Hi…yeah – is Bullshit in? No, It’s okay. I’ll hold.

Bullshit always keeps you on hold, doesn’t it?

The lines of communication propriety have become inarguably blurred by technology. I addressed this awhile back in a diatribe/personal memoir on online stalking, but think it bears repeating in a slappier tone. So let me rack my Bitch Slapping hand like a shotgun and say this:

Our audacity is blinding.

The social web is a brilliant tool. If used wisely, it offers greater insight into those people who matter to us most. Friends, family, colleagues, customers and clients all now have the opportunity to share their lives to any degree they see fit – from conspicuous absence to annoying overshare and every iteration in between. But here’s the rub: just because you can see someone online doesn’t mean you know them. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have access to them.

I don’t know about you, but the level of faux-social intimacy bullshit I deal with every day is astronomical. There’s nothing I adore more than a personal note from a reader or having the opportunity to answer a question for anyone who asks, but my social networks are becoming overrun with people who think they know me. Well, ya don’t. Here’s what you know about Erika: the persona. There are a select group of people in the Inner Sanctum, the ‘hood. But the rest? You’re standing outside singing “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?” and looking at an Irish Setter.

I know I’m not the only one who deals with this, so before I go from Erika to see-you-next-Tuesday in five paragraphs flat, let’s get to some common sense rules for the social web. These are my rules and perhaps not yours, but I think much of it is common sense. Let’s take a spin on the Train to Communication Propriety and stop this epically fucked devolutionary process back to knuckle dragging Neanderthals that club Jane on the head and drag her back into the cave so we can sneak a look at her Facebook profile when no one’s looking.

Text Messaging

If you get someone’s phone number, that’s a pretty coveted thing these days. Don’t blow up their phone with multi-part text messages. If it takes more than two texts to get your point across, pick up the goddamn phone and have a 30-second conversation. For fuck sake, if your fingers work to text, they work to dial. And yes, I am occasionally just as guilty of this as anyone else. Texts are great for where are you, what time, which brand of ketchup do you want? queries, but they suck ass for dialogue. Dial. The. Phone.

Facebook Profiles

I’ve been pretty lax with this but that’s about to change. My personal Facebook profile is for my family and friends. If I haven’t met you IRL (In Real Life), do you really need to see the pics of me and my girlfriends having dinner? No. Because that’s personal and requires a certain level of intimacy. I love connecting with my readers and hearing their stories and truly respect anyone who sends me a friend request with a clarification on how I know them. Just ask one of my besties, Merredith – I’d met her at a conference and was knee deep in shit, couldn’t remember and even denied HER friend request on Facebook. Alas, I’ve also now spent last Thanksgiving and Christmas at her family’s house. I also know quite a few people who use their personal Facebook profiles for their business colleagues and communications as well. That’s fine. That’s your decision.

But the moral is this: understand what you’re doing. Think about what you’re asking when you click “Add to Friends” on Facebook. It’s a pretty big level of ask. It’s not just a button. I built a Facebook Fan Page so people could reach Erika without seeing the things that really aren’t quite their business. And the same goes for you – you probably don’t think I need to see the pictures of your daughter’s birthday party or your brand of political rants. If someone you see online offers a link to their Fan Page on their blog, but not a link to their personal profile (ahem…coughs…points), maybe there’s a reason. It’s pretty audacious to ask to be let into someone’s personal life. Just think of who you’d let inside the front door of your house – any yahoo selling magazines or the person you share three yoga classes and carpools with each week? Methinks yoga person wins out.

Relationships Are Earned

This digital access we enjoy – it makes things way too easy. With a Google search, we can find most anyone and the only way to avoid being found is to stop putting it out there. But we should never forget that relationships are earned. Just as flinging a business card at someone doesn’t mean you’ll get them as a client, seeing someone online doesn’t mean you know them. Relationships built over the social web take time and nurturing, just as with any in-person relationship. Why should anyone “be your friend” after exchanging a few blog comments or tweets? After shaking your hand at a conference? I think a good rule of thumb is this: if you’d invite the person to a dinner party where you could only have 20 guests, would you invite them? Granted, the parties are different for both business and your personal life – you have to be the one who decides the boundaries – but we only have so much bandwidth.

Use your bandwidth wisely. Take the time to bask in deeper relationships instead of skipping rock after rock across the surface of human interaction. Stop collecting people in your personal life. In my eyes, I need a select group of incredible relationships, not a plethora of mediocre ones that detract from the time I can spend on the ones I truly want to nurture.

The Desire to Connect – Go Forth and Don’t Be a Douche

We want to feel connected and now we have all of these buttons (Like, Digg, Stumble, Reddit, Add to Friends, Follow, Buy) that give the illusion of connection – but how are we truly connected? When the shit goes down (as it has on this blog), who’s going to be there and have your back? Who’s going to notice if you’re gone?

More importantly – who will YOU notice when they’re gone and reach out to help when needs must?

My readers – you – you’re the reason I get to do what I love. You make me laugh, you’ve been there when all hell’s broken loose. And many of you have come to be my friends and I hope I get to meet each of you one day. I never expected to be invited to your weddings and I don’t know your parents. I only know the persona – what you choose to share with me. And I respect that. How can we change the culture of People Collecting into one where we keep building relationships, but on different levels? I treasure that I’ve earned each of you coming back, post after post. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But no offense – I don’t really need you to listen in while I chat with my mom, y’know?

So, you’ve been slapped. And I have, too. Enough with the over-asking and false senses of familiarity because a button says we can have it with a click. It’s time for me to rethink just clicking a button and consider what those clicks mean. I tell my clients all the time: it’s not how many fans you have on the boat – it’s how many who would jump in to save you when the shit goes down. Even the Titanic had a max capacity, y’know?

1. Help promote your blog or website
2. Make it EASY for new, targeted traffic to FIND your content
3. Do those two things easier and more naturally than a trucker slipping a tip into a stripper’s g-string.

Are you with me? Let’s talk social bookmarking.

What is social bookmarking?

