Comments on: The Hallway

By: On the Prowl: A 'Cougar' Scratches Back at the Denver Post | Erika Napoletano is Redhead Writing

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 05:50:15 +0000

[...] I want…what I don’t…where to compromise. Why, looking back down my life’s hallway, even two years have changed my perspective on a lot of things. Time is a gift and not the curse or [...]

By: The Redhead

The Redhead — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 17:48:55 +0000

The Hallway is a grand place, Amy. I have lots of art hanging in mine at age 37 Sounds like you do, too!

By: Amy Oscar

Amy Oscar — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 16:19:33 +0000

Erika – Wow. I (beyond) love all of your posts but this one, so far, is my favorite. Though I've done the whole marriage/kids/homemaker thing, I have my own kind of 'hallway' – in another wing of the soul-building: Education/Career. At 53, I'm just beginning to let myself wander there and make choices about how I want my work to be – to choose carefully, with precision and acute sensitivity for my own needs, how and what I need and want to approach the world. In other words, what is my right work? I'm finding it, delightfully, surprisingly, by observing other women (and men) bravely share their own journeys on blogs and on Twitter (seriously awe-inspiring) and by spending a lot of time in the hallway.

By: How Avocados Changed My Life & Other Work-Life Bullshit | Erika Napoletano is Redhead Writing

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:12:07 +0000

[...] one door closes, another one opens. While we’re occasionally stuck in the hallway (written May 2006), I’ve become more a fan of thinking that when one door opens, you walk into [...]

By: The Redhead

The Redhead — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 23:31:00 +0000

I love it when people find my older posts Thanks for your thoughts! The “ideal partner” thing is very in progress, I think, and my best “me” gets better every day.

By: Did I Tweet That

Did I Tweet That — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 17:41:26 +0000

I used to describe those that went from relationship to relationship as "jumpers". They seemed to always break up with someone... to be with someone else. I'm not sure that that is your exact situation, but maybe it is. More detail is needed for full analysis.

I hope your time in the hallway is a time of discovery.

I think you are taking the best steps.

The advice I give friends (and sometimes even follow myself) is to

1st - Know who YOU truly are, because if you don't, then how can you offer the best you to the best candidate.

2nd - Know what you truly want... I hear people all the time.. "all I really want is someone to love me"... Oh OK. NEXT!

3rd - Not compromise the important things, and that goes back to #1 and #2 - If you found the right person, would it matter that he/she smoked. Would you rather non-smoker that non-liar?

An exercise I give to myself and those I care for is to take two sheets of paper, fold both in half lengthwise - at the top left write, ME NOW on one and ME AT MY BEST on the other. List all of the great things about you now, and where you will be at your best. You can even give them a rating about the importance in your life. 10 must have 1 would be nice. etc.

On the other half of each paper, write the less desirable traits that you have now, and wish to eliminate later. We don't really look at these except as a reminder, so we fold those back and only focus on the positive. We write them down to be true to ourselves, and we occasionally read them as a reminder of where we're going and how well we're doing getting there.

Daily, read the NOW and BEST. Revise as needed as time goes by, as life changes, or as desires change. Sometimes, we realize, that what we thought we wanted, is not as important as we had thought.

Good luck in finding your best self and your corresponding partner in life.

AND DON'T COMPROMISE the important things.

And now I realize that you wrote this nearly two years ago, but I'm going to post my reply anyway. OOPS.

By: sunrise1

sunrise1 — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:05:19 +0000

Thanks for that. I too am crying, like a good song it hit home and there is releif in knowing I’m notalone in my experiences. In my situation I kept trying to jimmy the door to make it the right one, now that I am in the hallway, he has done some major remodeling, but I seem more comfortable in the hall for now. I struggle with going back to a remodel or seeking the new exciting possibilities behind other open doors. Guess only time will tell. Thanks so much for sharing.

By: moon_fly

moon_fly — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:39:11 +0000

First, why hadn’t I read this post before? Second, I think this is your best, ever.

Think how great the world would be if everyone would just enjoy their time in the hallway and use it as an opportunity for reflection.

Also, I cannot wait to get your updated take on “the admirable gall of a child” once you have had a toddler in your sole possession for longer than an afternoon, or perhaps a weekend. Bwhahahaha! On one of “those” days you will want to give him the the person behind you in the grocery store and run like the wind.

Love ya!

By: The Redhead

The Redhead — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 17:05:32 +0000

Thanks for the read, you PNW redhead! Playing outside is…ah…underrated

By: Sara

Sara — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:56:20 +0000

Good on ya, hot lips. Welcome to the hallway, and I’ll let you in on a little secret… it’s a pretty effing great place to be. And I’m SO relieved you finally gave up on http://www.NoWonderYoureSingle.com. I just couldn’t figure out how that was a productive use of your time, when there are so many other fun things you could be doing to meet people (like, playing outside)…….

smooches…