off of cliffs.

Stage 5: Obsession

Too much of a good thing turns bad.  You bring your iPhone or Blackberry to the bathroom when you go to take a piss to make sure you don’t miss something.  You have 25 different tools for Twitter.  You check your friends/followers/connection totals 115 times a day.  Overall, you are spending more time with people you met online in the last three weeks than your family and lifelong friends.

Stage 6: Overwhelmed

You become paralyzed from the sheer volume of information coming at you.  You are annoyed at the amount of time you have spent.  You start referring to your fans as sycophants, leeches or something worse.  This wasn’t what you signed up for.

Stage 7: Fuck It

You can’t handle it and you vow never to use social media again.  Your new best friends wonder what happened to you…for about 12 hours; then they go find other new best friends.

(Note: Stage seven rarely lasts more than a few days).

Stage 8: Regrouping

You know that you can’t quit this bitch, so you re-assess your strategy and cut back.  You think about why you are using social media, what your purpose and goals are, and what are truly the mission critical tools to accomplish them.  You go back to your old stomping grounds with a new sense of purpose.

Stage 9: Enlightenment and Acceptance

You finally realize that social media is just a tool and like anything else, needs to be used in moderation, with a purpose and in the most effective way possible.

About Carol Roth

Carol Roth is a business strategist and deal maker who has worked with hundreds of companies, ranging from a single entrepreneur with an idea to Fortune 500 businesses, on all aspects of business and financial strategy. Collectively, she has helped her clients raise over $1 billion dollars in capital, complete hundreds of millions of dollars in mergers and acquisitions, secure high profile licensing and partnership deals and more.

Carol is a frequent media contributor and she also blogs about issues affecting entrepreneurs and their businesses at CarolRoth.com. She is the author of The Entrepreneur Equation, a book about evaluating the realities, risks and rewards of business ownership, coming out Q1 2011. You can find her on Twitter @caroljsroth.

I own an iPhone, which should actually be called the iPod Touch with Optional Calling Feature. I drop calls to friends, family, clients and other AT&T subscribers on a daily basis. Hell, I even drop calls to AT&T Customer Service.

I have a Facebook Fan Page and I love it even though there’s really no way to get in touch with Facebook’s Customer Service Department (oh – that’s because it doesn’t exist). You can’t get a malicious fan page imitating a key client taken down because, in spite of rallying 20 colleagues to submit a Fake Profile notice, Facebook’s too busy jacking around with privacy settings and figuring out how to monetize the client base they don’t service.

But I’m not leaving either one. And it’s likely because I’m an idiot.

My iPhone has the most user-friendly interface of any mobile device on the market and as a new Mac convert, I’m never going back to the clunky Windows OS. It doesn’t matter that half the planet uses the Marimba ring tone for their phone or the Glass sound for text messages so I’m always in some frantic “Is that MY phone?!” scramble. The only way to get more ringtones is to jailbreak my phone (which I’m not far from doing, for the record), but then I lose my visual voicemail which I do so enjoy (even though I sometimes don’t get voicemail notifications for hours and the phone doesn’t even ring when I have a call).

My Facebook Fan Page not only serves as a hub for those who enjoy my content, it allows them to connect with one another. No matter where I go, I can let everyone know through Facebook. I can drive traffic from Twitter to Facebook to my blog, from my blog to Facebook and Twitter. Followers can share cool links with me on my Fan Page wall. I love the interaction though it’s impossible to get Facebook to remove me as an admin on Facebook Fan Pages I built for clients.

Why do we do it?

Business is about cost versus benefit. For all my bitching, I’d still yearn for an iPhone if I didn’t have one. I’d miss the lively interaction on my Facebook Fan Page and personal profile if I walked away from a company run by a 26-year-old whose built something bigger than he can handle and doesn’t know the first thing about servicing those on which your relevance relies.

Does AT&T suck? Amen and pass the salt.

Does Facebook have absolutely no concept of customer service? Without a doubt.

But I’m staying with both. Somehow technology gets a hall pass when every other transaction in my life can’t escape the scrutiny of a discerning eye. I can’t explain it – except to say that I’m a sucker.

Are you a sucker for anything?

Good behavior is good behavior, and the opposite is also true.