If you’ve ever added a website to your “favorites” in your browser of choice, social bookmarking is the same thing. But there’s one super-squirrel-awesome difference: when you add a site or blog post to a social bookmarking site, you’re adding it to a HUGE database of “favorites” that users of that site can see! Imagine the inherent coolness (yet overbearing clunkiness) of having one web browser that everyone shared with one big “favorites” bar. That’s social bookmarking in a nutshell.

Why should I use social bookmarking?

If you have a website or a blog that you never want anyone new to visit, by all means ignore this section. Social bookmarking offers the users of a particular social bookmarking site the opportunity to find content they might be interested in using things like tags and categories. In plain pseudo-nerd English, that means if I’m over on Digg or Stumble Upon, I can discover new content related to Business or Pets with the click of a button. And that single click is a pretty cool way to let other people know about your content.

How hard is it to use social bookmarking?

It’s not. It involves registering for a site as a new user. Username and password. Sometimes a profile. That’s it.

Okay, so how do I use it to benefit my website or business?

Here’s a cool Random Redhead Fact: 20% of my web traffic comes from StumbleUpon. It used to be closer to 30%, but my organic traffic is on a serious upward trend (no complaints). Social bookmarking is simple: if you’re reading this, you have a blog (imma guessin’). If you’re powered by WordPress, you can install a simple Social Bookmarking plugin. At the top of this post, you’ll see Digg Digg (displays my Digg/Tweet/FB share/StumbleUpon buttons) and WP FB Like. I use BOTH the Facebook Share button from Digg Digg and the separate FB Like plugin because some people just don’t want to commit to sharing a post on FB with a comment as “share” implies – so I let them just “like” it. You can also use plugins like Sexy Bookmarks (another personal fave).

When you publish a new blog entry, submit it to the social bookmarking sites you’ve signed up for. I personally use Digg, StumbleUpon and Mixx (my latest addition) regularly. The choice is yours. I find that these three are great for not only sharing new content but driving new readers BACK to my site. And when you get those social bookmarking widgets installed on your posts, you make it easy for other readers to add additional votes to your content. Let’s talk more about that now.

How do most social bookmarking sites work?

It’s a voting system, essentially. Sites like Digg, StumbleUpon, Mixx and Reddit (and many others like Propeller and Yahoo! Buzz) use endorsement marketing to lend a bookmarked post more or less weight. What that means is that, yes, the voting system can be a little biased towards long-term, active users of the sites than new ones like yourself. But it’s not unlike blogging: you’re not going to build a readership like Copyblogger, Chris Brogan or PR-Squared right out of the chute. You have to earn your chops.

You earn your chops by being active. Submit content from sites other than your own (and in addition to your own). Leave comments. Connect with other users on those bookmarking sites. Build your network. I spend 30 minutes each day combined for all sites I participate in, adding new content and voting up other users’ submissions I like. Some days are a miss and others, I can’t stop bookmarking. Just remember to be active – that’s the key (and with a variety of content so the sites don’t view you as a spam account).

You said I could get new traffic and readers from these social bookmarking sites. How does that work?

When you submit content, you tag it with either tags, categories or both. Be sure to use the site’s pre-determined tags for most of your content (but there may be occasions where you need to create a new one, like “BP oil spill” or something). Now, take the time to get to know your social bookmarking sites of choice. Tool around in them and learn how to find content in your favorite categories. Most sites make it very easy to find main categories of content and will then show you the latest headlines submitted in those categories by other users. You can then click on that content and it’ll take you right to the post or site. BAM! One-click easy (told ya). This not only lets YOU discover new content, it brings new people to YOUR content in the same way.

Pro tip: if you’re smack-dab in the middle of writer’s block and need a blog idea for the day, try browsing content on a social bookmarking site. Works for me every time.

****

So there’s the basics on social bookmarking – and you are now officially a pseudo-nerd on the subject. If you’re curious about the best social bookmarking sites, eBizMBA publishes a monthly list (here is September’s). If anyone else out there uses social bookmarking and you have an add for anything I’ve shared here, PLEASE share it! That’s what the comments section is for. And if you have a question, let me know that as well. If I don’t know the answer, it’s likely someone on here does and we’ll get you squared away. And since I’m not the end-all, be-all on social bookmarking, here are a few more reads you might enjoy on the subject:

Top 15 social bookmarking plugins for Wordpress to share your blog post

How to Digg (video – though from 2006, a solid 101 primer on the site)

A Comprehensive Guide to StumbleUpon: How to Build Massive Traffic to Your Website

And if you’re on StumbleUpon, Digg or Mixx – connect with me! And if you have profiles, leave them in your comments. We can all do with more connections! Here are my profiles:

Erika on Mixx

Erika on Digg

Erika on StumbleUpon

When you’re at a certain place in your business, the 101-level common conference fodder doesn’t cut it. Sometimes the 201 “next step” sessions are even a snore. While we all needed these at one point and I frequently teach them along with several of my colleagues, WE are looking for something to add extraordinary value to our respective businesses.

I was at an all-day conference last week up in Ft. Collins and during the closing session, they had us share our Likes, Improves and Favorites openly with the group. I said that they should price the conference higher, as I felt the information shared throughout the day was worth TEN TIMES the $15 or $25 I’d paid. And then a gal in the audience piped up that she’d paid $30 and that she had to really consider the investment she was making in her business at that price.

So I did The Redhead thing. I said if you have to consider $30 as an “investment-level decision,” then maybe you’re in the wrong business. And if you don’t have $30 to invest in your business, who the hell to you think is going to invest in you? Hey – I’m not saying piss money away willy-nilly, but anyone who considers themselves a business owner needs to stop thinking about the revenue and start thinking about the value.

Revenue will come.

Value is built. Earned. Layered. Instilled.

Value becomes the language you speak and the service you offer. If you don’t understand how to build value, a 101 level “How to Blog for Business” course is just going to leave you with more questions than answers.

