I never cease to be amazed by what moves me. On Sunday night, it was a place on the couch, dogs sprawled haphazardly at my feet like clothes I’d stripped off in a frenzy and remote in hand, bouncing back and forth between “The Wizard of Oz” and “Slumdog Millionaire.”

When’s the last time YOU rewound “The Wizard of Oz?”

I always found it a bit strange that once the man behind the curtain is revealed, he turns into a wisdom-spewing sage. Yet on this gazillionth viewing in my 38th year, I found myself rewinding to hear again the quote I posted above.

“Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”

I smiled.

I’ve never been a practical woman. Believing in true love, fairy tales, the impossible – things that don’t really satisfy a pragmatist’s idea of solid foundations. I love shoes that make my feet hurt, dresses you can’t sit down in and breakfast burritos so big they require a knife and fork.

It occurs to me that everything I love is impractical.

The Math of Impracticality

I’ll preface this by saying that perhaps what will follow isn’t real math, but it’s my blog and I’ll call it witchcraft, alchemy or whatever the hell I want. I can only speak from my experience, but the things I tend to love are the ones that offer challenges, surprises and unbelievable joy and pain (and often simultaneously). If we break it down into and equation of Erika Math, it might look like this:

things we set out to do + shit we didn’t expect = life’s memorable moments

And given that memories aren’t always good, they are one thing for certain: remarkable. There’s nothing practical involved when it comes to being surprised or coping with unbearable pain. Then again sheer bliss is also completely impractical as well. Perhaps it’s time, along with a renewed perspective on unpopular, we begin to embrace impractical as well.

Practicality Has Its Place

Gadgets are practical. I’d give my left tit for a Roomba, which is uber-geeky AND practical. Basic black pants, shoes and skirts? Practical. Clothes hampers? Practical. Dictionary.com offers this: “inclined toward or fitted for actual work or useful activities.” That describes the bike rack on my car, not really anything in my life that I love.

Everything we value in life – all that we love – be it our business, our families, our children, boyfriend/girlfriend, relationships, hearts, souls and minds…can be broken. They’re fragile. They require attention, nurturing, love, kindness and humility to foster. While practical things can break, they’re replaceable. There’s no replacing the impractical, however.

Emotions? Impractical. Apologies? Practical.

Falling in love? Dear christ, certainly impractical. Breaking up? A matter of practicality for our hearts most times.

Taking the corporate job for the stability, predictability and camaraderie? Practical and comforting (and great parking). Launching a business to pursue what we love? Highly impractical, considering the availability of a paycheck with taxes taken out and benefits a few blocks down.

Practicality Isn’t Bad

It’s the water of our lives, the foundation on our house, the chassis of our car. But it’s the nature of impracticality – the shifting sand that moves beneath our feet – that makes the people who drink the water, architects who design feats of structural wonder on top of those foundations and that are the gas in our cars that get us from where we are to where we want to be. It’s never practical to dream of what might be – as for me, it’s what gets me through the bullshit some days. And how I love to dream. They’re my what could have beens and what ifs, and more often, my what could bes and what I wants. Being a highly impractical woman is what made me who I am today. While capable of glorious fuckups and subject to broken hearts and failures beyond compare, it’s the upside of impracticality that rules above all every day when I crawl out of bed.

I’ll continue to be impractical and put my hand on the stove to learn its hot. The shittiest days of my life are those where I let practicality rule, because I lose feeling. Go numb. Sometimes you have to walk around barefoot in the grass and step in the dog crap to realize…shoes are practical.

The laughter that comes from the person watching you wash the shit off your feet? Highly impractical. And memorable, too.

I think that’s peculiar – our school systems encourage uniformity, yet those who are better cut out for something less conventional get crammed into a square-peg-round-hole scenario. It took me 17 years in the business world to embrace that The Man wasn’t my ideal mate and I was much better off Just. Being. Me.

And being me? Well, it pays. Take Tuesday.

If you read this blog at all, you know that I don’t have a filter. I say what comes to mind, yet my vernacular has its fans and enemies alike. But that’s me. My clients and colleagues like working with me because I don’t have the capacity for bullshit. I make people laugh while they learn. I help them understand why things are important and am the first to admit when I’m wrong (and I’m wrong, much like the rest of you are, on a regular basis). And that’s my business model. I am my business model.

