I wish I could say it’s with great difficulty I write this letter, but it’s not. As a matter of fact, what follows is purely stream-of-consciousness frustration that’s putting on a blog suit and gloves. Complete with two middle fingers.

I love my Redhead Writing Facebook Fan Page. My fans do, too. My fans and readers can always get ahold of me: Twitter, contact form on my website, Facebook message, carrier pigeon…But what I simply can’t fathom is how you have 400 million users to-date and lack a CONTACT US tab on your site. How is it that you’ve grown into the social networking behemoth you have without one iota of consideration for those who actively use your site and need help doing so?

Your customer service is apathetic if not entirely absent, yet you profess to know what your users want every goddamn time you change your UI. But I understand – you’re BIG. B-I-G. Being BIG apparently grants you a level of untouchability accompanied by a lack of accountability to your users. If we don’t like it, we can go to MySpace, right? Or Google Buzz. Let’s sit down and dish in this pretend letter of mine that I doubt anyone from your business team will ever read. After all, you’re too busy to respond to user-generated questions on:

How to transfer ownership of a Facebook Fan Page (because businesses NEVER change ownership in Facebookland)

How to remove a permanent “admin” on a Facebook Fan Page (another 8 pages of unanswered user questions)

Changing the name of your Facebook Fan Page (whoa – 163 unanswered posts)

I’m going to give you a lesson in Customer Service, Redhead-Style. Sit down, stop changing your UI for a minute and listen to what we have to say (since you don’t even do that on your own site in the forums).

Your User Interface Sucks, the Concept of Service and Budgets

Frankly, as someone who deals with UIs as a large component of her day-to-day, you suck. Suck, suck, suck. If you sucked any more, you’d be on the street corner in the shady part of town, doling out hummers for $10. In the past year, I’ve logged in no fewer than three times and found all my schizzle in a hizzle. There is not other successful business that keeps dicking with its UI to the extent that you do and no one’s amused. We have no choice but to accept what you lay down (especially since you don’t listen to any of your users or have a Customer Service department to take complaints or help resolve important issues. Here’s a quote I find amusing:

“Thanks again for making Facebook a part of your life. Happy sixth birthday to Facebook and our whole community. We look forward to building more things and continuing to serve you for many more years to come.” – Mark Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook to the UK Telegraph

Really, Mark? How is it possible for you to “continue to serve” when you haven’t even begun? Your users speak on your very own Facebook Forums and you don’t reply. There’s no Contact Us page (like any other website on the planet…even plumbers have a Contact Us page with a phone number…so do Adult Novelty Stores – OMG they have a PHONE NUMBER, TOO…so does Twitter). And here’s the mind-boggling spaghetti that is your “Help Center.” It’s like one of those outsourced-to India automated phone systems where I’m always told “0″ is an invalid entry.

Speaking to a human, being serviced by a human…it would be a novel concept on this site designed to connect human beings. How you’re above it all is beyond me. I’m wondering if somewhere you’ve teamed up with AT&T on masterminding the Shitty Customer Service Model – I own an iPhone and would throw it out the window if I weren’t so in love with the damned thing. AT&T’s customer service is maddening and I’ve never paid so dearly for such a high level of frustration. While I get the frustration for free with Facebook, I’d think that you could find $1.25 million in your estimated $550 million in revenue to hire 50 customer service reps at a whopping $25k per year to handle some customer service emails and calls. Customer service has been called an unaffordable budget cut in today’s economy, yet somehow Facebook lacks it entirely. Kudos for being ahead of the curve on saving money, but you’re saving it in the wrong place.

Maybe stop fucking around with your UI and save the money on design and coding. Just an idea. Reallocate those funds to serving those who promote you, use you and need help in maximizing their use of the services you provide.

Stop Acting Like Frat Boys

We get it – you started Facebook as a roommate thing and are oh-so-proud of where it’s gone and excited about where it can go. We are, too. But you need to stop acting like frat boys looking to nail the Google sorority girl. Your users and their content are what make you so attractive for partnerships. If you keep pissing us off, we’re going to gradually go away. We left MySpace, we shirked Plurk. We’ll do an about-face on Facebook as well. Start remembering who brought the beer and hot wings to your kegger and quit looking at Google’s tits long enough to communicate with those who got you where you are. We’re telling you what we need and what we want. All you have to do it engage. It IS “social” networking, right?

Enough With the Ad Whoring

It’s great that your ad network is a cost-effective means for businesses and individuals to promote services, causes and brand awareness. But I don’t want to see Jennifer Aniston’s unauthorized picture whoring some weight loss program or scam ads for “debt relief” services. I’m in Facebook to connect with people. People do business with people. How about some QA for these crap ads we’ve seen as of late and screw the user rating feature for ads. YOU are the network. Start taking control of your content. I could always hook you up with Focus on the Family and Tim Tebow if you want to learn more about bait-and-switch marketing tactics, y’know.

…and that’s all I’ve got for now, dear Facebook, but I’m sure my readers have more. We’ll see what they have to say about your shenanigans as I know the problems and views expressed above aren’t exclusively mine. I may be an outspoken redhead ranting out of Denver, Colorado, but I have clients who rely on me for answers about Facebook and you…make it difficult to say anything other than, “Well, that’s just the way it is. Facebook said so.”