Back in March, Shelly Kramer of v3IM told me I was going to SOBCon. Given I’ve been called worse than an SOB in my lifetime, I was still a bit hesitant as it was a “conference.” She asked me to trust her. She introduced me to Liz Strauss via Twitter. I happened upon Terry Starbucker’s blog. These were the organizers. They didn’t suck. FINE! I’ll go, you nag. SOB apparently stood for something like Small Online Business. Sonofa…who knew?

The weekend I spent in Chicago for SOBCon in April of this year was one of the best of my professional life (and it sure as hell beat my first honeymoon by a mile). And now Liz and Terry are bringing SOBCon to Colorado for a 1.25 day event.

I’m not going to try to sell you on the conference. YOU need to decide if you feel the $31 per hour price tag is a reasonable investment for your business. But here’s what you can expect to find when you walk into the room (and I’ll bet it’s different than any other “conference” you’ve attended):

• There’s no one in the room that’s more important than anyone else
• Speakers are designed to spark conversations, not be the Holy Gospel (heck – each panel of two only has 20 minutes!)
• A community of business owners willing to SHARE
• A pleasant lack of poopy penguins trying to shove their business card in your face
• A significant lack of schwag – unless you consider a room full of people who are ready to help YOU move your business forward “schwag.” (For the record, I do.)
• People ready to challenge you to stop screwing around and start clobbering obstacles like it’s a Whack-a-Mole game.

I’m speaking on a panel with John Cushman, CEO of Solany LLC (a Denver-based document management & scanning/consulting firm). There are people from all walks of like and every line of business imaginable. And frankly, I’d love to meet you. I left April’s annual 3-day SOBCon event with the following:

• 3.2 million new contacts I was HAPPY to have in my Twitter stream
• Three people with whom I currently do business
• The understanding of where I want RedheadWriting LLC to go in the next year (and if you come to the conference, I’ll tell you about it – it’s not what you might think <insert Mission: Impossible theme here>)
• Friends. I simply can’t have enough of them. I even met people I’d communicated with for TWO YEARS online in person
• A new understanding of the alphabet thanks to Hank Wasiak (and if you don’t know this man, you should find a way to get that process moving).
• Two guest bloggers who have appeared on Redhead Writing (the no-BS and beautiful Carol Roth and the Apple-addicted Doyle Albee).
• And a boat load of things you’ll have to meet me to discover.

SOBCon isn’t about the “how to.”

It’s about the “how do YOU…”

It’s a dialogue – and I hope you’ll join us on September 17-18 here in Denver (OK – Broomfield, for the Boulder snobs who can’t bring themselves to drive to “Denver!”) It’s time for a business weigh-in.

Such is the way with asshats and defending your honor. I run into the same situation repeatedly, and this week, I’m taking aim.

I spend an inordinate amount of time hanging out and chatting with folks just like me – consultants. Small business owners. The fact that we’re not of epic proportion doesn’t mean we don’t bring value – it just means we foot the bill for our own health insurance. But there are people in my own backyard that ooze their smarm and I’m sick of it.

Check out this dude. According to his LinkedIn profile, he’s been an “expert” on LinkedIn, YouTube and Twitter since 1990.

Ummm…Yeah. Here’s the thing: YouTube was launched in 2005, LinkedIn launched in 2003 and Twitter in 2006.

He’s keyword stuffing, obviously, but it reeks of douche-tastic overtones.

This guy is in my own backyard here in Denver, Colorado. Ew, ew, ew. If you’re going to put yourself out there as a LinkedIn and social media expert, Mike – can I give you a few tips?

• Do your research and don’t establish yourself as an expert in a field before the field or platform…even existed.
• Don’t have a Twitter stream that filled with 90% broadcast-only messaging. Twitter and social media are places for conversations. Or do you charge people for that tasty nugget of knowledge?
• It’s awesome you’ve “figured out” LinkedIn and self-published a book on the subject. After reading your profile, I”m tempted to self-publish a book on the top 10 worst LinkedIn profiles with yours at the top as an example of self-indulgent keyword stuffing in bogus job fields. Fail, my good man. Fail.
• Really – you charge between $1,500 and $10,000 to show folks how to set up social media profiles, a basic WordPress blog (kinda like yours here, hosted ON WordPress.com?), and create Twitter & Facebook pages? Holy hell. Remind me to raise my prices, m’kay?

The reality is this: these people exist. How do you defend your honor against the asshats? Here are a few tips:

• References. If you’re like me and the identity of your clients is often confidential, let your prospective clients know that and offer to connect them with your clients confidentially.
• Best Practices. Follow them. Don’t be an expert – be a continual and willing student. Social media is a slippery slope and the best you can do is develop a solid knowledge base that’s going to morph (and delightfully so) with every footstep.
• Know Who You Are. You’re not going to be everything to everyone. Align yourself with those who cook what you can’t.
• Know Your Shit. In the end, only you can win a client. Clients will buy what they’re willing to be sold. I get clients day in, day out who were sold a bill of goods and then realize things aren’t working. I understand. It’s then we get to work setting them in the right direction.

There is no business that’s purely a number game. Twitter followers, Facebook fans, LinkedIn connections…they’re numbers, pure and simple. What you choose to DO with your network is one thing. How you choose to BUILD it is another. And here’s a hint – if you don’t do one of them properly, then the time you spent on the other is worth…well, jack.

PS: Check out an excellent read about competitors by @ShellyKramer – because really, Mike – I don’t want you to change a thing.

Have an outrageous Monday!

I love my Redhead Writing Facebook Fan Page. My fans do, too. My fans and readers can always get ahold of me: Twitter, contact form on my website, Facebook message, carrier pigeon…But what I simply can’t fathom is how you have 400 million users to-date and lack a CONTACT US tab on your site. How is it that you’ve grown into the social networking behemoth you have without one iota of consideration for those who actively use your site and need help doing so?

