So I tweeted @sprint and @sprintcare asking how to get in touch with someone from their marketing department.

Apparently @sprintcare is a bit of a misnomer. No response, even 12 hours later. Their Twitter stream is filled with @ replies to account holders.

What about a potential new one?

My ponder this morning is this: are there ANY good cell service providers out there? We all know that the only reason AT&T has ANY client retention is the iPhone and our propensity for suckling Apple’s technological teat. I want to hear who MY readers have as a cell provider:

• Who you have or had
• What you love/hate
• Why  you’d build a statue in your front lawn to memorialize them or throw them in a room of Sarah Palin fans and a tank of piranhas.

Lay it on me. And maybe @sprintcare really does care and they’re working on getting back to a tech-savvy redhead who’s curious about engaging in a cell provider/client relationship that doesn’t land me in a Utah compound begging for divorce.

I’m headed to a meeting, but hey – I’ll dig into your comments when I’m back. Lay it on me.

*** Small print disclaimer – this is my journey and perhaps a similar journey shared by other iPhone 3G owners. If you’re in 3GS land, you’re a happier camper. If you’re a 4G owner already, you’re Apple’s golden child and you’re the one sucking THEIR apple.

I became an Apple user long before technology made it possible for me to email, Tweet and Facebook with the touch of a button. I had the iPod Mini (which wasn’t so “mini”) and then finally broke down and bought a Nano. It is lime green, shiny, and I love it so.

Then came the iPhone. Which was an unreliable piece of sometimes-functioning technology that had no right to have “phone” anywhere in the name. Alternate names I’ve considered (if I worked for Apple’s branding department): the iSuck, the iCan’tMakeACall, iCanPlayMusic and the iCanDropCalls.

I’ve gone through all of the software upgrades, each of which have had their own associated version of hell. I even had a 4G reserved on launch day, yet opted for some of the buzz to dispel before I jumped into another bite of Apple. So in mid-June, I plugged my little iPhone 3G in its Peter Frank monkay case into iTunes to sync and saw that OS4 was available.

Well, fuck YES! I clicked that shit like I was playing a game of banner ad Punch the Monkey.

And that’s the day where I began to live Armageddon.

My phone would lock up, the maps would freeze, I had to reboot 3 times to place a call. Apps would shut down at the drop of a hat, my battery life lasted a half day at best and I found myself scheduling meetings based on the availability of an electrical outlet. The new OS sucked, and I’m not the only one who feels so. But hey – when I plugged into iTunes, I acted like a good little iPhone owner and said YES! I’ll do the upgrade!

So, after living in OS4 hell for a week, I decided to downgrade the software. I used this article from Lifehacker, which worked BEAUTIFULLY.

Except that all of my contacts were gone. POOF! Gone. Here’s where the fun begins. iTunes told me it couldn’t restore from backup as the save was in a higher version of software. Here’s is also where The Redhead starts to explode. I’ll finish this story in steps so it’s easy to follow along:

• Called Apple. Rep informs me I’m out of warranty and a help call is usually $29.99, but she’ll help me this once.
• Rep proceeds to tell me that the OS4 is not designed to run on anything lower than the 3GS iPhones, and there are really only 3 functions on the 3G that will work: home page, phone and contacts. Everything else will be problematic.
• Rep says that since I’ve downgraded to 3.1.3 using “jailbroken” information and that Apple does not support any software DOWNGRADES, there’s not much she can do for me.
• I ask: So, Apple told me to upgrade in iTunes. I did that. It borked my phone. What am I supposed to do if I can’t downgrade and you “don’t support” downgrades?
• She then informs me that once OS4 is on your phone, it’s like genital herpes (my words, not hers). It’s there for life.
• I said that’s unacceptable that I have a $200 device for which I pay $150/month to use and Apple can’t help me get my OS back to one that actually WORKS on my phone.
• Apparently, my logic is staggering at this point and she flips me to a Senior Support Specialist.
• Senior Support Specialist reiterates that Apple can offer me no help, even though it’s their software that borked THEIR product.
• I ask: so what the fuck am I supposed to do with a $200 phone that won’t make calls and crashes the apps?
• I was advised that there are “workarounds” that I could find on the web, but Apple couldn’t point me to them specifically (but if I used Google, I could probably find them).
• Really, I’m on the phone with Apple, who knows the answer but can’t tell me and can’t tell me where I can get help?