While watching the 1984 classic The Karate Kid was on cable recently (yet again!) it occurred to me that a great deal of Mr. Miyagi’s advice for young Daniel-san is also applicable to social media. Here are some of my favorites.

“Walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later get squish just like grape.”

Many people ask me how they can find the time to take advantage of all the different social media networks out there: Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, LinkedIn, maintaining a blog and on and on.

The answer is simple–don’t even try. Join the networks that you feel give you the most benefit and participate regularly. Just making a profile is a bit like walking in the middle of the road. It’s far better to focus on one or two communities and reap those benefits than to have a dozen usernames and passwords you seldom use. Too many sign-ups and too little conversation and you’ll probably find yourself saying that you don’t get this social media thing and can’t see any benefit. And you’d be right.

“Just remember, license never replace eye, ear, and brain” and “There are no bad student, only bad teacher. Teacher say, student do.”

There is no seminar that will give you a short cut to making social media work for every situation. Yet, somehow, I’ve never seen an industry spawn so many overnight “gurus.” When my car breaks, I take it to an experienced mechanic, not a “transportation guru.” A licensed and trained dentist, not an “oral care guru,” cleans my teeth a couple of times each year and tells me if I need fillings.

By almost any standard, the Internet itself is a relatively new medium, and social media is in its infancy. Facebook is only five years old. There are not centuries–even decades–of accumulated best practices and learning. There are no ancient texts to be deciphered or undiscovered secrets awaiting discovery. And there are no “gurus” that can give you a fix-all short cut to success. Don’t let these people baffle you with BS. Use your eyes, your ears and your brain. Read what smart people with successful track records in setting and reaching specific goals using social media tactics say, and think about how you can make that work for your situation. Like anything worth doing, it takes time to develop your voice. Watch and learn, but don’t mimic or look for a one-size-fits-all blueprint. No matter what you hear (or get spammed in your Twitter stream) short cuts simply don’t exist.

There’s a great scene in the movie when Daniel asks Miyagi, “All right, so what are the rules here?”

“Don’t know,” he replies. “First time you, first time me.” In a nutshell, that’s social media. In many cases it is first time you, first time me. Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook, and he’s only been at it five years longer than the guy that joined yesterday. Don’t expect a “guru” to replace your eyes, your ears and, most importantly, your brain.

“First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, Daniel-san, not mine.”

Put another way: don’t follow 5,000 people before sending your first tweet. There are three legs to the social media stool: the size of your audience, your ongoing relevance to your audience and your ability to engage your audience. It’s not a pure numbers game, and those that make it one simply don’t get it.

Start out by understanding how the people you want to engage with are using the medium. If none of your friends are playing Farmville on Facebook, they probably don’t want you to ask them to help you water your crops a few dozen times a day. It’s just like walking into a room at a social mixer. You don’t run up to the first people you see and say something like “Hey, how about them Broncos?” before you even know what they’re talking about. You listen first and join the conversation appropriately. Same thing in social media networks.

“Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home.”

Balance in social media means offering far more than you ask for–and selling is asking. If your Twitter stream is a series of offers to download your e-book or visit your sales-heavy blog, you’re not going to get very far in the long run. You might get a bunch of followers, but the other two measures–the ability to engage and long-term relevance–will fall flat.

Achieve balance–strong reach, relevant conversations and strong interaction with your audience–and success will follow.

And finally:

“For man with no forgiveness in heart, life worse punishment than death.”

OK. Some of you will catch that’s from Karate Kid Part II, but it’s the perfect finish. Social media is new. Go easy if your friend on Facebook he’s making you nuts with Farmville. Just talk to them and tell them what works for you. Let them know you’re not interested, but that you’d love to hear more about their family. If someone offends you on Twitter, act like you would in the office–talk it out. If the problem continues, unfollow, but don’t expect everyone to know the rules–and let’s face it, there aren’t many–on Day One.

Be patient, bring people along, and help them join your circle.

After all, isn’t that what Mr. Miyagi would do?

******

Doyle Albee is a principal at Metzger Associates in Boulder, Colorado. He is snarky, enjoys great red wine and can be found various places on the web (both with and without the wine). Follow him on Twitter and check him out over on his social homes page – DoyleAlbee.com.

Such is the way with asshats and defending your honor. I run into the same situation repeatedly, and this week, I’m taking aim.