What’s your business model?

If it’s to be a dork nugget and troll the interwebz and business world for people who don’t do it just like you, that’s a pretty shitty business model. if it’s to run a business identical to something you picked up at a laptop-and-a-lunch workshop, equally shitty.

Isn’t it time that you were honest with yourself about who you are, what you love and why the hell people should care? From gigantic brands to bootstrapped startups, we spend entirely too much time fucking around with people who will never love us, buy from us, or tell a friend or colleague anything positive about us.

So why do we do it?

Because of school.

No one likes being the unpopular kid. Dateless at homecoming (raises hand), wearing second-hand clothes (hand is still up), nerdy (whistles…hand – over here, third row) and four-eyed (yep – hand is still up). You wanna break you off summa dat, dontcha?

Get out of school and get into business. Businesses that make a difference are the ones that are human. Humans are different. Quirky. They’re unpopular with just the right audience. Some wear designer jeans…some don’t. Sometimes they say exactly what we wish we could say. Others, they teach us lessons and make our lives better. But the best businesses are the ones you’d want to sit down and have dinner with because you can see the people behind the brand. Lovable yet flawed, ready to learn and grow.

So thank you to my readers and followers who made the below screenshot from my Facebook page possible. You make me laugh and remind me each day that I’ve built the best business model possible.

OH! And I promised a contest. I was lucky enough to score a signed copy of The Now Revolution by Amber Naslund and Jay Baer while at SXSWi, so that’s the ossum possum prize o’ the day. All ya gotta do is leave a comment and tell me your favorite HUMAN brand and why. I will choose the winner based on where I am at in my menstrual cycle, my bank account balance and phase of the moon. You have until tomorrow at midnight (3/25/11, 11:59pm MST). Go.

The content is NSFW, so if you’re listening at work, EARBUDS for all that’s holy. It’s a great hour and a half of uncensored, unedited conversation and if you’re into online audio, you may want to add this to your regular listening list. The show regularly features kickass folks like Tamar Weinberg of Techipedia (one of the first ladies I followed on StumbleUpon who led me to learn about the tech space), Jason Falls of Social Media Explorer (another long-time StumbleUpon follow and owner of a fine platypus shirt) and a hateful list of people who are by far way more important than I’ll ever be – so yeah. Bookmark this and have a listen.

And serious props to the gents at Social Blend for the cool graphic mashup. That comic cracks my shit up EVERY TIME (and was initially shared with me by the late, incomparable Jason Schippers).

Tomorrow is Friday…and you know what that means. We slap!

image via CreativeCommons.org

I ventured out yesterday to be with people. Yeah, I know that sounds nothing like an accomplishment of sorts, but my public appearances lately have been limited. I spoke at the Angel Capital Summit to a crowd that was standing room only, and after the initial piss-my-pants moment…I liked it. I especially liked the topic I was invited to speak on: building the unpopular brand. I spoke about five things that the branding process must include (and graphic design wasn’t one of them). And number four on the list is scalability, my favorite part of the subject.

I’ve recognized and been kicked in the heart by the simple fact that a business is just that: business. I asked my audience how many times they’d:

• called home to say they’d be missing dinner
• cancelled a date
• missed their son’s soccer game or their daughter’s play
• answered a call or checked email during lunch or dinner

Because those things suck, and if you’re running a business at the expense of your life, you’ve got the wrong business model.

And I can tell ya, as a woman who lives each day with a certain weight of regret on her shoulders for putting tangibles above the intangibles, you don’t want to be in my shoes. I knew what I had when I had it – and I’ll now live with a grey space for the rest of my life, wondering what might have happened if I’d only closed the laptop and turned off the phone a few more times.

I made a commitment to myself: I will work, and I will live. The two will gloriously intertwine, dance together like Fred and Ginger and croon like the finest a cappella ensemble. But there will be a time when I turn off the phone, close my laptop. I’ll build my life so I can take calls from those I care for and be by their side. I won’t sacrifice my opportunities to create memories, because no matter what hour of the work day, here are the things that matter:

• Taking a call because you know it will make you smile.
• Opening your door to see him standing there with a smile, small dog, a DVD and a bouquet of flowers.
• The way he tickled your arm…every time.
• Seeing the way he tilted his head to one side and raised his eyebrow.
• How he hugged you.
• The feel of a kiss.
• The feel of semi-burned popcorn in one hand and his hand in the other.
• Hearing him ask about your day…and mean it.