Your customer service is apathetic if not entirely absent, yet you profess to know what your users want every goddamn time you change your UI. But I understand – you’re BIG. B-I-G. Being BIG apparently grants you a level of untouchability accompanied by a lack of accountability to your users. If we don’t like it, we can go to MySpace, right? Or Google Buzz. Let’s sit down and dish in this pretend letter of mine that I doubt anyone from your business team will ever read. After all, you’re too busy to respond to user-generated questions on:

How to transfer ownership of a Facebook Fan Page (because businesses NEVER change ownership in Facebookland)

How to remove a permanent “admin” on a Facebook Fan Page (another 8 pages of unanswered user questions)

Changing the name of your Facebook Fan Page (whoa – 163 unanswered posts)

I’m going to give you a lesson in Customer Service, Redhead-Style. Sit down, stop changing your UI for a minute and listen to what we have to say (since you don’t even do that on your own site in the forums).

Your User Interface Sucks, the Concept of Service and Budgets

Frankly, as someone who deals with UIs as a large component of her day-to-day, you suck. Suck, suck, suck. If you sucked any more, you’d be on the street corner in the shady part of town, doling out hummers for $10. In the past year, I’ve logged in no fewer than three times and found all my schizzle in a hizzle. There is not other successful business that keeps dicking with its UI to the extent that you do and no one’s amused. We have no choice but to accept what you lay down (especially since you don’t listen to any of your users or have a Customer Service department to take complaints or help resolve important issues. Here’s a quote I find amusing:

“Thanks again for making Facebook a part of your life. Happy sixth birthday to Facebook and our whole community. We look forward to building more things and continuing to serve you for many more years to come.” – Mark Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook to the UK Telegraph

Really, Mark? How is it possible for you to “continue to serve” when you haven’t even begun? Your users speak on your very own Facebook Forums and you don’t reply. There’s no Contact Us page (like any other website on the planet…even plumbers have a Contact Us page with a phone number…so do Adult Novelty Stores – OMG they have a PHONE NUMBER, TOO…so does Twitter). And here’s the mind-boggling spaghetti that is your “Help Center.” It’s like one of those outsourced-to India automated phone systems where I’m always told “0″ is an invalid entry.

Speaking to a human, being serviced by a human…it would be a novel concept on this site designed to connect human beings. How you’re above it all is beyond me. I’m wondering if somewhere you’ve teamed up with AT&T on masterminding the Shitty Customer Service Model – I own an iPhone and would throw it out the window if I weren’t so in love with the damned thing. AT&T’s customer service is maddening and I’ve never paid so dearly for such a high level of frustration. While I get the frustration for free with Facebook, I’d think that you could find $1.25 million in your estimated $550 million in revenue to hire 50 customer service reps at a whopping $25k per year to handle some customer service emails and calls. Customer service has been called an unaffordable budget cut in today’s economy, yet somehow Facebook lacks it entirely. Kudos for being ahead of the curve on saving money, but you’re saving it in the wrong place.

Maybe stop fucking around with your UI and save the money on design and coding. Just an idea. Reallocate those funds to serving those who promote you, use you and need help in maximizing their use of the services you provide.

Stop Acting Like Frat Boys

We get it – you started Facebook as a roommate thing and are oh-so-proud of where it’s gone and excited about where it can go. We are, too. But you need to stop acting like frat boys looking to nail the Google sorority girl. Your users and their content are what make you so attractive for partnerships. If you keep pissing us off, we’re going to gradually go away. We left MySpace, we shirked Plurk. We’ll do an about-face on Facebook as well. Start remembering who brought the beer and hot wings to your kegger and quit looking at Google’s tits long enough to communicate with those who got you where you are. We’re telling you what we need and what we want. All you have to do it engage. It IS “social” networking, right?

Enough With the Ad Whoring

It’s great that your ad network is a cost-effective means for businesses and individuals to promote services, causes and brand awareness. But I don’t want to see Jennifer Aniston’s unauthorized picture whoring some weight loss program or scam ads for “debt relief” services. I’m in Facebook to connect with people. People do business with people. How about some QA for these crap ads we’ve seen as of late and screw the user rating feature for ads. YOU are the network. Start taking control of your content. I could always hook you up with Focus on the Family and Tim Tebow if you want to learn more about bait-and-switch marketing tactics, y’know.

…and that’s all I’ve got for now, dear Facebook, but I’m sure my readers have more. We’ll see what they have to say about your shenanigans as I know the problems and views expressed above aren’t exclusively mine. I may be an outspoken redhead ranting out of Denver, Colorado, but I have clients who rely on me for answers about Facebook and you…make it difficult to say anything other than, “Well, that’s just the way it is. Facebook said so.”

And THAT is a crappy answer to have to give with the obligatory shrug.

I'm keeping it separated...more sage advice from The Offspring

The circle of life is complete. LinkedIn and Twitter struck a deal this week to offer LinkedIn users the ability to have their status updates on that network tweeted. How you say? If you haven’t visited your LinkedIn profile lately, click on Edit My Profile and right under Websites, you’ll see a section where you can now add a Twitter Profile.

It’s a relationship that swings both ways.

Twitter to LinkedIn

• Include all updates from Twitter on your LinkedIn profile
• Include only those tweets with the tag #in

LinkedIn to Twitter

• Check the Twitter icon box next to your status update each time you update your LinkedIn status
• Read this FAQ from LinkedIn for more details

It sounds dirty, but I’m keeping my LinkedIn out of my Twitter.

While I don’t argue that there’s value in linking your social networks, my LinkedIn is a separate animal from any of my other social networks. It is my resume, my legacy and my history. It is my clients, past colleagues and nitpicky details. While is it laden with my snarky personality (as that is my professional persona as well), I have built it solely as a landing page for potential clients and professional connections. While some of those connections cross over into other networks, I never wanted that to be the case.

If you’re considering using LinkedIn and Twitter for cross-sharing of status updates, consider this: there are no two social networks that should be used in exactly the same way.

If you treat your LinkedIn like your Facebook, that’s not making optimal use of either platform’s potential to grow your sphere of influence.

If you treat your Twitter account like your LinkedIn profile, you’re missing the boat as well.

