It’s all a matter of perspective. And thankfully, he laughed.

We often find ourselves surrounded in both business and life by those who actively choose to be passive. Who allow life or their business to run THEM instead of the other way around. As a preamble to the 2008 holiday season, I wanted to send my readers face-first into their turkey sandwiches and shopping frenzies with some heavy thoughts for both business and your personal life. In scathing Redhead fashion, here’s my unsolicited thoughts on how to run towards something in life instead of continuing to run from everything.

If it’s not working, change it.

Are you stuck in square peg-round holeville? Einstein’s definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again in expectation of different results. You’ve got to mix it up, change it around, and sometimes — throw the entire bloody thing out the window if you’re ever going to get anywhere. Some of my favorite song lyrics of all-time are from a group called The Kills and their song “Good Ones.” Once in awhile, once in ahwile ya gotta burn down your house to keep your dreamin’ alive. Afraid of starting over? See the next point.

Fear is a four-letter word.

Your mom and dad smacked the crap out of you for saying “crap” when you were a kid and your stint on this mortal coil was threatened if you dared utter one of the “worse” words. Now as adults, we’ve got no fear of dropping the f-bomb, heli-skiing, motorcycle riding, bungee jumping or running a red light, but we’ve got this thing about “change.” It freaks us out. My advice? Stop worrying about what I call the “Udda Sisters.” They’re Shoulda, Coulda and Woulda. If you spend all of your time thinking about what might have been instead of what actually IS, you’re sticking yourself in a helpless position of fear and passivity. Take the leap, whether it’s one of faith or otherwise, and get something done. Shake up your world. I’d rather hear someone use the f-bomb than the other four-letter f-word (fear). You’re an adult – nobody’s going to smack you for not being afraid.

There’s a conversation you’ve been waiting to have. Have it.

One thing I’ve gotten extraordinarily better at in my life (though I still work on it daily) is my ability to initiate what could be uncomfortable conversations. No one wants to hurt anyone else’s feelings (and those who do aren’t worth talking to anyways), but those conversations we dread are the ones that leave us a hundred pounds lighter. If you’re afraid of the other person’s/party’s reaction, think about your wants and need beforehand. This is relevant in both business and your personal like. When you enter a conversation with intention and purpose, you’re positioning yourself as a winner. When you have these conversations, though, brig an open mind and ear to the table with you. Nobody wants to talk to a wall and dialogs are always more fun than diatribes.

If you hate your job, get a new one.

This one pisses me off. Seriously. Folks, I know the “economy is bad” and many people are “just grateful to have jobs.” This doesn’t mean you can’t find a new one. What it means is if you’re a fuck-off and just a total suck on an employer’s payroll, you’re going to have a tough time finding work. But those aren’t the people who read my blog. Each person reading this is pretty much a rock star in their given field and chosen vocation. If you hate where you’re at, you all have the tools, skills and means to break out from the crowd and position yourself as a valuable and value-adding asset to the employer of your choice. So quit bitching. Do it already. (there’s no hugging here)

Real friends – find them.

It takes being a good friend in order to have good friends. The real ones don’t care about the car your drive, the clothes you wear, if you’re married/divorced/have kids/have no kids. They care about you. Have a long look at your roster of friends and see who really qualifies. Who takes more than they give? Who’s there every time you end up in the emergency room (thanks John Mueller)? Who never has cash when you go on a lunch run? Who calls you out of the blue on Sunday afternoon just to catch up? Real friends will get you through any crisis in life and you’ll be excited to be their friend in return. And hopefully they’ll tell you when that purple skirt or “cool” shirt you like so much really looks like crap on you — and they won’t use the word crap. They’ll issue you a friendly yet stern, “Jeez…WTF?!” and tell you to burn it.

Colleagues – appreciate them.

They’re your 9-to-5. The life blood of your business. They’re the people who let you do the business that you do. Take a minute and say thanks. We don’t say thank you enough in our business lives (unless someone is saving our ass and then we pee thanks all over their desks). And if you can’t find a reason to say thanks, check out the point above about finding a new gig. If you surround yourself with colleagues you admire, respect and who challenge you to become a better business person, odds are you’ll have plenty to be thankful about!

Time – take some and make some.