Substitute “she.” Add a “they.” Maybe what matters in your life is different, but without those things above, I realize I have fuck all.

Your business has to learn to live without you. You need to pull a Jim Collins and find the right people to put on the bus. If you can’t leave your business and find you’re consistently sacrificing your life, you don’t have a problem with your business model. You have a people problem.

And you might be one of them.

I don’t believe in the myth of the “solopreneur.” No business (and no man) is an island, so why do we keep kidding ourselves into believing we are? I don’t know about you, but I love having people in my life, personally and professionally, that I can trust. It didn’t happen overnight and so far as I know, they haven’t opened a Trust Boutique where you can just get 100% guaranteed friendships and productive colleagues. It’s a bumpy road to travel, but I wouldn’t trade the nails in my tires for anything.

Live, learn, grow. Find time to laugh. Screw serious. Lighten up. Build your business to run without you and stop planning for “missed revenue” because you’re taking a vacation. That shit should be able to go on autopilot when you – and the people who fill your heart and create memories – want to get the hell out of dodge.

Fix your business model, and promise yourself it’ll never be broken again.

I love Depeche Mode!
Z-Cavarricis are the only pants I wear!
Thomas the Train!

And while the prom queen might have been the most popular girl in the school, it doesn’t mean she was the smartest. It just meant that she got the most votes.

Holy Christmas – would you stop trying to be the prom queen and start paying attention to your brand already?

• Depeche Mode wasn’t trying to win over fans of country music.
• Z-Cavariccis weren’t target marketed to Nebraska farm boys.
• They don’t broadcast Thomas the Train at prime time.

Why? Because they understand their markets and with WHOM they are unpopular.

How will YOU build YOUR brand to be unpopular?

Unpopular isn’t bad

Perhaps it’s the stigma we carry over that was attached to the popularity contests of our youth. Votes, yearbooks, crowns…if you’ve ever been picked last for dodgeball, you know the feeling sucks. But are you really going to sit there and tell me that you’re building a business designed for everyone under the sun? I spent this past weekend at SOBCon Colorado, a small business incubator designed to put ideas into action for business owners. My speaking partner, John Cushman (CEO, Solany) and I started the conference off asking the audience: do you know who you serve and have you built a business model to serve them?

And I asked the audience to consider Oprah Winfrey.

She is one of, if not THE largest media property in the United States, but there are a metric ass ton of people reading this post who will stand up in the middle of a major league baseball game and yell, “I hate Oprah!” (And if you’re an Eminem fan – as I am – do yourself a solid and check out Cori Padget’s post on his branding technique). An example of brands that are successful because they understand that they don’t serve everyone. They’ve successfully turned “being unpopular” into currency that they cash in with the people who adore them.

When we stop trying to please everyone and have a clear vision of who we don’t want to please, the branding process becomes much more clear.

Think inside out

I get it that “unpopular” has a stigma attached to it. Trust me – I get it. I lose business because of it every day…and I don’t mind because I’ve turned my thinking about the branding process and my business model inside out. Each day, I focus on who I don’t want to serve and please. That helps me do three very important things:

• It keeps me from taking work I’m not passionate about, and thus, I’ve stopped wasting my time.
• I can serve those whom I want to serve with more enthusiasm.
• Those whom I serve never feel shortchanged, because I’m not fucking around with trying to be everything to everyone (insert Everclear song lyrics *here*)

Turn your thinking inside out. Start with what you don’t want and take that crap out of the mix. Stop building Joe’s Mortuary and Fine Sausage Emporium and get some focus. I never eat at restaurants that serve Thai food and pizza.

Do or do not

There is no try. Get a little Yoda on the prom queen. Believe me when I say that two feet of green alien could do your brand a world of good. Jonathan Fields spoke this weekend about creating an avatar for your ideal customer. Read that post, because if you missed SOBCon, he’s dropping some mad branding knowledge. Admit to yourself – sculpt for yourself –  who you want to serve and stop being afraid of telling part of the world that you don’t want their business! If Swingline can build a world of rabid fans around Milton’s red stapler, YOU can sit down and do a little work on your strategy. And if Crocs, the world’s uglies shoes, can build a rabid fan base (and even find their way into the closet of a certain redhead who scored them as schwag at a speaking gig) YOU can embrace being unpopular.