I’ve always felt that Twitter, when used properly, is an ongoing dialogue. It’s a conversation that changes every day yet with an overwhelming sense of familiarity if you do it right. LinkedIn isn’t built for “conversing.” It’s built for sharing professional knowledge. Aside from the Q&A sections (on which I frequently participate) and messaging/introduction features, it’s a “broadcast-only” network. Sure, you can use any number of “plugins” to share your blogs and SlideShare shows, but I’ll hold fast that it’s not really an outlet I’ll use to enhance my Twitter stream or vice versa.

I’m curious about your thoughts. Twitter’s been digging forever for monetization opportunities and it appears that partnerships and data access are the path they’ve chosen. Does the LinkedIn addition just add to the keyword-drenched spam potential through status updates? Will every tweet and status update become yet another billboard for someone’s affiliate or blog network? Hit me below with your perspective. But for now, my Twitter will be LinkedIn-free. (hallelujah, less money spent on ointment)

JOE:
It wasn’t personal.

KATHLEEN:
It was business. What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All it means is it’s not personal to you, but it’s personal to me. It’s personal to a lot of people. What’s wrong with personal anyway?

JOE:
Nothing.

KATHLEEN:
I mean, whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

~ “You’ve Got Mail”~

*****

It’s been awhile since I’ve thrown some Redheaded Ramblings up on the interwebz. Given that I’ve been hopped-up on post-surgical painkillers since I went and trashed my ankle on July 4th, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this post and – to my surprise – the many people who have inspired its contents.

Curled-up on the couch for a “me” evening this week, this blog was already crafted in pen-to-paper outline form. I popped an old favorite, “You’ve Got Mail,” into the DVD player and was sidelined by the quote above.

I mean, whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

Indeed…

Simultaneously blessed and plagued by the benefits of living in a digital age, I’m tied to my computer and phone pretty much 24/7. You’ve heard my plea in favor of unplugging. You’ve heard me rant about annoying Twitterati. But the last two weeks have been a lesson for me in communication – what I do, what I like, what I value and what I despise.

Communication for me is very personal. It’s how I reach out to clients, stay in touch with friends, share a laugh or lend a shoulder to cry on. It’s the tool we use to gauge relationships, start new ones, continue good ones and end those that aren’t working. And I think we’re getting pretty damn lazy when it comes to how we choose to communicate.

We’re creating a litany of electronic excuses.

Texts, tweets and emails in lieu of phone calls and face-to-face conversations.

Accumulation as opposed to filtration.

E-cards instead of the real ones you have to actually slap a stamp on and schlep to the post office. (the horror)

And I hate it. I truly do and from the bottom of my soul.

In spite of my rants and words with an edge, I’m the eternal optimist mixed with a hopeless romantic. Sometimes not the best of combinations, but hey — it’s ME. (I think I recently described myself as a “pragmatic romantic.”) In business, this means I’ll give my customer the benefit of the doubt…until it turns into a situation where there’s little symbiosis and much usury. With friends, it means I’m always available and perhaps to a fault, but they’re available to me in the same way. In relationships, it’s come to pass that my heart is willing (and perhaps too soon), embracing “come what may” with open arms and damn the consequences.

My business, my friends, my loves/likes/lusts — they’re personal. And this trivial practice we’ve engaged in as a society of thinking that electronic communication is some sort of acceptable substitute to live and PERSONAL interaction is flat-out bullshit. I’ll break it down by sector so my rant isn’t nearly so…continuous. Come along with me – and I truly do wish we could have this conversation in person.

Social Media, especially Twitter

I talk about Twitter the most…because I GET IT. That’s not some self-congratulatory statement. I really *do* get it. I’ve found my groove – what works for me and what doesn’t  - and really love living life in a series of 140 characters or less expressions.

The two most frequent questions I get are:

• Why don’t you WANT more followers?
• Why should I even use Twitter? It seems like a complete time suck.

Let’s address those one by one.

Followers – Fans. Admirers. But for those who seek them, Johnny-Come-Latelys/Bandwagoner/Tagalongs. I put out my content and am confident that people will find me through friends who follow me and share my schizz or by stumbling across my blogs. THOSE are the followers I want. I’m violent in my opposition to those who use auto-DMs and sales-pitchy words on Twitter because they’re taking what can possibly be the most *personal* of all social networks and instantly making it as impersonal as possible. We hate spam in our inboxes. Hell, I get pissed when I get physical MAIL (most of the time). The last thing I need is a shitload of people following me around like goslings to a goose. Goose crap smells and your Twitter stream will in time if you’re not selective. I seem to inadvertently maintain a 50% follow to followers ratio, and the answer to the next question will tell you why.

Why bother with the time suck? Holy hell – there are days I wonder. But they’re few and far between. About a year and half ago, I was new to Twitter and didn’t know my reply button from my ass. I didn’t have a clearly defined online personality (compared with one I’ve been told recently that’s “unmistakably in-your-face with a bouquet of daisies on the side”) and I didn’t really know who to follow, what to say or why I was doing any of it.

This past weekend, it all became very clear.

While I’ve forged business relationships through time and been able to connect fellow tweeps with one another when their needs collided in a match of wants/haves, I have earned genuine friends through my efforts online. Having had surgery on July 10th for an oh-so-broken ankle, I simply cannot count the offers for assistance,  visits to my home, well-wishes and gorgeous flowers that line my bar. While most of these are from people I’ve been fortunate enough to forge friendships with since moving to Denver last November, the most surprising are those from people I’ve never met.

Ever.

The most welcomed were those gestures from people whom I considered acquaintances yet have truly turned out ot be friends. So ridiculous hash tags and #fbombs aside…I must be livin’ right. Each of you know who you are and you humble me. YOU are why I’m on Twitter. It’s impossible to be genuine when your attention is divided consistently and you lack focus. I’m grateful I chose to take the time to focus on getting to know certain tweeps who are no longer “just tweeps.” They’ve gone from 2-D to 3-D … and 3-D is personal.