And THAT is a crappy answer to have to give with the obligatory shrug.

JOE:
It wasn’t personal.

KATHLEEN:
It was business. What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All it means is it’s not personal to you, but it’s personal to me. It’s personal to a lot of people. What’s wrong with personal anyway?

JOE:
Nothing.

KATHLEEN:
I mean, whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

~ “You’ve Got Mail”~

*****

It’s been awhile since I’ve thrown some Redheaded Ramblings up on the interwebz. Given that I’ve been hopped-up on post-surgical painkillers since I went and trashed my ankle on July 4th, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this post and – to my surprise – the many people who have inspired its contents.

Curled-up on the couch for a “me” evening this week, this blog was already crafted in pen-to-paper outline form. I popped an old favorite, “You’ve Got Mail,” into the DVD player and was sidelined by the quote above.

I mean, whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

Indeed…

Simultaneously blessed and plagued by the benefits of living in a digital age, I’m tied to my computer and phone pretty much 24/7. You’ve heard my plea in favor of unplugging. You’ve heard me rant about annoying Twitterati. But the last two weeks have been a lesson for me in communication – what I do, what I like, what I value and what I despise.

Communication for me is very personal. It’s how I reach out to clients, stay in touch with friends, share a laugh or lend a shoulder to cry on. It’s the tool we use to gauge relationships, start new ones, continue good ones and end those that aren’t working. And I think we’re getting pretty damn lazy when it comes to how we choose to communicate.

We’re creating a litany of electronic excuses.

Texts, tweets and emails in lieu of phone calls and face-to-face conversations.

Accumulation as opposed to filtration.

E-cards instead of the real ones you have to actually slap a stamp on and schlep to the post office. (the horror)

And I hate it. I truly do and from the bottom of my soul.

In spite of my rants and words with an edge, I’m the eternal optimist mixed with a hopeless romantic. Sometimes not the best of combinations, but hey — it’s ME. (I think I recently described myself as a “pragmatic romantic.”) In business, this means I’ll give my customer the benefit of the doubt…until it turns into a situation where there’s little symbiosis and much usury. With friends, it means I’m always available and perhaps to a fault, but they’re available to me in the same way. In relationships, it’s come to pass that my heart is willing (and perhaps too soon), embracing “come what may” with open arms and damn the consequences.

My business, my friends, my loves/likes/lusts — they’re personal. And this trivial practice we’ve engaged in as a society of thinking that electronic communication is some sort of acceptable substitute to live and PERSONAL interaction is flat-out bullshit. I’ll break it down by sector so my rant isn’t nearly so…continuous. Come along with me – and I truly do wish we could have this conversation in person.

Social Media, especially Twitter

I talk about Twitter the most…because I GET IT. That’s not some self-congratulatory statement. I really *do* get it. I’ve found my groove – what works for me and what doesn’t  - and really love living life in a series of 140 characters or less expressions.

The two most frequent questions I get are:

• Why don’t you WANT more followers?
• Why should I even use Twitter? It seems like a complete time suck.

Let’s address those one by one.

Followers – Fans. Admirers. But for those who seek them, Johnny-Come-Latelys/Bandwagoner/Tagalongs. I put out my content and am confident that people will find me through friends who follow me and share my schizz or by stumbling across my blogs. THOSE are the followers I want. I’m violent in my opposition to those who use auto-DMs and sales-pitchy words on Twitter because they’re taking what can possibly be the most *personal* of all social networks and instantly making it as impersonal as possible. We hate spam in our inboxes. Hell, I get pissed when I get physical MAIL (most of the time). The last thing I need is a shitload of people following me around like goslings to a goose. Goose crap smells and your Twitter stream will in time if you’re not selective. I seem to inadvertently maintain a 50% follow to followers ratio, and the answer to the next question will tell you why.

Why bother with the time suck? Holy hell – there are days I wonder. But they’re few and far between. About a year and half ago, I was new to Twitter and didn’t know my reply button from my ass. I didn’t have a clearly defined online personality (compared with one I’ve been told recently that’s “unmistakably in-your-face with a bouquet of daisies on the side”) and I didn’t really know who to follow, what to say or why I was doing any of it.

This past weekend, it all became very clear.

While I’ve forged business relationships through time and been able to connect fellow tweeps with one another when their needs collided in a match of wants/haves, I have earned genuine friends through my efforts online. Having had surgery on July 10th for an oh-so-broken ankle, I simply cannot count the offers for assistance,  visits to my home, well-wishes and gorgeous flowers that line my bar. While most of these are from people I’ve been fortunate enough to forge friendships with since moving to Denver last November, the most surprising are those from people I’ve never met.

Ever.

The most welcomed were those gestures from people whom I considered acquaintances yet have truly turned out ot be friends. So ridiculous hash tags and #fbombs aside…I must be livin’ right. Each of you know who you are and you humble me. YOU are why I’m on Twitter. It’s impossible to be genuine when your attention is divided consistently and you lack focus. I’m grateful I chose to take the time to focus on getting to know certain tweeps who are no longer “just tweeps.” They’ve gone from 2-D to 3-D … and 3-D is personal.