Do you want to be the world’s prom queen or do you want to be considered a thought leader among the people who are most likely to spread your brand’s message? There’s a difference. Hell, even the prom queen only ruled one school (and for a fleeting moment, nonetheless).

Being unpopular isn’t about focusing on the dislike. It’s about structuring your business and branding efforts with direction and purpose. Identify WHY you’re unpopular, turn it into currency and spend it on the people who appreciate what it is that you do better than anyone.

You’ve been slapped.

PS: I’ve said it before, but Chris Brogan has, perhaps, one of the best quotes on why popularity votes don’t matter:

“A ‘following’ will watch you fall on a sword. A ‘community’ will fall on the sword for you.”

Being popular builds a following. Understanding how you’re unpopular and leveraging that knowledge builds a community.

The single question I’m asked in interviews more than any other is: “Do you ever lose business on account of being such an outspoken brand?”

The answer is a resounding hells yeah. And it hit me again, square in the ass, yesterday afternoon.

It’s rare that Redhead Writing and Redheaded Fury post collide – one’s distinctly about biz and the other unabashedly ME. Today, they merge. They merged earlier this year when I realized something:

I am my brand.

I don’t mind missing out on opportunities because people or companies don’t find me a fit for what they embody. After all – that’s their brand. They’ve worked just as hard on building their presence as I have, so there’s an inherent respect every time I respond to one of these situations. But here’s what sucks: when you know that, given the opportunity, you could completely CRUSH IT. You’d bring in the dancing unicorns and ponies that never crap and sweat sunshine. You’d make the client look so damn good it’s sickening and they’d be looking for another way to work with you when it’s all said and done.

But, yeah – you’re pretty sure you’re not going to get the gig, crapless ponies that sweat sunshine aside.

When you build your brand, understand what it is that you’re building. As Redhead Writing’s evolved, I’ve realized that I’ve done something completely unintentional (yet kickass): I’ve found a way to be me. And me (just like you) isn’t going to jive with everyone. We’re holding out for the opportunities that allow us to be the best possible MEs we can be. And Redhead Writing…well, that’s me.

This kid – the one picked last for dodgeball and tagged out (usually in the head) first.

The kid who thought it was a great idea to get married at age 22 to a redneck from Tennessee.

The conniving teen who talked her sister into trading rooms so she could sneak out at night by climbing down the balcony.

The same kid who sat in Political Studies classes geeking out to hypothetical solutions to the world’s problems.

And the kid who’s still a kid inside (and outside half the time), but gets her jollies around the conference table, hashing out solutions for companies looking to build more meaningful brand presences.

Then there’s the added bonus of inviting you along on my lessons hard-learned path with the occasional smackity-smack. And you keep coming back for more.

The best part of yesterday’s “we love you/we have some hesitations” call? When you realize the person on the other end of phone isn’t bullshitting you. “I want to find a way to work together and I’m willing to develop that with you.”

So yeah – that’s when the brand I’ve built feels fan-fucking-tastic. You’re not going to be a fit for everything every time, but when you are a fit, it’s better than being Cinderella.

Are YOU building a brand you feel fan-fucking-tastic about?

If you find your blog posts aren’t getting comments – are you asking any questions? Are you doing your part to make people think beyond the page?

If you’re after more followers or fans, are you offering them a reason to join your herd (or do you simply expect it because you’re that cool)?

Are your query letters going unanswered or do you get form rejection letters? As yourself if what you’re submitting is crap. And along with that, it’s probably best if you ask someone who has no emotional attachment to giving you a bullshit-free perspective.

Go out and ask ten people to describe you. Send it out in an email with bcc’s (please, for all that’s holy – no open cc’s). Ask people to describe your brand. And if what you hear is so very different than what you think you’ve built, hey, hey Sally…time to get some new shoes.

Being who you are and building a career aren’t mutually exclusive. I’m loud. I’m going to keep being loud. If you don’t like the fact that I go to eleven, find someone who goes to ten. And when you’re ready to find out what eleven feels like, you know where to find me.

