You make me want to eat my electronic young

This entry has been in the works for awhile and I’d like to send an open thanks to my readers who have been bugging me about a new post. There were certain parts I couldn’t quite get right (and probably still haven’t), but after a weird few weeks in the social mediasphere it’s about as concise as it’s going to get.

Do I know more than the average bear when it comes to social media? Perhaps. I’d like to think that my picnic basket has an extra scone or two in it compared to the everyday BooBoo’s. I learn something new most every day – whether sought out or completely accidental – though I still have “plop my ass in an ant pile” incidents that leave me reeling. My followers have grown considerably and my time to address each has diminished proportionately. As such, there are things that piss-off The Redhead and I can infer that if they’re pissing me off, others are pissed as well.

When individuals and companies choose to engage in social media, there’s a fine line between solicitation and being helpful. One of my tweets this past week was that I was being solicited on Twitter more than a solo businessman in a Vegas bar.  Sure – the hooker is (ahem) “being helpful,” but her thinly-masked end objective is to hawk her wares for a fee. A guy thinks he’s having a pleasant conversation with a beautiful woman and then he’s quoted hourly rates. What the deuce?

It’s annoying, time-consuming and yet again one of the many reasons I follow around HALF the number of people who follow me (see “Don’t Take it Personally, but I’m Not Going to Follow You on Twitter“). Twitter isn’t a popularity contest and it’s not a game of “he who dies with the most followers wins.” When I get a tweet in my stream, I’ve positioned myself to PAY ATTENTION TO IT. It’s hand-selected information from a handful of people and companies.

Just think: the doorbell rings. You’re expecting the pizza delivery guy and you open the door to find…

a Jehovah’s Witness.

Personally, I’m not amused. You’re intruding and what I really want is my damn pizza (my immortal soul can wait).

So, to keep from being the Jehovah’s Witness in my Twitter stream (or the streams of those who follow you), here are three HUGE no-no’s in my book to avoid like the plague. You don’t have to be the pizza delivery guy every day – but you can avoid being unexpected and uninvited.

Small print disclaimer: if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness and take issue with being used as an example of something annoying…bugger off.

Step 1 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Attack me blindly via the Public Stream or keyword searches.

Probably the biggest intrusion ever, you’re horning-in on my conversations with established Tweeps in my stream.  I have been chided for drinking caffeine, pitched software, told to watch a video for Milli Vanilli-look alikes and encouraged to try new Twitter apps. And not by my followers or those I’m following. If you’re using keyword searches to identify people you may want to follow, don’t just jump into the conversation uninvited. Follow. Observe. Listen. And don’t be an Instant Asshole,  Just Add Tweet. You may have JUST the thing that someone needs – but let them ASK you for it FIRST. Otherwise you’re being a Jehovah’s Witness.

And if you’re a scraper (tweeps/spammers who just blindly add people and start tweeting them sales messages) – I’ll say it and say it loudly: you’re dicks. Your time on Twitter will be short-lived as I will announce you’re spam, block you and then others will do the same. You’ll be blocked from the site and then you’ll have to start all over again. Seriously – how much business do spammers really generate from scraping? I’m thinking slim to none.

Step 2 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Be an egotistical narcissist who speaks but does not listen.

I see you over there, pretty Tweep. You with your gazillion follows/followers and 12.4 million updates. Wow. Maybe I should take a look at your shizzat because you seem to be pretty popular with the Tweeps. Click click.

Waaaaaaaaaaait a minute – just wait right there. Why is every other link in your timeline a pitch with a tiny URL? Why are there few to no @ replies? Oh. It’s because you’re an egotistical narcissist who opened up a Twitter account just to hear yourself talk and pitch your crappy e-book, “life coach” seminars or “tricks to get 10,000 followers” to whoever the hell will follow YOU back blindly. A word of advice: if you’re not interested in the conversation, you’re annoying. If you want to talk to a random, untargeted audience and never engage in conversation, grab a boom box and funny hat made of balloons and head out to Central Park or your local mass transit station. I doubt you’ll sell anything (just like I doubt you’ll sell it using these shitty tactics on Twitter), but you might collect some change.

Step 3 to Being Annoying on Twitter (and my personal favorite)
Send out auto-DMs

I’ll say it and I’ve got no problem saying it: if you send me an auto DM, I’ll unfollow you instantly. INSTANTLY. With no hesitation. Those who use auto DMs are making what can be one of the most personal mediums in social media as IMPERSONAL as freakin’ possible. And the lengths you have to go to in order to set one up are staggering. If you put as much effort into your relationship building skills as you did into setting up your auto DM, Christ. I can only imagine how successful you’d be. But then again, the douche bags who send out auto DMs are usually the folks who fall into one of the two categories above as well. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

You don’t have to THANK people for following you. And if you’re following people and looking for their THANKS, get a hobby. I’m sure you’ll find model airplane building or crochet to be much more rewarding than the constant disappointment you’ll experience by people not THANKING you for your having followed them.

Social Media - Bringing Back Mayberry

I just mused over on my Facebook status: “Erika Napoletano thinks it’s possible she’s too connected.”

Which immediately prompted a comment from Rob McNealy: “Is that possible?”

This is what I ponder on a Sunday night, surrounded by my menagerie of animals with my laptop perched on its namesake, a belly full of dinner and a furrowed brow. I’ve been playing with the subject of this week’s blog for about three weeks now, waiting for the juices to churn and produce something coherent and thoughtful. I think I’ve got it, yet you’ll ultimately be the judge.