Business and the Glory that is Email

We’re all guilty of it: pounding out an email to avoid actual client/customer/colleague interaction. Jerks, jerks, jerks we are! From busy schedules to sometime just not wanting to engage, we opt for what I call the “reach out and touch someone while looking away.” Our communication efforts are more of a blind groping coupled with a hope for pacification as opposed to efforts that actually offer resolution, satisfaction, or work towards deepening the client relationship. After a company-wide meeting about two months ago, all of the Directors at my full-time day gig walk around with iPhone headsets sprouting out of our heads like high-tech appendages. We spend more time on the phone, less time on email and the result? HUGE customer satisfaction rates, increased attendance at training and educational webinars, unbelievable increases in site membership and an open dialogue that’s resulted in some pretty kickass improvements to our product.

Why? Because we asked. We called. We followed-up. Email’s great and is highly effective in many cases, but jeez – did you know the iPhone dials OUT? (we had no idea)

Life, Love, and Laughter

Think about the friends and lovers in your life. How many of those were earned through text messages, emails and direct messages? While I’m fortunate enough to have developed some pretty amazing friends through my social media circles – I’ll tell ya: it ain’t cause I tweet or email pretty. It’s because it’s personal to me. There’s not a day that goes by where a random text or email doesn’t brighten my day, but it’s the live, interpersonal interaction that I thrive on and crave.

Sex in the City’s Carrie Bradshaw was pretty miffed about Berger breaking up with her over a Post-It note.

Why do we use electronic Post-Its so frequently?

I think electronic communication is a great supplement to what we’ve developed with the people in our lives, but it’s not a substitute for making the time to pick up the phone and say hello or grab a cup of coffee (or simply play hooky mid-day for a quick kiss with your flavor of the week/month/year/lifetime). When you can sit across from someone and see their smile, their mannerisms…tickle them…drop something…burn dinner – life’s never perfect and it’s those moments of imperfection that endear people to us. And us them.

Electronic communication can be completely sterile and if someone in your life won’t make the time or take the time to add real life into your relationship – whether friend or lover – perhaps it’s time to reassess the value that person places on having you as a part of their lives.

And for fuck sake: if you have something important to say, don’t drop a text or email bomb. Grow a pair, pick up the phone and have a conversation – or if you suck on the phone (like I do – I’m a huge fan of speaking live), ask to get together because you have something to talk about. Email and texts leave SO much open to the imagination and do nothing but make us wonder: Well, what the hell is THAT about? What does it MEAN? In the time it takes to write that text or email bomb, you could have asked to speak in person. And yes – that makes it personal. The horror.

Now, to end this, I will say that I’m a big emailer, text messager and direct messager on Twitter. But you know what? They’re supplements to the LIVE (or in social media terms: IRL – In Real Life) relationships I share and foster. Things can begin virtually, but if you’re not willing to put the live, in-person time in to help something grow…cut the cord and don’t string people along just because you’re afraid of dealing with someone or something face-to-face. And on the contrary – there’s nothing wrong with electronic communication if it’s a PART of your interaction with anyone. Allowing it to become a crutch…a substitute…an excuse — that’s where we all probably stand to have some room for improvement.

*****

So – das all! I’m sending out three greeting cards and four thank you notes today, and none of them are virtual. And I think that when I run by the post office at lunch, I’ll buy a book of stamps. It’s been awhile since I’ve sent real mail and I’m actually pretty giddy about it! And since most of my readers will have come to this blog entry via the Twittersphere  - take a step back from #followfriday today and ask yourself: do I need more goslings and does my Twitter stream reek of goose poop?

Let’s filter instead of accumulate.

Share time and make time instead of lobbing a pacifying text or email into the ether.

Look your lover in the eyes and tell them they have goofy ears.

Engage in business instead of seeing it as a burden.

Because this life – whatever else it is, it ought to begin by being personal.

]]> http://www.redheadwriting.com/its-personal-my-thoughts-on-communication/feed 32 http://www.redheadwriting.com/before-you-strike-attack-tactics-and-the-convenience-of-communication http://www.redheadwriting.com/before-you-strike-attack-tactics-and-the-convenience-of-communication#comments Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:16:52 +0000 Erika Napoletano http://redheadwriting.com/?p=454

Most of my blogs stem from personal experience. Yesterday, it was an unprovoked, out-of-context lashing-out from a follower.

It pissed me off. For a moment, at least. Then it inspired this blog.

I’m exhausted with the blind pretension and (wrongly) implied panoptic permission that stems from the perceived anonymity that accompanies social media and other forms of electronic communications these days. We have the glorious conveniences of texts, DMs (direct messages), Facebook messages and emails and somewhere along the line, there’s a herd that’s emerged who’s forgotten there are people on the other end of their words and responses.

Just because I can’t see you doesn’t mean that I don’t understand you’re a person with a story.

Think about that for a moment: everyone you chit-chat with in the electronic medium is a living, breathing soul. Alongside that comes hopes, dreams, thoughts, feelings and experiences unparalleled by others.

And sometimes there are douchebags.

Yesterday I told a poop joke on Twitter. (collective gasp – no, Erika…not YOU!)

Yeah, me. A friend sent me a stupid joke via email and I read it and laughed. I mean, poop jokes never really get old. Everybody poops. I posted the joke on Twitter, generating the anticipated groans,  snorts and follow-up jokes in the same vein.

Here’s the joke: Why don’t blind people sky dive? Because it scares the poop out of their dogs.

And then I got bitch-slapped from behind.

A follower wrote: “yeah hysterical.. now let’s tell jokes about African Americans and watermelons.”

(blink-blink)

You’re kidding me, right? I made a poop joke and now this person’s entitled to align me with a racist stereotype?

After much reiteration that it was a joke (JOKE – check it out) and the same user’s insistence that I take a class on people with disabilities (for realz), I blocked the user. No ifs, ands or buts. I cared not to expend any more of my bandwidth on the meaningless exchange.

Action regretted? No. My prerogative? Hell yes.

Here’s the skinny: it comes down to context.

All too often in written conversations, there’s the ability for things to be taken out of context. We don’t have the benefit of personal knowledge for many/most that comprise our network in the online space, and if a phrase is absent one of a myriad of “emoticons” to denote intended inflection and tone, we’re screwed.

What did they mean?

