• Interviews
• Job offers
• Performance gigs
• Family members trying to reconnect
• Prizes (legit) won and claims expired
• Deaths
• Serious illnesses

And the bitch of it all? Those with Facebook brand pages were finding that their messages had been summarily dismissed into the Other Messages purgatory (a chasm filled with fire-breathing penguins and an inherently high population of Russian call girls). Across all of the outlets cited above (including this blog), there was a question that remains unanswered:

How the $%^*&((# do I rescue messages from certain people/brands from the circle of hell that Dante didn’t even know existed: the Others folder?

Today, we’re going to make it happen.

As a pre-emptive note to any writers and bloggers who feel that they want to “paraphrase” this post on their website without due credit, check this out, yo. I really wish I didn’t have to put this message in here.

How to Choose Which Facebook Messages Go Into Messages and Other

First, I wish it were as easy as checking a box or Facebook actually having a useable UI that allowed you to easily make this choice. Alas, it’s Facebook. We choose to use it, we are its bitch. We must accept the fact that we are Users and Data Sources, and not really the intended audience. Thus we must MacGyver together a solution. Let’s roll.

Here’s a snapshot of my Facebook Other Messages inbox.

And here I am thinking – DANG! I sure would have liked to get that message from The Subdudes (do not judge my musical tastes) into my actual Messages folder so that I had an ice cube’s chance in hell of seeing it.

Step #1: Click on the Message you want to rescue. There is no screenshot for this. Use The Force, Luke.

Step #2: Access the Actions tab

Step #3: Select “Move to Messages” (collective GASP)

And ka-POW! Messages from that person or brand page will now land in your Messages folder instead of the chasm filled with hookers and fire-breathing penguins.

But Erika – is there an easier way to do this when I fan a brand page? Surely…

Yeah, well, surely there isn’t. If anyone has a hack, I’m happy to hear it. You would think that with all of the snazzy changes Facebook keeps making, they’d add some basic functionality to their “social inbox” that lets us, the users (and the reason their actual customers pay them a metric ton of money), use the site on a deeper level. But it’s Facebook. We take the evil with the eviler and find hacks like these that are as unintuitive as a set of furniture instructions from IKEA. But they’re hacks. And they work. So we deal.

And as a bonus, I recently had to deal with the whoospie that I’d let a boatload of people become my Facebook friends that didn’t really need to be in my inner sanctum. One of my Twitter folk, Brent Terrazas turned me on to a browser extension called Grease Monkey FacebookDeletes that allows you to bulk select friends to delete. It works like a charm (zapped 204 people into oblivion) and if you’re due for a Facebook friend purge, it’s a one-click installation and should take you 10 minutes max to tighten your circles down to a manageable level. The extension works on Chrome, Firefox, and I believe IE. Note: Be sure to read the instructions for the script, as you’re supposed to check the friends you want to KEEP. Getting it reversed could be bad ju ju.

A special note for those who run Brand pages: Since your messages are summarily dismissed to the “Other Messages” file for new fans, wouldn’t it be cool to let new fans know about this “glitch?” Create a blog post that you can post on your wall every now and again that addresses this issue so that your fans can get the messages they want in their inboxes? It’s traffic to both your website AND the things your fans on Facebook need to know most. Link them to this post, create a how-to of your own. Your audience will love you for the help.

Here’s a slow motion replay of my reactions:

1. WTF?!
2. WHO is this?
3. HOW is this guy a Facebook friend since I don’t know who he is?
4. WHAT on earth is this dude talking about?
5. Thanks for insulting me and determining of what I am worthy. Saves me the time and effort. Cause apparently, I’m a BITCH. A bitch who has NO idea what you’re talking about.

So, owning the fact that I’m a complete, disrespectful Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages – especially ones from people I don’t know who are apparently (and unbeknownst to me) interested in me in some sort of social/romantic manner – I decided to dig into the issue.

As The Facebook Turns – No More Message Notifications

Since Facebook went through its gazillionth change in the past year, I found myself not receiving any notifications of messages and few relating to comments. I was actually pretty delighted for the decreased email volume. So, to see what Mr. Disgruntled was talking about, I took my Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages self over to Facebook.

Here’s what I see, probably like you when I click on my Messages icon:

I don’t know about you, but I see FIVE messages. If they appear to be unread, I click through and read the unread messages from this window. Given that I can receive up to 20 Facebook messages a day on occasion, if you’re not showing up in this “fast five,” I ain’t gonna see ya.