PS: Little Known Fact about The Redhead – I’m a complete audiophile. If you have not seen It Might Get Loud, it’s tops and a must have for your Netflix queue. You’re welcome. Three guys who take it to eleven.

Today’s post is by Aaron Templer, branding dude and all-around enlightened soul. You can follow him on Twitter @AaronTempler and check out his site here.

If I told you my car was actually a bike with an engine and more room to carry stuff, you’d say Get bent. It’s a car.

If a company told you their shoes were just like feet only without all the moving parts and no ability to connect directly to your brain, you’d call them out on the social web as fraudulent ninnies.

There’s similarity in the movement creating backlash against personal branding that asks, “Why are we told that we can (and should) bundle all the complexities, unpredictability and beautiful self-expression that is Me into a nice little package to sell to employers or clients?”

“I am not a brand!” spiel the brand agnostics. Don’t commoditize me.

The trouble with taking a side on this issue is, of course, that no one can agree on what the hell branding really is anyway. (This coming from someone who considers himself a branding consultant with processes, models and ways to approach the subject that are constructed with all kinds of stuff inspired from across the branding milieu.)

I’m dead serious. Think you can define branding? Give it shot in the comments and I can find some really smart people who will disagree with you.

By all appearances, the discussion of personal branding – and the hoards of people who claim to help us do it – is fueled by the social web. Before everyone had a voice, branding was largely the domain of ad people in turtlenecks desperately grasping to their relevance as the value of traditional advertising went the way of the Slip-n-Slide.

Now, we all have a role. Or at least we can. And because we saw the opportunity to promote ourselves, reputations and work – and started to realize that it isn’t that easy – we started asking questions about the process to make it all more effective. We started discussions, upturned a few rocks and out scurried the Branding People.

They told us all our activities on the social web need to be consistent. Integrated. That everything – actions, words, Twitter home pages – should look, feel and sound the same. (Sometimes they’d tell us that actions and promises need to integrate as well, but not very often ‘cause they can’t make any money from that ‘cause in the end, that ain’t up to them it’s up to the client so my hands are clean.) They’ve called similar stuff branding for years and demonstrated its value by way of racked-up billable hours doing it for everything from beer cans to investment schemes. So why wouldn’t it apply to this new world? If it works for a beer can, why not you?

You see arguments for the power of personal branding in the expected places – usually from those who charge people to brand them – and the not-so typical places. But what better place than the Redhead’s domain to poke some holes in this notion? After all, the Redhead has been heralded as one of the most “kick ass” personal brands around.

But does the Redhead actually brand herself? Or is she simply demonstrating the value she provides through her work, while at the same time recognizing that today’s world demands that she break down the Business Walls of Bullshit to expose an actual person with whom to build trust?

If it’s the later, then branding hardly describes it. Or if you think it does, then we really need a new word for it.

Some would argue (I did once, actually) that people aren’t brands. We’re too weird. Too human

I’ve put it this way before: people aren’t “experiences.” We experience. People aren’t work. We work. And people aren’t results. People aren’t products. People aren’t services. We make, deliver, and yes, brand those things.

So, Redhead legions. What do you think?

What the HELL are you doing?

You position yourself as a professional with words. You tell people what you do and that you’re gosh darn good at it, frankly. Yet you keep doing shit that makes you look like a side show act in a two-penny circus.

Business Card Magnets and Stress Balls – They’re ugly, stupid and a waste of money. Do you really think that when I need a real estate professional I’m going to wander over to the front of my fridge for some divine wisdom? No, I’m not. I’m going to call the realtor who’s a friend. Or a friend of a friend. Or who came on referral somehow. Instead of spending $500 a year on dumb ass magnets that have you staring at me every time I go to grab the spinach from the crisper, why don’t you align yourself with a local charity and make a donation commitment for the next 5 years…ask to be considered for the board. Invest your time where it will do some good and change lives while building the relationships you need to sustain and grow your business. The same goes for stress balls. My dog shreds them in 5 minutes flat and craps blue foam for a week. They are useless and generally end up causing me MORE stress. They’re not cheap, either. Quit wasting money. While my dog loves you at first, he hates you in the end (and with his hind end).