I spend an inordinate amount of time hanging out and chatting with folks just like me – consultants. Small business owners. The fact that we’re not of epic proportion doesn’t mean we don’t bring value – it just means we foot the bill for our own health insurance. But there are people in my own backyard that ooze their smarm and I’m sick of it.

Check out this dude. According to his LinkedIn profile, he’s been an “expert” on LinkedIn, YouTube and Twitter since 1990.

Ummm…Yeah. Here’s the thing: YouTube was launched in 2005, LinkedIn launched in 2003 and Twitter in 2006.

He’s keyword stuffing, obviously, but it reeks of douche-tastic overtones.

This guy is in my own backyard here in Denver, Colorado. Ew, ew, ew. If you’re going to put yourself out there as a LinkedIn and social media expert, Mike – can I give you a few tips?

• Do your research and don’t establish yourself as an expert in a field before the field or platform…even existed.
• Don’t have a Twitter stream that filled with 90% broadcast-only messaging. Twitter and social media are places for conversations. Or do you charge people for that tasty nugget of knowledge?
• It’s awesome you’ve “figured out” LinkedIn and self-published a book on the subject. After reading your profile, I”m tempted to self-publish a book on the top 10 worst LinkedIn profiles with yours at the top as an example of self-indulgent keyword stuffing in bogus job fields. Fail, my good man. Fail.
• Really – you charge between $1,500 and $10,000 to show folks how to set up social media profiles, a basic WordPress blog (kinda like yours here, hosted ON WordPress.com?), and create Twitter & Facebook pages? Holy hell. Remind me to raise my prices, m’kay?

The reality is this: these people exist. How do you defend your honor against the asshats? Here are a few tips:

• References. If you’re like me and the identity of your clients is often confidential, let your prospective clients know that and offer to connect them with your clients confidentially.
• Best Practices. Follow them. Don’t be an expert – be a continual and willing student. Social media is a slippery slope and the best you can do is develop a solid knowledge base that’s going to morph (and delightfully so) with every footstep.
• Know Who You Are. You’re not going to be everything to everyone. Align yourself with those who cook what you can’t.
• Know Your Shit. In the end, only you can win a client. Clients will buy what they’re willing to be sold. I get clients day in, day out who were sold a bill of goods and then realize things aren’t working. I understand. It’s then we get to work setting them in the right direction.

There is no business that’s purely a number game. Twitter followers, Facebook fans, LinkedIn connections…they’re numbers, pure and simple. What you choose to DO with your network is one thing. How you choose to BUILD it is another. And here’s a hint – if you don’t do one of them properly, then the time you spent on the other is worth…well, jack.

PS: Check out an excellent read about competitors by @ShellyKramer – because really, Mike – I don’t want you to change a thing.

Have an outrageous Monday!

***If you don’t use Twitter, there’s still a gem in here for all the Bitch Slap fans today. Waaaaait for it…

I’m taking a new approach with my Twitter account and my Twitter account only: follow more folks, segment and filter via lists. Be less exclusive, more inclusive. And you just kicked me in the nuts for it.

I went into Twitter Karma and did a slew of following yesterday on seemingly interesting accounts. Granted, interesting follows sometimes fly below my radar and Twitter Karma’s a great tool for managing what I happen to miss. But almost instantaneously, my inbox was jammed with disingenuous bullshit auto-DMs “thanking me for the follow” and telling me how they’d made millions in months using a proven online system.

Fuck. Off.

I’m not above trying new tactics. Last year, I published Don’t Take it Personally, but I’m Not Going to Follow You on Twitter. It’s turned out to be one of my most popular posts of all-time (all time). And I’m still going to trudge through with this wild-ass new strategy of mine to follow more folks, but for all that’s holy, I’m not going to hold my tongue in the process.

Here’s the happs:

• I get an auto DM from you: you’re unfollowed. You’re a douchebag.

That’s the only rule.

Here’s why (and I can’t believe we’re still talking about this):

We run around all day long plugged-in. Why on earth would you automate your response to a potential new relationship? I don’t need to go on and on about this when some simple bullets will suffice:

• If your financial planner sent you a form email that obviously didn’t address you, your accounts or your personality, I hope you’d fire them.
• If you’re the jackass at the office who always circulates inappropriate viral videos indiscriminately to everybody on the Accounting email group in Outlook, I hope the IT department gives you its own bitch slap.
• If you’re on an online dating website and a potential date sent you a cut-and-paste letter, I hope you’ll delete it.