I scrolled up Mr. Disguntled’s message feed to me and, indeed, he had asked me on November 28 if I’d like to go grab coffee sometime. Prior to that, we’d even shared a 4 or 5 line Facebook chat conversation in early November regarding…the weather. Given that I am ice cube-chance-in-hell visible on Chat, it’s not surprising that I’d forgotten about this exchange. So yeah – he’d asked me to coffee. Sent me a few links. None of which I’d seen. He happened to be friends with a few of my close friends here in Denver, which could explain why he got through my Firewall of Friendship.

But more importantly – how many other messages was Facebook hiding from me with their new notification system?!

Digging Deeper – The “Others”

So, I posted something on my PERSONAL Facebook wall about not getting message and comment notifications and my dear friend Colleen chimed in with – ummm…do you know about “Other” messages?

I’m like – what OTHER messages?

And she showed me. Just like I’m going to show you.

Go to your Home Page on Facebook. Click on Messages in the left hand sidebar. When you do that, something mysterious happens…you’re introduced to The Others.

When I clicked on that Monday morning, I had 58 messages swimming around in there. People I’ve shown this trick over the past two days have had numbers ranging from the 20s to over 100, and some dating back to the beginning of the year.

Now, if you’re running a brand page and trying to figure out why responses to your Events are down, this is why. Most brand page events go into The Others folder, just like the shitty movie starring Nicole Kidman goes into the bargain bin of DVDs at the grocery store. (Who buys DVDs at the grocery store anyways?)

In those Other messages were notes from readers of my blog and invitations to events that I would have really liked to have attended. (There was also the unread/unseen invitation to join the gentleman above for coffee.)

How could I stop these messages from going into Facebook’s sneaky, inconvenient Information Purgatory in the future?

The Answer: Reclaim Your Facebook Notifications

If I’m going to have passive-agressive missives flung in my direction, I want to be fully in control and conscious of the behavior that’s inspiring said missives. I also want to be participating, dammit. So I went into the Facebook Account Settings and I’m going to guide YOU through how to get those Message and other notifications back that Facebook mysteriously took away.

Step #1: Top Right Hand Side of Your Facebook Page

Step #2: Top Left Hand Side of the Next Page

Step #3: UNCHECK THIS DAMN BOX!

Step #4: Set Your Notifications

Scroll down the page until you see the Notifications section. You can click on each of the headings (Facebook – where you’ll find your Message notifications – is shown here) and set up the type of emails you want to receive.

No More Hide-And-Seek With Facebook Messages!

So, it would appear that I’m not necessarily the Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages after all. Facebook’s bogarted all of our notification settings and it’s up to us to reclaim them. And The Others? Hells bells. Go ahead and tell me how many messages you have in your Others folder. I have a nifty, wintery prize for the person with the most! Caveat: you have to upload a screen shot showing your profile name AND the message bubble to the right side of the Others line.

Now, this weekend, I’ll be doing that (apparently) much-needed Facebook Friends purge, as one of my true friends would have rattled my cage in other ways if I’d been ignoring them, as they’d know it was completely inadvertent. And for the record, the gentleman in question appears to have blocked me on Facebook, so I couldn’t even send him a message explaining the scenario.

The next time you assume someone is ignoring you, one of two things is most certainly true:

Option 1: They are ignoring your messages.

or

Option 2: They’re victim to Facebook’s definition of “important” and really have no fucking clue that you dropped them a line.

In my case? Option 2 prevailed.

Happy Facebook Notifications Reclamation Day!

I’m really fortunate that the folks at Entrepreneur Magazine give me a lot of leeway with what I cover in my column each month and how. So, in the October issue, I decided to go and have a look at hyperlocal businesses that have achieved success through social marketing. Sure, you have to have a kickass product to back up the online hype, but I found two businesses on opposite sides of the country – a vet practice in Southern Florida and a food truck in Seattle – that each took VERY different approaches to social marketing and each found tremendous success.

Stop by the column: How Two Small Companies Are Driving Revenue Using Social Media (in your print editions as Virtual People, Real Dollars).

I know a fair share of my readers operate and consult with hyperlocal and local businesses. I’d love to hear your thoughts about these two companies and other ideas that are bouncing around in your head. Local businesses are the backbone of any community and it just tickles me like Elmo to have had the opportunity to meet these folks and hear how they’re hitting it out of the park with a combination of keystrokes and kickass product and service.

