You’re not freelancers – you’re business owners. So stop pulling the woe-is-fucking-me game and start acting like it. I don’t care if you’re sitting in your house working in your bunny slippers, in the middle of a co-working space or a coffee shop devotee. It’s time to cowboy the fuck up and start acting the way you want people to treat you.

Like a business.

I’m going to give you some words to live by that someone shared with me (and not so long ago), along with a few of my own thrown in for flavor. We never give ourselves great advice, so maybe you’ll take my mashup of experiences and rub the lotion on your “freelancer” skin and be all the better for it.

You are a business owner, not a “freelancer.” I don’t care what you have to do to lend a sense of legitimacy to whatever it is you do, but get out there and go do it. Get an LLC, rent office space, have business cards made with your business moniker on them. Hell, GET a business moniker. But when you stop calling yourself a freelancer and start owning a business, you might be surprised in a whole lotta shifts that trickle down. I know I was. You can get your LLC setup online in most states through the Secretary of State office. Easy-peasy.

Get a business bank account. The fees you receive from clients aren’t your own little personal piggy bank. It’s income. It is taxable and subject to Social Security and Medicare taxes as well. If you think you can handle all of your business accounting on your own, I sure shit hope you’re a “freelance” CPA. Otherwise, get a CPA, business formation papers and get thee to a blessed financial institution to open a business account. You need to put aside money for taxes, pay them QUARTERLY (yes, quarterly) and pay a few hundred bucks a year to a qualified tax professional to keep your shit straight. Oh, and get an invoicing program. I personally use GetHarvest, but know several others who adore Freshbooks. Keep your shit straight. Oh – and both integrate with PayPal.

Make it easy for people to pay you. If you only take checks, you’re stuck waiting for the mail. If you don’t take credit cards (a merchant services account or PayPal), you’re making a huge mistake. If you’re not charging a 50% deposit to commence, you’re a moron. The easier you make it for people to pay you, the more likely it is…they’ll actually pay you! If you’re pissed about PayPal or merchant account handling fees, add a surcharge on your quotes – visible or invisible. Doesn’t matter. And by the way, if you had a CPA, he/she would probably tell you those service fees are tax-deductible. Just sayin’.

If you can’t make a living, something is wrong. Until a dear friend and colleague told me my pricing was as out of whack with market trends as GM stock prices, I was oblivious. I was taking more and more work and making barely any more money. Pull your head out of your freelancer ass and do some research like a business owner. Dig into rates that others who provide similar services charge. If you’re in the creative space, know what agencies are charging. If you’re a writer, you need to subscribe to Writer’s Market and download their annually-updated ‘What to Charge” guide. If you don’t price your services so you can afford to eventually outsource the slew of work that will be coming your way, you’re doing it wrong.

You need to invest in your business. I was recently at a conference where someone complained about the $30 ticket price for 8 hours of focused information sharing. I stood up and said, “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. This is a steal! You just got 8 hours of info – actionable info – for $3.75/hour.” If you’re not willing to invest in your business, what ARE you willing to invest in? $30 is an investment if you’re buying a pool floatie toy or a hamburger. It is a scam if you’re talking about buying a house or a car. Everything in between is negotiable. We go to Target and walk out with $100 worth of crap we didn’t need (but it was ON SALE), and you complain about a $30 (or $300, for that matter) investment in your business? Shut…the front door.

You need to network. And it needs to be outside of your own backyard. There are conferences nationwide, no matter what industry you’re in, and you need to do your research and figure out which ones to attend. There’s going to be some trial and error, and some of the experiences are going to suck. But you’re going to meet people. And those people are even more valuable than the information you receive. So when you’re thinking about investing in your business, conferences need to be on your radar.

You can’t do it on your own. You need allies. Colleagues. People you can trust. McDonald’s buys their “beef” from a vendor and their soda from Coca Cola. Who are you going to leverage to get business done? Ah – but there’s that B-word again. It’s because you run a business. When you take the time to invest in your business and network, you’d be surprised how easily these trusted resources come along.

