The Bitch Slap: What’s YOUR Excuse?
Image via Candescent's photostream on Flickr/Creative Commons
I haven’t really been to yoga or ridden my bike in about two weeks. After a year of being balls to the wall and knee-deep in a training program designed to change my slow-moving athlete ways into something more akin to Speedy Gonzales on coke, I’m a tad burnt out. I need to recharge. So I sit down and think about shit. Shit like…excuses.
I know full well why my ass sleeps in every morning for the past two weeks. But why are YOU sitting there? And why do I have a to-do list filled with tasks I just can’t seen to find time to do, but I can screw around and laugh at ridiculous, NSFW comics and walk around the house with Small Dog on my head, amusing myself by saying, “You’re a hat! I have a Small Dog hat!” (Shut up – it’s my dog. I can wear her as a hat if I please.)
Excuses. Little bitches, each and every one of them. And last night, I finally figured out exactly what excuses are:
They’re ways we tell ourselves that WE’RE not worth our own attention.
I really should put some money away for vacation.
I need to go in for my annual physical.
I really oughta get the yard cleaned up for winter.
I should call Mom.
I need to get these bills paid off.
Every one of those things that lingers on our to-do lists is a little “fuck you” we give ourselves. Do we enjoy disrespecting ourselves? Do we get off on it? Is Babeland going to go out of business because we’ve found a way to get our jollies by dicking ourselves around every day?
It’s a collective Bitch Slap today – stop dicking yourself around.
It’s time to get creative. Need more money? Figure out a way to make some. MAKE money. They key differentiator between the wealthy and the day-to-day working is that they’re creative. They understand that they’re not entitled to anything and they take responsibility for every action done or left undone. Hit a wall? Build a ladder. Lose money? Make more somewhere else. Want a new car? Find a way to acquire one using your existing assets or by accumulating new assets to create income - not by adding another liability.
It’s time we stopped rewarding ourselves for everything and started looking at achievement as something of which we should be proud. Screw this “everybody gets a trophy” culture we’ve created. What have YOU done today that deserves a fucking trophy? It’s 7:05am here in Redheadville and I’ll tell ya – making coffee and feeding the dogs doesn’t warrant me anything except two ticks in boxes on my “mundane” list. Stop making excuses and start doing.
When things don’t go the way we plan, stop blaming. It’s not your boss’ fault. It’s not the economy’s fault. Start asking yourself, “Balls! What can I be doing differently!?” If you’re unhappy with the grind, get creative and find a way to change your grind. Don’t have enough dough to take a vacation? You’re the only one to blame for that. Got a to-do list that’s longer than the dick Glenn Beck thinks he’s got? START DOING THINGS!
Excuses become a way of life. Everything is someone or something else’s fault. We’re in a crumbling economy because too many people decided to live outside their means. It’s that simple. Why don’t we start taking care of our own shizzle and start owning the progress we make, however incremental, each and every day? And here’s the box of unicorns in all this:
Every day has incremental progress. It’s just hard to see it when your head is up your ass.
If you fuck up – that’s progress. You never have to fuck up that way again. Lose money? Awesome. Tomorrow, you can get creative and find new ways to earn more. Unicorns, I say. There’s unicorns in them thar excuse-filled hills, kids. Saddle-up one of those bitches and ride, ride, ride.
So what’s your answer? What excuses are YOU bringing to the table today – and more importantly, are you rewarding yourself for them? Quit spending your intellectual currency on inconsequential trophies and start thinking about progress and how you can never…ever…blame anyone else for anything EVER again. Granted, you can blame the cat for puking on your new rug and the dog for chewing your brand new shoes, but today, it’s time to grow a pair.
Grow ‘em, grab on to them and stand akimbo in front of life and say, “C’mon – I dare ya to kick me, bitch!”
Stop disrespecting yourself with excuses. Own your balls. Saddle-up the unicorn. And when life decides to kick you full-on, ask what you can do to build a better cup.
You’ve been slapped. (And so have I.)
PS: You still have time to vote for The Redhead in Westword’s 2010 Best of the Web Awards should you feel so inclined! Mkaythxandbai…