With the growth of social media platforms, it’s more important than ever to make them personal. It’s been a struggle for me to pursue a strategy of more follow-backs, as I’ve always strived for a stream I can control and with which I can interact meaningfully. But there’s a happy medium, methinks, and I do hope that the douchebags don’t ruin it for the rest of yas. A follow from me is nothing to thank me for – it’s a mouse click. That’s all. But what I’m looking for is to expand the sources from which I can get meaningful, poignant, oh-so-ME content that I can share.

Whether you use Twitter, Facebook, some or none of these online wonders, it doesn’t really matter. When someone takes a medium with incredibly personal potential and drops a steaming pile of poo in your yard, they’re wasting your time because it’s obvious they’re not interested in a personal relationship.

Anyone who sends out an auto-DM is no better than the companies who waste millions each year filling-up your mailbox with untargeted messages about men’s health (hello, I don’t have a dick) and daycare (hello, I don’t have children). It’s outbound marketing, and you don’t have permission to send me that crap. My following you is my opting-in to your information and what you have to share. Don’t violate my trust when I invite you over to dinner and letting your kids write on my walls with a sharpie.

You can’t take back an auto DM. You can’t take back an untargeted email campaign. You can’t take back sharing an inappropriate viral video with a classroom full of third graders.

So stop it. You’ve been slapped. Here are five criteria to take you through any sort of communication process in this day and age:

1. Personality: understand YOURS. It’s collateral, your brand.
2. Intention: when you send a message, know why you’re sending it and to whom
3. Playground Tactics: not everyone will like you, so get over it.
4. Inclusion vs. Exclusion: there’s nothing wrong with giving people the opportunity to become an asset. Let them prove you wrong.
5. Conversations vs. Monologues: everyone in your high school drama class wanted a scene with a monologue because it was about them. Conversations are magical, however: they involve opening yourself up to the possibility that someone can add something to your life. They’re the basis for all successful relationships.

I wish I could say it’s with great difficulty I write this letter, but it’s not. As a matter of fact, what follows is purely stream-of-consciousness frustration that’s putting on a blog suit and gloves. Complete with two middle fingers.

I love my Redhead Writing Facebook Fan Page. My fans do, too. My fans and readers can always get ahold of me: Twitter, contact form on my website, Facebook message, carrier pigeon…But what I simply can’t fathom is how you have 400 million users to-date and lack a CONTACT US tab on your site. How is it that you’ve grown into the social networking behemoth you have without one iota of consideration for those who actively use your site and need help doing so?

Your customer service is apathetic if not entirely absent, yet you profess to know what your users want every goddamn time you change your UI. But I understand – you’re BIG. B-I-G. Being BIG apparently grants you a level of untouchability accompanied by a lack of accountability to your users. If we don’t like it, we can go to MySpace, right? Or Google Buzz. Let’s sit down and dish in this pretend letter of mine that I doubt anyone from your business team will ever read. After all, you’re too busy to respond to user-generated questions on:

How to transfer ownership of a Facebook Fan Page (because businesses NEVER change ownership in Facebookland)

How to remove a permanent “admin” on a Facebook Fan Page (another 8 pages of unanswered user questions)

Changing the name of your Facebook Fan Page (whoa – 163 unanswered posts)

I’m going to give you a lesson in Customer Service, Redhead-Style. Sit down, stop changing your UI for a minute and listen to what we have to say (since you don’t even do that on your own site in the forums).

Your User Interface Sucks, the Concept of Service and Budgets

Frankly, as someone who deals with UIs as a large component of her day-to-day, you suck. Suck, suck, suck. If you sucked any more, you’d be on the street corner in the shady part of town, doling out hummers for $10. In the past year, I’ve logged in no fewer than three times and found all my schizzle in a hizzle. There is not other successful business that keeps dicking with its UI to the extent that you do and no one’s amused. We have no choice but to accept what you lay down (especially since you don’t listen to any of your users or have a Customer Service department to take complaints or help resolve important issues. Here’s a quote I find amusing:

“Thanks again for making Facebook a part of your life. Happy sixth birthday to Facebook and our whole community. We look forward to building more things and continuing to serve you for many more years to come.” – Mark Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook to the UK Telegraph

Really, Mark? How is it possible for you to “continue to serve” when you haven’t even begun? Your users speak on your very own Facebook Forums and you don’t reply. There’s no Contact Us page (like any other website on the planet…even plumbers have a Contact Us page with a phone number…so do Adult Novelty Stores – OMG they have a PHONE NUMBER, TOO…so does Twitter). And here’s the mind-boggling spaghetti that is your “Help Center.” It’s like one of those outsourced-to India automated phone systems where I’m always told “0″ is an invalid entry.