Business and the Glory that is Email

We’re all guilty of it: pounding out an email to avoid actual client/customer/colleague interaction. Jerks, jerks, jerks we are! From busy schedules to sometime just not wanting to engage, we opt for what I call the “reach out and touch someone while looking away.” Our communication efforts are more of a blind groping coupled with a hope for pacification as opposed to efforts that actually offer resolution, satisfaction, or work towards deepening the client relationship. After a company-wide meeting about two months ago, all of the Directors at my full-time day gig walk around with iPhone headsets sprouting out of our heads like high-tech appendages. We spend more time on the phone, less time on email and the result? HUGE customer satisfaction rates, increased attendance at training and educational webinars, unbelievable increases in site membership and an open dialogue that’s resulted in some pretty kickass improvements to our product.

Why? Because we asked. We called. We followed-up. Email’s great and is highly effective in many cases, but jeez – did you know the iPhone dials OUT? (we had no idea)

Life, Love, and Laughter

Think about the friends and lovers in your life. How many of those were earned through text messages, emails and direct messages? While I’m fortunate enough to have developed some pretty amazing friends through my social media circles – I’ll tell ya: it ain’t cause I tweet or email pretty. It’s because it’s personal to me. There’s not a day that goes by where a random text or email doesn’t brighten my day, but it’s the live, interpersonal interaction that I thrive on and crave.

Sex in the City’s Carrie Bradshaw was pretty miffed about Berger breaking up with her over a Post-It note.

Why do we use electronic Post-Its so frequently?

I think electronic communication is a great supplement to what we’ve developed with the people in our lives, but it’s not a substitute for making the time to pick up the phone and say hello or grab a cup of coffee (or simply play hooky mid-day for a quick kiss with your flavor of the week/month/year/lifetime). When you can sit across from someone and see their smile, their mannerisms…tickle them…drop something…burn dinner – life’s never perfect and it’s those moments of imperfection that endear people to us. And us them.

Electronic communication can be completely sterile and if someone in your life won’t make the time or take the time to add real life into your relationship – whether friend or lover – perhaps it’s time to reassess the value that person places on having you as a part of their lives.

And for fuck sake: if you have something important to say, don’t drop a text or email bomb. Grow a pair, pick up the phone and have a conversation – or if you suck on the phone (like I do – I’m a huge fan of speaking live), ask to get together because you have something to talk about. Email and texts leave SO much open to the imagination and do nothing but make us wonder: Well, what the hell is THAT about? What does it MEAN? In the time it takes to write that text or email bomb, you could have asked to speak in person. And yes – that makes it personal. The horror.

Now, to end this, I will say that I’m a big emailer, text messager and direct messager on Twitter. But you know what? They’re supplements to the LIVE (or in social media terms: IRL – In Real Life) relationships I share and foster. Things can begin virtually, but if you’re not willing to put the live, in-person time in to help something grow…cut the cord and don’t string people along just because you’re afraid of dealing with someone or something face-to-face. And on the contrary – there’s nothing wrong with electronic communication if it’s a PART of your interaction with anyone. Allowing it to become a crutch…a substitute…an excuse — that’s where we all probably stand to have some room for improvement.

*****

So – das all! I’m sending out three greeting cards and four thank you notes today, and none of them are virtual. And I think that when I run by the post office at lunch, I’ll buy a book of stamps. It’s been awhile since I’ve sent real mail and I’m actually pretty giddy about it! And since most of my readers will have come to this blog entry via the Twittersphere  - take a step back from #followfriday today and ask yourself: do I need more goslings and does my Twitter stream reek of goose poop?

Let’s filter instead of accumulate.

Share time and make time instead of lobbing a pacifying text or email into the ether.

Look your lover in the eyes and tell them they have goofy ears.

Engage in business instead of seeing it as a burden.

Because this life – whatever else it is, it ought to begin by being personal.

]]> http://www.redheadwriting.com/its-personal-my-thoughts-on-communication/feed 32 http://www.redheadwriting.com/before-you-strike-attack-tactics-and-the-convenience-of-communication http://www.redheadwriting.com/before-you-strike-attack-tactics-and-the-convenience-of-communication#comments Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:16:52 +0000 Erika Napoletano http://redheadwriting.com/?p=454

Most of my blogs stem from personal experience. Yesterday, it was an unprovoked, out-of-context lashing-out from a follower.

It pissed me off. For a moment, at least. Then it inspired this blog.

I’m exhausted with the blind pretension and (wrongly) implied panoptic permission that stems from the perceived anonymity that accompanies social media and other forms of electronic communications these days. We have the glorious conveniences of texts, DMs (direct messages), Facebook messages and emails and somewhere along the line, there’s a herd that’s emerged who’s forgotten there are people on the other end of their words and responses.

Just because I can’t see you doesn’t mean that I don’t understand you’re a person with a story.

Think about that for a moment: everyone you chit-chat with in the electronic medium is a living, breathing soul. Alongside that comes hopes, dreams, thoughts, feelings and experiences unparalleled by others.

And sometimes there are douchebags.

Yesterday I told a poop joke on Twitter. (collective gasp – no, Erika…not YOU!)

Yeah, me. A friend sent me a stupid joke via email and I read it and laughed. I mean, poop jokes never really get old. Everybody poops. I posted the joke on Twitter, generating the anticipated groans,  snorts and follow-up jokes in the same vein.

Here’s the joke: Why don’t blind people sky dive? Because it scares the poop out of their dogs.