Think back this year about all of the times you said you didn’t have time to do something. My take on it is that we always have the time — but sometimes we choose to not make it. Life’s about priorities, and sometimes first things are first and we truly don’t have the time to spend one some things because we’re actively (or passively out of avoidance) choosing to spend time on other pursuits. This is FINE. Just be honest with yourself and those surrounding you about where your time priorities are. And then always take some time for yourself. MAKE the time for yourself. There’s a ton to be said for hanging out with friends, spending the rare Sunday afternoon on the couch napping or indulging yourself with a last-minute getaway. And you don’t always have to do these things WITH someone. Sometimes it’s a hot date with YOU, buddy. Get rowdy. (insert bad kitty meow)

Make your list – check it twice.

It’s YOUR list and it’s time to be your own Santa. What is it that YOU want? Stop waiting for the Universe to bring you things and identify the things you want. In business and your personal life, to not have lists (be they virtual or written, no matter) is to be passive. Now lists aren’t the place for solving the Middle East crisis with methods and mechanics. They’re a place for identification. I think you’ll be surprised that, once you identify your wants, the methods and mechanics for achieving them will begin to emerge. As a rock climber, I was told long ago that if I didn’t know where to put my hands next, try moving my feet as it’s likely that as soon as I moved my feet up, I’d be able to see my next series of hand holds. This is, without a doubt, the finest piece of advice I’ve ever received for both rock climbing and daily living. Make your list. Move your feet. The rest will come.

Stop reacting and start acting.

Remember all those times you set your mind to something and you did it? All I’m sayin’ is that if there’s movement in your life, be the creator. From your family to business to friends to the line at the supermarket, set your life in motion and stop reacting to the world around you. In my case, I’ve found it’s pretty cool to have the world around me be the one I want to live in. Why is it like that? Because I created it. I went after the career I wanted and did it without fear (granted, a few “oh shits” along the way but nothing that wouldn’t wash out). I allowed the people into my life who want to share life with me instead of asking me to constantly live theirs for them. I’m fortunate and I’ve worked hard for what I enjoy each day, and I credit the majority of it to my intolerance for being idle and passion for setting out on new paths or delving deeper into ones I’m already walking.

So there it is, my dear readers. Redhead wisdom to learn and live by. You can think I’m full of shit or you can take away one or two things and set your world on its head and find the cool stuff that lies beyond. In the comments on this one, please feel free to share your own “Call to Action” with my readers. What inspired/inspires you? Where do you find your inner flame? What’s the key to your kick-ass work environment? I want to hear about it.

And with that, I’ll leave you with thanks for being so patient as I know it’s been a long time since my last post. I went to Tanzania, climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, moved to Denver and started on a new chapter in my writing career. Special thanks to all my readers who asked the “WTF?!?!? Where’s the new post?”  Here it is. Long overdue and hopefully what you’ve come to expect from The Redhead.  Check out the picture below…and the photo I’m holding is of my grandparents, Elsie and Harold Jensen. Melancholy that they’re no longer with us? Never. I opted for the melon collie.

The Redhead on the Summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro 9/27/08

Online dating: spending money to find love online?

It’s by design.

See, my clients are after a target customer or demographic. Just like me when it comes to dating. After having been a paying customer or lurker on several online dating sites (’cause “it’s OK to look”), a conversation this week brought me to the realizations below about how I’ve handled my online presence in the world of romance. I was practicing my own best advice to my clients when it comes to branding, SEO and SEM practices — and I didn’t even know it.

For those out there reading this who aren’t savvy in the fields of marketing-speak throughout, have faith. I’ll give you fancy pop-ups and definitions to go with my online dating advice. And I guarantee, none of the links will lead to porn sites.

Shall we? Let’s put on our cybersuits and delve into the online dating pool.

Online Dating and Branding

You’re unique. Yeah, you’re real unique.

Everyone is “unique.” So why the hell are you so special?

A company that puts out a product or service that doesn’t differentiate itself from the competition is poised to fail from the get-go. Once in a blue moon, you find the rare instance of a wanna-be that ekes out an existence, but is that why you went into business in the first place? To eke?

Successful companies have a clear identity. A clearly-defined brand. Customers know what to expect, what they’re buying and the terms and conditions under which they’re acquiring that good or service. It’s no different in online dating.

Ladies:

• Every one of us is “just as comfortable in a cocktail dress” as we are in jeans
• We’re all looking for someone to laugh with
• We all “work hard and play hard”
• And everyone (well, I think most everyone) is looking for a man who will love them and, on occasion, make them feel like a princess.

Gents:

• Most of you like sports, cars and beer
• You’re all looking for an “honest, loyal” woman (i.e.: one that ain’t gonna cheat on you, and if she is, at least not with your best friend)
• You want a girl you can “just hang-out with”
• The majority of you don’t spend hours at the mall and would prefer that’s what a chick just went and did without you, leaving you to a day with guys doing whatever you feel (or DON’T feel) like doing.

