Channel your dirty little freak...raise your glass

Pink – Raise Your Glass

I won’t lie and say it’s been an easy week. Emotionally, I’ve been a shitstorm – yesterday was a particularly angry day. Not understanding why Jason is gone, pissed that assholes seem to thrive, knowing that there is no such thing as “fair” and trying to find a reason or two to smile. Hello, Debbie Downer, right? But through it all, I’ve been moving.

I commenced the process of getting my ass kicked on my track bike with two training sessions down at the velodrome at the Home Depot Center in Carson. I’ve been to hot yoga three days this week as well. Yesterday was a rest day. Today, I woke up at 5:20am ready to move. In what direction? Who the fuck knows, but moving anywhere was a decent start.

Yeah. I’m up at 5:20am because I’m a freak and I like to start my day by moving. In the not so distant past, I woke up for weeks on end and didn’t move. Couldn’t. Paralyzed by a dark cloud hanging over my head and raining down a shit storm of anvils. It’s pretty easy to say that the difference between waking up each day and not moving versus moving is substantial. I prefer moving. It’s harder for the anvils to hit you if you’re in motion.

I also like to move my eyes. I love reading.

The first thing I read this morning was a post over on Copyblogger asking “What’s Your Excuse?” Have a look. If that’s not enough to get your day going, maybe you need some crystal meth and a good dental plan. Who knows. But what I do know from this week, which began with a new year and a drive measuring 17 hours and 1023 miles is…

wherever I am, that’s where I’m supposed to be for now.

For now. I. Am. Here.

No matter how many miles you drive or state lines you cross (and I crossed 4 this week and 6 total in the past two weeks), you’re the one who controls where you are. No one else. The little dot on the map of your life showing you “You Are Here” is one you placed. Yeah, shit happens. Don’t I know it. But WHERE we are and WHO we are when we’re there…it’s ours. We have to own it. And maybe that’s why I like the lyrics to that Pink song so much.

Because I will never be anything but loud…nitty gritty. I’ll say what I think and feel because not doing so has tremendous consequences (you might never get the chance to say it). I can change states, drive faster or slower. Whether stuck in traffic on the 101 in Los Angeles or sitting on my couch in Denver, I am wrong in all the right ways (and never afraid to admit when I am wrong in the wrong ones).

I am a dirty little freak. And I like it.

No matter which direction I’m moving in, I love the me I’m moving with. She comes along with me wherever I go. Maybe you have one of those mes, too. Screw the “maybe” – you’ve got one. What are you going to do today to tap your dirty little freak? Your very own nitty gritty. It’s not about not taking a bath or being an asshole. It’s about stripping it down to be who you are without all of the pretense. Taking off the protective outer coating. Stop being a Ding Dong and be the cupcake. The creamy center (without the hydrogenated oils).

And it’s pretty delightful to be the underdog. There are quite a few of us underdogs around here and you’re in good company, so quit being so concerned about coming out on top. Just come out and get on to the next thing, as some days, it’s all we can do.