Apple, you’re getting bitch slapped and can suck my left apple. I own an iPod, a MacBook, an iPhone 3G and an iPad is arriving on my doorstep TODAY or TOMORROW. I’m an advocate for your brand, your OS and a convert after having been raised a PC owner by a mom who’s a senior programmer/analyst and who built every computer I’d ever owned until I (gasp) bought a laptop in 2006.

Your service and attitude is unacceptable.

• You need to have a BIG ASS WARNING in iTunes for 3G users. I mean, HUGE. One that reads, “WHOA! Looks like you’re a 3G owner! By installing this update, you acknowledge that you’re performance speed, contacts, app performance and life in general are about to become straight fucked. Do you wish to proceed?”
• Why are you even allowing the OS upgrade to be available for 3G users? While some people are fortunate to go through without incident, I’m thinking this is a known issue. Especially when your “Genius” on the other end of my phone line says, “Yes, I get calls like this all day long. It’s a known issue with the 3G.”
• How arrogant is it to tell me that, while my phone isn’t even 1 year old (you did a warranty replacement for me, assholes, because my first phone was more jacked than concept of Sarah Palin in a Las Vegas show), “You’re out of warranty” and you technically can’t help me,
• The arrogance involved in your responses to me on the phone yesterday was staggering. Here’s what you told me:
  • You’re out of warranty (lie), but we’ll make an exception.
  • You were more concerned about the spelling of my name than my technical issue. And yes for fuck sake, it’s with a “K.”
  • You told me, verbatim, that once OS4 is installed on your phone, it’s always there and you cannot revert – even if you do a downgrade using “jailbroken” information.
  • You also told me that OS4 is not meant to run on the 3G models, save THREE FUNCTIONS.
  • That even though the OS4 isn’t meant to run on 3Gs, your software (iTunes) will happily install it.
  • Once it’s happily installed, you’ll offer no support to those experiencing issues.
  • However, I could “Google” my problems and there is “a lot of information out there.”

I’m going to be in your Cherry Creek store this week and all I’m saying is that you can either MAKE or BREAK my Apple patronage experience. I am *in* warranty, my phone is functional, and there had better be a fix administered AT the store for this shit to get right and get right quick. You’re Geniuses, after all. A Genius would understand that a legion of 3G owners being pissed off about their products dues to software you provided and prompted to install is NOT good for business.

It’s like Honda saying,”Mmmmm – yeah. When you brought your car in for service last time, we upgraded the software in your engine computer. Yeah, it’s got a lot of bugs. I know it leaves you stalled at the side of the road lots, but it’s a known issue. You could Google a workaround and see if that helps but we can’t help you.”

Service is more important than product and in this case, the customer IS right and IS in control. We’re going to chat this week, Apple. And I beg you to end the arrogance and find solutions for me – the owner of FIVE of your products.

I own an iPhone, which should actually be called the iPod Touch with Optional Calling Feature. I drop calls to friends, family, clients and other AT&T subscribers on a daily basis. Hell, I even drop calls to AT&T Customer Service.

I have a Facebook Fan Page and I love it even though there’s really no way to get in touch with Facebook’s Customer Service Department (oh – that’s because it doesn’t exist). You can’t get a malicious fan page imitating a key client taken down because, in spite of rallying 20 colleagues to submit a Fake Profile notice, Facebook’s too busy jacking around with privacy settings and figuring out how to monetize the client base they don’t service.

But I’m not leaving either one. And it’s likely because I’m an idiot.

My iPhone has the most user-friendly interface of any mobile device on the market and as a new Mac convert, I’m never going back to the clunky Windows OS. It doesn’t matter that half the planet uses the Marimba ring tone for their phone or the Glass sound for text messages so I’m always in some frantic “Is that MY phone?!” scramble. The only way to get more ringtones is to jailbreak my phone (which I’m not far from doing, for the record), but then I lose my visual voicemail which I do so enjoy (even though I sometimes don’t get voicemail notifications for hours and the phone doesn’t even ring when I have a call).

My Facebook Fan Page not only serves as a hub for those who enjoy my content, it allows them to connect with one another. No matter where I go, I can let everyone know through Facebook. I can drive traffic from Twitter to Facebook to my blog, from my blog to Facebook and Twitter. Followers can share cool links with me on my Fan Page wall. I love the interaction though it’s impossible to get Facebook to remove me as an admin on Facebook Fan Pages I built for clients.

Why do we do it?

Business is about cost versus benefit. For all my bitching, I’d still yearn for an iPhone if I didn’t have one. I’d miss the lively interaction on my Facebook Fan Page and personal profile if I walked away from a company run by a 26-year-old whose built something bigger than he can handle and doesn’t know the first thing about servicing those on which your relevance relies.