Speaking to a human, being serviced by a human…it would be a novel concept on this site designed to connect human beings. How you’re above it all is beyond me. I’m wondering if somewhere you’ve teamed up with AT&T on masterminding the Shitty Customer Service Model – I own an iPhone and would throw it out the window if I weren’t so in love with the damned thing. AT&T’s customer service is maddening and I’ve never paid so dearly for such a high level of frustration. While I get the frustration for free with Facebook, I’d think that you could find $1.25 million in your estimated $550 million in revenue to hire 50 customer service reps at a whopping $25k per year to handle some customer service emails and calls. Customer service has been called an unaffordable budget cut in today’s economy, yet somehow Facebook lacks it entirely. Kudos for being ahead of the curve on saving money, but you’re saving it in the wrong place.

Maybe stop fucking around with your UI and save the money on design and coding. Just an idea. Reallocate those funds to serving those who promote you, use you and need help in maximizing their use of the services you provide.

Stop Acting Like Frat Boys

We get it – you started Facebook as a roommate thing and are oh-so-proud of where it’s gone and excited about where it can go. We are, too. But you need to stop acting like frat boys looking to nail the Google sorority girl. Your users and their content are what make you so attractive for partnerships. If you keep pissing us off, we’re going to gradually go away. We left MySpace, we shirked Plurk. We’ll do an about-face on Facebook as well. Start remembering who brought the beer and hot wings to your kegger and quit looking at Google’s tits long enough to communicate with those who got you where you are. We’re telling you what we need and what we want. All you have to do it engage. It IS “social” networking, right?

Enough With the Ad Whoring

It’s great that your ad network is a cost-effective means for businesses and individuals to promote services, causes and brand awareness. But I don’t want to see Jennifer Aniston’s unauthorized picture whoring some weight loss program or scam ads for “debt relief” services. I’m in Facebook to connect with people. People do business with people. How about some QA for these crap ads we’ve seen as of late and screw the user rating feature for ads. YOU are the network. Start taking control of your content. I could always hook you up with Focus on the Family and Tim Tebow if you want to learn more about bait-and-switch marketing tactics, y’know.

…and that’s all I’ve got for now, dear Facebook, but I’m sure my readers have more. We’ll see what they have to say about your shenanigans as I know the problems and views expressed above aren’t exclusively mine. I may be an outspoken redhead ranting out of Denver, Colorado, but I have clients who rely on me for answers about Facebook and you…make it difficult to say anything other than, “Well, that’s just the way it is. Facebook said so.”

And THAT is a crappy answer to have to give with the obligatory shrug.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had a question posed to me more often than ever before: should I be on Twitter?

While most seem to chirp out “Of course! C’mon! It’s fun! Everyone should be on Twitter!!!!” [notice the multiple exclamation points], my first response is generally something along the lines of:

Oh, hell no.

Why?

Because if you don’t know WHY you’re there, you can’t understand why you should stay.

Social media requires a strategy, whether you’re Suzy Sunshine looking to find fellow knitting fans or Bob the Business Owner seeking new customers.

Ask yourself right now: why are YOU on Twitter?

I research, compile and present social media strategies to a wide range of businesses throughout the year and I always enter each research stage with one assumption: this business should NOT be on Twitter. That is, unless I find evidence to the contrary. I don’t want my clients wasting their time with a social medium that is not conducive to their goals and…well…a waste of time. Establishing yourself in the social mediasphere is an investment. As I recently stated in a presentation at Chicks Who Click, you can’t have ROI without the I. If you have the choice between pissing away 15 minutes a day on Twitter and going to get a taco, go get the taco. It’ll at least leave you sated – which 15 minutes a day in the social mediasphere will NEVER, ever do.

Here are five questions to ask yourself if someone tells you that you simply MUST be on Twitter. Please kick them in the shins and then review this list. After all – it’s your time and something  you can never get more of.

