It’s the funk-a-dunk. That’s where I’m at. How about you? This week’s Bitch Slap is as much for me as it is y’all. Yeah, I said “y’all.” You can take the girl out of Texas but you sure as hell can’t take away her “y’all.”

Stop dry-humping life.

You know what I’m talking about.

You’re going through the motions but … what you’re doing isn’t fulfilling. You’re content being the dude at the gym who walks around with ILS (Imaginary Lat Syndrome) or the chick on the cross-trainer going 83 MPH on level 1. You think it’s all about going through the motions.

Quit it.

What you’re doing is no different than having a pity party – and boy – I’m familiar with the concept. While I love what I do and work is simply awesome (no other word to describe it), it’s as if my personal life left the greyhound track and became the dog you see in the picture. Hump, hump, hump.

What are you dry-humping these days?

I feel like I’ve hit a wall on several things, so instead of stopping, evaluating and reassessing, I’ve forged straight ahead and damn the consequences.

Dry humping.

Every one of you reading this is dry humping something in your life. I’ll contend that each and every one of you knows exactly what you’ve got your legs wrapped around, too.

So now that you see it, stop it.

Have a seat and get your proverbial junk back in-line and ask yourself:

Why am I doing this?

What do I gain from it?

What else could I be doing that’s less “dry” and more “humping?”

Face it: humping is satisfying on many levels. When you add the “dry” to the equation, however, it begins to take on a…less pleasant tone. If I’ve lost readers by this point because you think it’s crass I’m using “dry humping” as a colloquialism, fine. Beat it. Go back to the leg you’re grinding away on and don’t mind the redhead in the corner saying that shit you don’t want to hear.

But wouldn’t life be better if you got off the leg and back on track?