The Bitch Slap: People Don’t Come A La Carte
They’re the people who only call you when they need a ride to the airport, help moving or something retweeted.
They’re the ex-whatevers who only message you when their Xfriend is out of town or they’re suddenly single.
When you end a relationship, they’re the people who think it’s OK to go from fucking in love to friend in 90 seconds flat.
Here’s a little Bitch Slap for you: people don’t come a la carte.
And it’s not YOUR decision on how you’ll have them in your life. It’s THEIRS.
It’s been a nutty as hell 2010 and I’ve had a litany of friends give me deer in the headlights stories about dickwads who want them on their terms.
No communication for days, but a last-minute text asking for a date in 2 hours. (RUDE)
I call bullshit.
A guy who had my friend, lock stock and barrel but went back to his ex-fiance. And then proceeds to pout because my friend won’t respond to his texts or make travel plans with him for the fall. (Seriously?)
I call bullshit.
A guy friend who’s had something going with a girl for three years, can’t say anything nice about the girl, but yet continues to keep her shit in his garage because she hasn’t found a place yet. (See? There are two sides.)
I call bullshit.
The beauty of relationships – professional, friend, family and romantic – is that they’re an exchange of ideas. Lines of communication. Fabulous ballets of give and take. It’s not for us to decide how someone will interact with us.
It’s for us to earn.
When you buy into a relationship, you’re getting a person in all of their tragic glory. And it is tragic glory. It’s the balance of their good and bad, strengths and weaknesses, dances on kitchen counters and vomiting sick with the flu in bed. You can’t just pick the good stuff.
And you can’t just be in a relationship (or pretend to have one) when it’s convenient for YOU.
I try so hard to reach out to my friends…connect, travel, visit, make time, drink, eat, laugh, listen and cry. It’s the least I can do for all they do for me. Some days I’m more successful at giving than others. Fuck knows, I’m not perfect. But it’s always at the front of my mind. When you invest in others, they’ll invest in you. If a time comes where you need to dissolve your holdings (aka end a relationship), you have to give that relationship time to heal. And sometimes, they never do. You can’t just order people off a menu and get what you want. You get what you get. And sometimes it’s fucking awesome.
If you’re the dickwad (and yes, girls can be dickwads, too) who:
- Wants a friendship immediately with the person you just dumped
- Thinks your dates will be available at a moment’s notice
- Only visits your coworker when you need something done
- Pings someone online only when you need something promoted
- Will call 73 people just to get a ride from anyone to the airport
- Always asks your colleagues for “favors” (i.e. free shit that they charge everyone else for)
Get bent.
Anyone who is there for you on a moment’s notice is one of two things:
- Someone who loves you, OR
- Someone too stupid to realize that you’re using them.
Quit treating the people in your life like a dim sum spread. I’m nobody’s condiment. I’m the entire entree – and so are you.
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