Question 1: What do you think Twitter is?

If you think it’s something dirty (heh – “twitter”), if you think it’s a waste of time, if you don’t know…get clarification. And here’s the shocker: the answer is different for everyone. What Twitter is to ME isn’t the same thing it is to the awesome folks over at Good Belly. Clarify and then personify.

Question 2: How much time do you have to spend on social media each day?

Social media – and especially Twitter – is SOCIAL. That implies dialogue. Interaction. And in order to interact, you have to get to know people and break the ice a bit. Way too many people treat it like a hit-and-run accident or a one night stand. Relationships are not borne from broadcast headlines and self-indulgent posts. They’re borne from connecting on a personal level with your audience and THAT takes time. It’s the I in ROI – what are you prepared to I?

Question 3: What do you expect to get out of your Twitter account?

New customers? More site traffic? Blog comments? If you don’t know before you begin, take a minute to determine what you envision to be the end result. When you know the answer to this, question 4 will quickly answer itself.

Question 4: Is your target demographic on Twitter?

I recently worked with Doyle Albee at Metzger & Associates on a social media strategy for a high profile, international brand. Our initial thoughts? Twitter? Hell yes! The end result after 5 weeks of research? Hell no. Their target demographic lived in a niche bulletin board system and not on Twitter – and there were other ways to access key bloggers for product coverage. It’s NOT for everyone and we were truly delighted to tell the client: don’t waste your time here – spend it wisely over there.

Question 5: How will Twitter integrate into your other online presences?

Blogs, Facebook Fan Pages, Tumblr accounts, online promotions…How will you integrate Twitter into these efforts as well? No online presence is an island and one needs the support of others to be the most successful possible. If you don’t know about Facebook Fan Pages (also NOT for everybody), check out this killer post from Tamar Weinberg at Techipedia on building a Facebook Fan Page. If you’re working with a social media consultant, PR firm or ad agency who’s telling you that you should be on Twitter and cannot answer that question…shit, I hope you don’t have a contract. Fire ‘em.

And now to you, reader: what other questions should people ask before they dive-in face first into Twitter? Share you comments below and share with your friends so they can add their insights as well!

I’ll betcha didn’t you were going to have to hear the word bulimia again after I’d finished my presentation, did ya? This morning, I’m putting myself first

As I always do…Selfishness is a strategic business asset. Don’t delude yourself. On a side note: have you ever woken up in the morning and wondered – when did I turn into a pubescent, acne-plagued teen? I spent 20 minutes this morning looking for my Clearasil and was staring lovingly at a bottle of lighter fluid when the Clearasil eluded me…

and putting out my redux of Chicks Who Click Denver 2010. Saturday rocked my world. Admittedly, I didn’t know what to expect when Denise Smith asked me to be a speaker. My first thought was: people want to hear what I have to say? Even if they didn’t, it looked like I was on the slate. Shit howdy, let’s rock it.

I lurved meeting everyone throughout the day and will admit that I completely suck all sortsa things at remembering names. Poke me, prod me, lob softballs over my Twitter and Facebook fences. Remind me how we met and let me know where you live online!

Melanie Mills started the day off with a humbling and energetic jolt to the core: who are you, how do you operate and…what shape are you? I’m kinda hourglass and if I eat too many cream puffs, more pear than anything. But I digress. I’m a squiggle. A fun-loving squiggle FTMFW! She’s NOT a motivational speaker, ladies. She’s a motivator because of who she is and what she brings to the table. It’s rare I’m rallied by a speech (hence, my question as to whether anyone wanted to hear what I had to say), but Melanie made me laugh, smile…and think. Damn her, it was barely 9AM and she was making me think. Loved it.

Up next? POTTY BREAK! It was evident that The Curtis Hotel had seen me coming and wanted to see how long I could hold it (as it’s evident I wasn’t allowed in this stall). To spite them, I used the next stall, peed on the seat and then left the seat UP. Erika: 1. Curtis Hotel: 0.