PS: I know full well that a food truck and a vet practice can’t actually walk into a bar. But it would be fun to watch!

What is North Social?

It’s probably best described as a magical yeti that bakes you calorie-free cupcakes all day long – something you never thought you’d find and entirely too good to be true. In a nutshell, North Social is a company that’s built a wide array of Facebook apps that help those with fan pages trick them out to their heart’s content, quickly and easily. They offer everything from apps that handle welcome page functions to sweepstakes, fan-only offers and more. They offer 18 apps in all along with North Contact, their own proprietary contact/subscriber management system (more on that later)

How Can I Preview North Social’s Suite of Facebook Apps?

If you’d like, you can bop over to the RedheadWriting fan page where I have the Signup App activated for my welcome/new fan sequence (a series of 3 screens), along with the Twitter app, RSS feed app and Partner Pages app all customized for my needs. You WILL have to become a fan of RedheadWriting in order to view everything, so if you prefer, you can check out North Social’s Facebook fan page instead since my brand ain’t for everyone. Their page show EVERY app they’ve created in action – just use the navigation on the left side of the page to review the apps in action. Their website also has a custom video demo of every app in their library, and the upside? It’s all in easy-to-understand English and yes – setting up the apps is as easy as the videos make it out to be.

What Does North Social Cost?

Simple – just check out their pricing page. It’s based on the number of fans your page has, which I think is quite reasonable. Plans are as low as $19/month (I use the $30/month plan) and can service one fan page with each subscription. If you’re an agency or consultant with multiple clients, the Enterprise edition might make sense because you can service up to 5 pages with that plan. And before you piss and moan about the lack of a free edition -yeah, we’re not even going to talk about that. You don’t go to work in the morning for free so why should they? Pay the nice people who just made your Facebook world THAT much easier.

The only other costs you’ll have to take into account are design costs for a graphic designer to create the images you’ll use in the apps. If you need a referral, just ping me and I’ll connect you with the gal who created my landing pages and custom headers. She’s bright, talented and quite reasonable on the pricing front. Just ask!

What’s With North Contact, the Proprietary CMS from North Social?

I’m still digging into the details, but I’ll share what I’ve discerned thus far. If you’re using Feedburner to burn your blog feed, there’s a lot that’s out of your control, mainly marketing. If you’re trying to capture more subscribers for your blog or newsletter, North Contact is a free social CRM tool that can help you do just that. Here are the three main functions that North Social can help your execute:

• Capturing user information (name/email and more).
• Creating email campaigns, complete with tracking features and ability to use HTML email templates.
  • Their system also allows you to test an email design template across all of the major email providers to lessen then chance your messages are marked as spam. Totally sweet.
• Reporting on email campaigns.

Unfortunately there is no RSS integration, so for the meantime, I’m capturing email addresses of new subscribers here and importing them into Aweber. Hopefully, they’ll add this functionality, but for now, it’s a great place to build a database of Facebook page fans and build email marketing campaigns to them if you want to keep everything in one place.

In Closing…

North Social probably has one of the most brilliant email marketing drip campaigns on the planet and their blog The Drop is an endless supply of information you can actually use. I hope you’ve enjoyed the introduction to my latest geek out and hope to see you over on the fan page soon!

Hi…yeah – is Bullshit in? No, It’s okay. I’ll hold.

Bullshit always keeps you on hold, doesn’t it?

The lines of communication propriety have become inarguably blurred by technology. I addressed this awhile back in a diatribe/personal memoir on online stalking, but think it bears repeating in a slappier tone. So let me rack my Bitch Slapping hand like a shotgun and say this:

Our audacity is blinding.

The social web is a brilliant tool. If used wisely, it offers greater insight into those people who matter to us most. Friends, family, colleagues, customers and clients all now have the opportunity to share their lives to any degree they see fit – from conspicuous absence to annoying overshare and every iteration in between. But here’s the rub: just because you can see someone online doesn’t mean you know them. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have access to them.

I don’t know about you, but the level of faux-social intimacy bullshit I deal with every day is astronomical. There’s nothing I adore more than a personal note from a reader or having the opportunity to answer a question for anyone who asks, but my social networks are becoming overrun with people who think they know me. Well, ya don’t. Here’s what you know about Erika: the persona. There are a select group of people in the Inner Sanctum, the ‘hood. But the rest? You’re standing outside singing “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?” and looking at an Irish Setter.