Free Business Cards from VistaPrint or Homemade Cards – G.H.E.T.T.O. That’s all I have to say. Why would I do business with anyone who won’t invest a few dollars in themselves to put forth a professional printed appearance? It’s no different than “free hosting” services that populate your site with ads (and that’s bullshit, too). If you can’t afford $21.99 for some kickass, easy-to-make business cards from a place like Moo, you probably need to go work for someone who’s going to give you business cards. And yeah, I know – who even USES business cards anymore, right? Lots of people and more than you’d think. Pull your head out of your ass and (1) pay to have them designed, and/or (2) go to a site that makes it easy for you to do it yourself. Just STOP doing it yourself and promoting someone else in the process.

Stock Logos: OMFG – Yeah, I need to address this. When designing your own business cards, stop it with the stock logos. Are you a stock company? No, you’re not. If you’re going to own a business, you need your own corporate identity. There are people who do that for a living and it doesn’t have to be expensive (for crying out loud – just ASK ME! I know FAB people!). Your brand is an investment. It says who you are, why you’re different and what people can expect from you. If it doesn’t, it sucks (and you either paid too much or didn’t know what a brand was supposed to do before you paid someone to develop one).

Are there more bullshit business practices I’ve missed? Share with me, monkeys…share. The Redhead wants to know. The bottom line is your business is worth the investment. Stop taking the low road and thinking you can do it all yourself. Go ask Richard Branson if he designed the Virgin logo. I’m bettin’ he says no. Treat yourself like a firm worthy of a professional presence and if you’re a graphic designer, great – but stop trying to be a writer and a web designer. If you’re a web designer, stop trying to be a writer. If you’re a plumber, just get my damn toilet working. Do what YOU do. Leverage others to make you look good getting it done.

Online dating: spending money to find love online?

It’s by design.

See, my clients are after a target customer or demographic. Just like me when it comes to dating. After having been a paying customer or lurker on several online dating sites (’cause “it’s OK to look”), a conversation this week brought me to the realizations below about how I’ve handled my online presence in the world of romance. I was practicing my own best advice to my clients when it comes to branding, SEO and SEM practices — and I didn’t even know it.

For those out there reading this who aren’t savvy in the fields of marketing-speak throughout, have faith. I’ll give you fancy pop-ups and definitions to go with my online dating advice. And I guarantee, none of the links will lead to porn sites.

Shall we? Let’s put on our cybersuits and delve into the online dating pool.

Online Dating and Branding

You’re unique. Yeah, you’re real unique.

Everyone is “unique.” So why the hell are you so special?

A company that puts out a product or service that doesn’t differentiate itself from the competition is poised to fail from the get-go. Once in a blue moon, you find the rare instance of a wanna-be that ekes out an existence, but is that why you went into business in the first place? To eke?

Successful companies have a clear identity. A clearly-defined brand. Customers know what to expect, what they’re buying and the terms and conditions under which they’re acquiring that good or service. It’s no different in online dating.

Ladies:

• Every one of us is “just as comfortable in a cocktail dress” as we are in jeans
• We’re all looking for someone to laugh with
• We all “work hard and play hard”
• And everyone (well, I think most everyone) is looking for a man who will love them and, on occasion, make them feel like a princess.

Gents:

• Most of you like sports, cars and beer
• You’re all looking for an “honest, loyal” woman (i.e.: one that ain’t gonna cheat on you, and if she is, at least not with your best friend)
• You want a girl you can “just hang-out with”
• The majority of you don’t spend hours at the mall and would prefer that’s what a chick just went and did without you, leaving you to a day with guys doing whatever you feel (or DON’T feel) like doing.

Those are givens.

Since women aren’t looking for an overweight ogre who will use them merely as an automatic beer dispenser every time they head for the kitchen and men aren’t looking for clingy, psycho Glenn Close/Bunny Nemesis type, it’s time to do some research.

There are a multitude of online dating sites that let you scope-out the competition, so why not start running your personal life and search for Happily Ever After more like a business? Successful businesses understand their competition, so get online and do exactly what Match.com says is perfectly acceptable:

It’s OK to Look!

Get in there and take a tour of your “competitors” – the other people in your age, physical stature and life demographic. See what those folks are saying about themselves. I think you’ll be surprised how similar most of the profiles appear.

