The Bitch Slap: Calling Shenanigans
Do you ever wake up a day after something or other and think: What the fuck was I thinking? Even if the f-bomb isn’t a staple in your bowl of literary granola, I know you’ve had a WTF moment.
It tastes a lot like regret, steeped in shit (or sh*t for those with a filter) with a whole lotta blame pointing its fat little finger…
right
at
you.
And that blame. Whooooooooo, doggie! It’s a doozie, ain’t it? Well, sitdownandshaddup – you’re getting Bitch Slapped.
I’m calling shenanigans on the whole “morning after” game. Because guess what? You knew it was ALL a bad idea to start with. And you know it was a bad idea because your gut told you so. Our guts are the all-time, most winningest predictors of impending shenanigans…yet for some reason, we find a way or logic that sys arguing with them will get us somewhere.
Bullshit.
Trust your gut. It’ll win, every time.
You knew taking the job was a bad idea.
You new going to the bar was a bad idea.
You knew that throwing your cat off the balcony was a bad idea.
You knew partnering with so-and-so was a bad idea.
You knew drinking liquor after a hot yoga class and no dinner was a bad idea (ahem).
Stop doing stupid shit.
When is the last time your gut was wrong? We’re incredibly evolved beings. Even the most backwoods, stick-dwelling hick knows that a Gremlin won’t haul a mobile home. Doesn’t mean he ain’t gonna try, but he’s also “handy with tools” so he doesn’t mind duct taping the bumper back on his car afterwords, either.
Let your Gremlin be a Gremlin. Put the duct tape back in the garage. Quit wasting your time cleaning up the aftermath from spilling your Basket of Bad Decisions. One bad decision usually leads to another, and after awhile, our gut stops standing in the middle of the road waving its arms at us screaming “Nooooooooooooo!” and sits down at the bar next to us and orders a double shot of Jaegermeister with a Rumplemintz chaser. When we ignore our guts consistently, they give up, kinda like our hearts.
But all we have to do to earn their respect again is listen. You’ll see your gut’s ears perk right up and it’ll be more than happy to tell you what it thinks. Shenanigans – quit ‘em already, would ya? And I’ll work on doing the same.
You’ve been slapped.