The beauty of the interwebz is that we can find anything, anywhere. A few keystrokes, a click and ka-bam! Instant electronic gratification. It’s changed the way business market, the speed at which people share information, how we date, and how we hire/fire/validate employees. To steal a vital word from Roland the Gunslinger (likely my favorite Stephen King creation), “The world has moved on.” No longer are we limited in our reach by what’s near and immediate. We’ve become a generation of brats who insist on the instantaneous access that “new media” provides.

Through social media, we’ve brought back Mayberry – the town where everyone knows your name and personalities are as distinct as Aunt Bee’s recipe for fried chicken. Whatever social media application(s) you choose to compliment your pursuits, you can build networks reaching near and far with the same small town feel. There’s the Newscaster, the Traffic Cop, the Drunk and the Town Kook – all are alive and well on our computer screens alongside of their distinct ways of conveying life through words and emoticons.

As I write this, one of my Facebook contacts has just chimed-in with, “It’s not what you know, it’s WHO you know.”

That’s step one.

Step two comes with the admitted perils of small-town living: it’s also about who knows YOU.

As a blogger, Tweep, Stumbler and Facebook Friend, I acknowledge my existence is very public. But small town living is a prime breeding ground for viral thought – the main reason that most of us are attracted to social media in the first place. Good news travels fast and bad news faster, there are days in the social mediasphere that I’m reminded that I have, in essence, surrounded myself in Mayberry with a delightful bunch of nosey neighbors.

See, there’s the bliss of small-town living where you know your neighbors, they’ve got your back and will watch your house while you kick it in the mountains for the weekend. And then there’s the flip side to the coin where the small town you’ve built for yourself gives way to the self-interested, those with ill-intent, the bitchers/moaners/complainers and those who (quite frankly) have no damned business knowing what the hell you’re up to at any given time. On the bliss side, it’s cool to be missed when you occasionally “unplug,” yet it’s kind of a pain in the ass to have it be a surprise that you actually DO unplug.

So I’ve started asking myself: why do I build my Mayberry?

And more importantly: who will be my neighbors?

We might be in a real estate crisis nationwide with housing developments shutting down construction left and right, but social media’s building new Mayberrys each and every day. I’m pretty damn fortunate that I truly adore what I do for a living, as it makes the Mayberry I’ve created and continue to build all the more rewarding. But I want to throw out there some simple rules that I’m learning to live by, as I’m sure I’ve got some remodeling and Department of Public Works tasks that need tending-to in this not-so-little town I’m still developing:

• Unplug. Step away from the iPhone, close your TweetDeck, ignore your Facebook alerts, leave your StumbleUpon mail unopened. It will all be there when you get back. There’s a world out there beyond that sexy little high-tech flat panel monitor that sucks you in day after day – check it out. And check out.
• You don’t have to be everyone’s friend. I’ve started asking people on Facebook who submit friend requests, “Hi! How do we know one another?” While I publish how to connect with me on Facebook across all of my blog presences, it’s OK to not be everyone’s friend. This goes for Twitter as well. It’s no mystery to my readers how I feel about too many cooks in the kitchen, and while we’re all out there to grow our networks with useful, insightful partners, I just can’t abide by the auto-follow back concept. If you choose to do it – cool. I can’t deal. I currently have an 800 Tweep gap between my follows/followers, and I anticipate it will only get larger. Hell, I’m just amazed daily that there are 2100 people interested in what I have to say!
• Altruism rules. It’s pretty shitty of me to ask someone what they’re bringing to my dinner party if I’ve just extended the invitation. So I don’t do it. I started as a listener in the social mediasphere and work every day to become a better one (and that goes for daily life as well). Listening begets sharing. It prompts new conversations, thoughts and concepts to bubble to the surface of the beaker atop the Bunsen burner in our brain. When you listen and share instead of demand an audience, I dunno – personally, it’s made me want to listen even more.
• Keep it personal. Anyone could sit down at Sheriff Andy’s table, partake in Aunt Bee’s home-cooked concoctions and dish about life in a small town. I am completely annoyed by the pervasive nature of auto-DM’s on Twitter and those who are actively choose to make their Mayberrys as impersonal as possible. Why would anyone send out a form letter via a medium that’s designed to bring people closer together? There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for relationships that have developed with virtual-cum-actual Tweeps like @theclimbergirl, @jennfields, @naomimimi, @justasungod and more! But not a single one of them started with an auto-DM. They all started with: “Wow, I like what this person has to say. Maybe I’ll listen.” I personally liken the auto-DM to getting pulled over for speeding, kicking the cop in the nuts and then asking him to let you off with a warning.
• Hold a “town meeting” with yourself every now an then. Whether it’s for your social media efforts, your business, personal life or some permutation thereof – give yourself permission to check in on your status. Why are you doing what you’re doing? What has it netted? What do you hope it will bear? Do you know your neighbors? Who are your true friends? What’s in your toolbox? How large is your Mayberry? If you find that your networking has netted a small town that’s growing more like an out of control Deadwood than the Mayberry you envisioned…change it.

So yeah. Those are my reflections on connections. Maybe I’m not “too connected” but rather need to continue to prioritize and check out after I do some scheduled checking-up every now an then. Prompted to write by the fact that I almost used a hash tag in a conversation with a date, it was time for a reality check. The Mayberry I’ve built? I love my neighbors and I learn from them every day. I look forward to getting to know them more personally as time moves on, but I’ll issue fair warning: I do unplug. I will “abandon ship.”  The Redhead’s got a day gig that requires (and deserves) her attention and there’s a crapload of stuff I do that does not involve status updates, TwitPics or other electronic morsels of knowledge. I might have a public presence, but I need to do better at retaining a sense of privacy. Why? Because even in Mayberry, people close their doors.