I know I’m not the only one who deals with this, so before I go from Erika to see-you-next-Tuesday in five paragraphs flat, let’s get to some common sense rules for the social web. These are my rules and perhaps not yours, but I think much of it is common sense. Let’s take a spin on the Train to Communication Propriety and stop this epically fucked devolutionary process back to knuckle dragging Neanderthals that club Jane on the head and drag her back into the cave so we can sneak a look at her Facebook profile when no one’s looking.

Text Messaging

If you get someone’s phone number, that’s a pretty coveted thing these days. Don’t blow up their phone with multi-part text messages. If it takes more than two texts to get your point across, pick up the goddamn phone and have a 30-second conversation. For fuck sake, if your fingers work to text, they work to dial. And yes, I am occasionally just as guilty of this as anyone else. Texts are great for where are you, what time, which brand of ketchup do you want? queries, but they suck ass for dialogue. Dial. The. Phone.

Facebook Profiles

I’ve been pretty lax with this but that’s about to change. My personal Facebook profile is for my family and friends. If I haven’t met you IRL (In Real Life), do you really need to see the pics of me and my girlfriends having dinner? No. Because that’s personal and requires a certain level of intimacy. I love connecting with my readers and hearing their stories and truly respect anyone who sends me a friend request with a clarification on how I know them. Just ask one of my besties, Merredith – I’d met her at a conference and was knee deep in shit, couldn’t remember and even denied HER friend request on Facebook. Alas, I’ve also now spent last Thanksgiving and Christmas at her family’s house. I also know quite a few people who use their personal Facebook profiles for their business colleagues and communications as well. That’s fine. That’s your decision.

But the moral is this: understand what you’re doing. Think about what you’re asking when you click “Add to Friends” on Facebook. It’s a pretty big level of ask. It’s not just a button. I built a Facebook Fan Page so people could reach Erika without seeing the things that really aren’t quite their business. And the same goes for you – you probably don’t think I need to see the pictures of your daughter’s birthday party or your brand of political rants. If someone you see online offers a link to their Fan Page on their blog, but not a link to their personal profile (ahem…coughs…points), maybe there’s a reason. It’s pretty audacious to ask to be let into someone’s personal life. Just think of who you’d let inside the front door of your house – any yahoo selling magazines or the person you share three yoga classes and carpools with each week? Methinks yoga person wins out.

Relationships Are Earned

This digital access we enjoy – it makes things way too easy. With a Google search, we can find most anyone and the only way to avoid being found is to stop putting it out there. But we should never forget that relationships are earned. Just as flinging a business card at someone doesn’t mean you’ll get them as a client, seeing someone online doesn’t mean you know them. Relationships built over the social web take time and nurturing, just as with any in-person relationship. Why should anyone “be your friend” after exchanging a few blog comments or tweets? After shaking your hand at a conference? I think a good rule of thumb is this: if you’d invite the person to a dinner party where you could only have 20 guests, would you invite them? Granted, the parties are different for both business and your personal life – you have to be the one who decides the boundaries – but we only have so much bandwidth.

Use your bandwidth wisely. Take the time to bask in deeper relationships instead of skipping rock after rock across the surface of human interaction. Stop collecting people in your personal life. In my eyes, I need a select group of incredible relationships, not a plethora of mediocre ones that detract from the time I can spend on the ones I truly want to nurture.

The Desire to Connect – Go Forth and Don’t Be a Douche

We want to feel connected and now we have all of these buttons (Like, Digg, Stumble, Reddit, Add to Friends, Follow, Buy) that give the illusion of connection – but how are we truly connected? When the shit goes down (as it has on this blog), who’s going to be there and have your back? Who’s going to notice if you’re gone?

More importantly – who will YOU notice when they’re gone and reach out to help when needs must?

My readers – you – you’re the reason I get to do what I love. You make me laugh, you’ve been there when all hell’s broken loose. And many of you have come to be my friends and I hope I get to meet each of you one day. I never expected to be invited to your weddings and I don’t know your parents. I only know the persona – what you choose to share with me. And I respect that. How can we change the culture of People Collecting into one where we keep building relationships, but on different levels? I treasure that I’ve earned each of you coming back, post after post. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But no offense – I don’t really need you to listen in while I chat with my mom, y’know?