Those are givens.

Since women aren’t looking for an overweight ogre who will use them merely as an automatic beer dispenser every time they head for the kitchen and men aren’t looking for clingy, psycho Glenn Close/Bunny Nemesis type, it’s time to do some research.

There are a multitude of online dating sites that let you scope-out the competition, so why not start running your personal life and search for Happily Ever After more like a business? Successful businesses understand their competition, so get online and do exactly what Match.com says is perfectly acceptable:

It’s OK to Look!

Get in there and take a tour of your “competitors” – the other people in your age, physical stature and life demographic. See what those folks are saying about themselves. I think you’ll be surprised how similar most of the profiles appear.

Now for the tough question: what makes YOU different?

Are you an irreverent smart-ass?
Do you collect 19th century coins?
Have you climbed Mt. Everest?
Are you a stark-raving Led Zepplin fan with a portrait of the entire band tattooed across your chest?

Your online dating profile should reflect both your core qualities and your quirks (ever read a bottle of Smart Water?) This is your love life, folks. If you’re going to actually go to the trouble of paying a membership fee (or not…lots of free sites out there…ew) and actively search for someone to share your valuable personal hours with, why not actually get something that resembles what you’re looking for?

A fair and honest representation of your personal brand – your personality – is the beginning of a more rewarding online dating endeavor. When someone checks out your profile, let them know what they’re getting, what your personal brand represents, and what they can expect if they actually earn the opportunity to meet you. And don’t get me started on photos. Post current photos that look like you, because when I go to the car dealership to buy a 2008 Honda Accord, I’m looking for the Accord I saw in the Saturday paper … not an ‘86 Ford F-150 with the left side made entirely of bondo.

Truth in advertising. A key element of any successful brand.

Online Dating in SEO Terms

Truth in Advertising: photo by Natalie Dee

So, you log into your dating site du jour and it gives you a gazillion search options. Age, marital status, kids, eye color, hobbies … the list is endless. Guess what: those are keywords. Just as if you were on Google and shopping for the latest Star Trek boxed set of DVDs or the best deal on that indispensible Fendi purse, online dating  sites are nothing but glorified search engines for sex. (there, I said it)

In addition to those nifty “long tail URLs” (threw that one in there for the SEO geeks like me), your entire profile is a collection of keywords. When you sit down to write that “In Your Own Words” section or whatever the heck the dating sites are calling it these days, think of the words that describe the core of your person:

Irreverent Smart Asses: who are your favorite comics and TV shows?

19th Century Coin Collectors: uh, say you collect 19th century coins or list a favorite coin or something

Mt. Everest Climbers: words like alpinist, mountaineering, climbing, snow and hiking could be key

Tattooed Led Zepplin Fans: maybe mention the band by name and the fact that you have tattoos

Why is this important? Because several sites allow you to search by keyword.

If you think of the run-of-the-mill profiles you came across in your Research Phase (see Branding section above), who goes into an online dating site and searches for nice, cool, funny, or cars? Just as if you were in a regular search engine searching for something specific, make the words in your profile ring specific.

For example, when I would do keyword searches, I’d use terms like “rock climbing,” “mountaineering,” “alpine” and “climbing.” Found several nifty men with whom I had quite a bit in common, a few of with which I’ve enjoyed multiple dates and enduring friendships. A hell of a lot EASIER and MORE PRODUCTIVE than just putting in age and other general demographics and then having to trudge through the search results with a fine-toothed comb.

Optimize your dating profile for the same reasons businesses optimize their websites:

to attract a better-qualified lead.

Online Dating in SEM Terms

The majority of online dating sites have a membership fee. Personally, I like the minimum level of commitment that it takes a person to fork over whatever-ninety-nine a month to engage in the whole process. Kind of a low water mark, if you will.

So if you’re going to spend the money, why ya gonna screw around?

You’re online, you’re web-savvy. Perhaps you found the online dating site from a search engine query in the first place. You know those 3 listings in yellow at the top of the Google search results and all those little listings down the right-hand side of the page? Well, companies pay for those ads. Those are called pay-per-click (PPC) ads.

When someone clicks on one of those ads, the company who posted the ad pays a “per-click” fee to the search engine. In other words, those companies are paying to be seen at the top of the search results by consumers like YOU who are searching for what THEY sell. Companies also budget for these PPC campaigns in their monthly or annual marketing budget.

Just like online dating.

Your monthly membership fee is your PPC ad spend, or monthly advertising budget.