Shelly Kramer was first up after our group pee. Fabulous in a cocktail dress, sweater and boots, she’s the kind of woman I could meet for coffee with a dog in my lap and a cowboy hat on my head. I’d shared off-color email banter with her (shocker) in a thread that went awry the night previous and was fairly sure she was my f-bomb soulmate – I was really looking forward to what she had to share. Key takeaways? Interview your clients – don’t just let them interview you. Dive in. Have a plan. Poop sharks are part of daily living and bring your personality to the table when it comes to social media. People love people. Know what you know, ask questions and get the answers to what you don’t know. Be. Real.

Misty Montano of Channel 4 here in Denver rocked it seven different ways during her presentation, sparking a great dialogue and mini-debate on the media’s role in reporting the news. Broadcast versus commentary – fact versus opinion. If you’re in Denver and you haven’t connected with Misty on Twitter, she’s a vibrant personality that’s doing new and innovative things when it comes to getting the news, breaking the news, and sharing the news with our local community. And through Twitter, she’s taking local news international. High five, girl!

A huge thanks to Noodles & Company for the killer schwag bag and for sponsoring the day’s festivities. They shared with us over lunch some details about their marketing philosophy and how they were growing and entering into the social media space. While I think they’ve missed the boat by leaving Twitter out of their strategy to-date, I have no doubt they’ll hop on board soon enough and see what a kickass marketing plan can do in conjunction with a great Facebook following and satisfying in-store experience.

And then – I spoke. I won’t rehash my preso in my own blog about the event, so if you want to see the post on which my presentation was based, read it here: Twitter – Multiple Personality Management Without Medication. I’ve also posted the slides if you’d like to have a run-through again (if the toilet bowl images weren’t clear enough the first time around). Again, my door is open for any questions. My contact information is on the last slide of the presentation as well. Reach out, I’ll help in any way I can! (And again, I apologize for the “plethora of penises” image on the opening slide. This is why my mother told me to not procrastinate. Everything looks good at 11pm on iStock the night before a presentation…) And to answer one question I don’t think I adequately answered during the event: How do you manage lists using HootSuite? I’ll also give you the list of tools we discussed during my presentation for online efficiency:

HootSuite.com – manage Twitter, Facebook personal profiles, Facebook Fan Pages and LinkedIn from on portal

Twellow.com – great tool for finding followers by keyword

TweepML.com – online resource for building private online lists of Twitter users (thanks @ShellyKramer and @Greeblemonkey)

Twitter Karma – my favorite resource for quickly following, unfollowing, and blocking on Twitter. A cool once-a-month clean-up tool.

If any of you have additional resources to share, add a comment below. The more tools you have to choose from, the better. You’ll find your groove and what works for you.

I was completely humbled by the day’s “mommy blogger” panel (@greeblemonkey, @Crazycanuckblog, @oliviaomega, and moderator @fruitlady). If you think that these mommy bloggers are nothing but Tide Brides, think again. From family safety to online privacy, handling pitches with integrity to how they balance the blessings and related curses of being working mothers with young children, I relished each and every part of the panel. Advice from a redhead: hug a mommy blogger. And then high five ‘em.

The day wrapped up with the #morebangable @tarable (Tara Anderson of Lijit) who took us on a rollicking journey of social media lessons learned through sit coms. While Melanie Mills had us searching for our ideal shape, Tara had us singing the theme songs from TV gems like Small Wonder and Growing Pains. She always kicks a lot of ass and if you’re not using Lijit on YOUR blog (it’s FREE – doh!), give her an @ on Twitter. Truth: we’ve got a hawt lunch date on February 5th to discuss integrating Lijit into my blog. Yeeha!

A huge shout to Denise Smith for organizing Chicks Who Click. The details for the next conference (Omaha! Woooo!) are already up on the website. Here are just a few reasons I’m glad that Chicks is around:

• Social media in your own backyard. After the conference, you have local connections and resources – not just speakers who fly in and fly away.
• A whole day with everyone on the same page - no breakout sessions means the benefit of group discussions and big thoughts bouncing around in one room.
• Real people – learn from people just like you. We’re all real and part of the beauty of social media is that it’s the perfect place for YOU to be.
• The Right Money - Under $250 for 8 hours of conversation and collaboration with no consternation! That’s $30 per hour (including lunch and assorted schwag). If your business isn’t worth $30/hour…

GO GET A DAMNED TACO!

Again, thank you for giving The Redhead the chance to offend you and making me feel like I’m not just a crazy lady with a keyboard. Share Chicks with your friends…even if they’re technically Dicks.