So, you’ve been slapped. And I have, too. Enough with the over-asking and false senses of familiarity because a button says we can have it with a click. It’s time for me to rethink just clicking a button and consider what those clicks mean. I tell my clients all the time: it’s not how many fans you have on the boat – it’s how many who would jump in to save you when the shit goes down. Even the Titanic had a max capacity, y’know?

Today’s guest post is by Michelle Mangen, possibly one of the best Virtual Assistants in the universe. She’s savvy in everything from social media to bookkeeping and can be found online at Your Virtual Assistant as well as on Twitter.

As is typical with Facebook there have been a lot of changes taking place recently. Some time ago we were given the option to “upgrade” to the new personal profile layout. (Note: it may now be required)  Among the many differences in the new layout there are two things you may want to change as soon as possible.

1. Linking Your Fan Page to Your Personal Profile
2. Editing Your News Feed Items to Show All Friends and Fan Page Updates

By default Facebook apparently “set up” a new fan page if you previously had a company name listed in your profile as “employer”.  If you don’t change this potential “fans” will be going to the wrong destination.  Do your potential clients and fans a favor and set that link to go to your true page.

In this photo anyone who clicks on “Your Virtual Assistant” will be directed to my actual fan page and not the non-existent page that Facebook created.

You may be one of the lucky ones who can easily add your page by tagging it with @Your Fan Page Name. I was one of the lucky ones. All of my clients haven’t been so lucky….if you are one of those who can’t get your Fan Page to connect by simply tagging it these instructions are for you.

These instructions will only work with the Web Developer Add-On for FireFox or Chrome. Before completing the steps below download this tool for your browser from the appropriate link above and install as necessary.

1. Go to your Fan Page and copy the Page ID (a long set of numbers at the very end of your Fan Page URL)
2. Open a separate window with your personal Facebook profile>Edit Profile>Education and Work
3. Type your fan page name into the employer box ~ don’t be alarmed that it brings up the wrong page
4. From the Web Developer extension that you installed open the option that reads “Forms” and then “Display Form Details”
5. Enter the Page ID that you copied from Step 1 into the “employer ID boxes” (NOTE: your page will look different than mine because my Facebook profile attached by simply tagging my fan page name but the picture below will give you a general idea …just be sure to add your page ID to the fields that indicate “employer ID”.
6. When finished adding in your Page ID into the employer ID fields click save changes at the bottom of the page.
7. You can now turn off the Web Developer “Display Forms Detail” option and you should see your fan page connected to your personal profile complete with your fan page photo.
8. Go back to your personal profile and test the link to assure it’s correct.

Congrats on linking up your Facebook fan page to your personal profile!

You may also want to change Item #2 mentioned above. With the massive changes that took place the week of Feb. 6, 2011 your news feed has changed to only show updates from recent interactions you have had with fan pages and friends. If you’d like to show all updates and not limit yourself to only those you’ve interacted recently there is one simple step you have to take.

1. Select “News Feed” from your home page
2. Scroll to the very bottom of your news feed page and select “Edit Options”
3. By default the recent changes are set at “Friends and Pages you Interact with Most” — change this to the other option “All of Your Friends and Pages”
4. Save

OMFG – another GUEST POST? Yes, Preeeeeeeeeeecccccious, it’s true. Today, we have the bubbly and slightly snarky Antonia Harler.

I started a new job a few weeks ago, which is completely irrelevant in context of this post, except it’s not. It made me realize something. I no longer have time for BS on Twitter. But sadly, Twitter seems to be turning into a mad circus full of creepy clowns that shamelessly self promote, are not afraid to spam you with useless links or simply tweet for the sake of tweeting. And let’s not forget about those, who think it’s unnecessary to read the content they are tweeting.

I know I’m not alone with this feeling. I see a lot of Tweets every day complaining about the uselessness of some users, which begs the question whether or not it’s our fault for following them or if “they” just forget that they are dealing with actual people.

Don’t get me wrong. I *love* Twitter and the opportunities it has presented to me. But this kind of BS made me miss all the good stuff that’s floating around in the Twitterverse. And I refuse to miss it. That’s why, much unlike myself, I started to organize and plan. Scary, right? But it’s made such a difference.

And today, our amazing redhead, allowed me to share. (Holy sweet Jesus on a cracker!!) Anyway, here are some nifty tips and tricks to filter through the noise and kick the creepy Twitter clowns in the butt.