Sit down, shut up and ASK. Get the context. When you jump into the middle of someone else’s conversation that’s not directed at you (and didn’t even originate with you), you’re not entitled to horn-in on the offensive just because you can SEE certain words. Doing shit like that at a bar would have your ass kicked right and proper. At the office, it would have you labeled a “nosey neighbor” and ostracized from the watercooler gossip games. The anonymity that accompanies online communications doesn’t grant anyone the right to say whatever the hell it is they want.

It grants the privilege to engage in conversations, meet others and share ideas.

Yesterday, I wasn’t even granted the courtesy of an inquiry into my intention behind the joke (intention being – I laughed at a poop joke). I was lambasted with a comment aligning my puerile joke with a racial slur and caught completely off guard by someone who has previously NEVER interacted with me and I never them (and if I ever had, it’s long since been forgotten). Now, I don’t know this person’s story either – perhaps jokes about dogs pooping mid-air when jumping out of airplanes resonate and hit a nerve. Maybe they also give high marks to bank tellers and airline counter agents. However, had they made an inquiry into MY story instead of launching their racially-laden tweet bomb, here’s what they might have discovered:

I, @RedheadWriting, the Foul-Mouthed Lass, F-Bomb Aficionado, and She Sans Filter – am the last person who needs to take a class with regards to persons with disabilities and those differently-abled. While acerbic in wit, I am essentially soft at heart. I give because it hurts more to not give and I feel it’s my obligation while I walk six feet up (OK – 5′4″) to help others in whatever way I can.

• I live each day with an autistic nephew and my heart fills with admiration when I look at my sister and her family on how they cope, grow and revel in victories as they travel through his development. Having experienced the days where I couldn’t even touch him to those now when he comes up and gives me a willing hug…it’s a testament to the fact that I believe those labeled as “disabled” are merely “differently abled.”
• Last week, I dedicated a day of my Twitter existence to raising money to support autism research. (special thanks goes to @iamthechad, @m1nd7r1p, @poolboydeluxe, @bradwerntz, @canoelover and others who kindly made donations to the autism-focused charity of their choice)
• In 2008, I dedicated a year of my life to founding and operating my own 501(c)(3) organization called “Woman on Top: because there’s more to climb than the corporate ladder.” My year was dedicated to assembling a group of climbers to raise money throughout the year to support the Foundation for Positively Kids, a Nevada nonprofit organization dedicated to building the first inpatient skilled pediatric nursing facility in the state. We climbed Kilimanjaro for the cause – 4 women and one very brave, estrogen-suffocated man. We summited on September 26, 2009. It was exhausting – both running/financing the non-profit and making the journey – but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thank you @unlaced (Meghan), Amy, Cindiman and Brandon for making the journey with me.

So before you attack – ASK. Become familiar before you point the finger. There are always going to be the folk who act like asses regardless of the environment – online or otherwise. They’re also likely the ones who place more value in contention than in collaboration. Screw ‘em – but try to not be one of them. The recipients of your literary javelins that you hurl into cyberspace – they’ve got stories of their own. You’re not always going to please everyone and there’s nothing wrong with requesting clarification and then taking a calculated stand – but there’s no reason to be a douchebag.

Some parting thoughts from The Redhead:

• Retaliatory and rash actions aren’t accepted in business. Ever. Why would you use them online?
• A keyboard and screen don’t make you anonymous. They merely obscure – and temporarily at that.
• Words are telling – how you choose to use them, even more so.

Feed your social media efforts with care

On my way into work and while running around town each day, there’s always someone standing on the corner with a sign. Someone whose life is in a different place than mine. The apples are for them. Yeah, I’m the asshole who holds-up traffic as I roll through the stoplight at a snail’s pace because I’m handing someone an apple.

One day it was a med student with a sign asking for tuition money. This past Friday, it was a rather clever sign that said, “You’re getting very sleepy…you will give me money.” Another was (my all-time fave), “I know – get a job bum!”

No matter what the sign says, there’s an apple.

In a time where we’re faced with a challenging economy and businesses are all seemingly scraping and battling for the same customer, this week’s blog is about buying your business a bag of apples. I’m talking about altruism, and it applies to your business, your social media efforts and pretty much life in general.

Let’s consider: how much of a jerk would I be if, after doling out an apple to someone in need, I stood there waiting for them to do something for me in return?

It’s no different in your business and personal life. I’m annoyed by those who dangle the carrot, interested more in their own bottom line than the lining of someone else’s stomach.

Let me preface the remainder of this (short) entry by saying that no one gets up in the morning and goes to work for free. Business, by design, is to generate revenue. There are plenty of incredible people out there who make livings out of teaching others how to do things – but most of them don’t call themselves “experts” or “gurus.”  They’re consultants and their businesses thrive (just like yours) on referrals from other satisfied customers.

But in social media, business and your own life, how cool is it when you happen upon a tasty morsel – and you didn’t have to pay for it?

When no one said:

“Sure, I’ll tweet your blog if you pimp my (piece of shit) eBook that runs my readers $29.95.”

“Yeah, I’ll help you move if you help me pick up the dog crap in my backyard.”

Life brings us surprises each and every day and if you’re using social media to drive your business’ bottom line and not seeing results: you’re doing it wrong. Remember that awesome line out of the 80’s classic file “Mr. Mom” when Michael Keaton’s kids told him “you’re doing it wrong?” He didn’t believe them until a fellow parent came along and confirmed it: “You’re doing it wrong.”

Stop taking the “220…221…whatever it takes” approach to your social media efforts and get in there with a bag of apples. Stop being concerned about what you’ll get in return from your blog posts (and by the way, this blog monetizes itself only through referrals and readers who have become clients – and thanks to all of you). Stop being the undeniable douchebag whose StumbleUpon and Twitter stream are filled with “guru” and “expert” statements and lack any sort of conversation. Just stop already.

When someone asks a question, respond with heartfelt personal experience. If it’s relevant, link them to one of your blog entries or an article you’ve written on the topic. Share a blog comment. Engage.