And then I got bitch-slapped from behind.

A follower wrote: “yeah hysterical.. now let’s tell jokes about African Americans and watermelons.”

(blink-blink)

You’re kidding me, right? I made a poop joke and now this person’s entitled to align me with a racist stereotype?

After much reiteration that it was a joke (JOKE – check it out) and the same user’s insistence that I take a class on people with disabilities (for realz), I blocked the user. No ifs, ands or buts. I cared not to expend any more of my bandwidth on the meaningless exchange.

Action regretted? No. My prerogative? Hell yes.

Here’s the skinny: it comes down to context.

All too often in written conversations, there’s the ability for things to be taken out of context. We don’t have the benefit of personal knowledge for many/most that comprise our network in the online space, and if a phrase is absent one of a myriad of “emoticons” to denote intended inflection and tone, we’re screwed.

What did they mean?

Sit down, shut up and ASK. Get the context. When you jump into the middle of someone else’s conversation that’s not directed at you (and didn’t even originate with you), you’re not entitled to horn-in on the offensive just because you can SEE certain words. Doing shit like that at a bar would have your ass kicked right and proper. At the office, it would have you labeled a “nosey neighbor” and ostracized from the watercooler gossip games. The anonymity that accompanies online communications doesn’t grant anyone the right to say whatever the hell it is they want.

It grants the privilege to engage in conversations, meet others and share ideas.

Yesterday, I wasn’t even granted the courtesy of an inquiry into my intention behind the joke (intention being – I laughed at a poop joke). I was lambasted with a comment aligning my puerile joke with a racial slur and caught completely off guard by someone who has previously NEVER interacted with me and I never them (and if I ever had, it’s long since been forgotten). Now, I don’t know this person’s story either – perhaps jokes about dogs pooping mid-air when jumping out of airplanes resonate and hit a nerve. Maybe they also give high marks to bank tellers and airline counter agents. However, had they made an inquiry into MY story instead of launching their racially-laden tweet bomb, here’s what they might have discovered:

I, @RedheadWriting, the Foul-Mouthed Lass, F-Bomb Aficionado, and She Sans Filter – am the last person who needs to take a class with regards to persons with disabilities and those differently-abled. While acerbic in wit, I am essentially soft at heart. I give because it hurts more to not give and I feel it’s my obligation while I walk six feet up (OK – 5′4″) to help others in whatever way I can.

• I live each day with an autistic nephew and my heart fills with admiration when I look at my sister and her family on how they cope, grow and revel in victories as they travel through his development. Having experienced the days where I couldn’t even touch him to those now when he comes up and gives me a willing hug…it’s a testament to the fact that I believe those labeled as “disabled” are merely “differently abled.”
• Last week, I dedicated a day of my Twitter existence to raising money to support autism research. (special thanks goes to @iamthechad, @m1nd7r1p, @poolboydeluxe, @bradwerntz, @canoelover and others who kindly made donations to the autism-focused charity of their choice)
• In 2008, I dedicated a year of my life to founding and operating my own 501(c)(3) organization called “Woman on Top: because there’s more to climb than the corporate ladder.” My year was dedicated to assembling a group of climbers to raise money throughout the year to support the Foundation for Positively Kids, a Nevada nonprofit organization dedicated to building the first inpatient skilled pediatric nursing facility in the state. We climbed Kilimanjaro for the cause – 4 women and one very brave, estrogen-suffocated man. We summited on September 26, 2009. It was exhausting – both running/financing the non-profit and making the journey – but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thank you @unlaced (Meghan), Amy, Cindiman and Brandon for making the journey with me.

So before you attack – ASK. Become familiar before you point the finger. There are always going to be the folk who act like asses regardless of the environment – online or otherwise. They’re also likely the ones who place more value in contention than in collaboration. Screw ‘em – but try to not be one of them. The recipients of your literary javelins that you hurl into cyberspace – they’ve got stories of their own. You’re not always going to please everyone and there’s nothing wrong with requesting clarification and then taking a calculated stand – but there’s no reason to be a douchebag.

Some parting thoughts from The Redhead:

• Retaliatory and rash actions aren’t accepted in business. Ever. Why would you use them online?
• A keyboard and screen don’t make you anonymous. They merely obscure – and temporarily at that.
• Words are telling – how you choose to use them, even more so.

Feed your social media efforts with care

Every Sunday, I stop at the grocery store. I generally grab some fresh flowers and various odds and ends – but there’s one thing I never forget: a bag of apples. And no – I’m not worried about keeping the doctor away.

On my way into work and while running around town each day, there’s always someone standing on the corner with a sign. Someone whose life is in a different place than mine. The apples are for them. Yeah, I’m the asshole who holds-up traffic as I roll through the stoplight at a snail’s pace because I’m handing someone an apple.

One day it was a med student with a sign asking for tuition money. This past Friday, it was a rather clever sign that said, “You’re getting very sleepy…you will give me money.” Another was (my all-time fave), “I know – get a job bum!”

No matter what the sign says, there’s an apple.

In a time where we’re faced with a challenging economy and businesses are all seemingly scraping and battling for the same customer, this week’s blog is about buying your business a bag of apples. I’m talking about altruism, and it applies to your business, your social media efforts and pretty much life in general.