• Twitter clients! I’ve been in love with Tweetdeck from the start but there are many others. Hootsuite & Seesmic to name just two of the most popular. Whichever you decide to choose, you’ll be in heaven. The options they present to you are almost infinite, which brings me to my second point:

• Lists, lists, lists! I refused to use them for a long time. If you are unconvinced, take it from me, they are magic. By organizing the people you follow and putting them into lists you cut out 75 % of the noise. MAGIC. All of a sudden you don’t miss the good stuff anymore and even if you do, you can scroll down without having to read hundreds of useless Tweets. (Sidenote: Start using lists soon after joining Twitter. It will save you a ton of work in the longrun.)
• Re-evaluate and curate your stream! Now this, my lovelies, is an ongoing process. As much as I wish it wasn’t, it is. By unfollowing people that add no value to your stream, and instead adding people that do, you avoid a lot of frustration.
• Use #hashtags! Twitter hashtags are popular for Twitter chats, conferences and events but they are also a great way to organize yourself. If you and your followers agree to append a certain hashtag to Tweets about a particular topic, it becomes easier to find said topic in search and it’s also more likely for the topic to appear in Twitter’s trending topics.
• Don’t Auto Follow! There’s a great big myth floating around that says that the more followers you have the more influential you are. For some that may even be true but for the most part I think differently. The number of followers you have is irrelevant as long as your audience is there to listen to *you*. Be picky about who you follow. Quality over quantity.
• If all of the above doesn’t help, consider using a tool such as Proxlet. It’s a tool I’ve secretly been dreaming about. It let’s you block apps, filter Twitter tags and mute users (without unfollowing them) for a day, a week, or.. gasp.. forever! A puppy just got wings! And to top it all off, it doesn’t only work on the web but also with Desktop and mobile clients.  Brilliant!

By following those steps, I’ve transformed my Twitter experience and actually managed to make the most of it while working full time. Do you think I’ve missed something? Then PLEASE, share it in the comment section. And if you have a question, then post that too. If I don’t know the answer, I’m pretty sure Erika will. And in case Erika doesn’t.. gasp gasp.. I’m pretty sure someone else in this lovely community will.

***

FYI, Antonia & Social Glitz are the authors of the immensely helpful Ultimate List of Free Social Media Tools. You owe it to yourself to stop by and have a read.

Today’s post is authored by an ACTUAL redhead, known as The Naked Redhead. If that’s not enough to get you to read, I have no idea what is.

“Bring a donut for yourself, and you’re a hog.  Bring a donut for the whole office and you’re a hero.”

–T. N. Redhead

Have you ever noticed the difference between the donut eaten furtively in the privacy of your own home, and the dozen donuts purchased to surprise the office?  With a simple act of generosity, you’ve transformed from inhaling several hundred calories all by your lonesome, to sharing a delicious sugary treat experience as a group (P.S.—group calories are null).  In blogging and social media, you’re either eating a donut by yourself, or you’ve brought some to share with a couple thousand of your closest friends.

In other words, “It’s not about you.”

I gotta be honest, I learned this lesson the hard way.  My first experience on the blogosphere was reading the “big blogs”…the ones where people wrote stuff and other people flocked to read said stuff just because it was there.  That was in the early stages of the blogging boom where truly, the Field of Dreams statement applied:  “If you make it, they will come.”

Blogging, however, has changed (and if someone tells you otherwise, run far away.  People who have instant success overnight with blogging are the exception, not the rule), but I didn’t get it for a long time.  I figured if I slapped some words on a screen, Ray Liotta would friggin’ step out of a corn field and be my best online dead baseball playing friend.

But then one day it hit me:  NOBODY CARES unless you show them you care first.

It’s a lot like real life, right?  If you want to have friends, be a friendly person yourself.  When I realized that it wasn’t about me and my little bloggy donut, boy, did things change.  Here are a few things sharing donuts has taught me about blogging and social media:

Find out what kind of donuts your audience likes.

You like donuts, and your donut of choice is a Long John.  Your audience, however, might really prefer plain glazed most of the time, and will only occasionally eat a Long John.  One of the best ways to figure out what your audience likes is to do a quick and easy survey.  My most recent survey (via Survey Monkey) was a mere six questions long, and it helped me to channel my content more concisely than ever before.  I also displayed the results so my readers had a bigger sense of their collective “TNR Reader” identity.  Six easy questions that were not about me generated a bigger community response than one more post about how awesome I am.