It’s okay to be frugal, but cheap can suck it. Not everyone can afford a Bentley (and not everyone that drives one can afford one). But if you run your car on the cheap and ignore things like…oh, say oil changes, you’re going to kill the life of the car. It’s the same with your business. It’s time well-spent to find a $9.99 oil change but it’s shitty money saved to skip it all together. Keep your business running lean – but don’t ignore what it takes for it to keep running.

And for now, that is all fellow business owner. Consider yourself slapped.

Face it: sometimes business sucks. Something we’ve put a ton of effort into craps the bed and we’re left with no choice but to scrap everything and…

start over. Go back to square one. Ask our buddy for a “gimme.”

Business (and life as well) is a funny creature that tends to shake foundations juuuuuuust when we’re hitting our stride. It’s the source of locker room grumblings, water cooler gossip and what keeps my massage therapist in business. After getting bitch-slapped by life last week and feeling that I was going to (yet again) have to start over, it finally occurred to me: we never, EVER, start over.

Now, before you all start wondering if my business imploded or I’ve broken-up with someone (no and no), I’ll just say that last week was a series of events that snowballed into one big ‘ol stick-my-head-in-the-sand-and-don’t-want-to-come-out-until-2010.  We all have those weeks on occasion. This one gave me a moment of clarity that’s the topic of this week’s blog.

Starting over is bullshit. Total horse crap. Grade-A fertilizer material and the stuff of which self-help books are made. While I’m sure that I could parlay this blog into a book deal that would fly off the shelves and into the hands of whiny businessfolk far and near, I’ll sum it up in a few sentences. Refill your coffee and have a seat.

We never start over. No matter if you’re a sprinter coming back to the starting line to run yet another race, a businessperson with a company that’s folded, a guy who just broke-up with his gal or a chef in the kitchen ready to make another pecan pie after the first one refused to set-up and resulted in a pie shell of hot pecan soup (not that it’s ever happened to me…whistling). Every experience gives us an invaluable set of tools to bring into the next go-round.

It’s time we start appreciating the tools and quit bitching that they’re in a blue toolbox because we had our heart set on a red one.

While it’s impossible to go through life without a base level of expectations, they really are the mother of all disappointment. Yeah, it sucks that things didn’t turn out the way we planned, but in the Target store of life, we’ve been able to fill-up our cart with a litany of useful thoughts, experiences and feelings. As life throws us those occasional curve balls, we have to watch the cashier scan them one by one and then present us with the damage. I say pay for your mother lode with enthusiasm! Whip out cash and take ownership of it all right there. Then take your baggage, roll it happily to your car and…

hop on the back of the cart and go for a ride.

Hell, you can even yell, “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” as you scream through the parking lot on your plastic hot rod.

Bottom line: there is no “starting over.” Not in business, relationships or all the other that life brings our way. There are, however, awesome opportunities to take on new tasks and adventures with your loaded-to-the-hilt blue toolbox.

And guess what? No one’s going to even notice it’s not red.

A man who knows when to hold 'em and fold 'em

In every professional’s life, there comes a time where the question is begged: do I keep this client or do I let them go?

Not always a black-and-white scenario, mind you, I mean, its not like you just caught your girlfriend in bed with the top account executive from your biggest competitor. While some might be inclined to rationalize that situation (if you are one of them, I kindly refer you to a useful list of self-help blogs), it’s not always as simple as cold, hard facts in your face.

There are financial considerations, the value of the relationship, and a relationship’s potential to bring you more business down the line. And finally, there’s the question of Who’s Running Who?

Today, we’re going to take a look at some questions you can ask yourself when evaluating your client list. We can all learn a little from the bearded sage when it comes to client retention.

Know When to Hold ‘Em

They’re your favorite clients. They pay their bills on-time (or at least they’re predictably late and still pay). Its’s the work you enjoy, or perhaps enjoy not so much but at the day’s end, the client is happy with your work and sends you referrals.

Or…

They’re a complete pain in the ass. You cringe when you see their number on called ID. They phone you more than an unemployed guy trying to win NASCAR tickets from the local radio station. They’re famous for changes at the 11th hour and will predictably shift blame (to you, of course) when a deadline is missed because they didn’t get you stuff in time. But they pay. And occasionally you share a laugh or two.