Now for the tough question: what makes YOU different?

Are you an irreverent smart-ass?
Do you collect 19th century coins?
Have you climbed Mt. Everest?
Are you a stark-raving Led Zepplin fan with a portrait of the entire band tattooed across your chest?

Your online dating profile should reflect both your core qualities and your quirks (ever read a bottle of Smart Water?) This is your love life, folks. If you’re going to actually go to the trouble of paying a membership fee (or not…lots of free sites out there…ew) and actively search for someone to share your valuable personal hours with, why not actually get something that resembles what you’re looking for?

A fair and honest representation of your personal brand – your personality – is the beginning of a more rewarding online dating endeavor. When someone checks out your profile, let them know what they’re getting, what your personal brand represents, and what they can expect if they actually earn the opportunity to meet you. And don’t get me started on photos. Post current photos that look like you, because when I go to the car dealership to buy a 2008 Honda Accord, I’m looking for the Accord I saw in the Saturday paper … not an ‘86 Ford F-150 with the left side made entirely of bondo.

Truth in advertising. A key element of any successful brand.

Online Dating in SEO Terms

Truth in Advertising: photo by Natalie Dee

So, you log into your dating site du jour and it gives you a gazillion search options. Age, marital status, kids, eye color, hobbies … the list is endless. Guess what: those are keywords. Just as if you were on Google and shopping for the latest Star Trek boxed set of DVDs or the best deal on that indispensible Fendi purse, online dating  sites are nothing but glorified search engines for sex. (there, I said it)

In addition to those nifty “long tail URLs” (threw that one in there for the SEO geeks like me), your entire profile is a collection of keywords. When you sit down to write that “In Your Own Words” section or whatever the heck the dating sites are calling it these days, think of the words that describe the core of your person:

Irreverent Smart Asses: who are your favorite comics and TV shows?

19th Century Coin Collectors: uh, say you collect 19th century coins or list a favorite coin or something

Mt. Everest Climbers: words like alpinist, mountaineering, climbing, snow and hiking could be key

Tattooed Led Zepplin Fans: maybe mention the band by name and the fact that you have tattoos

Why is this important? Because several sites allow you to search by keyword.

If you think of the run-of-the-mill profiles you came across in your Research Phase (see Branding section above), who goes into an online dating site and searches for nice, cool, funny, or cars? Just as if you were in a regular search engine searching for something specific, make the words in your profile ring specific.

For example, when I would do keyword searches, I’d use terms like “rock climbing,” “mountaineering,” “alpine” and “climbing.” Found several nifty men with whom I had quite a bit in common, a few of with which I’ve enjoyed multiple dates and enduring friendships. A hell of a lot EASIER and MORE PRODUCTIVE than just putting in age and other general demographics and then having to trudge through the search results with a fine-toothed comb.

Optimize your dating profile for the same reasons businesses optimize their websites:

to attract a better-qualified lead.

Online Dating in SEM Terms

The majority of online dating sites have a membership fee. Personally, I like the minimum level of commitment that it takes a person to fork over whatever-ninety-nine a month to engage in the whole process. Kind of a low water mark, if you will.

So if you’re going to spend the money, why ya gonna screw around?

You’re online, you’re web-savvy. Perhaps you found the online dating site from a search engine query in the first place. You know those 3 listings in yellow at the top of the Google search results and all those little listings down the right-hand side of the page? Well, companies pay for those ads. Those are called pay-per-click (PPC) ads.

When someone clicks on one of those ads, the company who posted the ad pays a “per-click” fee to the search engine. In other words, those companies are paying to be seen at the top of the search results by consumers like YOU who are searching for what THEY sell. Companies also budget for these PPC campaigns in their monthly or annual marketing budget.

Just like online dating.

Your monthly membership fee is your PPC ad spend, or monthly advertising budget.

There’s a reason that Campmor, North Face and Patagonia come up in the paid search results when you search for “outdoor gear” – because these companies feel people searching for the term “outdoor gear” are a good spend of their advertising dollars. They’re consumers searching for something specific, something they have to sell, and it’s possible you could be a qualified lead and convert to a customer.