Let’s consider: how much of a jerk would I be if, after doling out an apple to someone in need, I stood there waiting for them to do something for me in return?

It’s no different in your business and personal life. I’m annoyed by those who dangle the carrot, interested more in their own bottom line than the lining of someone else’s stomach.

Let me preface the remainder of this (short) entry by saying that no one gets up in the morning and goes to work for free. Business, by design, is to generate revenue. There are plenty of incredible people out there who make livings out of teaching others how to do things – but most of them don’t call themselves “experts” or “gurus.”  They’re consultants and their businesses thrive (just like yours) on referrals from other satisfied customers.

But in social media, business and your own life, how cool is it when you happen upon a tasty morsel – and you didn’t have to pay for it?

When no one said:

“Sure, I’ll tweet your blog if you pimp my (piece of shit) eBook that runs my readers $29.95.”

“Yeah, I’ll help you move if you help me pick up the dog crap in my backyard.”

Life brings us surprises each and every day and if you’re using social media to drive your business’ bottom line and not seeing results: you’re doing it wrong. Remember that awesome line out of the 80’s classic file “Mr. Mom” when Michael Keaton’s kids told him “you’re doing it wrong?” He didn’t believe them until a fellow parent came along and confirmed it: “You’re doing it wrong.”

Stop taking the “220…221…whatever it takes” approach to your social media efforts and get in there with a bag of apples. Stop being concerned about what you’ll get in return from your blog posts (and by the way, this blog monetizes itself only through referrals and readers who have become clients – and thanks to all of you). Stop being the undeniable douchebag whose StumbleUpon and Twitter stream are filled with “guru” and “expert” statements and lack any sort of conversation. Just stop already.

When someone asks a question, respond with heartfelt personal experience. If it’s relevant, link them to one of your blog entries or an article you’ve written on the topic. Share a blog comment. Engage.

When someone needs a retweet (it’s people helping people), tweet it. Even if it’s outside of the topics you generally talk about with your followers, lick it and stick it in your stream. They’ll appreciate it. Especially if it’s something like THIS from @manicmother – I don’t know her, but shit. The least I can do is share this with my readers and hope it helps.  Her infant son has cancer and faces 3 years of chemo. Fuck cancer.

Stop faciliating bad social media behavior. Quit rewarding the disingenuous, the number hounds, gurus and experts with follow-backs and tit-for-tat moves that don’t do anything except piss off your true fans and those who look to your content for advice and on occasion, a laugh.

Fill your social media basket with altruism like I fill the passenger seat of my car with apples. You don’t have to give away the pie in order to let your peers have a nosh on your apples of knowledge. And unlike the whole mythical Adam & Eve scenario, you’re never going to get bashed for sharing the fruits of your labor. Quit marketing and start conversing.

So yeah – apples.

Get some. Some weeks, I go through 2 bags – a mere $3.89 each. I never even realize how many I’ve given away until I’m on my last one.

Then give some.

And then walk away…with your hands in your pockets, not extended for the reciprocal handout.

And unlike in social media, the folks on the corner I give the apples to always say “thank you.”

I wonder why that is.

You make me want to eat my electronic young

This entry has been in the works for awhile and I’d like to send an open thanks to my readers who have been bugging me about a new post. There were certain parts I couldn’t quite get right (and probably still haven’t), but after a weird few weeks in the social mediasphere it’s about as concise as it’s going to get.

Do I know more than the average bear when it comes to social media? Perhaps. I’d like to think that my picnic basket has an extra scone or two in it compared to the everyday BooBoo’s. I learn something new most every day – whether sought out or completely accidental – though I still have “plop my ass in an ant pile” incidents that leave me reeling. My followers have grown considerably and my time to address each has diminished proportionately. As such, there are things that piss-off The Redhead and I can infer that if they’re pissing me off, others are pissed as well.

When individuals and companies choose to engage in social media, there’s a fine line between solicitation and being helpful. One of my tweets this past week was that I was being solicited on Twitter more than a solo businessman in a Vegas bar.  Sure – the hooker is (ahem) “being helpful,” but her thinly-masked end objective is to hawk her wares for a fee. A guy thinks he’s having a pleasant conversation with a beautiful woman and then he’s quoted hourly rates. What the deuce?

It’s annoying, time-consuming and yet again one of the many reasons I follow around HALF the number of people who follow me (see “Don’t Take it Personally, but I’m Not Going to Follow You on Twitter“). Twitter isn’t a popularity contest and it’s not a game of “he who dies with the most followers wins.” When I get a tweet in my stream, I’ve positioned myself to PAY ATTENTION TO IT. It’s hand-selected information from a handful of people and companies.

Just think: the doorbell rings. You’re expecting the pizza delivery guy and you open the door to find…

a Jehovah’s Witness.

Personally, I’m not amused. You’re intruding and what I really want is my damn pizza (my immortal soul can wait).

So, to keep from being the Jehovah’s Witness in my Twitter stream (or the streams of those who follow you), here are three HUGE no-no’s in my book to avoid like the plague. You don’t have to be the pizza delivery guy every day – but you can avoid being unexpected and uninvited.

Small print disclaimer: if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness and take issue with being used as an example of something annoying…bugger off.

Step 1 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Attack me blindly via the Public Stream or keyword searches.