Share your donuts with a genuinely generous and kind spirit.

It’s okay to know that in some way, you’re sharing donuts so that you can also one day benefit, but there’s a big difference between saying, “HERE ARE MY DONUTS!  Now where’s MY present?” and saying, “Here are my donuts.  I really hope you like them,” without expectation of immediate, tangible return.  That’s what a gift really is, right?   You wouldn’t bring a donut to your boss and say, “Here’s a donut, gimme a raise.”  Ewww…jerkface.  Don’t do that to your readers, k?

Let your new “It’s not about me,” attitude filter into every part of your online personality.

When I realized it wasn’t about me, I not only refocused my blog’s content, but I also immediately changed my auto-responder on Twitter from:

“Thanks for following me, now read my awesome shit here http://linktomyawesomewebsite.com!”

To:

“Thanks for the follow.  What’s one thing I should know about you?”

My response percentage went through the roof, with even savvy, experienced Tweeters responding to say, “Is this an auto-response?  I can’t tell.  Oh, I really like ducks.” (ßParaphrased from an actual response)

At that point, my new followers didn’t even care that I might not have personally typed that specific message the moment they followed me; they were just excited that someone out there cared enough to ask about them instead of simply eating a donut in front of them. (And for those with inquiring minds, yes, it’s an auto-DM. The question, however, does stem from a genuine place, the means is simply necessary from an efficiency standpoint. I absolutely answer every response.)

Because that’s what those “read MY stuff” auto-responders, ad nauseum “buy my shit” posts, and spammy e-mails are like.  They are the equivalent of solo-scarfing a goddamn delicious, chocolate covered, cream-filled donut on stage in front of a crowd of hungry, salivating people.  It’s a show, sure, but not one that people will ever watch again.  In fact, don’t be surprised if some of the audience likes the “performer” just a bit less…especially after the grand finale of languorous finger licking.

And finally…

Lest you think this post is saying that you should slave away for years bowing only to the whims of your audience, denying yourself any pleasure or financial return in your whole little bloggy quest, remember that just because you’re sharing donuts, doesn’t mean you don’t get to eat a donut, too.  I mean, that’s the whole fun of bringing donuts to a gathering, right?  You all get to dig in as a group and eat the shit out of those sweet confections.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to fall into a sugar coma.   Mmmm…donuts.

You, too, can learn to make mad foam art like this!

In May of 2005, I packed up a Budget Rent-a-Truck and made the four hour move from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. In retrospect, I have no fucking idea what I was thinking, but at the time the rationale simply boiled down to:

I can afford to buy a house in Vegas and will never be able to in LA.

So I moved.

The housing market was booming. The thought of a 2000 square foot home for $300,000 was enough to make me want to lock myself in a closet and diddle myself to the Real Estate section of the Review-Journal. I started to meet new people, make friends…and a theme emerged.

They were all in real estate, in some form or fashion.

Realtors, mortgage brokers, appraisers…you could lob a frozen pea into the crowd at a crowded casino and you’d be sure shit to hit someone who was in the real estate profession. They all drove BMWs and Lexuses.

By the time early 2008 rolled around, the bottom had fallen out of one of the most overinflated real estate markets in the nation. This meant that all of those “real estate professionals” were despondent. Some (most) had to go out and get real jobs. Many left town. Quite a few went back to being blackjack dealers. And it served every damn one of them right.

They were opportunists who latched on to an booming opportunity that evaporated overnight.

So, if you’re a “social media consultant,” I hope you’re looking for a new job. Because the bottom is about to fall out of your market.

Just like real estate, social media isn’t going anywhere. But if you’re deluding yourself and your clients into thinking that you’ve got what they need, you’re no different than the hairdressers-turned-Realtor-turned-hairdressers of the Las Vegas real estate boom.

You’re hawking overpriced real estate to anyone who can make the down payment.

Social media is a component of a comprehensive marketing strategy, not a stand-alone panacea. There are no unicorns that fart glitter or fluffy pillows. Social media campaigns aren’t islands unto themselves and boats don’t race to moor on their docks. If you’re one of those laptop-and-a-lunch hucksters, I certainly hope you’re gearing up to acquire some expanded job skills, as it’s becoming damn clear that what you’re selling isn’t going to have a market for long.