It’s time you started thinking of your online dating site membership as your monthly Pay-Per-Click advertising budget.

If you’re going to spend the dough on putting yourself out there for others to see in the online dating marketplace, wouldn’t it behoove you to have your marketing dollars attract qualified leads?

Wrapping it Up

Here are some tips that can help you make your online dating experience a well-crafted one from a Branding, SEO, and Search Engine Marketing (SEM) perspective. These all go back to the previous points I’ve mentioned and bring it all together in one convenient, vertitas-laden package of personal experience:

• Build an accurate profile. Who are you? What drives you? Represent your personal brand well. There’s no one that brings to this world what YOU do, so put it out there and be proud. Post current photos, keep your profile updated if it’s taking longer to find Mr. or Ms. “Right Now.” Understand your competition and set out to represent yourself as the dynamic individual you are. Hell, even if you’re a twin – I guarantee you bring a floatie to the dating pool that your biological cohort doesn’t! Fair and accurate representation of your You Product ensures that, once your customer (i.e. date candidate) arrives, they’re entering into a fair business situation and not the “bondo dog” pictured above. Deception is NOT a great way to begin ANY relationship.

• Don’t be afraid to be specific. Specific is GOOD! Successful companies and their associated brands understand that not every human who walks the face of the earth is the most qualified customer for their service/product. Be clear about what you’re looking for, keeping in mind what’s worked and hasn’t in your previous relationships (just like when making business decisions). Understand as well that if you’re looking for a 6′6″ Pacific Islander millionaire with three children from a previous marriage who collects lint from Arab princes, cooks like a five-star chef and watches 60 Minutes every night without fail – that’s going to limit your results. Being specific isn’t synonymous with being so narrow-minded that you’re setting yourself up to fail. Successful SEM and SEO tactics take into account the specificity of the market they’re approaching, and while Ford might be looking for truck buyers in general, they ain’t lookin’ for (and nor are they going to pay for) people who are looking for planes just because it’s “all transportation, right?”
  

• Indulge in some good ‘ol A/B testing! Ever heard the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Not only should you review your profile on a regular basis, but if you’re not getting the results or traffic from people who fit what you’re looking for – change things up. Go in and edit that pain in the ass “about me” section. Add a new movie you’ve seen. Post a new profile. CHANGE YOUR PROFILE IMAGE! This is the oldest trick in the book, but it’ll often get you a second glance by someone who’d looked at you before (and maybe some new glances, too). Successful PPC campaigns undergo a certain level of A/B testing to fine-tune tactics so that dollars are spent in the most profitable areas and halted in those that aren’t performing.

• Pay attention to keywords. Many online dating sites allow users to search member profiles by keyword. Me? I’m looking for a dude who is into the outdoors, alpine sports, rock climbing … all sorts of nutty activity. You bet your sweet ass those words are in any profile I write – because those folks are probably looking for me as well and they’re VERY important things in my life. If you think of your online dating profile as the business plan for your PPC campaign, abide by one rule of thumb: a PPC campaign is only as successful as the keywords associated with them. By using targeted and specific keywords, you’ll likely attract a more qualified contact and one that’s got a better chance of surviving your scrutiny. Wouldn’t it be great to have a date for that whatever-ninety-five a month instead of an inbox full of people who are 180 degrees from your target customer with no chance of converting?

I’m sure there are a ton of other parallels I could have drawn here relating the online dating game to these various marketing concepts and practices, and I’d love to hear what you have to say. Bottom line is, when you start treating online dating more like a business than a scratch-off lottery ticket from a 7-11, I think you’re going to be a lot more satisfied with the results.

Who the heck am I to talk? Well, as a subscriber to various online dating sites since my divorce in 2002, my endeavors with

The Head Redhead - your blog author

profiles where I did exactly what I’ve enumerated above have netted me:

• Two long-term relationships totaling well over 4 years
• A handful of wonderful men who have remained friends though not romantic interests
  
• A clearer understanding of what’s important to me from a relationship standpoint
• Money spent in the online dating arena wisely with better-than-average (I feel) results
  
• Endless fodder for drinks with the girls

And apparently, the desire to write this blog and encourage feedback from the other folks wandering around out there in the online dating/social media world. Lay it on me, folks. I’m listening (in my best Frasier Crane voice).