Probably the biggest intrusion ever, you’re horning-in on my conversations with established Tweeps in my stream.  I have been chided for drinking caffeine, pitched software, told to watch a video for Milli Vanilli-look alikes and encouraged to try new Twitter apps. And not by my followers or those I’m following. If you’re using keyword searches to identify people you may want to follow, don’t just jump into the conversation uninvited. Follow. Observe. Listen. And don’t be an Instant Asshole,  Just Add Tweet. You may have JUST the thing that someone needs – but let them ASK you for it FIRST. Otherwise you’re being a Jehovah’s Witness.

And if you’re a scraper (tweeps/spammers who just blindly add people and start tweeting them sales messages) – I’ll say it and say it loudly: you’re dicks. Your time on Twitter will be short-lived as I will announce you’re spam, block you and then others will do the same. You’ll be blocked from the site and then you’ll have to start all over again. Seriously – how much business do spammers really generate from scraping? I’m thinking slim to none.

Step 2 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Be an egotistical narcissist who speaks but does not listen.

I see you over there, pretty Tweep. You with your gazillion follows/followers and 12.4 million updates. Wow. Maybe I should take a look at your shizzat because you seem to be pretty popular with the Tweeps. Click click.

Waaaaaaaaaaait a minute – just wait right there. Why is every other link in your timeline a pitch with a tiny URL? Why are there few to no @ replies? Oh. It’s because you’re an egotistical narcissist who opened up a Twitter account just to hear yourself talk and pitch your crappy e-book, “life coach” seminars or “tricks to get 10,000 followers” to whoever the hell will follow YOU back blindly. A word of advice: if you’re not interested in the conversation, you’re annoying. If you want to talk to a random, untargeted audience and never engage in conversation, grab a boom box and funny hat made of balloons and head out to Central Park or your local mass transit station. I doubt you’ll sell anything (just like I doubt you’ll sell it using these shitty tactics on Twitter), but you might collect some change.

Step 3 to Being Annoying on Twitter (and my personal favorite)
Send out auto-DMs

I’ll say it and I’ve got no problem saying it: if you send me an auto DM, I’ll unfollow you instantly. INSTANTLY. With no hesitation. Those who use auto DMs are making what can be one of the most personal mediums in social media as IMPERSONAL as freakin’ possible. And the lengths you have to go to in order to set one up are staggering. If you put as much effort into your relationship building skills as you did into setting up your auto DM, Christ. I can only imagine how successful you’d be. But then again, the douche bags who send out auto DMs are usually the folks who fall into one of the two categories above as well. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

You don’t have to THANK people for following you. And if you’re following people and looking for their THANKS, get a hobby. I’m sure you’ll find model airplane building or crochet to be much more rewarding than the constant disappointment you’ll experience by people not THANKING you for your having followed them.

Digging Deeper

In this economy, where EVERYONE seems to be looking for a job (or at least a better one), how do you know you’re getting “da schnizzle,” the top dog, the worker bees, the leaders and ultimately the FIT you seek for your organization or project?

Sure, resumes and references are useful and vital tools for opening conversations with potential candidates.

But where else can you look?

Online.

Today’s blog stems from a not-so-recent conversation with a first date that was nothing more. As a C-level executive who experiences high employee turnover in a sales-related organization, his insight prompted some thought on my part. While I’m constantly asked about social media by several clients (answered in a previous blog here), it got me thinking that there’s a super-secret squirrel way for it to benefit the human resources professional looking for the real scoop on a job candidate.

It’s possible I’m going to get multiple death threats from the teens and tweens or those just out of college and on the 5-workday/7-party day schedule. All I’m sayin’ is that in this technology-driven era where it’s no longer a “good skill set” to know MS Office, you can bet your sweet ass that if you post it on the internet, someone’s going to find it.

For example: I used to be an actor. Actors do stupid things when they’re looking for credits. I took a role in a movie called “Naked Twister.” Guess how much explaining I have to do on THAT one to let folks know it ain’t porn.

However, if you type in “Erika Napoletano” into your Google search bar, the first three results are my LinkedIn, FriendFeed and StumbleUpon accounts. Now THIS is what should be interesting to you human resources professionals out there.

BINGO!

Here are some easy steps to follow to research both prospective AND current employees. Remember – nothing is sacred, and these folks are representing your company’s brand in public. Kinda like an issue I had with a female associate at a major Las Vegas law firm that had bikini-clad and cleavage-laden photos populating her MySpace account. Right next to her employing firm’s name. Boooooooooooo…

1. Google and Dogpile search your prospective and current employees. It’s a good starting point for determining if your next secretary or CEO has a web presence, and if so, what’s out in the internet ether about them.
2. Do they have a MySpace account? Multiple execs have told me that MySpace is a huge time-suck when it comes to lower-level desk job employees where internet access isn’t restricted at the office.
3. Create a MySpace account. This will let you review prospective employee profiles and monitor the usage of current employees during the work day, especially if your office policies restrict personal internet use.
4. Read their social media/social networking pages. What are your job candidates bookmarking? What are they scrawling on “walls?” With whom are they connected? This really goes both ways – you can find out if a candidate/employee is connected with an eclectic blend of quality folk, from friends to movers & shakers, as well as if that applicant for the CEO’s Executive Assistant (who cleaned-up well for her series of 5 interviews) is all over the internet in bikini photos and badmouthing a previous employer.
5. Ask candidates SPECIFICALLY about their online presence. I have no qualms telling clients & prospective clients where my social media profiles are. Seriously – it’s the internet. If you post it, I will find it. And I’m just a redheaded copywriter and social media enthusiast. Just think if I were a dogged, overworked and narrowly-focused HR executive intent on preserving the integrity of my firm?