Businesses are getting smarter. Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn are everywhere. It’s no longer novel to do what you do and sell what you sell. Your services are becoming the Chia Pet of the marketing world. And people like me thank you. Truly, we do.

• Because your short-term clients make long-term retainers for me.
• I get paid a decent living to undo the damage you’ve done.
• I get to be the asshole and tell someone that you were an asshole, which means I look like less of an asshole. (This is Asshole Math – I don’t expect you to understand it.)
• And no matter what coffee shop I’m working from, I could always use another barista behind the counter to get me a rice milk dirty chai and a lemon bar.

As it’s the new year, it’s a fine time to look for another job. Just imagine all of the people who resolved to quit that piece of shit job they hate – YOU could fill their shoes! Starbucks is always hiring and there’s no shortage of gigs on Monster.com. But if perchance looking for another job doesn’t sound like a fine idea this new year, perhaps it’s time to pull your head out of your ass and realize you need to up your game.

Webinars – they’re abundant, inexpensive (occasionally free, helloooo HubSpot) and an hour of your time. If you can’t spend an hour on making yourself look like less of an asshole, check the classifieds.

Coffee – Yeah, coffee. Don’t abuse the privilege, but find someone who’s doing it right and tell them straight-up, that you’d like to buy them coffee and pick their brain. Come in with an agenda, because failing to do so wastes that person’s time. And it’s coffee, not a private Masters Degree session. Otherwise, you can learn to make some kickass foam art during your stint as a barista.

Low-Hanging Fruit – It’s not profitable. If you actually broke-down the hours you spend doling out your low-dollar (and relatively useless) wisdom, you’d find most likely that you’re not doing much better than the barista. It’s time to revamp your business model so that you can be both useful AND profitable. Yuh?

Happy new year, yo. And if you’re like me and working on a “happy decade,” carry on smartly.

So last night, I WON A HAT! I won a motherfucking HAT, yo. I’m sorry to disappoint all of you who had dibs on time-sharing the pony, but it’s not just a hat – it’s got a pom pom on top. I said goddamn.

What did I win the hat for? Oh – right. Whoops. I won Best Facebook Fan Page for Promotion of a Personal Brand. So thank you, monkays. For you readership, your nominations, and most importantly, for being my community. And thanks to Westword for confirming that the f-bomb is an effective tool for communication. Yippee-fuckin’-skip. And a huge shout out to Unseen Denver, run by the illustrious Rick Ramos and Dave Pennington – they took home the award for the Best Neighborhood Blog (and rightly so!). Follow ‘em on Twitter, subscribe to their blog, check out their fan page and all that jazz. Another w00t shout to TweetyGotBack, voted Best Startup (awesomeness, Heather!).

And speaking of community…I owe the whole lot of you a super-loving smack, square on the ass. Over the past few weeks, which have inarguably been the most difficult in my life, you’ve been here. It instilled feelings of more than melancholy last night at the Westword event when I couldn’t turn left or right and see Jason smiling back at me. I miss him terribly and can only describe the void left behind as a hole I can never dream of filling. Your words, messages, emails, wall posts, tweets, DMs and phone calls are unbelievable in volume and I find comfort in knowing that you’re not just here for the free ponies. Whatever I’ve done in this life to deserve YOU…it brings me to tears. Fucking soppy, heaving, unpretty tears. So thanks for making me cry. And crying isn’t all that bad. I won’t argue that the Universe screwed up big time when it decided to take Jason out of its physical mix, but he was – and still is – one of the people I’ve come to trust on this doubt-ridden path to becoming vastly unpopular with exactly the right people. Like all the folks NOT reading this. And he’s worth every tear.

So, umm…yeah. Thanks. Is that Elvis?

And you might notice some changes in The Redhead today. My Twitter avatar, Facebook Fan Page and About Page have gotten facelifts. An enormous thanks to Darren Mahuron at Summit Studios in Fort Collins, CO for my new shots. These were taken the day I had my first real “date” with Jason. I’d texted him during the shoot to say I’d gone from Executive Dominatrix to Marian the Librarian to Bratty Schoolgirl so far that day, the reply was, “You have no idea how wide my eyes just got.” So, these are for Jason, who never had the opportunity to see the finished product. And for you. And most importantly, for me. They’re more “me” than I’ve ever been and on a day where I’m announcing that others have chosen to celebrate me, fuckin’ A – I’m going to put on my Big Girl Britches and do the same.

My thanks, monkays…