Where is the line that lets you feel good about keeping a client? Here’s my own personal metrics and I’d love to hear your thoughts as well.

1. Appreciation (definitely pocket 10’s or higher): I’ll bend-over backwards…hell, I’ll even let ‘em take photos of me doing it…for a client who is appreciative. Piss me off, run me around, make me want to work at Starbucks. But if you pay your bills and say thank you, treating me with common decency, I consider you a keeper.
2. Communication (hard to beat, but pocket Kings at least): They’re the clients/customers that tell us their expectations and are adept at communicating them – conscisely, efficiently and without argument. They’re also known as a rare freakin’ thing. However, if I have clients with whom I’ve established a line of communication, are open to a two-way street and understand that the better I make their product/project look – the better THEY look…those, my friend, are keepers.
3. Volume (a solid pair of Queens): Along with the appreciative client comes the consideration of work volume. Are they a client who sends you dribs and drabs and it’s always a firehose mentality when they call (it’s on, need it yesterday and of course, “within budget”)? Or are they they client who provides you with a predictable workload, adheres to schedules (or something resembling one) and can you establish a rapport with the client that will lead to a better working relationship over the long-term? Volume/predictable workflow clients move up my personal food chain.
4. Referrals (pocket Aces every time and you flopped a set): Huge. No matter what business you’re in, your ability to generate more business is always important. Whether for your company or your own shingle, you’re looking for the endorsement-based marketing of The Referral. A client who is tedious and demanding yet sends me referrals is higher on my food chain than even the nicest of clients who never mention my name to anyone. Just think: you’re happy to refer a co-worker to your vet’s office for Sparky’s annual exam. I take every referral I personally dole-out as a confident endorsement of another professional. Clients who don’t understand this are missing the boat. Down the food chain with you, I say.

Know When to Fold ‘Em

Money’s tight. Every dollar affects your bottom line. How could you possibly consider letting a client go?
Gasp…

FIRE a client?

Good ‘ol Kenny says that there’s a time to fold ‘em and I couldn’t agree more. While you can discern from the above what I think are the qualities of “keeper” clients, here’s a list of complete dealbreakers for me. Again, I’d love your thoughts on your own dealbreakers. And might I say – if you’ve never fired a client…you might want to take a look at your client list!

1. Lack of Appreciation (or a 10-2 offsuit): If a client never says thank you (and believe me, they’re out there), it’s time to consider the future of your relationship whether they pay their bills or not. While personalities vary, there’s a rule in business for expressing appreciation. If you don’t and you consistently make demands on me for my time and services, you’re not so interested in a good business relationship as your project. Possible fold, I might see the turn card though.
2. Poor Financial Responsibility (pocket deuces when the board plays): My mortgage company doesn’t wait. My credit cards don’t wait. A client who consistently pays their invoices/bills late or has to be nagged is a liability in my bookkeeping. I’m human and understand an oversight, an apology, a circumstance out of your control. I’ll work with clients on a case-by-case basis. But it’d better be good. You’d be just as pissed if I paid YOUR bill late. Show me the same courtesy, else you’re off the island when the opportunity arises.
3. Lack of Respect (they guy to your right has Aces up his sleeve): We all work hard. We all, I’d like to think, do our best to deliver a superior product for our clients. When clients choose to berate you, swear at you (and I can swear here ’cause it’s MY blog) or show you anything less than the respect you’re due as a human being, it’s time to tell them to hit the pavement. They might pay their bills, but here’s where you make the conscious choice between being a whore for the paycheck or a respected professional who is IN business and doesn’t NEED just any business.

While the above might seem cut and dry, it’s not. We’re all faced with difficult business decisions each and every day. And we’ve all LOST a client because a relationship deteriorated. I’m advocating being conscious when it comes to analyzing your client list, and it’s likely you’ve got some less-than-optimal ones on your books.

Decide who you are, determine the costs. Recognize the value of the services you provide. We’re all valued professionals, and since I can swear here since it’s my blog: Don’t allow anyone to screw you. Call bullshit on it – and the same goes for your clients. They can call bullshit on you, too.

The best advice from The Gambler? Know when to walk away, know when to run.