I’ll open the floor now to my readership’s thoughts on the subject. My goal this week wasn’t to sell anyone out or make them feel like a social media presence was a bad thing by any means. However, employees and professionals need to know that if you put it out on the internet, it’s going to get found. Think twice about your online personal brand, as it can be used in the evaluation process that will win — or lose — you the next gig of your dreams. There’s no denying everyone has a personal life, but find ways to keep it separate. Next week’s blog is going to address the private side of social media and how to share personal information online in a discrete manner.

Oh, and if I could get a little reader love this week: I’m ahead of Ann Coulter but behind the blogger for One Tree Hill.  If you like my blog, vote for me in the Hot Blogger Contest HERE – Scroll down to find Redhead Writing and help push me over 100 votes!

Email The Redhead: erika [at] redheadwriting [dot] com

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girl geeks like social media

When I was 16, I called the phone company and ordered a phone line to be installed in my bedroom. Following a successful installation, I enjoyed a good 3 or 4 days of teen-girl-gab until mom (who wasn’t privy to the installation transaction—whoops) pulled the plug. When the standard one week grounding expired, I was once again relegated to calls during “permitted” hours and notes passed in homeroom.

It was those days of my youth where I could spend hours on the phone, talking about everything and nothing at all, that prepped me for my current geekish life as a social media addict. I never thought I’d be a geek, but since Mike Volpe can admit he’s a Twitter crack whore, I feel it’s time I admitted I’m a social media geek girl. Though I’ve graduated to a cell phone, I’ve plugged-into conversations in ways I never anticipated.

Mother of pearl, pass the gravy. I do love me some social media.

I Tweet, I Stumble, and I do a ton of other stuff,

oh-so-privately yet oh-so-publicly.

It’s akin to that episode of Sex in the City where Miranda dates the guy who’s gets a rise (literally) out of the thrill of being “caught doing it.” Deep inside, there are days it feels a bit dirty…like I’m going to get caught.

all these private conversations with strangers

the little giggles, smiles from the jokes

Should I truly, as a 35-year old woman, derive this much pleasure from electronic communications?

Yes. I should.

And now, you can, too!

See, social media isn’t just for teenagers or fans of rock bands. It’s not merely about online dating or posting stupid emoticons on someone’s “bulletin board.” It’s about connecting with people and investing in information.

This weeks blog is dedicated to YOU, the social media newbie. Perhaps your teenage daughter has a MySpace page and you have no bleeping idea what that is. Maybe you have to listen to your colleague talk about how he keeps connecting with friends from college on Facebook (when you harbored serious doubts he ever graduated high school). Whatever your situation, I’m going to show you 3 easy social media sites to feed your inner child, connect you with the world, and enjoy a new level of communication you never thought possible. I’ll also review both the personal and business applications of each site. Always helps to know what’s in it for YOU, right?  Let’s roll!

Facebook

Facebook is an easy-to-use online social media application that was initially designed to be an online “yearbook” to connect school alumni. However, its applications and capabilities have morphed into a cool tool that not only lets you connect with old friends but make new introductions and see who’s updating what and when in their Facebook profile.  You never know with whom you’re going to get back in touch, and for that matter THROUGH whom. If you’re completely new to social media, start with Facebook.  Their registration process will guide you completely thorugh filling out your information, uploading photos and how to find people you might know thorugh your existing address books.

Personal benefits:

• Connect with old school friends and business acquaintences, easily accomplished by searching by email or name. Everyone on Facebook uses their REAL NAME (which -gasp- might freak some of you out).
• The cool feeling that stems from seeing what happened to the class bully, valedictorian and the pain in the ass secretary at your first job out of college. Satisfy your “inner snicker.”
• A forum with a grown-up texture that’s, for the most part, free of bullshit, hookers and spam.
• Your profile can only be viewed by those whom you’ve given permission. Otherwise, all folks can see is a thumbnail pic, a school name and perhaps a city of residence. Privacy that provides access is nice sometimes.

Business benefits:

• Facebook is an excellent place for your business to establish an online presence and build a following. You can establish a “group” for customers or fans of the services you provide and send messages to them advising of new services, capabilities and developments.
• Another backlink to your company’s website. Backlinks are great for search engine rankings boosts, and a quality link like one on Facebook is nothing but net.
• Facebook helps you stay in touch with other professionals and maintain valuable business relationships. Whether you’re on the move or a long-timer with your current employer, it can never hurt to consolidate your contacts in an application other than Outlook!