When someone needs a retweet (it’s people helping people), tweet it. Even if it’s outside of the topics you generally talk about with your followers, lick it and stick it in your stream. They’ll appreciate it. Especially if it’s something like THIS from @manicmother – I don’t know her, but shit. The least I can do is share this with my readers and hope it helps.  Her infant son has cancer and faces 3 years of chemo. Fuck cancer.

Stop faciliating bad social media behavior. Quit rewarding the disingenuous, the number hounds, gurus and experts with follow-backs and tit-for-tat moves that don’t do anything except piss off your true fans and those who look to your content for advice and on occasion, a laugh.

Fill your social media basket with altruism like I fill the passenger seat of my car with apples. You don’t have to give away the pie in order to let your peers have a nosh on your apples of knowledge. And unlike the whole mythical Adam & Eve scenario, you’re never going to get bashed for sharing the fruits of your labor. Quit marketing and start conversing.

So yeah – apples.

Get some. Some weeks, I go through 2 bags – a mere $3.89 each. I never even realize how many I’ve given away until I’m on my last one.

Then give some.

And then walk away…with your hands in your pockets, not extended for the reciprocal handout.

And unlike in social media, the folks on the corner I give the apples to always say “thank you.”

I wonder why that is.

You make me want to eat my electronic young

This entry has been in the works for awhile and I’d like to send an open thanks to my readers who have been bugging me about a new post. There were certain parts I couldn’t quite get right (and probably still haven’t), but after a weird few weeks in the social mediasphere it’s about as concise as it’s going to get.

Do I know more than the average bear when it comes to social media? Perhaps. I’d like to think that my picnic basket has an extra scone or two in it compared to the everyday BooBoo’s. I learn something new most every day – whether sought out or completely accidental – though I still have “plop my ass in an ant pile” incidents that leave me reeling. My followers have grown considerably and my time to address each has diminished proportionately. As such, there are things that piss-off The Redhead and I can infer that if they’re pissing me off, others are pissed as well.

When individuals and companies choose to engage in social media, there’s a fine line between solicitation and being helpful. One of my tweets this past week was that I was being solicited on Twitter more than a solo businessman in a Vegas bar.  Sure – the hooker is (ahem) “being helpful,” but her thinly-masked end objective is to hawk her wares for a fee. A guy thinks he’s having a pleasant conversation with a beautiful woman and then he’s quoted hourly rates. What the deuce?

It’s annoying, time-consuming and yet again one of the many reasons I follow around HALF the number of people who follow me (see “Don’t Take it Personally, but I’m Not Going to Follow You on Twitter“). Twitter isn’t a popularity contest and it’s not a game of “he who dies with the most followers wins.” When I get a tweet in my stream, I’ve positioned myself to PAY ATTENTION TO IT. It’s hand-selected information from a handful of people and companies.

Just think: the doorbell rings. You’re expecting the pizza delivery guy and you open the door to find…

a Jehovah’s Witness.

Personally, I’m not amused. You’re intruding and what I really want is my damn pizza (my immortal soul can wait).

So, to keep from being the Jehovah’s Witness in my Twitter stream (or the streams of those who follow you), here are three HUGE no-no’s in my book to avoid like the plague. You don’t have to be the pizza delivery guy every day – but you can avoid being unexpected and uninvited.

Small print disclaimer: if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness and take issue with being used as an example of something annoying…bugger off.

Step 1 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Attack me blindly via the Public Stream or keyword searches.

Probably the biggest intrusion ever, you’re horning-in on my conversations with established Tweeps in my stream.  I have been chided for drinking caffeine, pitched software, told to watch a video for Milli Vanilli-look alikes and encouraged to try new Twitter apps. And not by my followers or those I’m following. If you’re using keyword searches to identify people you may want to follow, don’t just jump into the conversation uninvited. Follow. Observe. Listen. And don’t be an Instant Asshole,  Just Add Tweet. You may have JUST the thing that someone needs – but let them ASK you for it FIRST. Otherwise you’re being a Jehovah’s Witness.

And if you’re a scraper (tweeps/spammers who just blindly add people and start tweeting them sales messages) – I’ll say it and say it loudly: you’re dicks. Your time on Twitter will be short-lived as I will announce you’re spam, block you and then others will do the same. You’ll be blocked from the site and then you’ll have to start all over again. Seriously – how much business do spammers really generate from scraping? I’m thinking slim to none.

Step 2 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Be an egotistical narcissist who speaks but does not listen.

I see you over there, pretty Tweep. You with your gazillion follows/followers and 12.4 million updates. Wow. Maybe I should take a look at your shizzat because you seem to be pretty popular with the Tweeps. Click click.

Waaaaaaaaaaait a minute – just wait right there. Why is every other link in your timeline a pitch with a tiny URL? Why are there few to no @ replies? Oh. It’s because you’re an egotistical narcissist who opened up a Twitter account just to hear yourself talk and pitch your crappy e-book, “life coach” seminars or “tricks to get 10,000 followers” to whoever the hell will follow YOU back blindly. A word of advice: if you’re not interested in the conversation, you’re annoying. If you want to talk to a random, untargeted audience and never engage in conversation, grab a boom box and funny hat made of balloons and head out to Central Park or your local mass transit station. I doubt you’ll sell anything (just like I doubt you’ll sell it using these shitty tactics on Twitter), but you might collect some change.

Step 3 to Being Annoying on Twitter (and my personal favorite)
Send out auto-DMs

I’ll say it and I’ve got no problem saying it: if you send me an auto DM, I’ll unfollow you instantly. INSTANTLY. With no hesitation. Those who use auto DMs are making what can be one of the most personal mediums in social media as IMPERSONAL as freakin’ possible. And the lengths you have to go to in order to set one up are staggering. If you put as much effort into your relationship building skills as you did into setting up your auto DM, Christ. I can only imagine how successful you’d be. But then again, the douche bags who send out auto DMs are usually the folks who fall into one of the two categories above as well. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

You don’t have to THANK people for following you. And if you’re following people and looking for their THANKS, get a hobby. I’m sure you’ll find model airplane building or crochet to be much more rewarding than the constant disappointment you’ll experience by people not THANKING you for your having followed them.