There’s a reason that Campmor, North Face and Patagonia come up in the paid search results when you search for “outdoor gear” – because these companies feel people searching for the term “outdoor gear” are a good spend of their advertising dollars. They’re consumers searching for something specific, something they have to sell, and it’s possible you could be a qualified lead and convert to a customer.

It’s time you started thinking of your online dating site membership as your monthly Pay-Per-Click advertising budget.

If you’re going to spend the dough on putting yourself out there for others to see in the online dating marketplace, wouldn’t it behoove you to have your marketing dollars attract qualified leads?

Wrapping it Up

Here are some tips that can help you make your online dating experience a well-crafted one from a Branding, SEO, and Search Engine Marketing (SEM) perspective. These all go back to the previous points I’ve mentioned and bring it all together in one convenient, vertitas-laden package of personal experience:

• Build an accurate profile. Who are you? What drives you? Represent your personal brand well. There’s no one that brings to this world what YOU do, so put it out there and be proud. Post current photos, keep your profile updated if it’s taking longer to find Mr. or Ms. “Right Now.” Understand your competition and set out to represent yourself as the dynamic individual you are. Hell, even if you’re a twin – I guarantee you bring a floatie to the dating pool that your biological cohort doesn’t! Fair and accurate representation of your You Product ensures that, once your customer (i.e. date candidate) arrives, they’re entering into a fair business situation and not the “bondo dog” pictured above. Deception is NOT a great way to begin ANY relationship.

• Don’t be afraid to be specific. Specific is GOOD! Successful companies and their associated brands understand that not every human who walks the face of the earth is the most qualified customer for their service/product. Be clear about what you’re looking for, keeping in mind what’s worked and hasn’t in your previous relationships (just like when making business decisions). Understand as well that if you’re looking for a 6′6″ Pacific Islander millionaire with three children from a previous marriage who collects lint from Arab princes, cooks like a five-star chef and watches 60 Minutes every night without fail – that’s going to limit your results. Being specific isn’t synonymous with being so narrow-minded that you’re setting yourself up to fail. Successful SEM and SEO tactics take into account the specificity of the market they’re approaching, and while Ford might be looking for truck buyers in general, they ain’t lookin’ for (and nor are they going to pay for) people who are looking for planes just because it’s “all transportation, right?”
  

• Indulge in some good ‘ol A/B testing! Ever heard the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Not only should you review your profile on a regular basis, but if you’re not getting the results or traffic from people who fit what you’re looking for – change things up. Go in and edit that pain in the ass “about me” section. Add a new movie you’ve seen. Post a new profile. CHANGE YOUR PROFILE IMAGE! This is the oldest trick in the book, but it’ll often get you a second glance by someone who’d looked at you before (and maybe some new glances, too). Successful PPC campaigns undergo a certain level of A/B testing to fine-tune tactics so that dollars are spent in the most profitable areas and halted in those that aren’t performing.

• Pay attention to keywords. Many online dating sites allow users to search member profiles by keyword. Me? I’m looking for a dude who is into the outdoors, alpine sports, rock climbing … all sorts of nutty activity. You bet your sweet ass those words are in any profile I write – because those folks are probably looking for me as well and they’re VERY important things in my life. If you think of your online dating profile as the business plan for your PPC campaign, abide by one rule of thumb: a PPC campaign is only as successful as the keywords associated with them. By using targeted and specific keywords, you’ll likely attract a more qualified contact and one that’s got a better chance of surviving your scrutiny. Wouldn’t it be great to have a date for that whatever-ninety-five a month instead of an inbox full of people who are 180 degrees from your target customer with no chance of converting?

I’m sure there are a ton of other parallels I could have drawn here relating the online dating game to these various marketing concepts and practices, and I’d love to hear what you have to say. Bottom line is, when you start treating online dating more like a business than a scratch-off lottery ticket from a 7-11, I think you’re going to be a lot more satisfied with the results.

Who the heck am I to talk? Well, as a subscriber to various online dating sites since my divorce in 2002, my endeavors with

The Head Redhead - your blog author

profiles where I did exactly what I’ve enumerated above have netted me:

• Two long-term relationships totaling well over 4 years
• A handful of wonderful men who have remained friends though not romantic interests
  
• A clearer understanding of what’s important to me from a relationship standpoint
• Money spent in the online dating arena wisely with better-than-average (I feel) results
  
• Endless fodder for drinks with the girls

And apparently, the desire to write this blog and encourage feedback from the other folks wandering around out there in the online dating/social media world. Lay it on me, folks. I’m listening (in my best Frasier Crane voice).