LinkedIn

Perhaps THE most powerful social networking/social media tool for professionals, LinkedIn’s platform is tops. More like an online resume and self-contained microsite, your LinkedIn profile includes such key business stats as your employers (past & present), what you’re working on, what you’re looking for in business relationships and your key qualifications. Though the personal, purely social applications for LinkedIn are limited (it’s not a “chatty” site) I simply cannot imagine a single business professional who would not benefit from a LinkedIn account, and here’s why:

Business benefits:

• Your profile acts as a perpetual online resume. You never know who needs you, for when and for how much!
• Reviews & Recommendations: As we’re well into the age of endorsement-based marketing, what better way to let your customers, clients, patients or prospective employers know that you know your shizzat than through having your colleagues and business partners give you a recommendation that’s attached to your profile? Powerful stuff.
• Introductions: No matter what your industry, there’s always someone whom you’d like or need to meet. Through LinkedIn, you can identify which of your Connections may be connected with the person you seek and request an introduction from that person. If you can’t see how this is useful, then I highly recommend a job in public sanitation.
• Groups: From marketing professionals to C-level execs to work-at-home moms, stay in touch with like-minded folks through a myriad of Groups. If you’re hosting a webinar, conference, get together or something of the sort, don’t miss a valuable opportunity to stay connected. If you’re a business, consider establishing a Group to bring together your contacts and build your marketing database.  For example, HubSpot (a company whose webinars and blogs I follow closely – also hosts of the upcoming Inbound Marketing Summit) has two groups – one on Facebook and one on LinkedIn.
• Built-in Email & Communications Platform: Need to have an offline, yet online, conversation? Most social media/social networking applications have email and messaging systems as a part of their features and LinkedIn is no exception. Whether you’re gauging interest of a candidate to join your company who currently works for a competitor or just want to dish about the details of a recent conference, the messaging capabilities are confidential and can, if you’d like, copy your email address on file.

Twitter

First of all, you’ve gotta see the cool “Twitter in Plain English” video, available on their home page by clicking the big red “watch a video” button.

Simply stated, Twitter is a micro-blogging tool that limits your entries to 140 characters. Messages are called “Tweets.” Whatever your whimsy, type it in! At first glance, it may seem unclear or useless to you, but I’m on Twitter at least 10 hours a day for both personal and professional reasons. Todd Defren of  SHIFT Communications published an interesting article Get Into Twitter or Get Out of Public Relations and Jeremiah Owyang recently wrote on FriendFeed & Twitter.  While the platform itself has it’s…ahem…ongoing technical issues, there are those of us not unlike Mike Volpe that are crack whores for the daily candy dished-out on this awesome site.

Personal benefits:

• Connect with new and random people – read snippets of lives far and near. What they find funny, love and hate. I enjoy whoelheartedly my communications with tech professionals in the Denver area and rock climbing attorneys in the Pacific Northwest…and I’ve never met them.
• Welcome to Short Attention-Span Theatre! Honestly, it’s why I love text messaging. I sometimes don’t have the tolerance for a full-blown and rambling conversation. Gimme the nuts & bolts and get the hell out of my face. I’m busy over here (but genuinely value what you have to say!).
• A pleasant diversion – Twitter can go mobile with you, and there are several applications out there from TwitterBerry and beyond.

Professional Benefits:

• People find YOU. Over time, you’ll accumulate a following of like-minded or complimentary professionals that want to hear what you have to say. For example, I post links to blogs about SEO, technology and social media that I find interesting. People who follow me know that I post content of substance and come to respect the fact I’m not going to waste their time with crap. So they follow me, and that in and of itself is a wonderful compliment.
• Who knows – your future employer may be lurking in the Twittersphere! Every day I read about firms that are hiring, people who know of firms hiring…and these aren’t idle Tweets. They’re ones sent out with contact info of who to call, the company name and all that good stuff.
• Be Your Own Brand - When you’re establishing virtual relationships like those on Twitter, you’re building a personal brand. The content you Tweet, reTweet (when you repost someone else’s Tweet) and the conversations you carry in 140 characters or less speak to who you are and, I think, how you value other people’s time. I know that when I see a Tweet from certain folks, it’s “funny stuff.” From others, it’s “holy shit, I need to read this now” stuff. Others get so annoying over time that I just unfollow. The old saying still stands: you only get one chance to make a first impression.

So, I hope the information above has been useful to the newbies in the social mediasphere. Perhaps the old hands have found an interesting tidbit or two as well. Social media and social networking are really nothing new, but their growing popularity has a lot of people asking “WTF is up with it?” The moral being, you can dish like a schoolgirl behind the bleachers and still keep it 100% professional, all with a little help from a few sites to get you started in your virtual, social world.

PS: Mom still reminds me about that damned phone line prank every year.  I get her back by voting Democrat.

This blog is dedicated to old friend, incredible woman and new Tweeter @cara19. Stop by her profile on Twitter and see what she has to say!

And at the risk of repeating myself, here’s a no-holds-barred explanation of social media. Funny, yet spot-on.

[slideshare id=496437&doc=whatthefissocialmedia070208-1215026815612657-8&w=425]

Email questions to erika [at] redheadwriting.com

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Visit RedheadWriting online

Barbarians at the Gate – some insight on bloggers from Todd Defren’s group over at PR-Squared

Social Media 101: How to Get Your Business Involved – always great info from Mashable

Jeremiah Owyang’s Weekly Digest of Social Networking – feed this blog, always fantastic insight

Three SEO Myths Debunked - from HubSpot’s primo SEO & inbound marketing blog

5 Twitter Tactics for Building a Stellar Brand - how to Tweet it up with branding in mind by Andy Beal, founder of Trackur

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