Does AT&T suck? Amen and pass the salt.

Does Facebook have absolutely no concept of customer service? Without a doubt.

But I’m staying with both. Somehow technology gets a hall pass when every other transaction in my life can’t escape the scrutiny of a discerning eye. I can’t explain it – except to say that I’m a sucker.

Are you a sucker for anything?

Sent from an iPhone that wishes it were an iPad so it wouldn’t have to worry about dropping calls.

I do love it (in a domestic violence/beat me/bring me flowers kind of way). I would love it more if the damned PHONE part of the iPhone actually worked and I didn’t have what I refer to as “AT&T moments” where it takes me 4 calls to complete one call. It makes me look like a tool when I’m on client calls, advocating technology and the crap I buy doesn’t even work. I recently reactivated my land line.

But Erin over at TimeforCake sent me a link on Twitter yesterday, poking my sore spot and asking me if this faboo new device from Cisco would ease my woes.

It LOOKS sleek. The review SAYS it works. But here’s my argument:

Why do I have to buy frosting to put on a crap cake?

AT&T should be giving one of these away for free with every iPhone purchase.

Not so long ago, I got into a heated discussion with an AT&T service rep who explained to me that, per my contract, my phone service on my iPhone may “not always be available.” I explained the following: if I subscribe to cable TV, they prorate my bill when the service is “unavailable.” The gas, water and electric companies charge me for the resources I consume. My land line phone provider doesn’t charge me for days where phone lines are down.

Why the everliving fuckadoolah do I have to pay for phone service on a phone that doesn’t complete calls? And if you know there’s a problem with your phone service, why not address the issue up front and offer me a snazzy little Cisco 3G Microcell? If you have the advertising budget to put up billboards all across the planet saying how you connect over 90% of all Americans, I think you have the budget to send me a $150 signal booster for your highly mediocre 3G network. Especially in light of the fact that Sprint is purported to be launching 4G this year and Verizon has the world’s largest 3G network, AT&T is drastically behind.

I wanted cake when I got my iPhone. Sweet, melt-in-my-mouth technology that I could loving stroke with my fingers. I have that. And I would have been better off buying an iPod Touch or the new iPad and getting an old school flip phone to use as a phone. It’s sad that there’s really a market for a $150 “add on” for the iPhone to make the phone function actually WORK. It’s frosting on a crap cake. A huge fail in the AT&T arena and one that doesn’t seem to interest Apple in the slightest.

She says as she counts down the days until her two-year contract is up…

If you have an iPhone in Denver, or simply service from the craptastic AT&T, you’re in for months of spotty service (read this article from Channel 9 News for details). Case-in-point, it took me 5 (dropped) calls to AT&T’s Customer Service department this past Sunday to get any sort of answers and account resolution. My point? Why am I paying $130 a month for cell phone service I can’t use? I can’t even call another AT&T customer without the call being dropped. I started issuing an over/under at 8 am each morning on the number of calls on average it would take me to complete one call.

In case you didn’t know, a cell phone provider is the only “utility” provider out there that is not obligated to provide service. Per your contract, service may be unavailable at times. Apparently, that’s tough cookies for you – Joe and Jane Consumer. We’re obligated to give AT&T $130 a month for the most technologically advanced phone on the market and in return, AT&T simply says “We’re sorry you’re having problems.” All I know is that if my electricity is out, cable is out, internet is out, water is out…I get a prorated bill. Cell service is big business – apparently cell service providers count on the fact that we love our Apple porn so much that we’ll put up with an endless supply of crap just to suckle at the iPhone teat.

Here are two tips on how to survive the complete crap service we’re enjoying in Denver while they update the 3G network. They are both tried and tested – see what works for you:

• Be blunt. I explained that I wanted to know what my termination fee would be and what the process was for rolling my phone number over to another carrier. I also explained that I was appalled that, as a small business owner, their cell service was the lifeline to my livelihood and their failure to provide a service for which I’ve paid was threatening my ability to generate revenue. Thus, they were costing me business, which impairs my ability to pay my AT&T bill. Helluva catch-22, no? After my 5 calls to Customer Service (4 dropped due to the spectacular 3G service), I was issued a 100% credit for my voice plan month-to-date.
• Kick 3G to the curb until the upgrade is complete. Go to Settings/General/Networks on your iPhone. You’ll see Enable 3G. Turn that to OFF. That switches you to the Edge network. You can still get all your internet, data, SMS messages, etc. The bonus? No more dropped calls. I haven’t had a single one since Sunday where I was previously having about 4 per day.